Would You Share?

There is one family recipe in my husband's family that everyone loves and looks forward to every year at Christmas/Thanskgiving, and his grandmother won't share it with anyone else. She said she'll give it to her daughter when she dies. I find this extremely frustrating.

As long as my family didn't operate a biz that relied on the secrecy of those recipes, you'd bet I'd share. Isn't food meant to be a shared experience anyways?

My friend of 27 years, her mom makes the best pasta salad & carrot cake. I asked her for the recipe & she reluctantly gave it to me but made me promise to never give it to anyone else. I make both items all the time & everyone begs for it. They give me a hard time for not sharing the recipes but a promise is a promise. I hate not being able to share such delicious recipes for all to enjoy.

Don't be upset, it is what it is.

I wonder sometimes if today's "I can't share that recipe" folks actually have been watching a bit too much Food Network and fancy themselves as super-chefs who must keep the Secret Ingredients to themselves....There's an element of "Only those in my secret inner circle can know this." Exclusivity.

I loved the story about the woman who finally gave her breakfast casserole recipe to the person who posted - on condition that the poster never took it to the church breakfasts where the woman had always sent it! In that case, I can see how the dish becomes someone's trademark over many years, to the point that she doesn't want another person taking the same thing -- kind of like two people wearing the same outfit to a big event!

I just asked a friend for a recipe for a dessert she made the other day and she gave it up faster than you could say "flourless chocolate cake." We've got to share or how will those great recipes live on?.....

I was visiting a friend who lives 7 states away. She and her husband asked me to step outside while they prepared the steak seasoning.
It was 100 degrees, but I did it even though it was the stupidest thing to me. It wasn't even that good. LOL

I don't cook that great so no one has EVER asked me for my recipes. lol If they did, I would gladly share.

However, once a month we have a breakfast at church. Its a potluck. One of the ladies makes THE BEST breakfast casserole I have ever had. And EVERYONE loves it. She makes it at home but her sister brings it as she has some health issues and doesn't come to the breakfasts herself. She has been making it for the church for years. Well, of course I asked for the recipe and her sister laughed and said, "everyone asks for it but she won't give it out". Of course I understood. Well, months goes by and I get to know both of them and LOVE them! They are so funny and fun to be with, they are like my older sisters. Anyway, the sister that brings it emailed and said, "you won't believe this, but Linda wants you to have her secret recipe. But you have to SWEAR you will NEVER make it for church!" Of course I agreed and she emailed it to me!!!! YIPPEE! But I understand why she didn't want to give it to anyone else at church...she didn't want the competition because hers by FAR is the best dish that anyone EVER brings!

My ex-husband's grandmother would not share her pasta sauce recipe with anyone until they'd been in the family for at least 20 years. She was a delightful lady and as generous as could be... but that sauce recipe was a very closely guarded secret. We got divorced after 13 years, so I never received the recipe. (sigh)

That said, yes - I would share any recipe I have.

Is it possible that your friend didn't make the lasagna? My aunt was famous for her amazing lasagna, and come to find out it was Pepperidge Farm frozen that she put in a different pan and reheated.

Yes I would. Good grief it's not the formula for Coca Cola or something.

:/

Recipes are for sharing.

Me? I share recipes, yes. But then, I don't invent recipes I just repeat them. For me, cooking is mostly utilitarian and is not my art form. I can certainly understand why a person would guard their poem, or a new chapter in a book, or a painting that their mother had given them, or a recipe that their grandfather had developed. Food is not just for eating - it is culturally significant and tells the story of the family who brought life to our kitchen. People put their hearts into the food they make. They are proud of what they create and their identity is mixed in with the ingredients. Certainly I can understand not wanting to share such a thing. It's just that, for me, it's not like that. But it's okay for different people to be different, right?

Well, I can see both sides.............one that it is a form of flattery and why not share AND the other side.........I have a couple recipes that I have changed and adjusted over the years that are "hits" at gatherings. I have been asked many times to give the recipes out and have given them to friends willingly. The problem that has arisen on more than one occasion is that I have then gone to a friend's house for dinner and she is serving the dish and is getting many compliments and does not acknowledge where it came from AND the point of going to a friend's house for dinner is of course the company but also to enjoy someone else's recipes and style of cooking. So when a friend makes your dish when you go to her house it kind of kills the fun and then makes you not want to make it when they return to your home because it is no longer "special". Just my thoughts........

