I'm not 100% certain my husband knows that I had been given an engagement ring before. Not that I was hiding it from him, I'm just not sure it's ever come up... If I did tell him it was probably when we were getting to know each other when we first started dating. He can't be but so upset if he doesn't already know; he's been married and divorced before.
Long story short, things have been a bit bitter between my husband and my daughters dad... daughters bio dad does all the 'fun' stuff with the kids, while my husband feels we do all the work (he's right in that, but wrong in resenting him for it, it's about the KIDS, not us, you know?) SO anyway, this was like 10 years ago, the bio dad had given me an engagement ring after I had broken up with him, and he gave it to me as a last ditch effort to 'keep' me... I completely forgot I even had it until I found it, still in the box, while cleaning out the basement.
Anyway, so I'm selling it on craigslist, and I won't let buyers come by or meet me unless my husband is with me, so if he doesn't already know or had forgotten about this, he's going to know this evening!! Any words of wisdom if this upsets him? I'm talking knee-jerk reaction, he's not going to dwell on this or anything (or at least, I don't expect him to)... but due to the recent feelings of resentment towards my ex, I can sense that my husband's going to be less than thrilled.
I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, of course, but I have a gut feeling that this may not go very smoothly. I don't want my husband's feelings to be hurt, that's all.
Advice? Suggestions?
You guys are so right, I'm probably preparing myself over nothing! Great suggestions, by the way, thanks all :)
Well...you married Rob, so he's got to take some comfort in that right? It's not like you were married and didn't tell him. I don't blame him for being so annoyed with that either.
I'd tell him and maybe bring it up by saying "Look what I found...I didn't know it was down there" or "remember when I told you XXX gave me the ring, well I wan to sell it" - something like that?
If he does get upset, Tell him that you are selling it because it does not mean anything to you. You sound like you love him very much. Remind him that you are wearing his ring now and that is all that matters. If sweet talking him does not work then you can always bribe him with the money from the sale of the ring and offer to do something fun with the kids :)
I am going to go out on a limb here and say he is only going to see money coming in. :)
Clearly if you are selling it it doesn't mean much to you.
If that doesn't work call it the money he always thinks your ex owes you anyway.
R.:
BREATHE!!! WITH ME!! BREATHE!!!!! Let it out slowly....breathe again.
I think you are wwwwwaaayyy over thinking it. If Rob flips - tell him - "we're making money off him"...this will help pay for Christmas, oil, things you guys need. If he can't get over that - then the dude needs to chill....
You had a life before him....sooo don't stress. please?
I think he will be happy you are getting rid of it and will have the extra cash at Christmas. It isnt like you kept it as a sentimental piece, it was in the basement, not under your pillow ;-) LOL
Maybe you're right, but maybe he will think nothing of it too. Don't get in your head that he is going to get upset at all, because then subtly you are giving him cues that you have done something he should be upset about. Let go of any emotional attachment to that ring, it's good that you're getting rid of it, let it go. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt, and be in a positive calm state of mind and When your husband comes home and asks what you did today, tell him very cheerily, cleaning out the basement, found some old stuff you didn't even know you had that could be worth something so you listed it on craigslist to make some extra holiday spending money ! Who can argue with that, right! Don't worry, be happy!
You dont have to say 'engagement ring' specifically, just say you found an old peice of jewelery that your x gave you and you thought youd make a little xtra christmas money by selling it, no big deal.
Have you thought about keeping it and giving it your oldest daughter?
Not exactly the same but my dad died when I was two and my mom saved their wedding rings and gave them to my hubby when he wanted to propose - we were so poor then it was awesome. Plus it was the only tangible thing I ever had that represented my "dad" - it was very special to me.
The diamond fell out last year when I was home visiting my parents (I always wore it on my right hand) and I was devastated - I cried and cried.
:-(
Just another thought - otherwise - smart for you to have hubby there when the Craiglisters show up - there are too many crazies running around.
Well, I would probably talk to him as soon as he gets home and say "Guess what I found amongst the mold in the basement earlier this week?......"
Then say you'd like to sell it and if it's OK with him , you'd like the buyers to come by when he's at home. (Really SMART with all the crazies out there!)
It shouldn't really be an issue if you treat it as a practical matter of fact, right?
Good luck!
