Would This Bother You..(sorry So long...maybe More of a Vent)

No, you are not alone. It is hard to be truly easy going with kids. They do hear noises, they do need to be on schedule. Dinner is at 6, not 8. Kids don't wait, they want it NOW and they want it NOW.

My hubby gave me one nights notice about a dinner party when I had a 6 or 8 week old. I handled it, did the shopping, etc. but man did I lose it. I am so done with the family we invited. I even wrote a "vent" here about it.

Relax, tell hubby "never again."

As to the mom driving home, it all seems ridiculous to me. Why didn't he just stay with her?

Ok, I'm older so I have been through lots of this. Is the friend handsome? Might mention that to husband. I guarantee you the friend won't be around for long. Yes, it is hard to put up with this kind of stuff. I have done it a lot in my lifetime. So we learn. Try the handsome thing. Hubbies can get a little jealous if their handsome friend is hanging around too long. Now why mom is going there, I don't know. Perhaps you can find a handsome older guy for her.

It's only for one day. I don't see the need to get upset over this.

You did mention that you hate company that's not yours, would you want your husband to act this way if a friend of yours was coming to stay?

Whatever happened, to 'sometimes you just have to suck it up and do things you don't want to do'?

I hear myself ALL over your post. I get colossally bitchy when there is a change (let alone several) of plans disruption of routine. And I go On and ON, just the same way you did. Then after some examination I realize it's time to JUST LIGHTEN UP ALREADY IT"S ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE< JEESH! Do I really want completely inflexible children? When did I get so OLD and stuck in the mud? Why can't I just RELAX, roll with it, possibly even (gasp, dare I dream) ENJOY the distraction?!

THen I have a good laugh at my own expense.

Ok, in the words of my mother, who is usually annoying right away but after i think about it they are good words ... Did you learn anything from this experience??

Just reading your post, I did and here is what I learned:
1. Do not let hubby make plans
2. Take the phone from him when he is planning such an event so you may ask these questions before an answer is given
3. Allow some wriggle room in the schedule for such things every once in a while
4. Have a good pasta meal for dinner with a glass or two of wine
5. Smile and take this as a wonderful opportunity to play hostess
6. Ask hubby for a new purse/shoes/spa day whatever gets you back to happy land the next morning
7. Know you are a wonderful, loving and attentive wife that your hubby can lean on even when you are shakey.

Oh and I wish you all the sanity the world can muster up right about now.

It's only one night. I would hope if it were your friend you would want to be able to help, and hope that your husband would be okay with it. Just do what you need to do with the kids and your husband can entertain him while you get the kids in bed etc. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

It's annoying but it's your husband's house too. Move the baby to your room in a pack n play for the night.....
Sometimes, you gotta just roll with it. Stressing about it only makes it worse. Good luck! :-)

yeah, you sound cranky!! But, that's to be expected with men that can't seem to communicate or ask questions.
I remember my husband telling me that a friend of ours just had a baby!
"How big was the baby?"
"I don't know"
How long was the baby?"
"I don't know"
"what did they name the baby?"
"I don't know"
"Was it a boy or a girl?"
"I don't know!"
SERIOUSLY??? ugh
So, here's what I would do in your situation.
You have an extra office where the friend can sleep. That's where he sleeps! You get your kids to bed at normal time, you have people eat in the living room (so they are away from the babies room (and you could even say something about him being a light sleeper so they can keep their voices down), and then at your normal bedtime you go to bed. (Yawn..."ooof, so tired, and I have kids to get up tomorrow for school! It was so nice to see you all" And off to bed you go!
Know that there are a LOT of moms that have this same issue of communication with their husbands!
L.

What I am wondering is how often does this kind of thing happen? B/C unless its all the time I am sorry but I do think that your husband has a right to do a friend a favor. Yes, it will disrupt your routine for a day but for your husband's sake I think that you should do it and act with hospitality towards your husbands friend and his mother. I do agree that your husband should have been more forceful in finding out the itinerary though. And if you really don't want to be home with his friend than take the kids out somewhere.

