Writing a Letter to My Daughter for Her Teachers to Read in Class

Just write the letter as if it weren't being read by the teacher. More important than her being star for one week in preschool, the letter will mean so much as a keepsake to her in later years when it's being shared with no one but her!

N. -

I totally hear what you are saying and the answer is so much easier than you know.

Of course you love your daughter more than anything and you want to express it in a way that is admirable and not competitive or embarrassing.

Just write the letter from the heart. Instead of saying that your child is THE SMARTEST and the BRIGHTEST in the world (which comes across competitive) you might want to comment about the things that you know are truly unique about her.

You love the way she twirls her hair when she is concentrating. You love how she is always aware of the smaller kids around and includes them in the fun. You're proud of how she strives to read 10 books a week and promptly returns all the books to the library ON TIME. You enjoy when she bakes and think that her chocolate cupcakes are the yummiest.

Reveal your daughter's personality and compliment her on her strong points.

This way you are talking from your heart right to hers. No other persons comments will matter when you focus on what makes your daughter totally unique.

Good Luck!

D. in milwaukee

As a former teacher, I think you are reading way too in to the way the teachers view you and your child. If you truly believe that the teachers there are catty and are bad-talking the children/families, then that is an issue you should take up with the director or take your child out of that school. You should feel absolutely secure and confident that these are the people taking care of your child. This is about you and how the letter will make your child feel. She is only 4 years old, for goodness sakes, worry about how she will hear the letter. Teachers have much better things to worry/talk/gossip about than what a parent said in a heartfelt letter to their child on their child's star of the week day! Sometimes us women do make molehills into mountains. Relax and enjoy this little/big moment for your child!

It sounds like you have a lot you want to tell her already about how special she is, so I would just write from your heart. Don't worry about anyone else who will hear it or what they will think or whatever other concerns you have: write it to your daughter.

I don't know why you're so worried either. The other parents aren't going to be there, are they? Just write it for your daughter only, at her level. Who cares about anyone else! Right?

I definitely think you are overthinking this. Take a deep breath and write your note from a place of self-confidence. Just write a simple note to your daughter about things you love about her or love to do with her, maybe a cute story from when she was a baby, and be done with it.

All the self-confident moms will be doing exactly that. The insecure moms? Well, you don't need to worry about them, they have their own problems.

Never feel that love is something you have to prove, especially to others. Just love.

This is the most bizarre school assignment I have ever heard of. Why is it anyone at the school's business what you think of your daughter?

All that aside, I echo pretty much everyone else's comments that you write it to your daughter, for your daughter, at a level she will understand. Who cares about the gossiping teachers.

Write the letter to you daughter as you want and don't worry about the rest. In 2, 5 or 10 years the only one that will most likely remember the letter will be you and your daughter and you will want it to be remembered as you intended. If others are competitive about this, that is really their problem (not yours!).

Be strong, peer pressure is unfortunately out there for parents too!

G. (Mother of four)

well, write the letter so that your daughter can understand because it is for her. don't worry about what other people might think, you will go crazy and give yourself an ulcer if you are already worried about this kind of stuff. Do you know for a fact that people talk behind each others backs or is this something you think is happening. either way you shouldn't be wasting your good energy on this. I'm sure the kids have now clue about the competetiveness, if there is some so don't drag them into it, they can tell when something is bothering you, enjoy your life and your daughter, do what's best for you and don't care about what other people may be thinking good luck :)

Be true to your daughter, write it for her alone. None of the other people really matter in your life. Be open and honest and I bet the adults will enjoy it too, as a bonus. This should be a fun thing, let the stress go. Sometimes we have to step back and remember how good we have it. Good luck.

Hi Nicole -- I think this is a pretty crummy thing the teacher is imposing on her class. The saving grace is that I gather the kids are all about four and won't understand the subtleties of the letters. And probably won't remember them when they're older! When my daughter was in kindergarten they had a king/queen-for-a-day deal, and the kids were asked to bring in pictures of their families, pets, home, etc, but nothing that discussed their character!

I'd keep it on your daughter's level, for her sake and also so the other kids can understand it. I'd keep it succinct and not too intimate, because other people will read it. I'd be sure to mention some of the quirky stuff, not just the stereotypical "good" stuff, so that she knows it's really her you're talking about and that you appreciate her for more than just being "perfect!"
You could include some snapshots with it. That would be a way to make your letter special without being verbally competitive.

