Would You Fight This Battle?

I have three teenagers. They ALL stopped wearing winter coats in middle school, largely due to the fact that their lockers are too small, it it's just one more thing they have to fuss with.

If they're cold, it's their problem.

You can't REALLY think a 12 yo boy is gonna bring an UMBRELLA to school?

To me, not a battle worth fighting.

:)

The school thinks he is being like most other kids. Don't worry about it.

One of my psych professors said always ask will this effect them five years from now. If the answer is no it is not worth the battle. Don't worry, there will still be plenty of battles.

nope, I wouldn't fight this battle. I would let him learn from his independence. If he gets wet - he gets wet. If he gets cold, he gets cold. He KNOWS how to prevent that.

No, the school will NOT think you are incompetent parents as his twin brother is using an umbrella and wearing a coat. They will know that he is asserting his independence.

Stop fighting him about it. Tell him to have a nice day. I love you. and leave it at that. The more you push it - the more he will rebel.

Personally, no, I wouldn't fight this one.

Our son is now 21, but he generally wore sports shorts and a hoodie year round. There is a young man currently in my daughters junior class (youngest of 3 boys trying to have his own identity) who has made his mission to wear flip flops every day of his 4 years in high school. I know his parents and know this is a good family and he too has appropriate clothes available.

Oh, and we're in Kansas. Granted it's not Michigan, but it's still pretty cold here in the winter. Usually.

Save your energy for when he blows curfew.

For the longest time I was forcing my daughter to take snow pants to school in Kindergarten only to find out she wouldn't wear them anyway. The consequences at her school for no snow pants is that you have to stay on the sidewalks....and that is just what she did and didn't mind. I struggled for a long time then thought...well she is wearing a coat & hat. And if she doesn't want to play in the snow, that is on her. This year I asked if she wanted a new pair of snow pants and she said no so I didn't even waste my money.

The truth is I did think about what the teachers thought, but then I decided it just wasn't worth the battle with her. He obviously doesn't mind being cold or wet so I think you should let it go. If he was younger I'd say continue the battle, but he's old enough now.

No, I wouldn't fight this battle. We live in MN, even colder than most of Michigan, and my 15-year-old hasn't worn a coat for years. Unless it is about 20 below 0 he wears a hoodie sweatshirt as you've described. I've even seen kids at his bus stop in shorts. I draw the line for longer travel in the car on very cold days and at least make him have a coat with him. Weird thing is he ALWAYS wears a knit hat. Don't worry about the school thinking you are incompetent--this is common. I'm sure they see much worse. Also, the more you fight it the more likely he is to dig in and fight back. Just let it go.

Wouldn't fight this one. I didn't fight this one when my son was a toddler. He didn't want his coat - fine, we could take it with us and when her realized he was cold - he would want it.

No, I would not fight this battle. I have 2 boys, 7 and 14. My 7 year old is ALWAYS hot. I've finally accepted that. I don't even buy him a coat anymore. Of course, we're in Texas, but it does get down into the 30s on a fairly regular basis. He never complains of being cold, so as long as I don't have to listen to him complain, I figure he's fine.

Your question takes me back to when my boys were teenagers, and neither would wear a coat unless it was genuinely freezing outside. They would mumble something about the size of lockers - but actually they just preferred to be cold and be "cool." If you talk to the teachers and ask how many students go about without warm coats, the teachers may roll on the floor laughing.

Since you have twin boys, consider that they may be using their outerwear choices to assert their individuality. But spring is coming, so save your strength for more important battles. If you can't resist saying something, make it slightly humorous - "All right, but take good care of your money, because if you go to the hospital with pneumonia, you're paying for it out of your allowance."

He's 12. If he's cold he will wear the coat. There will be hills on which to plant your flag as parents, this is not one of them. Let him be.

My 8th grader hasn't worn a coat in over 2 years. We're at the point where he outgrew his last one and I won't buy a new one because it will just hang there, unused. He *might* wear a hoodie and pants if it's really cold out. Today he's wearing a waffle-weave long-sleeve t-shirt and shorts. Yes, shorts year round. It's 34 degrees now and was a little colder when he left for school this morning. My kids frequently walk to school and always walk home. His sister has worn her jacket twice this winter, and neither occasion was a school day. She at least wears pants and a hoodie consistently.

