Working Mother Seeking Support

I sometimes feel the same way. I wish that we could afford for me or my husband to stay home with the kids. I have to leave my kids with my mom, which is really unfair to her, but it's really our only option. Some people just don't really think about how good they have it.

I see my boys for about an hour in the morning and they usually fall asleep on our ride home in the evenings, so I don't even get to spend time with them at night. I hate that I get so little time with them, but I know they love me they never show any resentment for me being gone all day.

Sorry, I wish I had some more encouraging words or secret tips. Talk to your husband though. Don't hold it all in. You need to support each other. Men are just less emotional in general, so don't think that he loves your daughter any less. Ask him to cook dinner or whatever so you can spend some quality time with her. Don't worry about the housework. I'd rather play with my kids than have a clean house. And any guests that have a problem with that can just leave my house!

A.,

SAHM can be mean sometimes. I am a SAHM and I cringe when I read some of the posts. SAHM have to realize that working mothers use Mommasource and some of the words they use hurt those that don't have the privilege to stay home with their kids. I applaud you for being a teacher. You are doing a wonderful job teaching our children and building a strong future for all of us. I commend you for going to work. I am not that strong. I don't think I could leave my son and go to work. You are an awesome women and doing what is good for you and your family. I know that it doesn't seem that way now.

One thing that you might think about doing is spending one day and prepare dinners ahead and freeze them. Even though I am a SAHM I still do this several times a month. That way when you get home during the week all you have to do is pop it in the oven. I have several recipes that freeze and re-heat easily. If you want I can send them to you. I don't know how old your boys are but if they are 4 years old or older they can do little things around the house. My nephews, who are 9, put their clothes in the washing machine. Their mom washes them and put them in the dryer. They are also responsible for keeping their bathroom clean and helping fold things like towels and such. They have a younger sister who also has chores. As far as your husband goes....most of them are more emotionally detached from their kids then the moms. You could ask your husband to cook dinner a couple nights a week or do laundry. My husband will put his clothes in the washer and either he or I will dry them. I usually put his clothes away. He is also responsible for cleaning the "boys" bathroom.

Remember you are a wonderful mother and Livvy loves you more than anything. No one can ever replace mommy love, not even the baby sitter. Take care and thank you for teaching!!

There is nothing wrong with you being a mother and going to work. I am a stay at home mother but I will have to go back to work when I am finished school. That's just the way it is. You are doing the best for your children and while it isn't always easy having two kids and being responsible for most of the house stuff (which it sounds like you are)it is easy to get frazzled. People are entitled to their opinions but whoever said that statement either must not have to support themselves like majority of us do. I am going to school to get a better job so I can do more things for my chilren and you are working to do so. It's not easy but go ahead and call yourself superwoman for getting up everyday to do it. You should have a talk with your hubby about being in the house a little more and helping out. IF you don't mind me asking, what is he doing when he is leaving work that he is not coming home right away? Oh I stay at home to finish school because we really can't afford day care on just my husband's salary with the bills and all. It isn't always easy but at the end of the day, it's all worth it.

I can understand how you feel. I only work 3 days a week, but I have the opportunity to have my retired mother watch my two little ones. It is very hard to leave children no matter who they are with. People that make comments like they are doing the best for their child by staying home, could truly be doing a disservice to themselves and their children. Everyone does what they need to do. You shouldn't let other people make you feel bad about working. It's a wonderful thing that you miss your child- that shows the complete unconditional love that a mother has for her child. Does that make sense? I'm trying to make you feel better and let you know that we are all doing what we can, the best we can to raise our children to be emotionally healthy, loving individuals. You do your best and I'm sure you are a fantastic mother. You should know that you are and I hope you do. Hope that helped.

A.-
PLEASE stop being so hard on yourself! You are OBVIOUSLY a loving and devoted mommy! No one can replace you in your daughter's heart- not a child care provider, not a babysitter. She has no other mommy and will never have someone with a similar bond. It has to be hard to leave her to go to work and though you feel it would be best for you to be home with her, she is getting some things from daycare that she won't get at home. For example, she is getting to be social, which is important for her, and also she is learning to be a little independent too. She is learning that no matter what Mommy is always going to come for me. If she is hating being taken to daycare, she could just be feeling your vibe of hating to leave her. If you want to talk to someone or vent you are welcome to email me for my phone number. I actually am starting my 2 year old son in preschool for two half days per week in the spring- a VERY hard decision for me, but one that I think is best for him. Please don't judge yourself by posts meant for someone else on here... everyone has a unique situation and you are being unfair to yourself by applying someone else's situation to your own. OH- and PS, I feel you on the husband thing, but they are just wired differently than we are. It doesn't mean that he loves you or your daughter any less, men just react differently to the separation. I hope this has helped, you seem like a very sweet and sincere person. Children need teachers like you!
A.

