My oldest daughter wasn't potty trained until 3.5 and it was a long road to get to that point. I think I started at around 2 years old, but started introducing her a couple months before she turned 2.
So on to daughter number 2. I decided to save myself the stress and anxiety and let my second daughter decide on her own. Here is the problem or what I think is the problem. My daughter is due to turn 3 next month and has NO interest in the potty. I've tried to introduce her to the potty by having her sit on it and she won't even do that. However, she hides to poop and asks to be changed. (This as of more recently.) I let her watch me and her sister has even let her watch her in hopes she will think its cool to go potty. I've talked to her about how all of her cousins (She has 3 cousins who all just turned 3 and one that turns 3 in Dec who are potty trained) but she doesn't seem to care. I work full time and really only have the weekends to work on it and then she is watched by grandparents.
Do I push the issue yet (meaning make her sit on the potty screaming if that's what ultimately happens)....or continue to wait this out? Or should I be doing anything else? Thanks for any help with this!
Thanks for the responses....seriously if you knew what I went through with my oldest you would know why I didn't push the issue with my second. And all I kept hearing when going through it with my oldest is, just relax and let her make the decision. It got to the point that I did punishment, which worked for her, to get her to go! It was rough! (And believe me this was after exhausting all options.) I was so beat by the end of it and mind you at this point my youngest was already a year and a half I was no where near ready to start all over again. I guess part of me was hoping it would just come easier with my second and that the influence from her sister would make her want to do it. I have made the statement over and over, potty training has been the hardest thing I've had to do in my life!! I also tell people in hindsight I should have known this was going to happen neither one of my girls ever minded being in a dirty diaper as a newborn/baby. I remember my niece crying with a dirty diaper...mine never seemed to care. Which I looked at as a blessing at the time. Ha, not now!
I think I am going to do a 3 day weekend coming soon and throw the diapers out, no pullups, and go with underwear. Wish me lots of luck!!
Added 08/30/2010:
Just wanted to share last week during the week we started the potty training. I had to actually force her to even sit on the potty, but after she realized she was ok she didn't mind me taking her to the potty after that. She ended up having an accident every time but one time caught herself and finished peeing on the potty. The next day she went to my IL's house where she had accidents and they put her back in diapers. I didn't have time to work with her on Tuesday night because she slept almost all night. So she wore diapers thru to Thursday after work. (Wednesday she spent the night at my moms, because my mom watches her on Thursdays) When she came home to me after work Thursday I put her in undies again and started the timer. To my surprise she told me she had to go and did so all night with no accidents. Friday she was back at my IL's while we worked and I guess did good until around noon then had a couple accidents so they put her back in pull-ups and then she never used the potty anymore. So when I got her back Fri night after work we did panties and haven't looked back. She's had a couple pee incidents when playing and forgetting to go and quite a few poop accidents. But I"m really happy with where we are at.
She's a late bloomer.
My son, who is almost 4... was like that.
He didn't have ANY interest in pottying until a little after 3 years old...
then one day, all of a sudden, 'he' decides to go on his potty. Himself.
I can suggest a great site to you--google Toilet Learning. I've worked with many, many children over the years and the information on this site was the best I've ever found. Believe me, IT WORKS. My son was disinterested until he was 3 years 3 months or so, and now he's using the potty like a pro. Much of it (on our end) was about waiting until he was ready. Now, he's offered training pants or cloth diapers during the daytime and can have paper diapers only if it's bedtime or we're out and about. Waiting until he was ready made the process so much better and believe me, if you skip the paper diapers/pull-ups during the day, it's going to go much better.
One other thing that has worked for me is NOT to nag or repeatedly ask the children to use the bathroom. I let it be their learning experience. Toileting is an area where there can be a lot of battles around control issues. Forcing a child to sit on the potty until they produce is just absurd--the body knows when it needs to go and when it doesn't. Kids have to learn those cues and learn to respond to them. So gather up as many pairs of training pants as you can and be patient. Children who are given the opportunity to do this learning on their own schedule often have less issues with regression and wetting later on, because it wasn't a battle to begin with. (If you are the only one driving the train, so to speak, and she's not on it...well--you get my drift!)
I think Julie may be right in thinking that you missed an early window of opportunity.
