Wondering Eyes

Yes I remember this with my husband. I told him if he did that again while I am with him I would poke his eyes out!! Some how that seemed to work for me.

What is he wondering about? Oh wait... he has WANdering eyes? As in he looks at other attractive women? And he's dishonest?

Okay. First off, men have eyes. I would be shocked if men, yes married men, didn't notice attractive women. The issue would be if he ogles them and makes it very obvious and in a disrespectful way to you. There's nothing wrong with admiring an attractive woman, just as for you there's nothing wrong with admiring an attractive man. Neither of you are ever supposed to simply stop noticing attractive people.

What matters is how you respond to other people and how you're noticing them. When he notices other women, is he drooling? Is he making passes at them? Is he cat calling? Is he making comparisons between you and that hot girl waiting in line at Walmart with the shorts showing half her butt cheeks?

But it seems to me that it's not the "noticing" that's bothering you, but that you're classifying your husband as dishonest and you don't seem to trust him. I think that maybe there are other issues going on in your marriage and this is probably the easiest thing to get upset about and verbalize.

My husband likes to look as well. In fact, sometimes when we are in Berkeley (college town; lots of young, attractive women walking around), he will intentionally try to hit the light red by the university so he can sit and watch the young ladies walk by in the crosswalk. It really doesn't bother me because I know I appreciate a good looking man/male body and I look to. He doesn't ogle or drool, but he does enjoy a good show!

My GD, however, seems to be bothered by it. She is always tattling that grandpa was looking at a girl walking by. She is amazed that it doesn't bother me. I really hope she learns from my example not to give stupid stuff like this a lot of space in her head as it can cause a lot of unnecessary hurt and anger.

Cheryl B - I think your GD is creeped out by her Grandfather. Racing to catch a light so he can sit and look at young girls.... that's beyond the pale.

I think it's ok for men to notice beautiful women. And I also think it's ok for women to notice handsome men. We're all attracted to what we think is beautiful. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. When we were just dating, he had a friend who's wife was a little too hands on with my husband (boyfriend at the time). It made me uncomfortable. Not about my husband, but about her. I just didn't think it was right. I don't mind my husband huging a gal friend. I don't mind him noticing beautiful women either. I would worry if he didn't. LOL Just as long as he looks with his eyes, and not his hands.
Yes, there are people who think the grass is greener on the other side, and sadly when they make a mistake of cheating, they cause a huge problem for themselves, and for their spouse/children if their lover turns to 'fatal attraction'. These are the people who find out the hard way, not to act on their temptation.

Perhaps what you need from your hubby is more attention, more compliments, and more 'i love you's'. More of the little stuff that seems to disappear after you get married, like holding hands, the silent 'i love you' by just looking at you and having that twinkle in their eye, the brush off a caress when he passes you....etc. Maybe instead of telling him you don't like him looking at other women, perhaps a different approach will help you both.....Here's what you can say, "Honey I love you. It's ok for you to look at other women, however I would really like it if we can be more affectionate towards each other". And while he gives you more attention and affection, you will gain more strength in his love for 'you', and him noticing pretty women won't bother you anymore because he is showing you he loves you. :-D Know what I mean? You try to make a change in how you show your affection towards him too ok. Hold his hand when he's not expecting it. Give him a kiss on the cheek or lips on spontaneous occassions, make a candle light dinner with sprays of rose peddals on the table.....squeeze his shoulders after a long day at work....etc. These little things will help you both. Bring back the little things, bring back the voice of little things like, "you make me smile each day honey"...."I love you", "I think you are my knight and shinning armor"....men love to hear these things just as much as we do. They just don't show it. :-D I hope this helps. I feel for you I do and I totally understand where your feelings are coming from. These are just a few tips to perhaps to refreshen the love between you two. Best wishes to ya.

He's probably going through a phase.
Men are a lot like toddlers in this respect.
If your home life is good, your sex life is good, then don't worry about competing with eye candy because it's always gonna be out there.
My hub is 62, he likes looking at young, firm, cute girls... I sigh on occasion, but I relish in the thought that I used to be one of those.
Don't show insecurity, it is not becoming.

when what to his wondering eyes should appear?
but a beautiful girl, with a burger and beer!
i'd worry a little about the ol' dh if he didn't ever look at beautiful women. but he is far too courteous to ogle and make lecherous comments.
i'm much more overt about my many movie star boyfriends.
:)
i don't think that your beauty gives him the 'right' to make you uncomfortable. if indeed he's not actually being lech-y, can't the two of you come to a compromise? you agree that he can sigh over a pretty gal on tv, but not to pause and eye-grope a good-looking woman on the street. he should respect you.
khairete
S.

Before I was married I was appalled at the thought of any married person looking around at other people. However, now that I have been married for a couple of years, I honestly don't see a problem with it. I see gorgeous men every time I'm out in public. And if they look at me - I feel GOOD about myself. This irritates my husband beyond belief. Unlike me, he never seems to notice anyone around him. And when he does, he complains about it. He says this woman is ugly, that one is fat, etc. And he gets mad when a pretty girl flirts with him, instead of simply taking it as a compliment (as I would). It wouldn't bother me if he glanced around every now and then. Now, if he were catching their eyes and winking, walking away from me to go flirt, getting random texts or phone calls, or coming home late.. THEN I would be worried. But would I worry about him being HUMAN and showing attraction to a pretty lady? Definitely not. You should evaluate your reasoning for being upset. Are you worried he will cheat? If so, that may be something YOU have to work on, not him. If he has cheated before, though, then the two of you need to really sit down and talk about this.

My husband can look all he wants, as long as he doesn't touch! LOL And the same goes for me - hey, I may be married, but I'm not blind! My husband and I are 100% faithful to each other, but that doesn't mean we don't notice when an attractive person walks by. It's okay to appreciate when other people are beautiful, as long as nobody is taking it any further than that. Just my opinion.

So you dressed provocatively to get his attention when you were trying to attract him. Now you don't dress that way but you feel insecure because he notices other women that are dressing provocatively?

Could you be feeling insecure because you are worried he went after you for your looks and not who you are?

What's he wondering?

Seriously, no O. can "make you feel" any way. Only you can do that.

Men are more visual creatures, but he is a human, after all and I would suspect he has SOME control of his actions. BUT, that said, I think your husband is being an insensitive jerk, now that you've made him aware that it bothers you. Not sure how you can fix that.

I am like you - this bothers me. When I was dating my now husband, I noticed he would look at other women and check them out and I told him how it bothered me. It really made me doubt whether I wanted to marry this man - it was the only issue we had. He said he didn't really have an explanation and said he would stop. I told him I felt like he was objectifying women and he agreed that he could see my point of view and said he'd stop. If I am completely honest with you, it still bothers me. I haven't really caught him doing it in a long time (we've been married five years) but there's a small piece of me that always wonders what he's like when I'm not around.. if he's checking out women all the time. I know lots of people say it's human nature and not to worry about it but it does bother me. And now that we have kids..i don't want my daughter (or son) to ever see him checking out women. I think it would be creepy. I remember seeing an older man in church once sizing up an attractive young girl and I was so creeped out. Said I never wanted to be with someone like that. anyway, sorry i don't have lots of of advice for you - just wanted to let you know i feel the same way you do. i say have an open conversation with him and explain your perspective. ask him to respect you and your wishes. good luck...

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I wouldn't like it at all. If he is a Christian man, the book Every Man's Battle might be useful. I think when you marry someone you give up the right to intentionally look at the opposite sex with any lust. Noticing that someone is attractive is one thing, but anything more than that isn't ok.