They all dress this way at this age - don't fight it!

relax. who cares what the school thinks? if they don't know that teenage boys think umbrellas are unbearably uncool, they shouldn't be in the kid business.
my boys went through a hoodie-no-coat phase too. as teenagers (and i adore teenagers), they were figuring out independence and personal style exactly as they should have done. when they got tired of being wet and cold, they had outerwear.
punish him? really?
khairete
S.

Ugh! Don't fight this one. My kids are the same way - if the sun is out, it must be summer (never mind that it's 20 degrees out). If it's raining, sure, they'll *take* their umbrellas, but will they *use* them? Nope. Brand new winter coat that THEY chose? Hanging in the closet. Brain cells die a bit when they become pre-teen/teens. Let him make his statement - ignore it and he'll figure out things for himself. Fight him and he'll push back. Seriously, tween/teens, ugh...

No. I have two boys that are now grown and have flown the coop!

I suggested they wear jackets, but Southern California isn't exactly "cold" weather. If they didn't wear it, I didn't fight with them over.

My boys would NEVER go to school with an umbrella. they would say "that is SO uncool."

Let it go. The battle was curfew for me. That, I would battle over.

Hi michelle-

I feel your pain! My oldest two boys were the SAME way! BUT, I am happy to report, they drove down together for christmas (they are now 22 and 21) and each of them had coats ON! lol What a remarkable gift!

The younger two boys are still in the same phase (16 and 18) but I now have 'hope'!

The girls (more sensible perhaps?) seem to dress for the weather with no problem.

I have to agree with the other folks here...let it go! There may be bigger battles on your horizon!

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Nope, I don't fight this battle. I have a 17 year old and a 6 year old, neither one likes to wear a coat. They have a gazillion hoodies that they wear. So, let it be. It's something that all of their friends do, so it's considered "cool."

Pick your battles dearest. This is not one to fight.

He'll get cold. He'll get sick. Let him.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Nope not worth it. My son did the same thing. However, my son took it to another level. He would wear shorts and a t-shirt. Now, I grant you that the winters in Houston aren't exactly freezing, but it does get cold. Nope not for Mr. I'm not Cold and Aren't I Cool? He was in 7th grade. I decided if he wanted to be a bonehead that was on him. I met with one of his teachers one time and she made a comment and I said "I know isn't it stupd"? She started to laugh. I wanted her to know I knew what he was wearing and didn't approve of it.

Oh you are just starting the "fun" years. Go get some prozac you are going to need it!

Nope. You're right by not fighting it.
If he wants to be cold, wet....fine.
IF he gets uncomfortable enough--he knows where the gear is.
I wouldn't worry about what the school thinks--they know 12 year old boys are goof balls! LOL

Nah.
The incompetent parents thing wouldn't hold water either---his twin is smart enough to wear his coat and bring an umbrella. I think if you pushed, he'd just dig his heels in, and there's so much more to sweat than that.
Incidentally, I HATE wearing coats, and would rather wear a hoodie or even a thermal shirt under a normal shirt before wearing a coat, any day. And I've always been like that. Mom and I started having that "war" in 2nd grade. I'd wear it to school and promptly remove it and play without it.
The only coat mom was successful getting me to wear regularly was my letterman's jacket in highschool---which I wore ALL THE TIME.

I'm a teacher and I see kids coming to school without coats or in shorts in the winter.

I never think the parents are negligent. I do think the kids are crazy, but it is normal behavior.

Let him freeze his butt off. If he's cold, he'll put it on. If he starts to complain, cut him off by saying "There's an easy solution for this, you know..."

Time to start letting him grow up, make choices/mistakes on his own, and letting him learn from them. Obviously you don't want kids making the huge mistakes but this is a tiny one that won't have devastating consequences.

Not worth the fight.

I don't fight this battle, any longer. I used to, "get your jacket", "do you have your school work", "do you have your school I.D" etc.
I realized, if it isn't bothering them.... it doesn't bother me. I'm o.k with that :)

Hi school will NEVER think you are incompetent parents, they will just think he is a 12 year old trying his parents very last nerve.
It is NOT a battle I would fight.
L.

I won't fight this one.
I use to do it myself.
The lockers at some schools are tiny and you can't fit a winter coat into them.
You stand outside for a relatively short amount of time, then the rest of the day you are in a bus or the school building and you don't need the coat and carrying it around all day is a bother.
Just let it go.
It's not something that's worth worrying about.
Believe me, the school has seen it all (and probably a few you could not imagine) and they know teens can/will do other than their parents would like them to do.

Do NOT fight that battle. It's his body. When he's cold enough he will wear a coat.