Finally. after you write it, I suggest you put it aside for a day or two and see how you feel about it when you reread it. It's all about your daughter and you, and I'm sure you'll get it just right.

Of course, I'd love it if you'd share the letter and/or the outcome with us!

Best wishes -- L.

Our school does something like this every year, but it really is for the kids, not the adults. I would say, happily tell your daughter, in a letter addressed to her, why she is special to you and how much you love her. Not write a letter to the rest of the class bragging about her accomplishments. She will also benefit from hearing that you don't love her for those reasons only, and your love is not conditional of being a star.

Don't worry about the adults, write it for your daughter, just as you were telling her. One thing I did when my kids were small is keep journals on them from the day they were born until they were teenagers. These are very special to the kids so they can read what funny things they said and did, how they learned things and how learned about life. It was the book they most wanted me to read to them when they were small and when it was time for me to read my oldest's favorite book to his class, he chose that to have me read. Maybe if you encluded a few of the most endearing memories in the letter, she will feel extra special knowing how much you have always loved being her mommy.

Don't write for an 'audience'. Write things you want your DAUGHTER to hear even if they are things you have told her before. She may take them to heart in a different way because of the venue in which they are being said.

I would personally focus on the ways God has made her special - on character traits and qualities that you see the beginnings of and want to encourage rather than on accomplishments that are already obvious to every who knows her. Don't be afraid to visualize achievement, point out her God-given potential and suggest qualities that you look foward to seeing her expand upon and develop.

It sounds to me like you know exactly what you want, maybe just not how to get there. I think if you pay attention to the verbage & tone of your letter it won't be the competitive letter you are worried about. I also think it might help to focus on the personality of your daughter as well as how you feel when you are together.
I also give you total kudos for wanting to be 'real'. I think our kids get to much of the 'everybody is a winner' attitude, our children are all very different & we need to recognize their different strengths & weaknessess.
oh, yeah, and you make complete sence. My husband would respond the same way to me, in fact he has many times, this is what we do as moms. We want the world to be a better place because our child/ren are out in it. I often tell my husband 'I am the worrier, so you don't have to be.'
good luck
T.

I agree with Diane: stick to things that are unique to YOUR daughter. Mention little quirks and habits that she has/does that you find completely endearing. Maybe mention special family members- ie. "I love how you play so well with your cousins Blank and Blank. I love watching you play Candyland with Grandma Blank."

Let everything come from your heart and you'll forget about the "gossip and talk" and you'll focus on making your little girl feel special.

What an odd assignement. I somewhat see what the teacher is doing, but I think she's thinking too hard for things to do with the class. I'm sure she has good intentions though. I don't think this is anything that will cause gossip. Worse things could be happening in class than writing letters about how much your daughter means to you. Odd but endearing in a way.

I wonder sometimes... I agree with others this is a weird assignment. I'm not sure what the point is. I think it can cause more harm than good if there are any kids in foster care, or having problems at home. What if this teacher has a student with a parent who refuses to participate...will that kid get passed over and left to deal with the resulting embarrassment? Is this some odd fishing expedition on her part to find out about her students parents and their relationship with their kids, or does this dovetail with a book or assignment from class?

Anyhoo...I wouldn't sweat the assignment...keep it short, sweet and simple. Whatever you say...whether it's three words or a-thousand will make your child's heart soar.

With that said, I also wouldn't hesitate to ask the teacher what the goal of thiw assignment is supposed to be. You might even want to point out how an assignment like this might alienate certain students by putting them on the spot... and perhaps a more constructive assignment would be to have the children draw a picture of and report about a person in their lives they admire, whether that be a parent or someone important in their lives. As for confronting the teacher about her intentions, you might be surprised by her answer for assigning homework to the parents instead of the kids.

This assignment is designed to make your child feel special for a week. It is a chance for her to showcase people and things in her life that make her feel special. It is not about you, the teacher, or other parents. Write from your heart and stop worring so much. Being star of the week is something all the kids look forward to. If you really believe your daughter is special, then allow your her this chance to be treated like it from her teacher and her classmates!