Won't Soothe Herself - Needs a Schedule?!

Updated on January 14, 2009
J.L. asks from Senoia, GA
8 answers

Hello ladies! You have been such great supporters in the past I thought I would ask for help again! My daughter is almost 4 months old and still isn't making it thru the night. First, what is your 4 month old's daily schedule? I haven't set nap times or anything for her. I just let her sleep when she falls asleep. I know this is bad! I know she usually takes one around 10/11, 3/4 and a power nap around 6:30 for about 30 minutes. She has been coming to work with me which is nice but hard b/c I haven't been able to focus on putting her on a schedule. She will start daycare next week so hopefully that will help put her on a routine! Secondly, she is making it several hours at night - I give her a bottle around 8 or 9 and she sleeps until 3 or 4. Most of the time lately though she drinks maybe a couple of ounces or just needs me to give her her pacifier to go back to sleep. I'm thinking she's not "hungry" she just needs help to go back to sleep. Any suggestions? I know I should put her to bed "awake" and do sometimes but it's hard when she falls asleep, dead asleep, when I give her her last night bottle. I am getting really worn out with still having to get up with her and work. Now I am about to take on a second job and know that I am going to crash if I don't get her sleeping all night! I appreciate any help you can offer!

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B.

answers from Augusta on

Technically she is sleeping through the night, "through the night" according to peds is 5-6 hrs strait. it doesn't mean sleeping on your schedule. Putting an infant on a schedule is over rated, feed on demand and put her to bed when she looks tired. What's wrong with letting her sleep when she falls asleep? Isn't that what you do? sleep when you fall asleep? She needs as much sleep as she can get to grow, and remember her tummy is only as big as her little fist so she's gonna need to eat in the middle of the night. Don't let her CIO she's too young. Most babies don't sleep through the night at 4 months old. the average age is 13 months. I have one that slept through at 12 months and one that didnt sleep through until 3 years almost. and I didnt do anything different with either of them, Kids will sttn when the are ready. pick up " no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley. and my second advice is put that 3 yr old back in bed and get a gate so he can't come into your bed, that's whats making you tired not the baby getting up once at night. You can't get good sleep with little feet sticking in your back or legs or elbows in your face or stomach. BTDT, put the big boy in his bed and make him stay there. Just keep taking him back to bed when he gets up. he will eventually get the point.

do NOT follow baby wise it is the ped association recommends against this book, many babies that have been put on this system end up with a failure to thrive from their ped. They litteraly starve their babies.

In the April 1998 issue of AAP News, the official publication of the American Academy of Pediatrics, pediatrician Matthew Aney, M.D. says "On Becoming Babywise has raised concern among pediatricians because it outlines an infant feeding program that has been associated with failure to thrive (FTT), poor weight gain, dehydration, breast milk supply failure, and involuntary early weaning...the book makes numerous medical statements without references or research, despite that many are the antitheses of well-known medical research findings...many parents are unaware of problems because the book is marketed as medically supported."

http://www.rickross.com/reference/gfi/gfi1.html

here is a story from a mom that actually used babywise.
http://www.thecrashpad.com/blogs/index.php/2005/04/27/on_...

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Atlanta on

I agree with Beth. Your son is the cause of your not getting good sleep; not the baby. You can just about feed a baby in the middle of the night in your sleep....almost. And I raised four and never had one who slept on my schedule exactly, but felt fortunate that three out of the four did manage to sleep for ten to twelve hours a night within their first year of life. One slept all night her first week of life. Two slept all night after they were about nine months old. The fourth? She never slept all night until she was five years old! Point here is that every child may be different no matter what you do, and books are great for hints, but experience speaks volumes. You can get her on a schedule of some kind, and I highly advise you to remember the word "consistency" in that regard, but she may or may not sleep through the night right away. Eight hours without waking is usually considered a huge blessing to mothers of children under the age of one. Most babies of four months of age do not sleep through the night. They get hungry. Like Beth said, though: put the little boy back into his own bed or you are headed for many more problems with your sleep than feeding a hungry baby in the middle of the night will involve.

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D.H.

answers from Atlanta on

My youngest will be 4 months old in about a week and he doesn't sleep through the night either. I don't worry about that because he is a nursed baby anyway. I know you need the sleep due to your job. Is yours getting up to eat? If so, you could dilute the formula more and more until there is no need for the baby to wake up for 'water'.

As far as putting the baby down awake, no big deal on that IF the baby isn't crying! There is no need for a baby this young to 'cry it out'. They need to feel secure. (As you can tell, I'm not a 'cry it out parent'. I learned really quick with my first two why not to 'go with the trend'.

My little ones schedule...I've never really paid attention to it. When he is tired, I nurse him to sleep. Sometimes, he goes to sleep while I'm holding him. I have noticed that he needs his first nap about 1 hour after he wakes up. Pretty much all of mine were like that. I don't put my kids on a schedule unless it's *their* schedule.

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V.E.

answers from Atlanta on

8 hours is about all any of my 4 would sleep at that age. I would suggest the last bottle at 10 pm which should take her on to 6 am. Getting her on a schedule to fit your family is important as everyone will be much happier. Start the schedule now where her adapting to day care will not be so hard for her. Find out their set times for morning and afternoon naps as well as feeding times. V.

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K.F.

answers from Savannah on

What you described about your 4-month old is pretty much exactly how she should be at this point. She is still a newborn baby and will wake up during the night. Some babies sleep through the night sooner than others for no apparent reason except that all babies are different. Do not count on her sleeping thruogh the night consistently for a while. At this age, there is no "schedule" as detailed as you are looking for. She will still take random naps whenever she is tired. As long as her bed time and wake time are within an hour of the same time each night, then I'd say she's on a schedule. I do think that day care does help establish a schedule, but I don't think that's really an issue for your daughter.

K.:)

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M.W.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi J., my daughter is also four months old and has been sleeping through the night since she was 12 weeks. I followed the "Baby Wise" book and think that putting them on a schedule is not only good for them but good for you as well. From what I've heard & read, babies this age need 10-12 hours of continuous sleep & 3 1&1/2 hour naps per day. Baby Wise basically says for you to feed them every 3-4 hours (when they're hungry), then have some wake time, play time, etc. & then put them down for a nap for the last 1&1/2 hours of the cycle. I heard about this book from many different people while I was pregnant & it really does work.

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F.T.

answers from Athens on

Hi J., my twins didn't sleep through the night until around 10 months (I did nurse them). What I read is that only about 50% of babies sleep through the night at 1 year, and then shortly after that, most begin to sleep through the night quickly. Your baby is sleeping through the night technically, and at 4 months, a 7-8 hour stretch is FABULOUS!!! I know it is hard, and working moms I think have more stress because we constantly think about trying to get enough sleep so we can do our "outside the house" job as well as all the mommy tasks we have to do. I would focus on getting your 3 year old back on schedule so that he doesn't begin to have sleep difficulties. Don't be afraid to be firm with him, not sure of your beliefs on sleeping in the parents bed, but I think unless you are willing to commit to it long term, better not to start it at 3 years. He is probably still adjusting to having a new sister in the house, but I'd really try to get him back in his bed and comfort him from there until he falls asleep. Best of luck and hang in there, it always gets better! F.

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R.W.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't think it is that unusual for your daughter to not yet be sleeping through the night. My son did not do that until he reached 4 months old, but I have friends who have babies over 1 year who still do not sleep through every night. I think those babies are not the norm, as most people I know with children have ones that do sleep through the night. It will get better, though, I promise.

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