I can understand your irritation but I also think that if you just get it in your mind that it is only one night and look at it as an advantage to you that you have the children to tend to it will help. In other words, you can go take care of your babies as often as you need and during everything whenever you need. In short, you really don't have to do much because you have an excuse.

I say just let it be, order a pizza when they get there and tell them to enjoy then do your thing. If the baby is a light sleeper then you certainly may be tending to the baby most the time and pizza allows you to do that.

If it was more than one night I would freak out more but really, one night and late at night at that, you will be off the hook really quick. I am also sure this guy doesn't expect you to entertain him the next day, especially if you and him are not that friendly, just go on with your day.

Really this is your husbands gig, you don't even have to spend a minute on it. If his mom ends up staying pull out some blankets and put her on the couch. - DONE.

Good luck!

Totally not alone! This is one of my biggest problems with my husband. It goes hand in hand with not helping enough around the house, cause of course if he helped more and was a part of the routine then things that 'popped up' wouldn't be such a big deal. Either that or he'd realize what a hassle entertaining one of his friends could be. My hubby's family is way more chaotic than mine and 'things' always pop up. It Is So Frustrating! I was never one to have much of a routine or structure even when I had my first born. But once I met my present SO, everything changed. He had three young children, I had one, and together we had one (they all live with us and are 9yrs and younger). We met just over 4yrs ago and I am just now starting to get the hang of having a routine, though I've needed one for three years. So needless to say I was kinda forced into NEEDING a routine. Any way, I still get so flustered, pissy, aggravated, etc. when things pop up, my hubby does not really care.
I have learned that I can get through it(whatever it is that has come up; like us all going to his mom's to fix his sister's car,uggghhh). And sometimes I can and have learned when to just say No. But, I am also learning that it's okay to get out of routine too. I always get through it, though it may be tiring or an extra pain in my neck, but I do get through it and can pick back up the next day.
Oh yeah, and I bet that some of this is PMS. I know that these kind of things always make me more upset when its that time of month. You're already not feeling that great and then hubby wants to dump something else on your shoulders, gggrrreat!

Yep, you sound a little pms-y but you do have a point. I get annoyed at things I don't know. If I know, I'm ok. It's just NOT knowing that drives me crazy. BUT, you should just enjoy this time and not worry SO much. :)

Just take it as it comes and try NOT to schedule your kids around him. Keep things as normal as possible for your own sanity.

Yes, you are being ridiculous. Be kind, and make room in your life. This is a good friend of your husbands who asked you for something small. Do not make a big deal about this. There are things that are a big deal. Having a friend stay one night even if it slightly disrupts your routine is a good thing. In the end friends are the most important thing. There may come a time when you, your husband or your children will need to turn to your friend for help in some small or big way and you can feel comfort that you were also generous when he asked you.

Do your normal routine. Hubby will be home to entertain. Just make a big pot of goulash or something that they can dip into if they still want to eat at 8, put your robe and slippers on so they know that you really arent into the midweek visit. The mom is probably tagging along only to spend a few hours with her son and is probably not excited about the hour either. I totally agree that men suck when it comes to making plans. Since this is a last minute deal I wouldnt go all out trying to be Miss Congeniality.. but have a generic plan B in case they spend the night. They are adults and have to know that they are interrupting a normal week night schedule and are probably not expecting miracles from you anyway. Just make it as comfortable as you can... it's only a temporary inconvenience. Be glad it's not you on the road dropping in at someones at 8pm.... at least you will be home with your own bed to sleep in when the visit is finished.

Have a glass of wine, relax, and enjoy the company. It's good to interact with people and enjoy the change in energy once in a while. You said he was your hubby's best man so he must hold some significant meaning to both of you. Enjoy his company ... It's only for a night and then you go right back to your routine. I have a beautiful plaque hanging in my kitchen that I refer to a lot "be not forgetful to entertain strangers for they may be angels unawares" (or something close to that. :). Hope it all works out for you! Life is short... Enjoy.

