My godfather (my uncle) passed away on my birthday a few years ago... so since then, on my birthday, I've always met up with my godmother (my aunt) and we do lunch or something, just anything so she's not alone on that day, because it's a really tough day for her.
This year, I have to opportunity to go to Philly and see the Mutter Museum on my birthday... something I've wanted to do for YEEEEEARS. Since my birthday's on a Sunday, I'd leave Saturday and wouldn't be back until Sunday evening. She lives about an hour and a half away and doesn't like driving at night, so by the time I got back, it would be too late for us to get together.
I'm feeling really selfish and guilty that I want to go see the museum so badly. I won't have another chance to go, not for a long time. I hate the thought of 'pawning her off' to another family member (my brother goes to school 10 minutes from her house, I was thinking of asking him to be with her)... but on the other hand, I really want to go and don't want her to be lonely.
I'm really torn.
Would it be so insensitive to still go to Philly? Or would you stay home and make plans with her?
Go to Philly and have a great time. Get together with her the next day when you get back or the following weekend when you have more time. I do not think you are being insenstive at all. I know you care about her but go and catch up with her later. Have a great time!
I bet if you talked to your aunt about it you'd be surprised at her response. If it was me I'd want you to go do your thing on your birthday. It's YOUR day to be happy, & just because it happens to coincide with a day of sadness for her does not mean the 2 must go hand-in-hand every year.
Dearest, this is your birthday. Its not "Lets celebrate death day".
I would explain to your aunt...I have this op and I wanna take it. I will meet with you the following weekend. I love you.
Or...ask her to go with.
Either way, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Its time your aunt learn how to grieve on her own too.
Sending good thoughts your way. Happy Birthday to you as well!
You said he died a "few years ago?" At this point I'd do what I wanted to do and just make sure you make plans for another day with her.
People get WAY too caught up on DATES. This falls on YOUR BIRTHday. You're still here living and he's gone but NOT forgotten. Be sure to talk to her in ADVANCE and make a point to call her on that day and you should be good.
Can you visit with her on your way home from Philly?
If not do it another day, I think it means more to her that you do this than when. :)
I would think she'd rather you celebrate life. Talk to her and even consider doing it the following weekend. I know it's not the same day, but it's YOUR day to celebrate.
R.:
I'm soooo sorry for your loss!! I think it's great that you want to be with her. However, I think it's OKAY for you to do something for yourself this year. Ask your brother to spend the day with her. Don't forget to call her and let her know you are thinking of her.
Since you have a couple of days (11 - but I'm not counting - right?!) call her and let her know what you are going to do on your birthday...
So do I think it would be insensitive? Nope. I would give her notice that this year you are going to the museum. Maybe plan something with her another day.
Call her if she is your god mother and your an adult that means she is older than you by a bunch. She will understand. can you take her out a few days before? or have flowers delivered to her on that day and say sorry I can't be there. Has she moved on in her life? she should not still be in mourning all day long each year on this date. It might be time for a new plan for that day.
Just call and explain, and plan for a future visit. This sounds like a great opportunity and hopefully she'll understand and appreciate all you've done for her in the past.
My first thought would be to invite her along.
Hmmmm....I'd keep my plans for the trip.
You never know, it might be time for your aunt to stop "celebrating" the death anniversary of her husband.....maybe she can't tell you that because she thinks YOU will feel bad.
It's all about expressing expectations, right?
No, not insensitive. Call her on that day or send her something. Take her out to eat when you get back and it will be a nice thing for her to look forward to. You don't owe her this day forever, and it is probably more healthy for her to find additional coping mechanisms and support. It is kind of you to worry about this, but you shouldn't plan your life, especially your birthday, around this event. Doubt your godfather would want you to do that either.
Can you take her with you...win/win because you get to do something you always wanted, she isn't alone, and you are with her.
If not, just make sure you tell her in advance that you you won't be in town on your birthday and see if you can get together either Friday or Saturday for breakfast or lunch. Then try to arrange someone else to get up w/ her on Sunday.
I'm sure if you talk to her she would want you to go. I bet she would feel really guilty if she found out down the road that you missed out on an opportunity to do something that you have wanted to do, just to be with her.
I would see if you could reschedule your lunch with her. I think its great that the two of you have a lunch together. I think its really sweet of you to do it, but I hope its becoming more about spending the time together and your birthday than missing him. Trust me I know how hard it is to not focus on a "date" and it impact you, I deal with it with a great friend of mine and my grandma. But it needs to be done in a positive way... Like you going to Philly this year :)
GO TO PHILLY! It is your birthday, and you're still here, so go out and LIVE! Meet with her that Saturday if you feel that bad. You both should be celebrating your life on that day, not grieving over his death. I think you would feel a little resentful if you didn't go considering you might not have the opportunity to do so for a long time. Just my two cents!
it seems like you are on a 'be insensitive' kick lately with ex inlaws and now your godmother.
that said, this situation is different than the one with your inlaws so my suggestion is different as well: i think you can get together with your godmother any other day and you should enjoy your birthday anyway you want to.