However, I have known half a dozen kids who were trained before two, and at least half a dozen more whose parents tried but gave up when they realized it was about training themselves to get the little ones to the potty before accidents happened. And all but one of the early trainers eventually regressed (sometimes when a new baby entered the family).
Your older girl may have trained late because she didn't have the physical control, or didn't recognize the urge in time, until then. It happens. It's common. Your younger child may have the same challenges. Early training may get you both nothing but months of aggravation.
Every child I've known who was allowed to find the interest did so somewhere between the ages of 2.5 to 4.5. Every one of them (at least 10 who come to mind instantly, including my daughter and her son) trained very quickly once they wanted to – anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks until they were accident free. No resistance, no frustration, just the happy sense that they had accomplished an important step in their development. Just my personal observation.
Becky, Potty Training is not about waiting for a child to show interest. I decide at what age I would potty train my children before I was even pregnant ( At 20 Months) and I did all 3 of them. If she hide to poop she knows it's wrong, you don't hide when you do what right. Many will tell you don't push it. You started late and that is part of the problem, you gave her the power and the control by waiting for her to show interest, and it backfired. I have over 13 years experience in potty training, I have been potty training other peoples children in my daycare for 13 years, never once had a 3 or even a 2 1/2 year old not potty trained. You and the grandparents need to get on board and the same page and her her potty trained, personal hygene is important in a 3 year old girl. J.
Take her crutch away and be willing to wage the war. Take the diapers away...ala 3 day potty training method basics (Lora Jensen). The first thing this method (I use this and encourage the basics of this..certainly not the only way..but I use it now) says to do is to toss the diapers, pull ups, etc etc. Get rid of the crutches. But prep for it.
This method is like boot camp. Plan for a 3 day weekend and no other distractions. Have the laundry done, some easy meals cooked or on hand..order pizza, make sandwiches and waffles, etc. No errands or chores. Stay home. Devote yourself ONLY to the child..be a few feet form them at ALL times..even at night. Have ALOT of underwear, clothes and bedsheets available. Patience too! Place small towels in reach all over to toss under a rolling pee stream if you catch one. Have her wear undies and tshirt ...easier for you to see if shes starting to go..easier to get to the potty and get it done. Only put the potty chair (if using one) in the bathroom (in the real world you can not go pee in someones living room!!!)
Good luck...but I see it as a tough love thing! I love the basics of the 3 day method for my childcare families and plan to never have another child hit more than 30 mos old and not be trained! I do not mind them needing my assistance (like with pants..handwashing, fixing clothing...that will come in time..I just want them to control their body stuff now). I am shooting for 26-28 mos for all of mine...earlier if I can (have one who did at 22 mos!)
Good luck! You can do it!!!
Hi Becky! We just used the www.3daypottytraining.com method (like Marta suggested) with my daughter who is a month shy of 4 years old. This was a lifesaver for us!! It sounds like we went through the same thing with my daughter as you (screaming, crying, not wanting to sit on the potty etc) and she got it the first day with this method (still working on #2 but #1 she is a pro). I would definitely check it out. Also my daughter has high functioning autism and her sensory issues were making it really tough to potty train, but again, with the 3 day potty training method, she got it no problem. Good luck!!
The whole concept of letting the child decide when they're ready for the potty is crazy! Some kids won't want to do it until they're in school and are being teased about it. We are the parents and we know whats best for our kids and we need to LEAD them, not wait for them to decide. However, I don't mean that we are dictators and bulldoze over our kids either. But we make the decisions about what's best for our kids, and lovingly lead them.
The golden opportunity for potty training is between 22 months and 2.5 after that they get used to soggy diapers and it really doesn't bother them much anymore. Often kids are changing their own diapers or wearing pull ups. Its confusing to kids to go back and forth trying the potty one day and then using a diaper the other day. Or my favorite of potty training for daytime but diapers at night! A child should be potty trained in an intensive session over several days where the focus is on potty training and potty training only, remove all distractions and make it a fun event. Child is now a big kid, gets cool underware and tosses ALL diapers forever (even at night). There are lots of rewards and encouragement. You make sure you've got food cooked up in advance, laundry done, etc... And you spend all your time focusing on the kid, giving them lots of salty snacks and lots to drink. They have lots of opportunities to pee and you show them what to do and are watching them at all times so you catch EACH time. I'll recommend the best method I found (and I did a different one that didn't work first and LOTS of research) and my 26 month old did GREAT. http://www.3daypottytraining.com/pages/help.htm?official Also this lady has a support service, so its totally worth the $25 dollars for the Ebook, because if you get stuck she gives you personal help.
