Working Mom Looking for the Light at the End of the Tunnel

hey my name is O. and I've been looking onto starting my own child care service at my home.i live in the wesland area.i come from a christan family an I love children.teaching them abc's,colors and how to count makes my day. if you haven't found anyone yet and want to want to no more about me you can give me a call ###-###-####.best of luck to you.hope to hear from you soon.....

There is a website called flylady.net, it has really helped me. She helps break the housework down. I do little things every night and every morning. It may seem like a lot at first but once every thing become routine, it does get better. I hope this helps.

Ok My name is J. I have a 9 year old son. I have been a single mom for almost 5 years. I totaly understanding how you feel. I still wonder some days where my light went. The ideas and tips that the other moms are great but dont let them feel like more work. I learned that sometimes you need to just sit down. My one area that my house slacked was dishes because I did not have a dish washer. I would pick up alittle every night then go threw and vacuume one night. On Sundays I always take time to sit with my son and just be with him. NO matter what. Laundry on the chair, whatever it just stayed there. This way he always could count on that time with me. Even if I had to work late. Laundry was a easy solution I did a load every other night just after I put him to bed. That way it never piled up on me or felt overwhelming. Other thing I learned was that I have a kid my house will never be perfectly clean, you can pretty much always find a toy some where, and 100's of 1000's of other people out there have kids and the same issues. I never had company walk in my house and say OH toys..... I also keep a spot in the livingroom where I can hide toys, I have a plastic laundry basket behind the corner of the couch and he would put things away in there a whole lot easier then going up to his room. Gave him something "easy" to help me with. Ok and here is my last suggestion. Give it up to God, he feels your cries for help and is there for you. I wish you well! And enjoy this time with your family it will slip away fast.

WOW! Seems like you need to come up with a few shortcuts. Here's a couple ideas about saving time cooking. 1- A slow cooker is actually very safe to leave on by itself. Invest in one and take a drive to your nearest bookstore for a slowcooker cookbook. All you do is throw the ingredients into the slowcooker, turn it on low, and go out the door. Dinner is ready when you get home from work. Their are thousands of recipes for slow cookers. 2- Casserole dishes. Make several different dishes on your day off, freeze them, then all you have to do is heat them back up when you get home from work. 3- There's a section in most grocery stores where you can get pre-cooked meals (I'm not talking about lean cuisine type either). My favorite contains beef tips. All you have to do is microwave them while bowtie noodles are heating on the stove in one pan and veggies are heating in another. 15 minutes, you have beeftip noodles and veggies on the side. That same section of the grocery store has several other quick 15 min meals as well as pre-made mashed potatoes. Check it out. 4- Chicken parmeson (sp?) along with spaghetti takes 20-30 minutes total and it's a fave in my family. Buy boneless breasts, grated cheese, a little extra spaghetti sauce and a box or two of Shake & Bake. The directions are on box.

A trick I learned is to do dishes while cooking. Most meals don't need you to do more than check on them so you can do other stuff while you work. Clean as you cook and it takes less time because your dishes aren't sitting there with food drying on them (which makes it harder to wash them and thus takes more time).

To shorten laundry time...hang hang hang! Hanging clothes actually takes MUCH less time than folding and putting away. I keep the plastic kids hangers than come with new clothes and use them for my daughter's clothes. This way, her outfits are already put together and I don't have to go looking for matching shirts. Buy large ziplock bags for those little kid socks. It keeps them all together and makes them easier to find and match up.

If you'd like some more quick recipes, let me know. I'll send you some of mine or find you some.

Hi J.,

I was working full time 8-5pm (somedays were 7-5:45) and my job was very high stress. I had to get my infant daughter off to daycare every morning and pick her up from daycare 95% of the time. I did all the shopping, clothes, groceries, etc and had to keep the house clean. My husband worked as a restaurant GM and he was working about 60 hours a week, plus bringing work home. I think I know how you feel, I felt like a single mom most of the time. If I had to do it all over again, with the money we were both making, I would of hired a cleaning service to do some of the cleaning around the house. I usually grocery shopped right after work. If your daycare is open a little later, leave him there and get it done before you pick him up. I'd try to run some errands on my lunch hour too, just to feel like I had some time for myself. I also got pregnant with my second daughter when my first was 18 months old and still did all of this!
The older your son gets, the easier it will be on you. Just fit in things whenever you can, your free time just doesn't really exist anymore.
I stay at home with a 3 year old and a 11 month old and somedays, sorry to say, I wish I could go back to work!
Hope this helps a little.
J.

