Working Mom-needs to Go Back to Work

Personally, I understand, and I know how you feel.

for the first baby, I went back to work at 12 weeks. I cried when I left him, he didn't know I was leaving him. I breastfed, and had problems pumping because I couldn't pump enough milk, ended up supplementing with formula quickly.

for the 2nd baby, I went back to work at about 18 weeks, felt better about that. I pumped after he was 6 weeks, and I accumulated over 130 ounces of milk in the freezer. Didn't supplement with formula until about after 9 months. Just a couple of weeks ago...

Everyone is different, I'm a nut case, I would so much love to be a stay at home mom...

It really is so individual. For me, I went to work when my daughter was 2 months old. I really didn't mind. I liked my job and I liked how fun and exciting it was to come home to her. I actually felt very guilty toting her around all day while I did household chores and stuff.... so I felt like a better mom when the time I had with her was just play time and cuddle time... and I wasn't with her while I was working.

Interestingly, now that she is 2 years old, I would give anything to quit my job and be home with her. Now that she is so aware of everything and she is emotionally attahced to me (and I am very attached to her), i hate that I have to work.

But the time just after she was born really didn't bother me. It kind of felt good to get away some times. I know that sounds callous, but I just wanted to be honest. And I think it is helpful to look at the positives. If you have no choice anyway.... you might as well be happy with your decision.

Oh, and I just wanted to add.... i pumped so much during the 2 months with my dauighter, that I had an extra 8 weeks of frozen milk stored. This time, I am due in July and going back to work in September... the pumping was a bit nuts for me.... so I am going to try BFing in the morning and when I get home, but just give formula in the day....

I took 12 and 14 weeks off with my kids. With my son (my first) my mom was watching him and I still cried when I left him and went back to work. He will be 5 at the end of June and I still call everyday about lunch time to see how their doing. I would look into your work and see what maturnity leave is. It really depends on your employer. Mine it's 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8-9 for c-section. My job states that I can not return to work until I've been cleared by a doctor, and I have to have paperwork signed by a doctor to return. If you end up with a c-section, you can't do anything for the first 2 weeks but pick up the baby. This includes, no driving, no stairs, no cleaning or anything. So, if you end up that route you're not doing anything for at least 2 weeks anyway. If you have a vaginal birth it really depends on how it goes. I honestly didn't want to go back to work for several weeks. I loved staying home with my kids. I wish I could be a SAHM but we can't afford that. If I were you, I'd take as much time as we could afford. You only get those first few months once, and this is only a job.

My situation is a little different, because I work from home. However, I took six weeks off straight and then used the other six weeks of my Family and Medical Leave time intermittently until I had used it all up. So, I did not have to put my son in day care that early, but I did return to work. I think this is a person decision which has many components. If you need to go back for economnics/job security or some other reason, it is your decision and I would encourage you to think about maybe using the rest of the time alotted to you by law on an intermittent basis if you want more time with your baby. CONGRATS on your new addition and good luck with your decision, it will all work out I am sure.

C.,

6 weeks post for the baby and you.
8 weeks post for you two and a c-section. (don't count on 100% being correct, since it may work that you can't lift more than baby for a while - it happens!)

IMHO, BABY is the only work you need to do - and that is best for you and baby. That is my belief/opinion only.

As long as you can stretch it - the better.

And...start pumping and saving early - you will not regret it if you have to go back to work and you want your baby strictly breast fed. Like, when your milk comes in and you have too much - pump and save.

Also, if you pump and save - look into what you need to make sure your supply stays usable. THAT will save you heartache in the long run. Do it now and make sure you have what you need. If you have an older (like a 12 year old freezer), you
would look into something new. A deep freeze makes the milk last longer - and you have to have it on a lower temperature than just economy - or you will lose your frozen milk sooner.

Remember to keep pumping - or your supply will diminish. This may be a feeding-saver if you ever have to go for surgery (planned or unplanned).

Get the list (mine disappeared or I'd copy it for you) of how long you can freeze milk for also. There are different lengths of time for fridge/freeze vs deep freeze.

Good luck! and congratulations on both your expected bundle and that you are planning on breastfeeding!