OK, I have shared and never thought anything I make is a secret, but! once I used someone else's cookie recipe and personalized it to my taste. My MIL loved them and asked me for the recipe, I happily wrote out the 'new' recipe with my change. No sooner do I give it to her, than my BIL's girlfriend comes and asks my MIL if she could copy it. I learned at the next family gathering, that the girlfriend had blogged the recipe and represented it as her own. I don't read her blog and most definitely wouldn't now, but I was bothered and keep her at an arm's length now. Now when i'm asked for the recipe I refer them the internet or print out recipes without my adjustments. Selfish? maybe, but there is such a thing as intellectual property and better yet proper credit. (even in families) My sister's and I still keep a happy rivalry as to who makes the best salsa or refried beans :)

I wouldn't take it personally. Just go find a recipe and start experimenting to make a secret recipes of your own. Some family recipes are not meant to be shared and it's just a thing.

We have a "family" recipe, too, or rather it was my FIL's recipe. He wouldn't give it to me until I married his son. Whatever. I personally *like* sharing my recipes, but that's me. It's a compliment! Anyway, there are a million and one lasagna recipes out there, and some sites even rate them. Try Allrecipes.com

i probably would, unless it was to much of a hassel to copy it out.

I did work with a woman who guarded her recipies as secrets and like a few others have pointed out, She didn't want anyone upstaging her or bringing the same dish. It took me a while to get that because i don't get my value from being a cook or baker, so I would share but she got alot of her "identity" from being the only one that could make the best whatever it was.

Ah, the family "secret recipe" - rather a quaint notion these days. But there are still people out there who do this.

Personally, I share any and all recipes, but I do have one friend who was quite put out with her husband when she discovered that he had shared her family recipe for roast chicken with me. And my sister-in-law is the only family member her grandma shared her super-secret peanut brittle recipe with before she passed away, which caused a huge family fight.

I think that in the age of the internet, the whole "secret recipe" thing is rather silly. I'm sorry your friend won't share. I'll bet you can find a gazillion great lasagna recipes with a few clicks of the mouse. Try foodtv.com - I imagine Mario Batali does a decent lasagna.

I love to share my recipes with my friends.

In a heartbeat. I love sharing recipes or tweaks I've made on more conventional food items. Plus, because I'm on a fairly restricted diet, I like to share with others who are learning how to adapt their cooking as well because some of the substitutions aren't obvious. To be asked is a compliment!

I always share recipes.

I'd have shared with you. Some people are funny, though, and won't. I think recipes are meant to be shared, (you should see my Pinterest boards), but some people act like you're stealing something. I consider it a compliment to be asked!

I always share recipes. The only problem I have with sharing them is that I don't use a "recipe." I always come up with stuff on the fly, eyeball it, and season to taste. So I don't know exactly how much of this or that I use, so it's hard to replicate a recipe for someone, but I always try.

I would share it. Maybe they have intentions of marketing it or opening a restaurant. Some folks just like to keep things in the family.

If she were a chef, I'd understand that. However, since you didn't mention that, that must not be the case. She is just kind of stingy. I'm sorry about that. Keep trying different lasgna recipes until you find one you love, and PLEASE share it with us!!!

Diane:

Of course I would share!! I love the Mamapedia Cookbook!! There are some GREAT recipes in that book!!

Since she won't? (rolls eyes! sorry!) I would start scouring the website for lasagna recipes...and start making 'em and experimenting...it could be something as simple as a spice added or the cheese...

Good luck!

I have the $250 chocolate chip recipe from a former family member. The family member went on holiday and enjoyed the cookie recipe and asked for it. When they checked out there was an extra item on the bill $250 for the cookie recipe.

The cookies are very good but it takes over an hour to get all the ingredient prepared to make the batter 12 dozen cookies.

So she may be from a time when recipes were not shared as they are today. Don't get your feathers all ruffled up over it. It is just something that has been put into place. Go find your own lasagna recipe and tweak it to your liking.

the other S.

PS Now I got to go make up a batch of lasagna.

I have one friend that will not give anyone her grandmother's brownie recipe. She said every time she shares a recipe the next time there is a pot luck supper almost everyone brings the same thing, what ever recipe she shared with that one friend. So she will not give this recipe to anyone. It is handed down and it's not to be shared outside of the immediate family.

My cousin in Provo has the best shrimp salad recipe. I begged and begged for it. I really loved eating it. She finally gave in but told me I could not give it to anyone else. It was her creation and she didn't want everyone making it. She too would share a recipe and go to a dinner and sure enough, they would be serving her recipe for something in that meal.