Try doing the chores together. I don't mean husband does one thing and you another. Things will seem to go by faster and the two of you can share your day. Make meals simple but healthy. The George Forman grill is the best. It cooks meat fast and cleans easily. There are veggie bags in the freezer section that cook in the microwave in the bag in about 5min. Then there are lots of fast simple side dishes to compliment and round out the meal. I do laundry a couple of times a week. I take out what needs to be hung asap and throw the rest to the side until I can get to it later. Due as much as you can during the week by schedule (chores) so the weekends are easy and there is little to do. I know that on the weekends you can be just too tried to go anywhere and staying home will seem like a treat not just a job. Use paper plates or stack the dishwasher asap. Chances are there won't be enough dishes in one day to start the washer but it will be much easier then letting them pile up to the point it seems to be overwhelming. I hope this info is helpful. Your son is old enough to help if he thinks it is fun and not work. Explan to him that it is best to do things together as a family. Two year olds understand way more then most people realize and surpise isn't always the best way to get them to do something.

Hi J. ~

I have two children one is three and the other is one. I do several odd/small jobs in order to stay home with my children and also contribule financially. My husband works 50+ hours and I have to work around his schedule to do the work that I do. I also don't like to ask too much of my husband as his job is pretty high stress, however he does do the little things. Like take out the trash, I get it all around in the morning and he runs it out to the curb. He also gathers the laundry and takes it down to the laundry room and then once it's clean he takes it back upstairs, I put it away, but he does the little steps inbetween and that helps so much! When he is home at night he gives the kids their baths and puts them to bed while I clean up the kitchen from dinner. This gives him a night or two during the week (sometimes he is only home one night a week) to spend some time with the kids and I get break from them.
As for your finances if you can set up your bills on auto payment. This has saved so much time for me and has also safequarded against my failing memory...LOL. I use to be late all the time due to my losing track of time and sometimes the bill itself! But now, we have one account set up specifically for bills. We direct deposit all the money we need to pay bills and then the bills come out automatically. We then ea have an account for spending money. We take care of our own account. This has also helped so I don't have to keep track of what my husband is spending especially because he can never remember to give me reciepts! Also it makes sure that I have spending money, something I never paid much attention to before! You can also have your savings automatically taken out every month. Just talk to your bank, then you can pay that, just like a bill and you don't have to think about, too much anyway...
My husband and I also try to set up one day a week...usually Sunday...to run over the new weeks schedule. This helps us stay on the same track and sometimes remind us of things we might normally forget.
If I can think of anything else I'll add it later. Hope something in their helped. Feel free to email me if you'd like!

Oh yeah, I also do grocery shopping at about 5A once a week. Someone mentioned doing it later, but I found it works best, for me, if I go early! And for meals it's sad, but we do alot of the premade meals as well...only once a week do I make a real home cooked meal! These have been lifesavers! And don't underestimate the value of a $5 pizza! Once a week we do pizza and breadsticks! My hubby can pick it up on the way home from work and voila, dinner is served...with little mess to clean up!

I am now a stay at home mom with 3 kids and I still get over whelmed. I agree hanging clothes is wonderful. I also pick 2 days out of the week to do laundry only. It helps with not feeling like I'm always doing it.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. My husband works full time with heavy lifting. I don't like to ask him to do much when he is home. We talked about how run down I feel day to day and came up with a few good idea's. He now takes the kids to school for me. Which only means he has to leave the house 20 minutes earlier in the morning. He has also "gave" me a few hours of his time during the week to do whatever I need him to. Although I don't fully use this it's nice to know it's there.
The most important thing is take a day for your self!!! Sundays are mine. I don't clean, I don't go out of the house, and I make mac n cheese or something else simple for dinner. The doctors say even laying down without sleeping gives you the same rest as a nap. If none of this helps in your day to day just keep in mind your son won't be as needy as he gets older. Then it will seem like you have more time.

J.-

Someone told me awhile ago that when both parents work full-time, you either have a clean house and unhappy kids. Or a un-clean house and happy kids. It's not an easy thing to do, I know that first hand. My best words of encouragement are, don't sweat the small stuff. Do the best you can, and don't feel bad about taking time off just for you. You need time for yourself too.

