Would This Bother You? - Exeland,WI

We solved the "I AM NOT EATING RAMEN WHILE YOU TAKE YOUR FRIENDS OUT TO LUNCH AT A RESTAURANT" issue (umm... yeah, heated him splurge + me martyr = mui unhappy wife) by doing a very simple thing:

We each get x amount of money each paycheck that we can spend as we wish. The rest of it is "family money" and cannot, cannot, cannot be touched by either of us.

He and I each get an equal amount and it's for EVERYTHING. Gym memberships, new clothes, haircuts, lunch out, splurgy groceries, personal savings, you name it.

He really "got" it when all of a sudden he was out of money 3 days into a 14 day pay period. Since it was 5x the money I was used to being able to spend on myself... I was sitting pretty. It took him a few pay periods to really "get" how much he had been spending and to start budgeting what he wanted. PURELY on lunches at work ($10 each, pretty moderate) he was spending $200+ every 2 weeks. That's not adding in all the "little" 40/60/100 dollar things he was running up.

How we personally do it is every 2 weeks:

300 for groceries
100 for gas
50 for kiddo's school expenses
100 for each of us

The rest goes into the bills account, and any left over after 2 weeks goes into our joint savings.

It would drive me nuts.

My husband was alot like yours. If he had money he had to spend it. He is also very generous and was willing to give to all the fundraisers, etc.

I'm the opposite. I live within my budget and rarely splurge.

Luckily early in our marraige we sat down and talked about it. We talked about how to spend the extra $$ and that it just wasn't possible for him to eat out everyday and to continue to have the spend, spend, spend attitude. We prioritized. He didn't like the way I was so "cheap". We reached a happy medium.

YUP! He shoulds lilke a great guy, but there comes a point when family comes first. Doesn't mean he has to stop being generous but that he needs to plan ahead for it so you can budget it.
Rolling my own eyes because it has been mentioned so many times, but the FIve love Languages book would be an interesting read for you. He shoulds like a spot on giver or whatever the cutsie title is. Like he is buying love with gifts.

I was just telling my mom that my husband makes good money but HE likes to spend it and i always feel that if i ever spend anything on myself that we will be in financial ruin. which isn't true but that's the way it feels. Good reminder to me to try to sit down with him again and figure out where we stand.

Maybe this'll help?

http://www.daveramsey.com/article/when-only-one-wants-to-...

http://www.daveramsey.com/article/the-truth-about-money-a...

BTW- you might enjoy listening to his radio show on his website for free- live or archived stuff.

I also recommend The Total Money Makeover- I'm sure it's at your library.
Honestly, it changed our lives. (I liked the audio version best. My DH loved it- listened to the whole thing at least twice, and is now a big Dave Ramsey fan - so you understand what a big deal this is, my DH HATES any type of advice or self-help book) We were a mess- we had a lot of debt, no real savings. We've done a complete 180.

Check out the radio show 1st though- it'll give you a really good idea about what he's all about. I've listened to other financial programs that couldn't hold my attention for more than 10 minutes.

Very best wishes!! :)

Unless we were truly going bankrupt, I would be glad that I married a generous person.

We each have a different "worldview" about money. You and he could benefit by sitting down and talking about this and coming to a middle ground, or at least a greater understanding of each of your views about money. For instance: what is generosity and what is "giving things away" - how much money "should be" saved vs. spent - how close should we keep track of money - is money to be shared or not - is spending money for enjoyment OK???

BTW - my ex is a life-long hunter. Sometimes it is part of the (unspoken) agreement to be in a "hunting party" that any meat gets shared. Or if someone allows hunting on their land, then you give them part of the meat.

We always had "yours, mine, and ours" in other words three, bank accounts. I made sure that we each deposited enough money each month into the joint account for all joint and household expenses. What we spent our individuals money on was not the others' business. This saved a lot of hassle.

My husband does stuff like that but then he doesn't hold the checkbook. I do. Finally I got to a point where I didn't want to worry anymore and had a little break down. I threw the checkbook at him one day and said I was done. I can't keep track of his spending.
(All of the "hints" I have been giving him didn't work so this was a last resort type of thing)

He apologize and said it was true he had no clue how much money we spent on bills and food --he never checks the balance.

We then started to communicate a bit more--granted it was by emails. It is easier for me to send him a "monthly statement" on where we stood each month. Otherwise he wanted to know when I was busy with dinner and didn't have anything in front of me. Finally I had to tell him--live like we only have a $100 in the bank and then we won't have any problems.

Now that does not mean we are not generous people it just means we both know about the generosity. And we respect each other enough to ask...can I take this to work or did you want any of it?

I can see where you would be a lil irritated. Unfortunately, I don't have any advise, I only have a question. What are Kringles? Also, I'm from San Diego and know nothing about hunting but I am curious what does he hunt and do you have to clean and cook it? I know I may sound silly but I really am curious.

I think that it's an age-old money question and it might be good for you and he to sit down with the bills, the income and make a budget.

Something that helps DH and I is to have our own pocket of money. It doesn't need to be huge but that way if he spends $8 on something and gives it away, it's HIS to give.

I can't help reading this and think one side only. Okay so he brought Kringles to work. I don't know what the hell they are but I would almost bet other people bring similar stuff to work to share as well. Stuff that your husband eats. With deer meat, Troy is a big hunter and I know sharing is part and parcel of the event.

I guess what I am saying is you are focusing on what is going out and ignoring what is coming in. Unless the things he is sharing are actually taking food out of your mouth, let it go.