M.

Personally, I think that 8 wks should be the absolute minimum. I took 8wks and then started back PT and took my daughter to work with me. I have my own office so that has worked out very well. I gradually was putting in FT hours with some of those worked from home. My daughter started daycare at 6mos just 2 days per week. That is great because it gives her a chance to interact with other kids. We are going to increase daycare to 3days per week in another month (she will be 9mos).

I can't say it has been easy but I am so glad to have this chance to spend this time with my daughter. I think it probably is best to spend as much time together as possible during the first 6 months. After that, intearaction with others is really good for babies.

My daughter absolutely refused to take a bottle. If I could change one thing, I would have started her both on bottle and breast in the hospital. She just eats solids during the day at daycare and is very hungry when I arrive home. I'm never away from her for more than 6 hours tops--that makes things hard but we have managed. I even took baby and DH to a conference with me and ran up to feed baby in betweed sessions! Whatever works! Just be very honest with yourself about your priorities and do what feels right for you and your baby. Good luck!

how long you take your leave is a very personal choice, and might depend on numbers of factors such as financial. I have actually known people going back after giving birth over the weekend. Personally I cannot imagine doing that myself. Even though I didn't have C section, it took my body a couple of weeks to recuperate. Also getting up all times of nights take some adjusting to, so for me personally 3 months is the minimum. I breast fed my daughter for 18 months and my son for 12 months, so I pumped up an extra supply and continue to do it after I got back to work.

Good luck with you whatever you decide, and don't worry so much that you forget to enjoy your last days of pregnancy and the newborn period. They grow up all too fast!

Well, France's justice minister recently went back to work 5 days after giving birth (C-section nonetheless). That's probably the shortest I've heard.

I certainly can't tell you what to do, but I would advise you to think twice about putting your work before your baby. This is the only time in your life you will have with your baby. Your baby needs you and only you during the first months of its life. No one else can provide the baby with what you can. I don't know what you do, but I couldn't imagine that it's more important than holding your baby, nursing it, and providing with the comfort that only a mother can give.
I took almost 7 months off with my daughter, and I wish I could've taken more. As much as enjoyed nursing her, one of the most annoying things was pumping at work (and in airplane bathrooms, airports and cramped closet spaces on business trips). I nursed my daughter until she was almost 1. I'm very happy i was able to do that, but it was a pain going to work. And you have to be VERY VERY disciplined about your pumping schedule at work, or else you will disturb the milk supply. Remember, your body works on a supply and deman system, if it's not receiving a regular demand, it WILL reduce the supply. This will causes women additional stress, which additionally reduces the supply.

It was also very painful leaving her behind for others to care for her and to watch her develop. That was very very hard, and still is (she is 13 mos now).
So, make a choice that fits your personality and situation, but don't underestimate how much you will be drawn to stay home and how much your baby needs you. Women were made for this stuff and your body will tell you so after the baby is born. Not to mention that you need about 6 weeks to recover from a normal delivery (longer if you have complications).
Running around to work while trying to manage a newborn will not help your own recovery.

Hope these considerations will help you with your decision!

I went back to work after 8 weeks with my first child. I was only 23 and single at the time. She was watched by my friends mother-in-law who was watching 3 other children. I had to work long hours because I was in public accounting. My mother would pick up my daughter for me when she finished work @ 4:00, and would bath and feed her for me. Many nights she also had dinner for me before I went home to my apartment. I was young and didn't know any better, and so it never bothered me to leave my daughter and go to work. I also had people I trusted to help, and so I was never concerned about her.
5 years later I was married, had a different job, and I had my son. I was able to take 3 months off when I had him, however I worked from my house all through that leave. I worked at least 2-3 hours a day, and every other week I had two days when I worked 5-6 hours on those days. This was all done from my house, and most of the time my son was taking his naps. When my son was 15 months he had a major speech delay. By the time he was 22 months old he was getting speech and occupational therapy to help him deal with sensory intergration disorder. His behavior was terrible, and I was beside myslef with guilt. I truly believed that if I had not worked and just spent my time paying attention to him, then he would not have the problems he had.
So the point of my drawn out story is if you MUST go right back to work because of your financial situation, then go and know that you are doing what is best for your family. But if you do not have to go right back and you can find some way to afford your leave. Then spend the time with your baby.

