Ok her it goes, my husband and I have know each other for about 13 years, in which time before we got together he dated this girl, (I will call Sam). They dated for awhile, and broke up a couple months before we became closer and started dating. Sam and my husband went to the same school in the town we now live in. Sam is now married and has kids and lives about 20 mins away. Sam and I started talking recently due to my sister and Sam are friends, Sam and I both are SAHM's. Anyway before Sam and I started talking I said that we are adults now and we are both married and lets move on from there and not let the past interrupt our friendship. Well everytime I talk to her all she wants to talk about is my husband. She is always asking about him and what he is doing and how they used to date and so on. Which I find extremely weird. We are both on Facebook and she wrote a "note" for all her friends to see about her past relationship and who she dated and how much they ment to her!! (MY HUSBAND!!)
Anyway, she was looking for a photographer and my cousin is in this line of work and so I referred her to my cousin and while my cousin was done at her house doing photos Sam says to my cousin (whom the two have never met before and this is a professional job settin) she says to her, " Did A. (me) Tell you that her husband and I used to date???
Now for me and my cousin that was very unprofessional. But how do I handle this, I have removed myself from making alot of contact with her because I do not think that her intentions to be my friend are all there, I believe that she has alterior motives?? How do I handle this situation??
IN ADDITION My husband does know we talk
Oh my! RUN - don't walk - away from this woman. She is not a friend. Trust me! Protect your marriage at all costs. Not to preach but the bad guy downstairs is always looking for ways to disturb a happy home. Who cares if you hurt her feelings. Point blank - given the chance she will sleep with your husband and not give a rats butt about your feelings. She's a jezebel - You need to get her out of your life.
Amen to all the replies so far!
I want to add... Since your sister is friends with her- I would talk with her and ask that if "Sam" brings either you or your husband into a conversation, you would appreciate her (your sister) not talking about your family to "Sam". Be sure your sis is aware of this situation so that she understands your request.
I think "Sam" is still 'hung up' on your husband. You need to lookout for yourself and your family.
Good luck with this.
I agree with the last comment...she is still living in the past or wants to! You didn't mention what kind of relationship your husband has with her now, or how she acts in front of him. I think it would be best to avoid her...you may trust your husband 100%, but that doesn't mean you need to add any tension in your marriage.
This woman's behavior regarding your husband is very strange. I think ending all contact with her if at all possible is a good idea. She obviously is stuck in the past. Have you talked to your husband about any of this?
Hi A.!
I would politely end the friendship. Sounds like she is taking way too much interest in your husband, some women have a very hard time letting their pasts go. You obviously have moved on and are more mature and did not see her as a threat. But, your intuition has served you well! What starts out as very innocent can turn into something that you don't want to happen. Go with your gut. From what you say, I would concur, shes taken way too much interest in your husband! Just my two cents, but I have seen this many times with my own life and with friends. And another thing, if she is not happy with her own life, she may want to sabotoge yours! Sounds cruel but it does happen. Pick and choose your friends with your God given instincts!
Take care!
Tracey
I agree with Ann!!!
Cut all contact from her. You do NOT need to give her any reasons.... Quit taking her calls and getting together with her.
You MUST protect your marriage. Even with the best of intentions by your husband, it's never good to keep temptation around. The bible says to flee from temptations. And from what you've written, I'd say it sounds like she would definitely try to temp your husband if given the opportunity!!!
Get away NOW!!!
Sometimes when people have trouble in their marriage they feel the need to return to a happier time in their life and often believe that the past was sunnier than it really was. My guess would be that this woman is unhappy with her life and is trying to find a way to go back to happier times. She is using you to get to your husband and everyone else you know. She is not your friend. She would most likely jump at the chance to be with your husband again. Do not feel bad about cutting all ties to her. She will only cause trouble if you stay in contact with her. I would definitely ask your sister not to discuss you and your family with Sam unless it is to rave about how wonderful you and your husband are together and what a fabulous family you have!
Your instinct regarding your friend I would say is right. I think she still cherishes the thought of your husband. Let me ask you this - is this woman a flirtacious attention seeker?? Why does she keep bringing it up. Don't swim with sharks - give up the friendship. I've never had an affair but I bet they happen mosy often between two people who know each other or who had dated in the past. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Although she may not be "after" your husband, your friendship reminds her of when she was young and single and as inapproprate as it is, she is obessing to much on it which probably means her marriage isn't always a happy one. If she brings it up again just smile and say "yes, I remember the dating years, I enjoy being married so much more" or something of the sort, letting her know that he may have dated her, but he it wasn't meant to be and happily you're marriage is top priority to both you and your husband.
Let's face it, now days most couples have past relationships and in small towns, you don't get away with not running into someone who has dated your spouse for the most part. To be jealous of a past relationship (which doesn't sound like you are since you are willing to be friends with her) doesn't do any good. If she is doing it to let you know she is interested, I would keep clear of her.
I like to assume the best in people, so let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she doesn't have ulterior motives, she's just clueless about her comments being inappropriate, or she's hung up on the past for some reason. I think you have a couple of options. If you think it's likely that she's clueless and otherwise like her and want to continue your "friendship" you need to address the issue. Just say, "I really don't mind that you dated my husband, but I don't think we need to talk about him all the time and it does make me uncomfortable that you've mentioned it to other people." Then her response dictates where you go from there. However, it may be that you don't truly have that much in common (other than your husband) and she doesn't know what else to talk about with you. In which case, don't make yourself crazy trying to be friends with her. And if she does seem to just be hung up on the past or really does have other intentions, then it's probably best to steer clear altogether. Talk it over with your sister to see what she thinks about it, considering this woman's personality and situation and go from there.
I know this is a bit of a different situation, but my sister and my husband dated for a while when they were young. I personally didnt think anything of it because they broke up in a couple weeks so obviously they didnt like each other very much. My sister would never EVER talk about my husband, and we both know that. You are right, that is completely out of line and she is not your friend. I would end the friendship because obviously she is just trying to be annoying and get under your skin and no one needs friends like that.
I could be way off here, but when I read your post, it sounds to me like you feel like you "have" to be friends with this woman. Just because she lives near you and is friends with your sister does not mean you have to be buddy-buddy with her. Do you really enjoy the friendship, or are you more or less putting up with it?
Unless there is more to the story, I don't think she is after your husband. She sounds to me like she has low self-esteem and might be a little sad, and feels the need to boast or one-up you.
If it were me, I would just let the friendship cool. I wouldn't totally cut off ties with her or make a big deal about it, just put some distance between you. It sounds like your sister would be caught in the middle if you really got into it with this woman.
If she brings up your husband again, bring up HER husband! "How is Joe these days?". ;-)
