My 4 yo is sick today so I am "working from home". I find it so frustrating though, DD acts up when I am on the phone, so I can't make important calls, she climbs over me to see what's on the computer etc. (Writing this, I am thinking "Control your child!!") She's a reasonably cooperative child usually but the phone and computer are like big flashing buttons!! I am thinking that a 4 yo should be old enough to behave when I am busy, and I should get serious about consequences if she isn't quiet when I request it...what do you think?
It's an eye infection so she's not hurting.
Um...what's most important to me? My daughter of course. But also providing her with food and shelter and not finding ourselves out on the street. I had a critical deadline that I missed. Yes, people understand that my child is ill, but it's not going to be the only time she's ill. I can't stay home and neglect my work each time; what's better, to teach her to control herself a bit so I can BE home with her and yet still deal with critical work, or to park her with a sitter? Rhetorical question.
I wanted to get an idea of whether she can be expected at her age to behave for half an hour while I am on the phone. Whether it's social or work, she starts yelling "get off the phone".
If she's sick today then she may need extra time/attention/contact and working from home may not be realistic unless she is sleeping. We don't do 'consequence's so you may get some suggestions from other parents.
Working from home is not as easy as people think! Actually, I don't really like doing it for this exact reason... the minute the laptop comes out my son (who can completely entertain himself for 15-20 minutes) wants to play on the computer, sit on my lap, get a drink... whatever.
At four, I would suggest that you have a little "schedule" for days that you are home- keeping in mind that your little one is sick and needs your attention toon. Set a timer and give her some "work" to do for 15 minutes while you work. Let her know that until the timer goes off, you both need to do your work and that if she finishes "early", she needs to find something to do on her own.
If she comes to you and it's not an emergency, give her one reminder then apply a consequence.
How sick is she? Should you be taking a "sick day" instead? I know when my son is not feeling well, he just wants to cuddle with me and I can only get work done when he's sleeping.
I have worked from home for 10 years and when a child is sick, it's a sick day for me. It's too hard to adequately care for a child while working. Working is just that ... working. Your child understandably wants your attention and four-year-olds can be particularly needy. It's just not a good mix. It's a real misconception that you can work from home in a professional job and care for a child at the same time.
Now that you're in the situation, though, one thought is to make a quick trip to the store and buy her a new DVD (or rent a movie through your cable/satellite provider). That might give you a couple hours of solid work time.
My husband works from home everyday. We bought our son a "computer" of his own. He has a table and chairs right next to daddy and works too. It took my husband a good 6 months to "train" our son on when daddy's phone rings it's quiet time. It's not easy. I periodically work from home and because I don't do it all the time we have the same issues you are experiencing.
You have to make sure your co-workers, customers, etc, understand you have a sick child and apologize in advance.
No matter what the type of sickness - the idea is you are home and that means your child wants your attention. She doesn't care about your work, knows how to "respect it" or leave you alone. Yes she is capable of doing things alone or by herself, but today may not be that day. Try to be more reasonable versus irritated or acting as if she is a nuisance. Take some time with her, that is the reason you took the time off..when she is contented, then you can tell her you need to talk on the phone etc.
Think of something you rarely let her do, something that's a treat, and let her do it while you get some work done. Tell her she has xx minutes to do whatever it is and that Mommy is going to work during that time; then when the xx minutes are up you'll come get her for a snack and cuddle.
You could also set her up on the floor near you and have her color, or play on another computer, or do something else that's quiet. My kids have a laptop in my home office and if I have to work when they're home (my work hours are usually when they're at school) they can play on the laptop.
She is absolutely old enough. I started enforcing "Momma's work times" when I needed to paint at around 2 1/2-3. My almost 5 year old is now a veteran at not only leaving me alone for 30 minutes-2 1/2-3 hours at a time, but she helps keep her 2 younger sibs busy.
The key is, 1) start with smaller time frames like 15-20 minutes. 2) Have a very specific activity she must do for that time frame. Un-clutter a table and put one coloring book an crayons, or just barbies or whatever so she doesn't get overwhelmed and "do nothing". 3) Give a warning, point at the clock, and tell her how long she must do that before you and she x, (have a snack break, etc) and ENFORCE if she doesn't stay and do it. 4) Announce you are getting on the phone and she will not be allowed to hang on you, yell at you, be loud etc or x will happen. Enforce. 5) No touching the computer. My kids learned in infancy never to touch the computer, and they still don't. My daughter yells at my 18 month old not to touch it.