Honestly, you're never ready to go back to work!!
You are guaranteed 6 weeks/8 weeks leave - you need to check with your company to see if it is paid/unpaid. Some will give you up to 12 weeks unpaid. It depends...

My first - I HAD to get back to work after 6 weeks. I was not ready, I was struggling with nursing and I was just overwhelmed. But overall, looking back, it's a huge transition and you just need to learn to deal with it. Plan things ahead of time - especially if you plan to pump - do you have a place where you can go? If not, start asking around or making arrangements ahead of time. I actually pumped while sharing an office with a male colleague!! But he was cool with it...

My 2nd - I was off 6 weeks, then back to work part time for the next two months...then back full time.

Find out how/who will be able to help you at home - do you have a significant other? Family members? If they offer help, TAKE IT!!

Just remember, the baby being around other people/kids IS A GOOD THING as you are not just the center of his/her world - there's other people who will just love him/her just as much.

I had my mom/mom-in-law watch the girls so it worked out okay, but it was still hard in the beginning. Remember, one day at a time. And it's nice to take a break from them as well - go to Starbucks and enjoy a caramel macchiato!! :)

Best wishes!!

OH - I want to add also - you CAN nurse and pump successfully!!! If you have any problems, please see a lactaction consultant AND/OR La Leche League. Don't wait - they are a great resource and it helps to meet people BEFORE the baby's born...
For the first one, I was able to pump 6 months. For the second, as I made sure I was better prepared, I nursed/pumped successfully for 12 months...

I stayed home for 4 mths before going back with my first. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to leave her. I can honestly say that the 4mths were a perfect time when I felt I was ready to go back and she was old enough. but I am super lucky and get to go back part time. She was strictly breastfeed up till a couple weeks before I planned to go back and I have to say switching to the bottle was tough. She got formula during the day and breast during the evenings for a couple of months and she ended up really liking the formula and was on that completely at 6 mts. I just had my 2nd and I went back after 8 weeks and that felt good and I was ready. Stopped breastfeeding. Something about the first time. Seeing your situation I would say def. 8 weeks! maybe you could start back part time after that?? for the next 8 weeks and then return to full??? that would be ideal! good luck with everything! don't worry everything works out the way it's suppose to :)

Hi C., I have a both sides of the story type comment. While I was pregnant, I was babysitting for the baby daughter of 2 working parents. Her mom had to return to work after 6 weeks. She had a little bit of a struggle at first but after a week or so she knew it was the best thing for her and her baby. Having a trusted caregiver is a huge part of it also. The baby never had an issue with her parents leaving and I think they enjoyed their time together that much more because they were apart all day. As for me, once I had my son, he came with me to work and now, I work from home so I am still with him almost every minute. This puts much strain on me. And he is now only used to being with me and never wants me to leave him. 4 months would make it really hard for you to return to work. I think the best thing would be to figure out a plan for childcare ASAP. Have you looked into hosting an au pair? AN au pair is a very affordable childcare option and your baby has much less chance of getting sick if cared for outside a center. I can assist you if you would like more info about the program. You can see my website: http://egendler.aupairnews.com

HI C., it's a difficult thing having to go back to work after a baby. I am only working part-time, but I went back when my son was 8 weeks old. He's 4 months now, and it's so much easier at this point. I couldn't see straight for weeks after his birth. The exhaustion that people tell you about is really crazy, it's more like delirium. Even if everything goes really well and your child takes to breastfeeding easily (which can happen! A friend of mine had no issues at all with her first.) you still have a lot to go through emotionally & hormonally. The recommended minimum is 6 weeks, but I strongly recommend taking as much time as you can afford in your situation. Plus, it's time you'll never get back again & when you are back at work you'll long for the days you were home, so enjoy it even in the bleary days! I know some women go back sooner than 6 weeks out of necessity, but i went out alone ( my husband with the baby)when he was 1 week and then 5 weeks old and felt it was dangerous for me to be driving in my state. Everyone is different, but the thing is that you won't know until you're in it.
Good luck!!!

