E.D.
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Alright ladies...here goes.
I am a working mother (I nanny a little girl full time) and have two boys, ages 8 and 5. I am currently pregnant with number #3 (a GIRL!) who is due first week of January.
Before I got prego we were finally getting our sex life back on track...don't laugh...but it was about 3-4 times a week. I felt like a teenager again and I am sure my husband was quite appreciative.
Then I got prego and it all seems to have gone downhill. i am lucky in the fact that I didn't get the pukes the first trimester, although I did feel kinda nauteous. But now...my breasts hurt (and hubby is a boob man), The belly is starting to get in the way, my husband will go from talking and caressing the belly to a little "lower' and I can't seem to seperate "mom" to "sex diva", when we get going I ALWAYS have to stop to go to the bathroom (just last week I jumped up and ran in to pee while saying, "don't cheat on me!"), somehow my butt seems to be growing little black hairs (unfortunately my husband is also a Butt man...lol), and I have NEVER needed lube in my life and now sex will NOT work without it. I am just not feeling super sexy! He laughs about it, but I can tell that he is frustrated too!
Then he says, just wait til the baby is born and you are leaking everywhere (I produce an AMAZING amount of milk) and the c-section is bothering you....ect. I know that he is getting frustrated...and truth be told, so am I.
So, How do the other prego moms make this work? Anyone else had to deal with the "I am no longer sexy, but my husband still wants me, and I truly don't understand how that is possible?" Maybe I am selfish, but I believe sex to be between two people, and if I am not getting mine I don't wanna give him his (omg, that sounds horrible!)
L.
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I'm into my third trimester with my second and I just can't help but be attracted to my man. There are very rare days though when my breasts are too tender and frankly I'm not feeling that sexy but that doesn't mean I don't find him sexy or want to please him. You say your are selfish, well, that's where I would modify your situation =)
I love being able to please him without having to feel like he has to reciprocate. I think he appreciates it too. I do it this also because he takes good care of me and our DD, he lets me take several naps if I'm too tired, he will go out and pick up something for me if I'm craving something, etc, etc. I love showing him how much I appreciate him but taking care of him even if I'm not in the mood to be taken care of in that way =)
I am prego with number two, and also due at the beginning of January. I never had this problem with number one, but for some unknown reason I am having a harder time feeling sexy this time around. My husband is also super tolerant, but I feel like I am a let down to him. One thing that has helped me is encouraging him to compartmenalize some. Talking about babies and feeling the baby move is a HUGE turn off - it puts me in mommy mode, not loving wife mode. Explaining this to my husband has been really helpful. Also, sometimes just going for it when you are not in the mood, and really focusing on you husband can get you revved up too.
I am still struggling with this, but I am trying to focus on the fact that this too shall pass and then we are done having kids. That helps me keep it in perspective some. I will be watching your post for any more helpful hints - it is not fun to feel like a cow - it tends to make feeling sexy really hard!!!
Good luck mama!!!
Other pregnant mother's don't make it work. It either works or it does not depending upon your hormones. When you nurse it also suppresses the hormones that control sexual desire. Sometimes it comes back by the fourth month of nursing and sometimes by the 8th month.
Your baby is due in January. So you are in the second trimester. You could still turn into the diva of desire in a few weeks. For now go on line and see what materials you can find so your husband does not take this personally. It isn't him it is the hormonal levels you are dealing with.
Hi L.,
I'm at the first trimester with baby #2, and I agree. It's so much harder to be in the mood when I have a toddler pawing me all day on the outside and a baby gymnast on the inside. I swear that many days I don't want to be touched! BUT...You're right. Having a happy love life is part of having a happy marriage. While I can't give you a solution for feeling attractive, I remember a two relevant suggestions that a speaker gave at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting a few months ago.
During the day, start psyching yourself into a romantic mood. Think about your husband and what you love about him. Put candles or flowers or something romantic in the bedroom. Make sure your little one is worn out enough to go to bed early. Put your lube on the nightstand so you can find it. Send your husband suggestive messages during the day. If you plan to be in the mood, you may be able to fight some of your own insecurities. Sometimes we can't rely on spontaneity. We have to make it a priority.
That night, have your fun as soon as the little one is asleep, even if it's only 7:30. If you wait until after you watch TV, clean up the toys and go through your own bedtime routine, you'll be way too tired and loose interest. Just make your potty stop first. :) On the plus side, the chances of being interrupted are much lower the closer you are to the time your little one has fallen asleep.
And from my own experience...I'm finding that the positions I can hold comfortably aren't the most satisfying. We have to shift frequently to combat the belly getting in the way and a sore back/hips. Try using pillows to support you. Or try starting out spooning on your side and then rotating your top half forward until the puzzle pieces fit together the right way.
Oh--And your breast soreness may go away yet...It took me until well into the 2nd trimester before mine were better...
Good luck! Have fun! :)
