Would You Be Upset If...

If my child had come home saying that, my reaction would have been "Well, prove her wrong, then. YOU know you can do it, now SHOW HER!" I wouldn't have assumed that the teacher used those exact words (kids often interpret things to suit how they feel), but I WOULD have assumed the general message was true: you need to work harder. And hopefully my child would rise to that challenge.

I agree with lucky- everything she said. I'm more of a "strict" mom myself. I think some people are too soft. I want my kids to do their best, always- that's what I focus on. And, a very important viewpoint: Sometimes we mean something, but it comes out the wrong way- could have been so with the teacher. Besides, I wouldn't have minded it anyways. I find it worse to tell someone that they are doing really well when they aren't. Why improve if you are already told you are doing well? Set high standards.

Not if it were true, and of course, it depends on the context. Was this in front of an entire class and she was humiliated and others laughed, or was this a private conversation? Is this a 5 year old child who is just learning, or is this a 14 year old who should know how to read by now? Lots of factors would determine my reaction.

Not everyone who is intelligent is good at everything. I am an intelligent being, educated, but I cannot do calculus to save my life. When someone tells me I am not good at something (and someone did when I was young, and they were right!) it simply motivates me to prove them wrong.

.

My DD came home once and told me that the Mommies that were helping in the classroom called her ugly-I spoke to the teacher and actually what was said was "That's an ugly cough" as my daughter had a chest cold at the time. So be calm and check into it but don't be surprised if it was just a gentle "work hard" reminder.

When a child hears that they need practice reading, they hear "you're not really good at reading." Even a child that's good at reading still needs to practice. All children need practice, some more than others. It's possible that during a pep talk your son took away less pep than she hoped and took more criticism than she intended.

My first response wouldn't be anger or "M. bear." It would be to call the teacher to see what her concerns are and to let her know that your son was upset about a conversation they had about reading, and that you'd like to know what you can do to help his reading and I would bet you a million dollars she'll jump to explain what was really said in that conversation.

Absolutely I would. It that's exactly how it was said, that's horrible. A teacher should be more tactful than that. Talk to the parents first, for one. And offer the child help with his/her reading skills and not simply insult their intelligence. Telling anyone they're "not good" at something is a terrible way to criticize!

Not if my child did in fact need to practice. Sure, it could have been stated better but maybe it was and you got the condensed, kid version of what was said.

I would be upset that a trained professional had used a poor choice of words, that's for sure. Surely this teacher should have known better. What should have been said is something like, "I see you are having some difficulty with reading. Practice reading with your parents at home for 20 minutes a day and I know that your reading skills will improve!"

Encouragement works better than criticizing with kids, IMO.

Added: But I do think you need to get to the bottom of this, so I would ask the teacher directly. Sometimes what is "heard" is not exactly what is "said."

It depends on how she said it. I am pretty firm and direct with my daughter because I know her potential..yep a little bit tiger Mom but no I am not mean. If she said it that way it was a poorly put together sentence and she probably meant that if your son practiced his skills would improve.. She should have said, I see that you are struggling a bit with this reading material, are you practicing at home? Do you need some extra help? Instead of practicing only 10 minutes why not increase your time reading to Mom and Dad 15 minutes? This may help you.

yes, BUT never fly off the handle based on what your child said a teacher said. My sweet girl used to tell me things out of context, not the whole story, in a differant tone, leave out a few words. So, technically it was close, but not close enough to go off on the teacher for. I would schedule a parent teacher conferance and ask about ways you can help him improve on his reading skills and ask (calmly) about what was said.

Did you hear the teacher say this, or was this your child's interpretation of what the teacher told him? Like another M. said, a lot of it would depend on the tone of the conversation before I could say whether or not I would be upset, but before all of that, I would ensure what was exactly said.

I have a practice makes perfect song that we sing together, just a silly little thing that reminds us that we aren't failures, we just need to keep practicing. Nobody jumps on a 2 wheeled bike and takes off on the first try ever.