Hi C.,
First Congrats!

I went back to work after 8 weeks. I hadn't been at my job long enough for STD but luckily I had a C-Sec so I got 8 weeks paid by my employer. I wish I could have had another 2 weeks. I went back full time, which I now wish I could have eased back in by doing part time. I'm not the SH type though and it was nice to have some adult conversation! If you can, check out your company policies and into your state disability limits. This way you're informed.

I also BF until my daughter was 11 months, which meant lots of pumping at work (she didn't get formula until she was 6 months) but it worked well for us.

Best of luck!
Kristal

Every Mom is different and every baby is different. I would start by seeing what your employer offers in the way of maternity leave. The FMLA Act entitles you to take up to 6 months off for any reason within a certain time frame (a couple years I think). Maternity leave at my company is partially paid, however does fall under the FMLA umbrella. Note though--if you take 3 months off, you employer is required to hold your exact position for you. If you take off 3-6 months, your employer only has to hold A job for you--not necessarily your current job. But of course having a conversation about what your company is willing to do is the best thing. You never know how much they might be willing to work with you.
I went back to work after 12 weeks and have really enjoyed being a working mom. I get to see my son in the morning before work and I worked with my boss for an alternative work schedule so that I could get home early enough to give him dinner and a bath and put him to bed every nght. So i feel like a very connected mommy, and honestly I love my job so it was an easy enough transition. My son also has been good with our working. He has a great relationship with our Nanny, and we feel completely comfortable with her. Our Nanny teaches him things, has him playing outside and with other kids every day, so he really looks forward to his time with her. All these things make a huge difference. If I hated my job, or my son was really attached and creid when we left or we weren't 100% comfortable with the Nanny, I would feel differently. So I apologize for the "non-answer"
I have friends who only took 6 weeks off because of financial reasons, others that convinced their jobs to let them work from home, and others that couldn't take being away from their child one minute and quit after being back at work for a week. So I do believe it is different for everyone.
You will find the balance--it is just how life and parenthood happen. Certain things are things that you do for your children and other things are thing that your cildren do to you.
Good Luck!!

Hi C.,

I just had my first baby on Feb. 23. I currently work from home. I took 3 full weeks off and then went back for 3 weeks part time.

Emotionally it was hard, even though I was right here with him. My husband also works from home... at times I felt like my baby was going to have a stronger bond with my husban than with me. I really wanted to just spend all day with my baby and not work at all.

At the same time, going back to work felt good b/c the first few weeks after having the baby my life was so unbalanced... emotionally, physically, etc. I remember when I first came with my new baby life felt so surreal. I almost felt like a stranger in my home.

As far as breastfeeding and working... I only breastfed my little one for two weeks, we had alot of issues at the breast so I went to pumping and bottle feeding. After about a month I then took him back to the breast once a day and he does much better now.

If you work out of the home, I would strongly suggest taking at least 4-6 weeks off of work. I know for me, I became really attached to my baby and wanted to enjoy every little thing about him. Not to mention, you'll be exhausted and adjusting to your new life as a mom can be really hard and emotional.

Hope this helps!
L.

I have 2 boys and I am pregnant again. I have breastfed both and intend on doing so again.

It is never easy returning to work; however, I got right back at it with in 6 weeks. I had the baby sitter call me right after she fed the baby and tell me how much he ate, so I could pump then and get at least that much out. In the begining it is hard, youare pumping every 2 hours, but it pays off. after a couple of weeks you will have the baby's schedule down and the calls are not necessary anymore and the frequency also starts to dwindle. I did this until they were 14 months old and weaned onto regular milk/lactose free milk which ever the case fit.

You can do it honey. Good luck.

Check with your employer - usually 6 /8 weeks is covered especially if you have a c-section. I'd been at my job for less than a year when I had my son, so I was only able to get 11 weeks total (I was not eligible for FMLA which would have guaranteed 12 weeks). I was ok with leaving my son at the sitter then - although I loved my son - I needed to go back to work as I wasn't the SAHM type - I needed to be with adults.