Good luck, and whatever you do DO NOT sit her on the potty to practice, and especially if she's screaming!!! This is from the first method we used and it freaked my 2 year old out!
It's been my experience that waiting til the trainee is ready works much better than forcing the issue. I have 3 daughters (27,29 and 31) two trained at about 2 1/2, but one was 3 1/2. If you force the issue it is 1) a negetive experience for everone and 2) takes longer bcause she will train when ready anyway. The one that trained at 3 1/2 was afraid of the potty and just couldn't be bothered. I did lie...told her I was out of diapers. She was trained in one day , NO accidenets. She was finally ready. The other two...trained in the summer, outside alot...no pants. Worked great. They could actually see and feel what would happen if they didn't get to the potty in time. When they are ready, it only taks a couple of days. I do find it intersting that no one talks about FIRST being dry atnight. Back in my day LOL that was he first sign of eadiness. Now it seems "night training" is a new term. Anyway...go for it when the trainee is ready..no diapers, no pull ups...cold turkey.
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I don't know if this will help but my daughter turned 3 in May. I knew she was ready to be potty trained but she was stubborn and did not want to stop what she was doing to take the time to go to the potty. I took her in pull-ups to register her for fall pre-K 3. They told her directly that she could not attend preschool unless she was potty trained. That did it. She asked to use the potty before we left the building and by fall she was totally potty trained. Her need to go to school like her older brother was far greater than her stubborness or it just took someone other than me to say something to her - but it worked for us. She also could not attend any dance classes w/o being potty trained. Good Luck.
Throwing the diapers out is a good step. On my first daughter we used diapers and underwear and it took over a year for her to be potty trained. With my second daughter I cloth diapered her and one day I said no more. I put the diapers away and put her in underwear. The first week was hard but she caught on and has been good ever since then. That was a year and a half ago when she was 18 months. It has been really nice. I wish you luck with your new adventure.
Potty training in our household was an easy task. I am not totally sure why, but here is what I did:
My son was 2 yrs 4 months when I potty trained him. Leading up to the start of potty training I tried to get him interested by giving him books/magazines and praising him for going on the potty. Once I had witnessed him actually pee, I thought he was ready. We went to all underpants, all the time (except naps and night time) with no exceptions. We gave M&M Minis for rewards...1 for trying, 2 for pee, 3 for poop. I set a timer to remind myself and put him on the toilet every 45 minutes. He went willingly. He was completely trained within 2 weeks and was telling me when he needed to go.
My daughter was just under 18months old and was showing interest in the potty. Two days in a row she told us she needed to go, so we took her. I followed her lead. All underpants, all the time. She was much harder than my son because she did not often willingly go to the toilet. She would kick and scream, but we would just ask her to try. We'd say she didn't need to go, she just needed to try. Soone nough we realized that her reluctance to go was because she actually didn't need to go. She can really hold her liquids, and probably visits the restroom half as much as my son. She too was potty trained within 2 weeks. We didn't really do rewards for her because it wasn't as needed.
We praised them constantly and told everyone about their achievements.
Hope this helps some!
My daughter showed no interest in the potty either. So I started putting her in cloth underwear one day, and we never went back to disposables. We stayed home for a few days straight, and it took about 2 weeks for her to totally get it. She has been out of diapers since March, and only has an occasional accident. She is even dry at night.
We made a potty chart, where she got a sticker every time she sat on it. Then she got 1 gummy bear for pee and 2 gummy bears for poo. Oh, and I have a 2 story house, so I put the potty in the kitchen. After about 2 months, we moved the potty upstairs, and she never asked for the gummy bears again.
Cloth undies were the key. It was a little messy at first, but she figured it out in a day, and it took a little longer for her to get good at it and stop having accidents. I did not make a big deal, and just said its time for big girl undies now. I was sooo surprised at how easy it was after all.
Good luck!! Oh- and she was only 27 months at the time.