I would take a mental note of it....I'm aware that sometimes children "quote" people more on what the child feels or perceives the person is saying more than what they said. If a teacher stood over my child in front of the other kids in class and said "You're not good, you need to practice" (in anything but kung fu, where the teacher is very very strict), I would probably get my panties in a bunch for sure. (Not that she's wrong but that it was not the way to say it). But the truth of that story may have been something as simple as kneeling at the desk and having a little talk with him, and saying that reading may be hard and feel like you're hitting a wall right now, but keep practicing and you'll get better as long as you practice. Who knows? If my son was struggling and came home with that story (he's come home from pre-K with something similar), I would request a little meeting with the teacher and not be accusatory or confrontational, but say "___ told me ___. I assure you we ARE working on it daily, he's really working hard at it, but he's still struggling a bit. What are you doing in class, and what do you suggest I do at home, so we can work together as a team to help him best?"
In doing so, you're doing a few things at once: 1) you're letting the teacher know what you've heard, that you communicate with your child about school, and you are an active mom who has no problem coming to school, in a peaceful, more productive way than getting the teacher on the defensive. 2) you're letting the teacher know that you're working on this, and what you're doing, and that you are up for teamwork. you can actually get some neat ideas on how to improve or best use the time you spend on reading at home. 3) you're showing that while something might be a mild annoyance, your main concern is your child. his education, how he feels about himself, how he operates in class, etc. teamwork is a good thing. 4) you can feel the teacher out and listen to your instinct on whether the teacher has your child's best interest at heart and was just misunderstood, or whether there's a bullying problem (that's actually pretty rare, in my opinion, but we saw recently on yahoo news a couple instances where the bullying was real). 5) you're showing your son that you have his back, and helping to build his confidence. you may also get more information than what your son is divulging about what's happening in the classroom.
good luck! just be encouraging and supportive.....he'll get it!

Did you hear this? exactly these words? Or did your child come home and say "my teacher says I'm not good at this? It sounds like the teacher said he needs to practice. I would not be upset. If this is the case I would already know it as they practice for 20 minutes a day. Kids tend to take things that are said to them and twist them around. I would call the teacher if your upset.

When I was pregnant with my son my daughter was 6. I was having an especially hormonal day. I was sitting in the living room talking to hubby and said I didn't have any underwear that fit right. I was in tears. (from being pregnant and hormonal not really about the underwear) He being a man said well you don't need underwear anyway just go without. the next night we were at his parents for dinner. when my mother in law asked how I was doing my daughter jumped in and said mommy was crying because daddy won't let her wear underwear anymore. I was mortified my in laws were horrified and my husband was rolling on the floor laughing. It's all in how it was said and whether it was in context.

Yes. I would be upset. That is not a very professional or appropriate way to go about it. But, unless you heard it yourself, don't assume those were the exact words. That could of just been how it was perceived by the child.

I would - especially after I double checked with the child on how it was said and exactly what was said. How old is your son ? There are many other ways to say to a child that they need to practice more.

Probably.

Then I would go on to explain to my child that reading is a skill, that like many skills, gets better with PRACTICE. And then I would try to implement a "reading time" every day. Depending on the age of the child, it can be being read to, reading aloud with help, reading to him/herself.

I'd be LIVID!!! My 6 year old is working so hard on his reading and writing and has made such amazing progress this year. His kindergarten teachers and first grade teacher do nothing but talk him up and encourage him. They help him to learn and build his confidence.

I'd be meeting with the principal if a teacher told my kid that. That's bull.

There is no excuse ever to say that to a young child. Ever. Nothing makes it okay, not even if it is the truth.

Yes. I would be very upset! There is no reason why that teacher couldn't have said " Lets work together on your reading so you can improve and really become a great reader etc." That comment was uncalled for and shows me that the teacher is either a. inexperienced. b. needs some people skills. c. doesn't care. d. all of the above.

I would never tell a student that. Its just wrong!

M

Well, I think a lot would depend on if the relationship between the teacher and the child was overall a good relationship or not. If, overall, it is a good relationship, I would not be upset as I am in firm believer in honesty. Not everyone is really good at everything and shouldn't be told they are if they are not. It's also okay for the child to be upset. Maybe they will practice. The context of this situation is everything though... imo anyway.

Yes - If those were her exact words, I would be upset. I wouldn't be really angry, but I would certainly have a word with her and tell her she needs to find a better way to say things. That is not at all encouraging - quite the opposite really!