I'd ignore it...let him choose on his own to wear it or not. If it makes you feel any better we used to live in Fairbanks, Alaska. It was VERY common to see the high school kids (boys mostly) out standing at the bus stop wearing NO coat and a baseball hat when it was minus 25 or minus 30!!!! Now that is totally insane. I saw them every day though and they never died from it. Boy they must have been in pain though. Never underestimate the teenager's need to rebel!

Nothing. I'd tell him, "I'm telling you this, because I am your mom and I love you. What you choose to do with the information is up to you, being that you are getting older. When you get cold and wet, if your immune system is down, you might get sick and that will suck." Cold alone does not cause illness, but the extra added environmental stress with an already lowered immune system CAN be a recipe for illness if he comes in contact with bacteria/viruses.

He's pushing you. He wants to push the boundaries, but if there's no button to push, he's realize he's miserable....or not.

Don't worry about what others think. Worry about what HE thinks about you.

I would not fight it. I have the same issue with both my son's and when I make them wear them they usually leave them at school and then don't have them when the really want them at home. Some people are more warm blooded than others. Yes I live in TX so it does not get as cold here as there but my husband wears flip flops in the snow and it drives me nuts. But he loves the cold.

ha I often tell my 5 year old I know you want to wear a sleevless dress with no tights and heals to K in the winter, and I understand you're never cold BUT please understand that I don't want to be the mom who looks like she doesnt care that her child is in a sleeveless dress with bare legs in the winter. It has worked so far. I don't fight her on the coat, but I do require sleeves through winter. Although shes J. 5, when shes a little older I will let her suffer with being cold if thats what she chooses.

I'd let this one go. I personally HATE wearing coats. A lot of times I will grab it and bring it with me in the car (just in case), but don't ever wear it. If he gets that cold, he'll wear it. If not, it's not really that big of a deal. Let him have a little independence. :)

I am always cold so I don't get the "not wearing a coat" thing but kids (and my hubby) do it all the time. Drives me crazy. I would tell him, I am not going to make you WEAR it but you must have it with you. You may feel fine for a bit outside but if there were an accident and you were out longer than expected, you will need it.

When my son was younger and right now w/ my daughter, what works is...you have to have a jacket of mommy is going to get in trouble w/ "your teacher".

I used to fight this battle, lost, would never fight it again. If they want to freeze they will freeze. If you make them put the coat on they will carry it home. No way to win with this issue. It's not worth it and if they want to drip with rain they will drip with rain. I don't understand it but it's more of a boy/man thing. I even have some grown men in the family now who come in thin jackets when I'm wearing my winter coat, although I am probably one of the few wearing it this winter. :-( Just don't mention the coat, rain, cold or any of it. Sometimes twins like to be the opposite of each other too so maybe that's part of it just trying to an individual but there are many out there not twins doing this.

Tell him you no longer care if he wears a coat or not. He is old enough that if he gets cold he knows what to do about it...put on a coat. I would just drop this right off of your radar for things to parent with this kid.

Love and Logic parenting would say he pays the consequence of not wearing the coat by getting cold. Nature teaches him the lesson and takes the brunt of his annoyance. If you are the one nagging him and constantly focusing on this then he focuses on you and the annoyance gets pointed to you.

So let nature teach him.

The one time I felt horrible, the absolute worst.

My granddaughter was told time and time again to wear her heavy coat. She put on a light weight denim jacket, no hood, thin this particular time then went to the van without me seeing what she was wearing.

We headed out to BMX. She was wearing her race gear and it is like a microfiber, it breathes and wicks away moisture. Not warm at all. The pants have some leather insets on them to protect her legs from the bicycle chains and gears in case she wrecked but still, the fabric was thin all the other places.

When she went up to the top of the ramp the wind hit her full force. She was sort of turning blue. I made her go ahead and race. The track in only about 1-1 1/2 minutes long. She came in 2nd or 3rd so she had to race again in the next Moto to see if she would get to be in the Main.

Then we went right into the tent by one of the vendors. They had a kerosene heater blowing and the side of the tent were down. It was warm enough you could take your coat off and be comfortable. I snuggled her inside my big coat and made sure her hands and feet we not still cold.

She didn't want to race again but I made her. I figured the only way she would learn what it felt like to be cold was to experience it. She raced, came in 1st or 2nd so she made it to the Main. One more race to go. She warmed up again, they take a break to print up the Moto's so she got good and warm. She came in 2nd in the Main and then we came straight home.

