I would love some comments on what others have done about this situation, and so does her mother.
Our granddaughter is the oldest of 3 in their family. She is 8; brothers ages 7 and just turned 1 year old. It is to a point that she doesn't seem to care or be bothered that she has crusty underwear on. Her main focus is to keep doing what she is instead of taking time out to go to the bathroom. The last thing we want is for her to be teased about this situation; she says she don't care it won't bother her. Her mother asked the doctor about what to do and he just said not to worry, she will outgrow it. I would appreciate all comments about others on this and how they dealt with it.
She may have something called Encopresis. There is a great program called Soiling Solutions,The Dr.'s name is Robert Collins,you can look it up online.It works.
I would take this extremely seriously. The problem is, there's very little you can do unless the parents are on board. I'd take her directly to the special program at Children's Hospital for children who are still messing their pants at advanced ages. (Sorry, I don't know the P.C. name for the program.)
I have a neice with this problem, and it's now officially hopeless. (So sorry to say that!) They no longer take her to doctors and programs. She wears pads and pull-ups, and she stinks to high heaven. It makes me angry that they waited so long to deal with it. I'm always afraid when she visits because she could easily leak and mess up my couches and chairs. Ugh!
My sister-in-law went through that. This sounds bad after a while of her kids being grounded the boys were 10 and didin't care at all. My husband went over and teased them and made tham fell real bad about it. That way they were not teased at school, it did however correct the problem. I would find someone in the family or a family friend that knows of the problem that the child loves and respects. My husband is their favorite uncle, so it did hurt their relationship.
What kind of diet does she have? Does she have autism/ADD/ADHD issues? Don't know much from your post but I would suggest googling probiotics (yogurt, kefir, fermented veggies)...
You are definitely on track to question the doctor's advice; this isn't symptomatic of a healthy body.
Know your food sources!
-B.
How sweet of you to worry, and with that many grandkids I'll bet you have a lot of worry (and love!) to go around.
While I agree that it is a common problem, even at her age, if you or your daughter don't feel like you're being taken seriously at the doctor's, that's the first problem. You probably don't want a lot of invasive procedures done, but telling the doc that you'd like to know all of the possible causes, from best case to worst case scenario, should help. If they insist it's not a medical problem, ask why not? what led them to that conclusion. I think doctors are so used to the questions about this, and they may know tests aren't necessary, but they forget that we haven't heard the explanation before. So at least having a better discussion might put your minds at ease.
I will say please do not embarass or shame her, as suggested. This will not likely solve the problem, and will almost certainly damage her self esteem.
Once medical issues are ruled out, I would consider positive reinforcement of some kind. Maybe a reward chart for when she does make it to the bathroom. At night would be a different story, if she doesn't awaken in time to go.
I would always go with a positive approach before anything punitive.
Good luck.
My nephew did that around that age. finally his parents would punish him for crusty underwear and check it every night. That worked. He didn't care either enough to wipe well and didn't care that he was stinky.
Well, I am not sure what you mean by crusty underwear. If this is a poop problem, then I can tell you that we are dealing with the same thing. My daughter is also 8. She has chronic constipation. What happens is the hard poop pushes on the colon until she looses the ability to feel that she has to go. Then the new soft poop slips past the hard clog and it ends up in her underwear. We have to give her myralax every day or she laps back into the cycle. It is not her fault, and it is not something she can control. I would suggest a visit to her doctor and if he isnt helping you find the problem get a different doctor. Good luck!
She's 8 and the doctor said to not worry? Did he run any tests to rule out medical conditions? It may just be that she doesn't care yet and will grow out of it, but by now most kids will care and it could be an indicator of something else (either physical development and she pretends to not care, or emotional issues that contribute to not caring). I would get a second opinion unless the Doctor has ruled out other things.
In the mean time, I would suggest making her take the time out to clean up her undies, herself (bath) and all when she does mess herself. If she really is just avoid the inturruption, making it a bigger one if she doesn't go to the toilet may be the trick (plus, its natural consequences for her to clean up after herself). Watch for signs that she needs to go (might be squirming, or stopping what she's doing for a minute, or something) and take her to the bathroom when you notice them.
Good luck!!
I have learned that bathroom issues are never the time for punitive action, so tread gently, whatever you do. Maybe your granddaughter is often rushed and needs to be reminded to use the restroom when she'll have plenty of time n there? Perhaps keeping a couple fun books in the bathroom could encourage her to spend more time there to take care of business there? Perhaps she should be the one to wash her own laundry when it's soiled, not as any sort of "punishment," but just so no one else is dealing with the unplesantness of the task. (Personally, I'd be a LOT messier with my projects and cooking if I didn't have to clean up after myself! This could give her a reasonable incentive if the problem is merely developmental.)
It's possible this is encopresis, which is basically chronic, severe consitpation that leads to an over-stretched anal sphincter and then anal leakage. It's common but unpleasant to discuss, so it often gets ignored. It's worth consulting a pediatrician, or a new pediatrician if the current doctor isn't giving useful information.
Best of luck!
Her doctor NEEDS to evaluate her and test her to make double sure that there is nothing physically wrong that is causing the problem. My sister actually wet the bed all the way into adult-hood. But after many tests and exams and such through her childhood they learned that the tube that leads out of her bladder to eliminate the urine did not close all the way. It just would not. So she literally was not able to stop herself from leaking. She basically had no choice but to wear pull-ups through the night. I remember when we were kids my parents did everything they could think of to get her to stop, and nothing ever worked. They even put an alarm under her sheet, the kind that when it gets wet it sounds off. Well that thing woke up the whole house but not my sister (that was before they knew what was wrong). Anyway make the doctor actually look at her and test her and such and MAKE SURE nothing physical is going on. And if the doctor she has won't do it, get another doctor.
Hi M., Well I kind of had a similar problem with one of my girls. She was a bit older probably just starting Jr. High. I could not get her to use deoderant. And she smelled! I was so exasperated with her and couldn't understand why she was not bothered by it. Finally, one day after a stinky day with her and my getting so angry I spoke to her father. He said he was the same way. His grandma (he was raised by his grand parents) told him the next time she smelled him she would come in and wash him herself!! I walked straight down the hallway opened the bathroom door without knocking and said the next time you don't wash and use deoderant I will come in here and wash you myself. Do you understand?? I can still see her stooping over trying to hide behind the bathroom door. Poor thing, and yes a bit humiliating. But it worked! And less painful than what the world will do to her, who don't love her. That was the end of it! I was so happy. And she was not stinky anymore! Good Luck! K. K.
