Zero Sex Drive - HELP!!!!!

I too am right there with you. I feel horrible for my poor husband. I was watching Dr. Oz and amazingly this came UP! He suggested L'Arginine Supplements which are to help dialate the blood vessels in the clitorial area. Should be about $10 at the heath food store. Honestly, I haven't tried them ... YET! I look at my sticky note every day with this written on it. I'm waiting to be done with breastfeeding (as I have a 5 month old) and will then give it a try.

Hi C....it happens all the time. Is it common? Yes Is it normal? No.

When we age...and have kids, our body chemistry changes. Your adrenal glands are probably struggling. Go to a health store (one that sells only pharmaceutical grade supplements like a Vitamin Shoppe, not a Vitamin World or a GNC. They are considered drug store grade like generic Walmart vitamins that do more harm than good.) Even the lowest clerk has been trained more than most and can give you some advice. Talk to the manager or go to a clinical nutritionist or a ND for more specific advise. A principled chiropractor can help as well by removing all the neurological interference that childbirth can cause.

I know sex isn't everything in a marriage but it sure makes everything else easier!!! You CAN get back to the point of enjoying it. Hope this helps!

M.

My best advice may not be that helpful - but that's to force yourself to have more! In healthy women, the more you have, the more you want it.

If that doesn't work, then I'd suggest it's probably hormonal and see your doc again.

I would also talk to your husband about it - not after he tries to initiate and you turn him down, but during a completely nuetral time. Let him know how tired you are, that you love him and want to please him, but physically you're having a hard time.

Maybe more flirting/dates/foreplay would help. As someone else said, it's mostly mental. If you can work on getting your head in the right place and saying "yes" every time, you might see your drive increase.

I went through the same thing for almost 4 years before I found something that helped me. While I agree that you should get off that pill as that made a difference for me too I have to admit the biggest help was believe it or not - adult movies. I got the advice from a sex therapist that I ended of seeing and she explained that for women it's 90% mental anyway and I have to admit that it really made a difference. Watch them togeather - it will A for sure turn him and and he will see you in a totally new kinky light and B the sights & sounds will help arouse you more than you think. You can lightly stimulate and caress eachother while watching to help bring you to the point where the two of you take it from there. I know it's toaboo for women to watch or enjoy adult films. And I'm not talking about ultra hardcore sicko stuff but there is plenty things out there to help get you going again.

Often sex can become a back burner thing for us women. Wise women know just how important sex is in their marriage and make it a priority. Sex starts in our heads before it goes anywhere else. While lack of sex may be normal for some if not most it doesn't have to be your future status in life.

Get more sleep as the doctor recommends. Even if that means getting a sitter for the kids and then go that extra step of planning sex into your schedule. Don't tell husband of your plans just let it be a surprise for him and a scheduled event for you.

Some husbands like it when the wife is the initiator of sex. I know mine does. You get back in the swing of things by actually having more sex not less. Try to get back to that place in your head where you actually enjoyed sex and then let the fun and games begin. Sex is a very good thing for your health, your husbands health and the health of your marriage. I hope this helps.

I've got no advice - but I could have written your post. I am 40 with a 12 month old and a 5 year old. I work full time - wake at 5am and don't get home from work until 6. My husband gets home at 6:30 and we try to have the boys in bed by 7pm and 8pm respectfully. Since #2 arrived, I have absolutely zero interest. I am completely exhausted and have no idea how I could get more rest other than hiring a nanny! To top it off, my house is for sale so we have to keep it looking nice for prospective buyers and all I want to do is take a long winter's hibernation!

If misery loves company, you've got plenty of it.

Are you on the pill? When I was I was just like that, it was awful. I thought I was just exhausted, but I got off it and was like a whole new woman! To me it does sound hormonal, either way. I mean I can be so dog tired, I am 35 wks prego with #3, I can't move but if he comes and starts something up, I get interested fast, so to me just from my experience it does sound like a hormonal thing going on. It was the combination pill that did it to me and it sucked big time. I still was with my husband but I NEVER EVER thought about having sex or wanting to and when we did I enjoyed it ultimately but everything leading up to actual climax did not really effect me. My poor husband thought I didn't want him, it stunk. So check into that if you are on the pill, it is not that uncommon for women to really be effected by it. Good luck!!

I've lost interest too since menopause. Lucky for me my husband is 8 yrs older than I am and he's not all that interested anymore either. If he asks for it he gets it tho, but it's not very often. All good things come to an end I guess. I miss the good ol' days sometimes, but I dont think I could even try to repeat it now ;)
You need to fake it and give him the love tho.... eventually your break will come, they get a lot less interested as they get older ;)

Try some Maca Root. It's a super-food that is excellent for the whole endocrine system. It is a aphrodisiac that boosts libido in both men and women.

I took it for awhile after reading about all it's benefits and the reved up libido was a bonus. Defiantly an aphrodisiac for me. I was taking Navitas Naturals Raw Maca Powder.

Do some reading on it. It really has so many benefits aside from being an aphrodisiac.

You are very normal. Your doctor is right. you need rest. Are you on any meds? Sometimes those cause low libido as well. Do you have date nights? You both need to be deliberate in creating quality time with eachother to "stoke the fire" or get the sparks flying again. I hear ya and have been there. When we spend quality time that helps so much. Make sure you are communicating with your husband what you need. Is he helpful around the house and with the kids. Make sure you are getting support so you can get the rest and and get in the mood.

I work fulltime and have three kids too..It ain't easy but it is possible.!

I have a suggestion that I haven't seen anyone say but it has worked for me...I'm 41 w/ a 2 1/2 yr old so I feel the state you are in! My suggestion, find some "inspirational reading" you enjoy(erotica, if you were questioning) & a couple glasses of wine...cheap, practical, good in a pinch. Good Luck!!

Ah, I know how you feel. I am 45 and have a 4 and 5-year-old. Sometimes it's just one more thing to do. What works for me is, as Kimberly F posted, if I plan it. If I know that tonight would work schedule wise I start thinking about it in the morning. Then it becomes in my mind part of the day and I am looking forward to it. I have also found that keeping a couple of romance novels on hand and reading the sexy parts helps me feel in the mood.

Yes your not alone. I am 39; I have an 18 yr old and just had a baby he is 9 months. I've notice about 5 months now that I have zero sex drive also. I also attend college for my bachelors degree. I go to work for 6am and get off at 2:30pm I go to school about 2 days out of the week and when I'm not at school I'm home with the little one playing with him or doing homework. My husband is excellent with tending to the baby but I am still tried. So I understand you completely....

Tired, depressed, overworked? Overwhelmed? etc. etc. many of us are like that. I hate to say it but all I want to do lately is go to sleep even if it meant doing something that reminds me of brushing my teeth, well, the same feeling sometimes. Anyway, you could pretend I suppose after you take care of the umpteen other things in your life. He would happy.But I really think if we all sat around and figured out what would make us happy we would definitely be close to being nymphomaniacs. Just grab him one afternoon soon as you see him and force yourself to do some things. Perhaps you have a garage>>>

You have a 10 month old!! I was the same way for a long time...it is a combination of stress, kids, and everyday life! If you sleep more you will feel better. I saw that you say you aren't happy with your post baby body, do you work out at all? I will say this...I started working out and felt 500 times better. And I don't mean hard core work outs I mean going outside and walking for 45 minutes. I do that daily still (although I am up to running for 5 miles now). It is amazing how doing something for yourself, even if it is small, makes you feel better about who you are!! I am sure that if you go to Whole Foods you can find something all natural to help boost your sex drive, but try and take time out for yourself to make yourself happy too!! Good luck :)