Would like Advice!

My thoughts on your stepson are that this is the most important time in his life and you have the opportunity to change his direction. No child is bad- it means that he was never given boundaries by his mother. Some people are good role models and some are not- don't judge, just love.

As a former child support advocate, I would recommend that you and/or your husband not wait but take action by contacting the child support agency yourself to let them know about the change of status. You can find the state agency information at the following link:http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/.

If you are taking full custody of the child then your family is owed child support by the mother.

Good luck- if you need any more help, you can email me at ____@____.com.

In CA your husband has to fill out a form (basically a release) that will allow the child support office to speak to you. It is really hard to get through now with the statewide switch on the phones-but you can call and request it, they'll mail it to you, and your husband just has to fill it out and mail it back. (You might be able to get it online on the state child support website).

You need to figure out if you are having issues with the current order, or arrearages (i.e. back support).

Every county has a self help center-you can go there to get information and assistance with filling out forms. They should also have a list of local attys who will do a low cost consultation. You do not need to spend a lot on one-there is not a whole lot to fight about (it's guideline support, with few discretionary gray areas), and as hard as it is to send each month (believe me, I know) $350 is a fairly low support order. SO you definitely want your atty to run your numbers and make sure it will not go up (you do not get as much credit for the kids as home as may seem fair).

But you definitely should only have to pay to one state.

Best of luck!

I am not sure about child custody but ... the law library might help. http://www.saclaw.org/ (My friend used it for a do it yourself divorce).

Here are the sections that you might need: http://www.saclaw.lib.ca.us/pages/family-law-guide.aspx#y... You have to go there to read/check them out but the librarians are very knowledgeable.

*DO IT YOURSELF*

Self-help "plain English" explanations of the law, with basic procedures, plenty of examples. Several of these include sample filled out forms to guide you through the process.

*Books:* Try first to find a book in this section that addresses your issue(s). It may be the only book you need! If you still have questions, move on to the books listed in the "In Depth" section below.

http://www.saclaw.lib.ca.us/pages/reference-librarians.aspx

I agree with the others that you need to retain an attorney to help you with this. It will save you money in the long run, rather than continuing to pay double child support for the same child, as well as the headache and heartache involved. Before taking this child into your home, I would suggest a dna test if that hasn't been done already...it seems very odd that the mother didn't even tell your husband that the little boy existed until he was 12 years old?? Is your husband's name on the birth certificate? Is your husband 100% sure that this is his child? Sounds like he and the mother were very young when the baby was conceived, and she could have had multiple partners. I would make sure you address it in a VERY sensitive way with the young boy...not as in "we think you're not ours", but rather "we know you are our son, but need to get this dna test on file so that legally there can never be any question, no one can ever take you away from us, etc." Before bringing him into your home, getting more attached to him and letting your children get attached to him as a brother, make sure he is really yours legally or else the mother could step in later and never let you see him again and that's not fair to the young man or to your other children. Most of all, this boy is going to feel a lot of rejection being sent to a virtual stranger by his mother, and he will need a lot of love, patience and understanding. He is still young enough that he can turn around and you can make positive changes for him, but it will not be easy. I would recommend 100% the "Parent Project" classes offered through local law enforcement agencies. These are amazing classes that give you tools for dealing with kids & teens who are acting out, having problems in school, with drugs or alcohol, any type of challenging issue. They are very inexpensive (I think you only pay around $30?) and VERY effective, I have seen first hand. God Bless You for stepping up for this young man!! I think that loving, caring step-parents are some of the most under-recognized, under-appreciated parents out there! But once the "step-children" grow up and are mature enough to see how well you treated them, sacrificed for them, loved them for all those years when they weren't that "lovable", I think you will have a fantastic, close relationship, and you most certainly will reap those rewards in Heaven :-) When you are ready to pull your hair out with this teenager, and no one appreciates all you do, remember that God sees all, and He says that we reap what we sow, both the good and the bad...
God Bless You,
A.

Hi R.,

You need to get a power of attorney to deal with all your husbands affairs while he is this busy. You can pick them up at office depot, office max or staples. Then you just need to get his signature notarized. It should not cost more than $20 total. Then walk it in to their office and have them make a copy or take a copy with you to give them, but don't give up the original. You can also send this in to any one else who won't talk to you such as credit cards. Once you have this they cannot refuse to talk to you. Get an appointment if possible to talk to the agency who is collecting the money and then when you get in don't take no for an answer because you will have his permission to deal with it. If all else fails, hire an attorney. They are going to end up owing you money and that should pay for the attorney.

As far as the kiddo is concerned, you and your husband need to be on the same page before he comes to live with you. You may be a step parent, but by the sounds of things he is not around a lot which leaves the parenting to you. Be clear that you will be parenting in this situation and therefore you have equal say about what is to happen. Set rules before he comes to live with you and discuss cosequences that are acceptable to both of you. Make sure that MOM knows this too. The thing of it is, neither of you knew that this situation even existed when you got married. It would not be fair of him to expect you to just take it on with no say in the matter. He needs to respect that you are his wife and even though he made a bad decision years ago, that should not affect you now. Talk to him, I am sure if your marriage is a good one, he will be very willing to listen and respect how you feel. Good luck and God bless.

Hi. Sounds like you need a good family law attorney to get the one child support stopped and if your husband plans on bringing his "new" son into the family, the mother will need to pay child support. Kristine Cummins on Madison Avenue is fabulous! She helped me out when I was in Texas trying to take care of a divorce in California and she was very reasonable and did not rack up the hours like some attorneys do. Good luck with this.