This was a tormentous issue for me when I had my first child. My (horror of a) boss at the time said I could come back part time after my 6 weeks were up, but then decided the Friday before I was supposed to return that I had to come back full time. I slipped into the office that Saturday, laid my daughter on a blanket on the floor and packed up my desk while my husband tried not to have a coronary over losing half our income. I just could not leave her. I had no idea I would be so attached. :(

This is your first baby. No matter what anyone says or the stories they tell, you have no idea how you will feel once that baby is here. My SIL could not wait to go back to work both times. Three kids and eight years later, and I am still home. Working from home, but home.

You also have no idea how breastfeeding and/or pumping will work for you, or how you will end up feeling about that will surely swing strongly in one direction or the other once you are doing it. One thing I can tell you for sure is that I had two of three babies who refused to take a bottle from anyone.

If you plan to breastfeed and pump, make sure you give at least one feeding a day from a bottle (pumped breastmilk or formula) from the very beginning so s/he is used to both methods. I introduced the bottle at 4 weeks w/one baby and 2 weeks w/the other and neither of them would ever take it!!

Best of luck to you, C.! It's an incredible ride right from the start. :)

Hi C.-

I would say when to return to work is a personal choice for each Mommy.

At my place of employment (an environmental engineering firm in NJ), I was given the usual - 6 weeks off with STD to cover 2/3rds of my pay. I would try to at least take that time. This would also coincide with your 6 week post-partum checkup. After that 6 week period, I worked part-time remotely from home 2 to 3 days per week using the remaining 6 weeks (from FMLA). You can take the 6 weeks as 30 days and that is what I did so I was able to stretch those 6 weeks into September. My daughter was born in June.

I was a full time BFing mother so I can not tell you that the transition back to work was easy for me or my daugther. We were lucky though in that she was staying home with her Daddy so I could focus on my work (i.e. not worry how a "stranger" was treating her). In the beginning of September, I started going to the office once or twice a week so that I could get "back in the groove". I made them shorter days - about 6 hours instead of the usual 8 or so that I was working BC.

One of the things that helped me transition was letting my employer know ahead of time that I needed a location to pump since I work in cubicle environment. He understood that me providing BM for my daughter allowed me to concentrate on the rest of my work. I think I was also more efficient during that time too as I wanted to make sure that all my projects still got the required attention as well as my daughter.

Just be open about your needs and desire to balance work/life and most employeers will work with you - from trial returns to extending FMLA time as I did. Good Luck!!
~C.

Hey C..

I definitely had to go back right away (6 weeks) and of course it had it's challenges. I was determined to still breast feed so I had started pumping extra at home leading up to going back (at about week 4-5 you can start) and I had enough flexibility to make happen the pumping schedule/location at work. DO discuss this with your supervisor ahead of time and try to conceptualize how that might happen. Otherwise, resolve to do part formula and part breastfeeding which is how other moms do it (your body will adjust to the schedule you put it on). There aren't any qucik and easy answers of course as far as dealing with the technical and emotional components, but here are some things that helped me anyhow;

-I was able to get a partial live-in nanny (same cost if not less as daycare as it turned out). She started in advance so that we could get used to each other. I created a list of how she can report/record the happenings of the day with my baby which really helped so many different ways. Knowing my baby was at home gave me comfort b/c I knew that at least she could enjoy our home and her things and grow secure in it. And reduced the stress of getting us all up and out early before heading to work, plus the reduced stress of not having to worry to rush out of work to get to daycare in time if something came up I couldn't control. We did have nearby family as an "option" but I must say I am SO grateful we didn't go that route, it's been worth every dime to have someone trustworthy and respectful (since they don't feel entitled to step all over you) to be my babe's primary caregiver when we're away. Plus, it made it easier to quickly move towards number two (on the way, 31 weeks along) and certainly more cost effective seeing as to how the price doesn't double as it does with nursery care.
- It helped tremendously to make my full-time work schedule in 4 week days vs 5. It gave me a weekday to make all her doc appointments (and mine) and have a better work life balance altogether. Again, understood that it's not possible in all jobs, but just telling you what helped me.
- I'm a mental health therapist which is for me a challenging but fullfilling job so it helped and helps to essentialy be distracted by other people's things and helping them throughout the day. I would've gone nuts had it been one of my past jobs where I couldn't wait for the clock to strike. Being busy and fulfilled with my work helped. During down times, I'd miss her terribly, look at her picture, pump, call to hear her cooing and so forth. Talk to the nanny to find out little details about how the day was going and what she was up to and then of course couldn't get home fast enough to hold and cuddle with my little one. We're both much more adjusted now, but I still very much love and miss my daughter throughout the day. However, I have learned to accept and embrace that even the missing is part of what makes our relationship healthy and loving. She is indeed a very happy well-adjusted little girl (18 months old now) and we're all doing just great. Of course, soon to be all distrupted and upside down by adding number two, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Hope this helps, good luck! And breathe, you'll find yor own definition.