No, you are not alone, and no, you're not ridiculous, at least not in my opinion. My husband and I have conversations like this ALL. THE. TIME. He thinks I'm too "plann-y" and uptight. But the truth is, like you said, that there are many factors to be considered when our routines are potentially interrupted, from what time the kids go to bed to is there enough milk in the fridge for company? We just had 3 weekends in a row of him entertaining his friends and me having mostly no idea what was going on. Trying to get a bunch of us out to dinner on Sunday was a disaster because evidently ALL his male friends are like this. And after 3 weeks in a row of it, I am so very tired.

I don't know what the solution is. I've told him that I need to know x information by y date. I've told him that I don't like being stressed (and he doesn't like it when I'm stressed) and that he could help alleviate my stress by providing me information. I've told him that if he didn't get me the information then he could not count on my help/consideration for the day/weekend/whatever (can't tell me how many people are coming for dinner? then I'm cooking for the family and you guys are going to have to go out to dinner, or make sandwiches.). None of it really works on a consistent basis. It's a real problem for our marriage. I wish I could help you more here, but I am very glad to know that I am not alone in this regard. Good luck and I hope some of that stress subsides for you soon.

Ok, yes, you are kinda venting. I think the real problem is that you are letting all this get to you.
You have children - that means they come first. If hubby doesn't give you all the details, then you tell him that he is welcome to take his company out to dinner and you will stay home and deal with the routine.
If the issue is that hubby really wants friends to have dinner at your house, tell him the schedule - and tell him to relay the schedule. If no one is there at dinner; it isn't your problem.
If they really want something to eat, then they can have some left over plates they need to re-heat (your company - you reheat; hubby's company - hubby reheats). After that, if they have to eat on laps on the couch or eat in silence in the kitchen, then that's what has to happen. Once again, middle of the week company needs to conform to your routine; not you conform to their whims.
Children need routine, routine, routine. Don't let it get to you, and don't worry. I know the frustrations of a similar situation. The best solution is to let everyone know your routine and if they still want to come - fine, but they have to follow your rules...

Updated

Ok, yes, you are kinda venting. I think the real problem is that you are letting all this get to you.
You have children - that means they come first. If hubby doesn't give you all the details, then you tell him that he is welcome to take his company out to dinner and you will stay home and deal with the routine.
If the issue is that hubby really wants friends to have dinner at your house, tell him the schedule - and tell him to relay the schedule. If no one is there at dinner; it isn't your problem.
If they really want something to eat, then they can have some left over plates they need to re-heat (your company - you reheat; hubby's company - hubby reheats). After that, if they have to eat on laps on the couch or eat in silence in the kitchen, then that's what has to happen. Once again, middle of the week company needs to conform to your routine; not you conform to their whims.
Children need routine, routine, routine. Don't let it get to you, and don't worry. I know the frustrations of a similar situation. The best solution is to let everyone know your routine and if they still want to come - fine, but they have to follow your rules...

Yes, it would bother me a little. I, like you, would want to know ALL the details ahead of time so I know what to expect but with men that doesnt always happen and we as woman have known that forever. We all have plans and schedules that we want to stick to but they get broken all the time and we just have to go with the flow. My son is 10 and I try to tell him that sometimes things happen that we dont expect and we just have to make the best of it. This is probably what you would tell your kids one day too! Isnt it funny as moms we preach many things to our kids but dont do the same ourselves ;). If this doesnt happen all the time try to relax a bit and make the best of it and move on. What if it was a good friend of yours coming? Would you be having the exact same reaction you are to your husbands friend? Something to think about..............

I can relate to your situation. One of my husband's childhood long time friends, called out of the blue stating that he and his brother were doing a road trip from CA to FL and stopping at various places to visit family/friends. Fine, no problem right? Right...I ask my husband what is the plan, are they staying by our house or what? Long story short, my husband did not think that they would be staying at our house & guess what? Not only did they stay at our house but my husband's friend forgot to mention his friends dog was with them as well....Bottom line, I enjoyed their couple of days visit including the dog.
Stay open minded and try to relax, your husband's friend will always remember the kindness that was extended on such short notice. You can get through this and still be sane.