I think, if you have had a child with someone, your husband isn't going to be shocked by the presence of an engagement ring, whether you mentioned it or not.
You kept the ring (some would say you should have given it back) so it's yours. You don't wear it, so sell it. Might actually HELP if your husband sees that you're getting money for it. I agree he will see it means nothing.
You might consider downplaying the fact that the ring was from a failed relationship. Sometimes buyers don't want to "jinx" a new relationship.
You could also consider selling it to a reputable jeweler. No security risk, and you don't need your husband there when the buyer comes around. Your husband wouldn't even have to know about this transaction either.
If you have a gut feeling though, you shouldn't completely ignore it. There may be more here than you've shared.
Hi, R.:
Tell him before any one comes by.
It sounds like your husband feels second
best to your ex.
The children are the targets.
Just a thought.
D.
I don't know your hubby, so it's hard to guess his response. I'd don't think my hubby would care about old momentos, especially if I was getting rid of them. I'd probably show him what I found in the basement and mention that I didn't even realize it was still around. " Let's sell it and go do something fun with the kids." Like you said...not a big deal. If he asks where it came from "Eh...X gave it to me in a last ditch effort to keep me. Obviously it was a good idea on his part. So what are we gonna do with the money?". You are not lying. It sounds like you were given a ring, you weren't engaged. You aren't keeping it. You cannot change your past, it is what it is. Hopefully, he's mature enough to realize this. Maybe it won't be the blow out you are expecting.
Can you explain it simply and then say "and with this money, we are getting a babysitter and going out, just the two of us, for an evening"? ;)
If he asks why you didn't mention it before, just tell him the truth-- it didn't seem important, because you had moved on with your life. A ring, as fancy as it may be, is only a material item. Within a happy marriage it is certainly a strong symbol; outside of it, it's just a piece of metal and stones.
Don't make a big deal of it...Be matter of fact and calm. Like Cheryl said breath :) I can't see why he'd be upset especially with you selling it. It's going...going...goin adios! Plus you'll get the money for it. Spend it on both of you hee...hee...anyway be calm and explain what you're doing. I found my husband's wedding band from his first marriage and told him it was awkward and that I wanted to sell it. Since I was rational and calm...I sold it on Ebay :)
Well I would suggest first off that you don't use the term "engagement ring" to your husband. If your ex gave it to you as a last ditch effort, chances are you weren't wanting to put that ring on your finger. So that means you weren't engaged, right? I'd just say that he gave you the ring, you didn't want it, so you threw it in a box and forgot about it. Now you can use the money for something you and your hubby want or need. Good luck tonight!!!
I wouldn't worry too much about this. I don't think it holds any significance to you, especially since you are selling it. So, it shouldn't mean anything to him either.
I think I would have hubby and myself meet the people in a public area away from your home. Many transacations take place in public parking lots and things. Just another way to protect yourself.
You could give your daughter the ring as a graduation present or something other thing when she is older as a special whatever from her dad.
Just remember that the ring doesn't mean anything to you. Don't refer to it as an engagement ring that a ring. Remember the ring that Brooke Shields got from Michael Jackson was just a "friendship" ring and it was a big honker.
The idea of melting it down is also a nice thought.
Happy holidays.
S.
I think he would rather have you sell it than keep it. Unless, you think your daughter might want it.
Have you considered selling it for the gold? and diamond separately? I would take it to a place that buys gold and see if it is around the same price you'd get on Craigslist....if so, quick, easy, safer.
I'd just tell him when he gets home and say, "I just found an old ring I forgot I had and I'm going to sell it. The price of gold is sooo high right now, I'd be an idiot not to get rid of it now."
First... I would sell it to a jeweler, not on Craigslist. Some others have mentioned this too. At least that way you are getting fair market value for the materials.
This probably isn't going to go smoothly. You know from past experiences that Rob tends to react first and think about it after. Just be straightforward and somewhat dismissive about it. You found a piece of jewelry in the basement from your ex... you are going to sell it and use the money for ____.
Personally, I would sell the ring and then use the $$ for something for the two of you. I was engaged once before (young and stupid). The hubs knows about it, but it's not his favorite topic of conversation. It is a fact in time- it happened. Present it that way. Let him be upset, but don't let him dwell on it.