A.,

I don't even know how to begin. First thing....I guess is every situation is different and you CAN"T compare yourself to any other mother SAH or not. You are a wonderful mother who willingly opened your house to two boys who were not yours. That right there speaks volumes!!!!! And you have a wonderful 10 month old. That is great....and you have to go back to work....which isn't great....but you are NOT alone in your boat! Life isn't perfect and their are bills to pay and if you have to go back to work...then you do. It is not because you love your daughter any less than anyone else. I'm sure the SAHM was trying to make someone else feel better about their decision. And who are they anyways..... certainly not a close friend where opinion matters!!! If it really bothers you....talk with your husband and try to come up with a way where you are able to spend more time with your daughter....maybe your hubby can help with homework instead of you....if it really matters to you it should matter to him!

Remember you are not alone. I can not relate...because for the while I am able to stay home but I am one of the few of my friends who is able to. So many can not! I hope this helps a little. And I think foster parents rock!!!!

A. - I think we have the same life! :-) Although what you are going through right now is what I went through 3 years ago when I had my first child and went back to work as a teacher. I PROMISE you that it will get better! It took about a month to get used to the "lack of time" it took about 2 months for me to get into the routine, and actually start to enjoy my life - both as a teacher and as a mother. I am assuming that you took the better part of last year off. I took a year off with my son, and I am currently on leave with my daughter (and will return in January after a year). I always try to look at our profession and be very grateful for the fact that we do have the opportunity to take more than 12 weeks off. And the fact that our workday allows us to be home with our children for homework and dinner (not all professions do), and of course - the wonderful SUMMERS! I remember the very worst part of my day being leaving the school I work at and getting to my son. A commute NEVER seemed longer. I can totally relate. Please, please know that it will get better - just give it time. If you have to work - at least you are in a profession that actually IS family friendly. I felt the same way (if I could stay at home I would) Now I can honestly say that I am glad to have a career and be a mom. And I feel I can do both.
Some tips to make it a little easier --I also have to agree with the mom that wrote about freezing meals. I use a crockpot a lot, and sometimes I'll cook a dinner the night before (like lasagna or s/t)after the kids are in bed, and come home the next night and just re-heat! With errands - I wait until the weekend and do all at once (i know some you can't - but i try). Just by being home that time, you get used to being able to get soo much done around the house and for the household. Once you come to terms with the "new" way - you'll be OK. Also - the one thing I absolutely dreaded was HOUSEWORK/CLEANING. My husband pitched in a lot after our first... but now that we have 2, I think I'm going to look into a cleaning lady. I don't want to waste the quality kid- hours on my weekend cleaning!

You'll be ok. Don't worry about SAHMs -- we ALL mean well. and it's OK to work. Think of the wonderful example you are setting for your daughter! It's OK to work and be a mom. And she will be able to see that you CAN do both! :-)

GOOD LUCK!

A.,
I admire you!!! Not only are you a mother but taking in two foster children to better themselves and our world is HUGE!!! I bet many SAHM would never be able to do such an act of kindness. Talk about putting others before you, you are awesome for doing this and I wish I had the room in my house so I could do that for someone as well.
Liv will be fine, and you are not missing out on anything. She knows you are her Mom and she will want to always be with you not just the babysitter. You are providing for her by going back to work, and you will be able to provide for her in the future as well. When she is older she will have a lot of respect for you and will probably do the same when she is a Mom. When things do get down for you, think of the future and before you know it she will be helping you put dinner together and that becomes your time together too. Just learn to eat eggshells!!! For some reason kids love cracking eggs. I don't get mad at mine anymore I learned to eat them or dig them out, it is our time together so it is what it is! Find one thing that you two can do on the weekends that is just for you two for an hour, she is young now but when she is walking and two it will be easier to find more things to do together. Try a my gym class on sat. morning or swiming?
I have been a SAHM for almost 5 yrs now but for the past two I have been at school from 5 to 10pm Mon thru Thurs. and working at a salon on weekends so I ave had my share of guilt and what not and will start working in Oct. We have hardly any family time anymore and as a stylist my weekends are shot but this is something I always wanted to do and I want to provide for my family as well. I love the feeling of self worth. Does every SAHM have that?
Kids need to be around other kids just like we need to be around other women/adults!
Hang in there Momma. You are doing a great thing!!!