I think that you might be justified if the friend was going to be staying for a few weeks, but if it is only a day or two I think that you might be coming down a little hard on your hubby.

Best of luck with the situation.

a

Yes, this would and has bothered me.
Especially b/c hubby wasn't around to clean or entertain.
I hate my routine being interrupted.
Having said that though, I would say do it. Do it this time and see what happens. Express to your hubby that you would like some help.
Do not give up your baby's room. That's crazy. Uninvited guests can sleep on the couch. Even if they were invited...never move your baby out of his/her room. That's crazy and inconvenient. Nobody should ask or expect that. They want to stay and you really don't have room....they get a hotel nearby.
But in this case, they can sleep in your hubby's ofc on the floor.
Be nice, gracious but not too helpful or accomodating. Hang in there and good luck. Just hang in there for this, suck it up this time and see how it goes but like I said DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR BABY'S ROOM. That's crazy.

ask hubby's friend to get the baby when he squawks cause of the noise coming from the kitchen. make sure your holding a pan or something, so ya look pre occupied. also .. burnt dinner could be a deterrent for future visits. ok, i'm being facecious (sp?). it's just 1 night. I had 3 in diapers, so i can relate.

A.J.,

I completely understand where you are coming from. It is Wed. night, and I am so curious what's going on in your house right now! You have two very small kids and your home is going to get invaded when the worst part is, you don't even know if the friend's mother is going to sleep over. Since things are so unclear, if I was in your situation, I would have told my husband to go out to dinner w/ him/them and that's that!!! Your husband made unclear plans and now YOU have to cook dinner for them??? No way! You and the kids eat at 6:00, your normal time, and have your husband starve until his friend arrives at 8:00, and then they go out to dinner. End of story. I am curious as to what is going on tonight w/ his friend. Did his mother come? Is his mother sleeping at your house, too? Let us know what happened!

I wouldn't get worked up over it. Just go with the flow. They are not moving in so just relax. Keep your routine and if things need to change let hubby deal with it. Let him make room for them to sleep or him or whatever/ Not worth stressing over. Can't sweat the small stuff. It will make you sick in he end.

Good luck.

N. Marie

hi a.j., i know everything's over and done with and your fine, but i would've felt the SAME damn way as you did! PMS or not! lol! :)
some of your posts were crappy then it looked like you had to defend yourself.... :( i agree w/you and it would've annoyed me too...funny how the people wagging their finger at your misspelled so many words it was hard to read - ha! :) i just like to laugh at ignorance especially when they're being rude to me (or you). hope you feel better...girl, i only use mamapedia now for very black/white questions b/c people can be BRUTAL...when all you wanted was support. :) take care! :)

you are not alone. i get EXTREMELY annoyed when people make assumptions about my time and space, especially people who don't have kids (sometimes husbands act like they don't have kids - sorry dads, no offense but it's true for many). sounds like this guy is CLUELESS (the friend, not your hubby ;) ). have a reality check with all involved: "i don't mean to sound _____, but we have routines we need to stick to for the sake of our home and family, and i really need you to ___________."

yeah, you could suck it up, but you will feel SO MUCH BETTER if you make your boundaries clear. have them order pizza, sleep in hubby's office, go to a hotel, whatever needs to happen so that you feel relaxed and respected. or jump through all the hoops, be a supermom/superhostess, and then tell hubby not to EVER put you in that position again, and tell him EXACTLY what he needs to do to make that happen.

good luck, and again, you're not alone!

You worried yourself into a tizzy for nothing.
Sounds like everyone respected you and your space even after you feeling so bent out of shape about it.
If you knew how many times I've called someone and said, "OMG. I can't believe it....I have to fly to L.A. and I'll be there for the night. Can we get together for dinner, can I stay with you?"
I've never been told no.
Same with my friends. ESPECIALLY if I haven't seen them for a while. They always have a place to stay with me. What a treat to see them!
It's my opinion that you have to have people in this world that you can count on like that and vice versa. When I was married, my husband's friends were just as welcome as my friends were. I wanted them to feel comfortable and you know what? They were so careful not to be any trouble it made me feel bad. We have dinner every night, please eat. We have clean towels, please feel free to take a shower.....