Hi C.-
For me The first 4 weeks of the first baby were critical to recover from the birth, learn what to do, adjust, etc. after that it was a gradual boredom. By 8 weeks I was itching to get back so I did.

Second baby I went back after 2 weeks for several reasons- I don't get paid leave, so financially needed to go back; newborns eat and sleep pretty much 22 out of 24 hours, there's not much to do w. the 2nd baby; I wanted to use my vaca days later in the year rather than use it all up in the beginning. That worked out really really good at baby's 4 months, 6 months, etc. throughout the year. Finally, I work from home a lot though so that helped. I started traveling again after 4 weeks.

Attitude is probably the biggest factor. I was not a delicate pregnant woman- at 8 months i was still swimming laps, taking out the garbage and stuff like that. So I expected a lot from myself post-preggo. But you also have to know when not to push yourself so hard.

Hope that helps and good luck!!!

ps- it's off-topic but another word of advice- try home making baby food. I did the gerber thing w. baby 1 since I didn't know what I was doing and really needed to learn. Second baby I did it all myself and it was soooo much better. In retrospect I really should have done that with the first baby

Hi C.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
In NY, pregnancy/birth is covered as a disability, and women are covered for 6 weeks after a vaginal birth and 8 weeks after a surgical delivery. Your job should be protected during this time, due to disability laws.
With my first baby, I went back to work full time at 8 weeks. I felt ready (she cried a lot and slept very little during the day) - I was not breastfeeding. The transition back to work was very smooth. With my 2nd, I was breastfeeding. I was able to take off 11 full weeks, and I used my remaining vacation weeks as half days, so for the first two weeks, I worked half days only and then went back fulltime while pumping at 13 weeks.
There is no one right answer about how soon you "can" go back to work or feel ready, it's different for every mom, and you can't know now when you will feel ready, but some moms don't have the luxury of going to work when they are "ready," they do go back when they have to.
Good luck!

Every mother feels differently about this and since it sounds like this is your first baby you should give yourself permission to change your mind based on how you feel at the time.

When I was pregnant I was the only parent who was working at the time so I had no choice but to return to work. At the time I really hated having to work but after several months I like the way things are working out.

I eased back into work slowly. I had three months paid leave but negotiated a "work from home" scenario so I could extend the time I had at home. At 5 weeks I started working 15 hours a week from home (I could sometimes sit at the computer with the baby on my "my breast friend" or a sling). The work time was flexible so I could do it whenever I found the time but usually I was able to fit the time in between the hours of 9 and 5. After two months of this I increased my hours to 20 or so. I was working full time by the time the baby was 5 months old. At that time I started going into the office 2 days and worked from home 3 days. This is my current arrangement and although I sometimes wish my hours could be part-time rather than full-time, I feel like I have found a sweet spot in the work/ life balance. I am able to continue breastfeeding (I pump the two days I am in the office), and like many women, I feel like the time I have out of the house makes me appreciate my son - when I come home from work I can't get enough of him. It also helps me stay connected to my own resources and skills. FYI - An unexpected by product of motherhood is that I have become twice as efficient at my job - I am much more decisive and focused - and I find that coworkers are more respectful of boundries and don't waste my time with trivial things.

Good luck with everything!