THE MAIN THING IS: None of these will work without ENFORCEMENT at first until she gets it that you mean it. So yes, you will be enforcing discipline quite a bit at first (at 4 she's set in her unruly ways) until she gets used to being more well behaved and independent. But she will, if you remain firm. Give one or two calm warnings that she thoroughly understands, and then calmly enforce the consequence EVERY TIME.
Dont' focus on discipline being mean, focus on how good it is for her to become self sufficient. 4 is WAY old enough. Soon, you'll be putting her in front of a (gasp) 2 hour movie with no worries while you work.
As for the phone, you will need to interrupt a few calls to quickly enforce firm discipline and then call the person back until she heeds your advance warning not to act out when you're on the phone. Yes, it's annoying to interrupt a call, but the phone is a real hard one to break. Kids know you're "helpless" and will not respond to your wild silent arm gestures. But she'll get it if you are consistent and firm. Once you've enforced it a couple of times, she will listen to your advance warning in the future.
You don't need to bribe her to be good, but scheduling your day to include fun things for the two of you is important, so you can lay out the plan with things for her to look forward too if she acts well in addition to the negative consequences to choosing to act poorly. For instance, the bad behavior here is in the rear view, but the kids know that after I finish working at 4-ish when the baby wakes up, we'll all make a snack and go for a walk or do an errand or work a puzzle etc. I now have from 1pm to 4pm where my 3 and almost 5 year old never bug me-and they NEVER act out when I'm on the phone-they now do respond to the hand gestures. :) It can be done! Be firm!
I hear your frustration. It is hard to balance work and home, and sometimes something gets less-than-optimal attention. Fo short periods of time (5 minutes, when she's healthy) it is reasonable to expect that she will leave you alone on the phone. My son (who is 3) will ask with signs if he need something while I'm on the phone-- maybe you and she wan to learn signs for drink, potty, TV, whatever she asks you for on the phone? It's nice because you guys can be "secretly" talking while you are on the phone.
You can probably get much more time out of her if you park her in front of the TV while you are on your call-- maybe 30 minutes, if you make sure she has food/drink for the show AND she doesn't see you on her rival, the telephone/ computer. Other than that is just too much to ask. If she's in daycare most days, being home with you and NOT being able to be with you is simply too much to ask a 4 year old. If your job is so critical and time sensitive that you can't take a day off when she's sick, you need to find a backup babysitter who can give her the attention she needs and give you the time and space to do what you need. You will both be happier! But giving consequences to a kid who just wants her mom-- and face it, the they see the telephone and computer as BIG rivals for mom's time-- isn't fair to anyone.
UPDATE: I thought the idea about a special DVD was a great one-- maybe you want to have a couple of those in reserve in a closet along with some special toys (paper dolls, whatever) that could be special at home sick days...) Might buy you some time, but I still think that if you want to get more than an hour or two of work done, you need to get a sitter.
Yes, 4 years old is definitely old enough to learn that you have to work and she must cooperate. Perhaps a movie, tv, or something at the table such as a puzzle. Today could be a day for extra tv time, promise her special time later if she cooperates so you can work.
She's only four! Spend the day with her and when she goes to bed...do your work. What's most important to you?
I think Elizabeth F hit it on the head. Look at it from your child's point of view - For a child who is usually in daycare during the week, it would be really REALLY hard to have what appears to be a special day at home with Mom - but then not be allowed to have any of Mom's attention. It's not that I'm unsympathetic - I completely understand your frustration because my 4 year old is the same way and I also work full time. I've accepted that the most I can get done from home is to keep up with critical emails. Any important calls or things that required extended concentration have to wait. If I have things to do that require long periods of concentration and can't wait, then I have to get a backup sitter.
The thing you have to remember is that for your child this is like having a special treat, this is not the 'norm' for them. They are not used to having you home on a daily basis. So of course they will act up and test their boundaries. You need to be firm and perhaps creative. What do they do when you are normally on the phone when it's not business? Explain to them at their level why their actions are bad and what the results will be if they don't behave. But also remember if they are sick they don't feel the greatest either and probably just need some extra attention.
Hi, L.:
This is when you start teaching your child discipline.
Good luck.
D.
Hi L.-
We don’t watch much TV and we eat fairly healthy, but sick days at home are when all those rules go out the window! What’s the point of limiting TV if not to save it for when you really need it??!!! So I say do whatever it takes to keep your sanity and get done what you need to do today. If she watches TV all day and eats a million lollipops, who cares? It’s just 1 day and you aren’t going to spoil her for life!
I think keeping your sanity has to be the #1 concern, so go with whatever works and don’t feel guilty. Your daughter will be fine even if she watches every princess movie Disney has ever made today.