No offense intended whatsoever, but I'm just really glad that your worst fears about your ME time and your space being invaded never happened.

Mmm. Yes, it would bother me. But I wouldn't let it turn me into a witch either, or at least try not to. Try to be gracious and appreciative of the good man your husband is, so he can appreciate what a good wife you are for putting up with his friend. Nagging and b-tching abt how put out you are does nothing to put you on a saint list, and everything to put other people off about you.

Take a deeeep breath sister. And let it go. Have dinner early for your family, then serve it again later. (Y'know - great opportunity to have a meal that's what your kiddos want, without you adults having to eat it, then a more adult dinner that's for you that the kiddos wouldn't eat.)
When company is there, excuse yourself to put your child to bed, and don't worry about enjoying or putting up w/their company (again - fabulous excuse to get out of socializing w/someone whose company you don't enjoy because you've got mommy duty!) Simple as that.

And yes, there will be little things that annoys you, but OH WELL! (Do we never ever, I mean ever, impose on or annoy other ppl?)

Take a deep breath, and remember that this too shall pass - both the PMS'ing and the overnight guest!

We all get ourselves worked up sometimes. Don't worry about it. Glad it's over and all went well!

Hi There, Yes I believe that you are being Ridiculous! First off you do not have to have children eatting with you they can have thier schedual. I am sure that you have had many nights where the kids ate eariler and you had to be flexible . I am saying this as a mother of 5, who had at least 3 extra visitors a week at diner or spending the night with out much notice becasue of church related things and people that were in need of help. I am one that believes that it has been our blessing to have all of these people be apart of us even in a state of chaos that it often caused. When my children were older they often brought friends home that had been kicked out of the home and we just rolled out a sleeping bag.
Since this is your husbands home as well doesn't he have the right to share it?
I have found that the guests were grateful enough to help in many ways. As a mother you really need to be a bit more flexible or you will have some major problems in life, becasue the unexpected seems to always happen.
Frankly, I think this is all about YOU and your wants and needs! Why does your schedulal have to be all changed and " out of wack " as you stated?? that makes no sence. The person staying isn't expecting you to entertain him and he isn't asking you to be his theripst or councilor. I guess becasue I have learned that what goes around comes around - what if you ever need help do expect someone to do it or not??? I have to tell you that having 5 children I never found it hard to do several things all at once and now that I have some of them grown and married I find that it can still be like a hotel here as their friends will stop here over night and I take them to an airport.
If it really is a hardship? then offer to pay his bus fair to Idaho but don't be rude orr act like you are being taken advantage of becasue your husband doesn't deserve that.

I think that rather than be upset at your husband's and your friend's communication (or lack thereof), you should take responsibility for the communication yourself on this issue rather than hoping your husband will ask the right questions or convey the right information. I would simply say to your husband that you want to be supportive but that you need to talk with the friend on the phone and let him know what your family can and can't do in this situation. For example, we'd love to have you and your mom for dinner but the kids go to bed by 8 so if you are running late we will have to do it another time. Or, we want to help out, but we only have a small office so we can only put you up for a couple of nights. Etc. You will feel better if you are honest and clear about your constraints. And it will reduce any angry feelings you have toward your husband.

Why do you have to entertain the guy, or change your plans to accomodate him? Relax. All you need to do is add a little to whatever you're cooking. (I assume you're cooking, because in addition to fussing about hostessing, and worrying about feeding this guy's mother, you're also fussing about dealing with your kids. Itsounds like your husband is one of those lazy suckers who pretends it hasn't occurred to him that he should lift a finger, and when he does do anything, he considers himself to be "helping" you with "your" work.) Let the friend crash on the floor, and his mother too, if no one made any arrangements for her, and let your husband entertain them. If the friend is late for dinner, let him heat up the leftovers (for himself and for his mother, too). If someone isn't able to give you any notice before asking to stay at your house, he can't really expect to be waited on like a guest who was invited, or who gave plenty of notice.