Hope this helps a little.

M.

J., I know how you feel, I have 3 kids and work 3 jobs, a (few hours a week at each) but the scheduling is crazy. I have 2 kids in 1 school and 1 in another. My husband works full time and does side jobs as well so every thing else is my job. I wrote earlier asking advise about organization because that helps tremendously!! Flylady.net is awesome too she helps with things that you let go because your too tired and it keeps you on coarse so you don't get behind. Unfortunatly life with kids is hectic and when your son gets older it won't be day care it will be soccer or baseball etc. but when you get a routine down you won't feel so exhausted. My first 2 kids were 18 mo. apart and my house was always in chaos, as they get older and can help it does get better. please let me know if there are any specific areas you need help ar advise in and I will be glad to help.

L.

Hi Sweetie, it does get better just hang in there, when your little man gets old enough to help around the house, if i where you i would find a babysitter for a couple hours or overnight then that way you can catch up on the house,sleep or some quite time with your hubby.or some time for you hope this helps a little. your friend K.

I feel your pain. I often say I could pull an all nighter and still be late getting my daughter to school and self to work on time. Scheduling and organizing helped me. Instead of several hours cleaning on the week-end, I force myself to get up 10-15 minutes early each morning to do a little cleaning before my daughter wakes-up. (Hate idea of coming home to trashed house and don't want to dedicate 1/2 day to cleaning.) You would be amazed at what you can get done in just that short amount of time! Collapsible basket or laundry basket for tossing toys into to take back to basement or parent stuff back to office (different colors for each). If necessary, I can slide basket(s)in the closet when I am rushed or have surprise guests. Just make quick sweep of house for pick-up. OK, so not all is neatly put away but at least the mess is in 1 spot - an organized mess so to speak. Include your kids - make game of helping collect items and helping clean. Kids really respond when mom explains that she has more time to play with them when she has help with family tasks.

I even break down time for grocery shopping. Following the European idea of shopping every couple days. A short trip for a few items was more manageable for all. I give my daughter the small cart and a separate list (she is always by my side, never left to wander aisle alone). A boring job becomes a fun event.

Write it down, write it down, write it down. Treat it like your work outside of the house - like scheduling a meeting, schedule cleaning. Designate times for different tasks. Sounds silly but putting it in writing is a helpful psychological trick. Checking off completed tasks - even if that task is folding laundry, will be an accomplishment.

Some days I just have a good cry in the shower (if someone isn't knocking on the bathroom door looking for me to find keys or homework). Hang in there!

J.,

Check out www.flylady.net What a lifesaver and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. She'll help you get yourself back on track and feeling good about it too. Baby steps is all it takes. I'm here to talk, vent to, or for encouragement if you need someone. Wishing you all good things.

L.

All I can say is www.flylady.net - check out her plan to get our homes organized, clean and company-ready without spending hours and hours doing it. It is not overwhelming at all and has helped me immensely!

Good luck!

I totaly understand. Your words are like reading my own life. :-) I have been told by many that you are in the thick of it but to enjoy the time when your children so need your attention and love. This is not the time to be too worried about the house. Enjoy the moment.
Have you thougth about having a sitter or family watch your son for a few hours so you can have a break. :-) This is also very important.
Mom of 7/4/2

J.,

If you can afford it-- get a cleaning lady. Mine comes every 2 weeks and it is a life saver. If not, try breaking your cleaning rituals into rooms. Each night take a room, and then take a couple on weekends. It goes faster that way. I spend about 30 minutes each night picking up so that I can get out of the house faster in the am. I save all laundry for Sat morning and my son and I do it together (he is 3 and still thinks it is fun). I also plan out the meals and go to the store first thing Sat am (usually by 8am-- I never get to sleep in either) and do whatever prep for the week I can. I usually manage to have most of Sunday free for family time. Involve your son in the jobs and then you can get stuff done and spend some quality time with him.

Good luck-- it's hard, I know.

I know how you feel! My husband I both work full-time as well and he works anywhere from 40-60 hours a week, including Saturdays, so most of the at home stuff falls on me. I can't say that it gets easier necessarily, but I am getting more used to it. I think it helps to have a lot of support too. I'd love to talk to you if you ever want to e-mail me at ____@____.com!