I had no idea it was that cold. I would have put an extra jacket in the van if I had realized. She did not get sick from this experience but did learn to wear a coat. Even if she thinks it is warm, well....it's winter...in Oklahoma...it might be sunshine and warm on one corner, the next might have rain, the next corner might be getting sleet, then the last one might have snow.

No one knows what the weather may do on any given moment. With the trend in the weather we are having this winter we could get up to the remains of an ice
storm and have large puddles for the kids to go out and play in wearing shorts by the afternoon.

My son who is only ten, NEVER wants to wear a coat... However, I tell em, then at least wear a warm shirt... On the occasion when I am with him, I end up bringing one with us... and about 50% of the time, he will wear it.. When going to school, he wears a uniform which does require a sweater, sometimes it's not enough but he still refuses to wear a coat... Really, if it's not raining... then I just go along with it.. I figure.. one of these days he's going to get cold enough and then maybe he'll rethink the whole coat thing..

I also like what Jo w. wrote below.. good advice

Yep, there's no medical evidence that being cold causes one to get sick. It's really the increased time indoors with closed windows and lack of air circulation that causes more illness in the winter. Let it go.

Not worth it. One of my girls is the same way. We have had a mild winter, barely any days at freezing, and she won't wear her coat. She wears a hoodie--and it is not very thick. Just a regular hoodie. Not worth fighting over. One day they get it, just have to wait.

I wouldn't do anything and in fact have gone thru this with my own kids. I would just email the teacher and say something like "so and so is showing his independence by refusing to wear a coat or take an umbrella to school. I just wanted to let you know we are allowing this so he can experience the natural outcome of this decision." Good luck!!!

My 12 year-old also doesn't want to weat his coat. I figure it's not worth the battle so I drew a line in the sand. When it's a certain temperature he has to wear it, hovering around freezing, and any other time he doesn't have to. I always suggest to him to put it on but usually he doesn't listen. It's really not worth the battle or the frustration. If this is your biggest problem with him then be thankful!

Not a battle worth fighting!

I have a non coat wearing teen as well....he just doesn't like them! He is not trying to be a brat or assert his independence he is just doing what is most comfortable for himself!

It's a myth that kids get sick when they are cold. I wouldn't fight the battle. My son is almost 9 and he is the same way! I tell him to at least bring his coat - he chooses to keep it in his backpack most days...even when it's in the 20s!

I would not fight this..

My son hasnt been wearing a coat since he was 2... Doesnt bother me at all.. I dont get cold if he doesnt wear a coat..

LOve and logic parenting classes tell you to ask the kid.. would you like to wear your coat or carry it?? If the kid gets cold they will wear a coat.

my son will wear a coat to play int he snow.. but to walk from a warm car to a warm school.. he will ot wear a coat.. he does not get sick.. as the germs are not outside..

I have two teen boys and they rarely wear a coat and I am in northern Illinois. They wear athletic jackets or hoodies. If it gets really cold I make them wear a coat or take it in the car in case it breaks down or something. They also will wear shorts to school in the winter. In fact, my oldest went to his meet the other day in socks and flip flops, lol! This is the same kid who could be seen shoveling snow in shorts as well. They never got sick from not wearing a coat, and they will put one on if it's bad weather or super cold, so I don't worry about it, although I do always ask or remind them...just in case!

No I wouldnt, he probably just wants to be different and his own person from his twin. Seen it a hundred times. Everyone wants to be their own style and be known apart. At least he is wearing a thick sweatshirt theres no reason to worry. It's not like he's out there in just a thin tshirt! :)

That is normal behavior for a kid that age, trust me, went through the same thing with my two boys. Be thankful he is wearing the hoodie. I figure at that age they are old enough to make that decision for themselves. When he gets cold enough he'll go back to the coat. It might be college before he takes an umbrella though!

S.

You are his step mom--leave him alone. If he were your birth son--kick his butt. LOL

My son does the same thIng! I remember my brother doing this, too. I've started saying, "I recommend a coat today because [weather forecast for PM]." and then just let him choose. Better to have peace in the relationship. If he gets cold and whines, I say, "Perhaps you might take that in to account next time you choose your jacket."

I've been to the school. Lots of boys doing this. The school is not going to think poorly of you over it.

You are not alone- the best you can do is pack his coat when he goes away to College because until then he probably wont wear it. Mine is 15 I totally gave up buying coats just make sure you have good hoodies or alot of hoodies because that is all you will see. Pick your battles this one is not really worth fighting.