10 Reasons Having a Strong-Willed Child Makes You a Better Person

As my son was approaching 3-years-old I began to discover that his behavior was a little different from most children in our circle of friends. He was extremely emotional, and had difficulty being still. He was exceptionally defiant, and had absolutely no regard for boundaries no matter how we altered our parenting style. As he grew, so did these tendencies.

We thought pre-school would make a significant difference, but he acted the exact same there as well. We have sought outside opinion and support to arrive where we are today. We are the parents of a very strong-willed, energetic little pain in the ass who has taught us more about life than any Internet search ever could.

Here’s why these children make us better people for having them:

1. They improve our Self-Care:
I can’t tell you how many times I have been out in public with my son (chasing him no doubt) and someone says, “Wow, if only I could just bottle up that energy”, or, “Gosh, I’m tired just from watching him”. I answer back with my teeth grit, and a little laugh,“Ha, yeah really.” But they are right. And because my son is on the run, I started running too. I wake up feeling better in the morning, and he no longer runs away from me looking back with rabid eyes and tongue wagging. Because now I’m too far ahead, taunting him relentlessly as he tries to catch up.

2. They clear the path to self-discovery:
Recently, we started seeing a play therapist with our son. He began hitting himself, among other things, when he became frustrated or upset and we were concerned. During this process I was asked not so much about my son’s behavior during a public tantrum, but about my anxiety when it was happening. I had the astounding realization that I may have made the situation worse because of what I was feeling inside. They say you are a mirror for your children, but it works both ways. They are a mirror for us as well. And it’s amazing what you can learn about yourself when you take an honest look.

3. You always have an excuse for an exit:
Taking a strong-willed, super-hyper dude to a birthday party is quite the experience. Many public outings can go south quickly, and in fact they have. I try to prepare him the best I can by setting limits and rules, but sometimes I don’t always notice that the chocolate brownies were within his arm’s reach and he consumed the entire plate. Then the fun starts. Total meltdown. Then comes the impossible round up of the child as the partygoers look on. On the bright side, when there is an event you need a quick exit for, this always does the trick. They probably don’t want you there anyway with your crazy kid, and you’re over it, so it all has a way of working out.

4. They inspire a search for balance:
When you have a high-energy child, some days just aren’t like a Pamper’s commercial. My son can have a day of non-stop, high-speed fun until it ends with a fiery crash. You need balance in your universe to get you through. I never really understood yoga until having my son. During a pre-natal yoga class I referred to it as an activity called try-not-to-fart-in-a-tiny-room-full-of-people. But now I get it. My son’s wild side forces me to seek out the amazing power of nothingness. I take hot lavender baths. Put on facemask and some soft music. Even lighting candles through my house at night makes me feel calm. I no longer feel guilty about doing nothing.

5. Because you wouldn’t want it any other way:
How many times have we complained about our children or discussed difficult times with them and at the end added, “But I wouldn’t want it any other way”. Before I had children, when I heard people say this, I thought they were delusional liars. I knew for a fact their children were monsters. But it is actually true. We have been through so much with our son. Evaluations, therapy, tantrums, blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter. This is the chance we take with the decision to have children. We never know whom we will get. It’s the ultimate game show. And it’s exhilarating! I truly, from the bottom of my heart, feel content with the complete understanding that I would not change one damn thing about my son if I could. He is my beautiful mess who somehow makes everything more clear.

6. Because you don’t know how lucky you are:
Oh my God! If I complained too much my husband used to tell me we had no reason to complain because there are starving people, or homeless people, or people suffering somewhere. It used to drive me insane. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to complain. But there is truth in this. When you see life through this scope, it puts things in perspective. There are children who can’t run around and be wild. While being realistic, and knowing humans need to vent, we should all be grateful.

7. They take your ego down a few notches:
I had no idea what it felt like to live with a hummingbird. The child moves so fast I can’t even see him moving. Sometimes, the embarrassment I feel in public is beyond words. But what I have discovered is the world we live in thrives on our egos, and less attention is paid to what is real. My son looks adorable on Facebook, but he has really bad moments. And what I have also come to realize is that all children have bad moments and that’s real. I try to remember that when I am hesitant to take my son to a birthday party or outdoor event. I always try to remember to be authentic, and run over my ego as we pull out of the driveway.

8. Because we owe it to them.
My son was not born thinking he was going to make my life difficult. Sometimes I question this, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. I actually see my son struggle with his emotions frequently, and I know it’s not what he wants to be doing. The other day I watched him secretly from afar as he became anger over his Legos falling apart. First, he threw his arms in the air, searching for something to hit. He began to yell and grit his teeth together. Then his eyes met mine and he began to cry. I realized this is not easy for him. It is our job to help them navigate through the rough water, even if we nearly drown.

9. You have a greater appreciation for the good days.
I don’t care how messed up you think your life is we have all experienced that “perfect day.” The one where you connect with your child in a way you can’t express in words. I have had days with my son where I was so fed up I tried to give my notice as mom. But just when you think you can’t handle any more, you have that “perfect day”. And you feel it. You soak up every second, and forget everything else, because when you have a magical day with a child whom can be difficult, it makes every hard day make sense. Like there is a purpose to it, and a realization that all the things you have been doing, and sacrificing for… are completely worth it.

10. They strengthen your will.
Our society is changing. We are pummeled with information about everything. Our world is competitive and tricky at times to navigate. The personality our children display will serve them well when they are adults. They are the creative ones, the people who are not afraid to try new things and enjoy life. They are not going to back down when someone tells them they will fail. What a minute? I am an adult now. I often back down when I feel intimidated or bombarded with information. I need to start taking some advise from my wild son. Be who you are and find your strength. You may need it one day.

Jenifer is a full-time mom of two boys and was desperate for an escape. So she started a blog. She is not super-mom. In fact, she’s usually late, missing a shoe, or having some kind of meltdown, but always ends up okay with a unique story to tell. You can read more about her wild children at Bugs, Dirt, and Mommy.