Nope. I would not have shared the recipe, but I would have made you some. The only family recipe that I carry around with me is one for cornbread. I get rave reviews all the time because I've actually modified it a bit--I'm told the way that my great great grandmother did it--and I do NOT share the recipe. It's not mine to share with outsiders, and we enjoy seeing it as a special bond. Yes, it is a great compliment when someone asks for it, but that doesn't mean that I owe it to them. I don't mind sharing other recipes.

ETA: What Ephie said. Cooking is my thing.

I always share mine.

I have a SIL who doesn't like to share hers even with family. She makes these cookies that are AWESOME! They have oats, chocolate chips, raisins, and chunky peanut butter in them. They are my favorite, and when I asked her for the recipe years ago she wouldn't give it to me. She would say "oh they have a little of this, and a little of that". Drove me nuts! I've given up trying to get the recipe from her. I've found similar sounding recipes online, and have tried them, but they don't taste the same. I just enjoy those cookies every time I go to her house.

Absolutely! I'd have no problem sharing a recipe.

I freely share my recipes with anyone who asks for them.

ETA: I love to cook and often tweak recipes - I rarely follow one exactly as written. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if I go to someone else's house to eat and they're serving "my" dish and don't give me copyright credit for it. Even if I did give them the list of ingredients and instructions, THEY put in the time and labor to cook it, so it's every bit as much theirs as mine at that point.
It's food. We eat, we drink, we schmooze, we enjoy.

I had this happen to me once. I received dinner from an acquaintance after one of my kids was born, and we enjoyed SO much, that I asked for her recipe of chocolate chip cookies (best I had EVER tasted), and for some Italian dish she made.
She emailed back that she couldn't share either recipe because they were "family" recipes. I will admit, I was put off by this a bit. I tried to understand her perspective, but to me, its a compliment when someone asks for a recipe, so I didn't understand why she didn't want to "share the wealth", so to speak!
(I'm still on a Chocolate chip cookie recipe hunt to find ANYTHING that even begins to rival hers! lol)

We had family members from my grandparents generation who took their recipes to the grave with them.
I'd rather be remembered by passing "B's Famous Coconut Curry Chicken" recipe around instead of 'nobody makes it like B use to make it' - so yeah, I would (and I do) share recipes with anyone who wants them.

I always share recipes. Maybe she really doesnt have the recipe? Just a thought.

I am usually happy to share recipes! I consider it a complement that someone likes it so much that they want to make it too! The only time I would not share is if the food product is commercially sold and it is indeed a "trade secret" !

Sometimes people see recipes as their own creation (or family secret) and are reluctant to let others get applause for their creation. I guess you have to respect that! Plus, if it's a family thing then she might not have permission to share.

I personally share all my recipes, even ones I create myself.

Goodness, yes, I would share it! But to each their own, perhaps as the other S. suggests she is from a time/subculture where recipe sharing is not the norm.

I love sharing recipes! To me it's such a form of flattery. It totally irks me when people don't share recipes. Why not let everyone share in the culinary goodness. I mean, get over yourself and cough up the recipe! It's not like its trademarked, so give it up.

allrecipes.com
type lasagna.
enjoy

I would have been flattered and happy to share the recipe.

I think back in the day, recipes were a special thing passed on from generation to generation, but these days you can find anything you want on the internet. Try to remember what you liked about it and do a search on Google. You may find her recipe isn't as "secret" as she thinks ;)

I know my grandma's "special" pasta sauce is made from canned tomatos, canned tomato sauce and canned tomato paste. You brown up a little meat and it's nothing "really" special, but it makes Grandma feel good that everyone raves about her "special" sauce, even though I think it's too acidic.

You can go online and find almost any recipe out there. For the most part I share, my friends still count on me to make certain dishes because they are considered 'my' dishes, but when they have a craving for it they know they can do it themselves. Even then they say it's not a good as mine, it's the recipe exactly, I think sometimes things are just better when someone else makes them.

I have had people tell me they weren't letting me off the phone until I gave them my recipe for something. Well, I look at it this way. It is a special family recipe that I use for special occasions. There isn't anything special about it if I go to a church social or family funeral and someone else has provided my recipe just the same as me and taken credit for it. It makes me resent the person who finagled it out of me and I don't like feeling that way. Look up your own recipe and fix it where you've made it your own. Add something at least to where it isn't identical to another unless you get it from a recipe book.