Let me start by stating no negitive comments please just need a little perspetive and advise. I have always been the type of mom that it makes me uneasy for other people to drive my kids anywhere except for my husband and myself (I am much better now that they are older). I have always had a heistation with my MIL because she has eye issues and has trouble seeing at night. So this past sat hubby and I went out for our anniversary and MIL came to our house to watch the kids. She asked if she coudl take the kids out (which I was nervouse) about but said ok to it. Came home sat night and all she said was we came home late and we had a good time. So I thought great! Well not so much on Sun as my D was helping me make dinner she said she had something to tell me but was afraid I would get upset with her. I explained that it was better to tell Mommy than not and I would not be upset with her telling me. Come to find out after MIL took the kids out she had issues getting them buckled into their carseats (boosters for both) So instead of calling someone for help (say a police officer) She decided to put both of them in the very back of her mini van (hopeuflly buckled) but D did not speicify. Well D told dad Sunday a.m. and then dad went on to tell D not to tell mommy, well she eventually tells me everything and did. I told her I was not mad at her and thank you for telling me. She felt bad because she thought she was doing something wrong which I told her no she was not. So I asked dad when he got home if there was anything he wanted to tell me and he told me no, I then confronted him with it and he acted like it was no big deal. Needless to say I was LIVID. He said he told D at first not to tell me but then retracted it because that would not be right. I told him that his mom was not allowed to take the kids out anymore unless one of us was there. He said he would talk with his mom but other incident have come up where he does not say anthing to his mom. I am at a cross road here I am so Mad I could bust however do I say something to her or not. Mind you the distance traveled from house to place and back was about 10 miles round trip on a very busy road.
What would you do?
So after a few responses please note that we (hubby and I) have showed MIL how to use the seats. It is a basic booster with a seat belt.
I think he did not want her to tell you because he knew you would over react, as it appears you have. I would simply ask him to go over again with her how the restraints work, and let it go. Everyone is fine.
I know my 5 year old buckles herself in every time and I just confirm that she is in fact buckled by feeling the buckle or looking. She also can buckle in her 3 year old brother and 18 month old brother.
I would have the kids practice buckling in grandmas car.
Words cant describe how LIVID I would be. I feel for you and unfortunately I dont have advice for you but I am with you 110% on being upset and I wouldnt even allow my MIL to ever watch the kids after that if thats how her judgement is. What a stupid STUPID thing to do
If your daughter and hubby were afraid to tell you something then it's time to re-evaluate how you react to things. I'm not saying your MIL was in the right but you need to calm down and put things into perspective. You don't say how old the kids are if they are pre-school then MIL needs to understand that a small child is actually safer not seatbelted than seatbelted in a car. In the event of an accident the child's bone structure is not formed enough to hold the seatbelt in place and the child can slip under it and be strangled by the seatbelt. She also needs to realize the fine for having a child in a moving car without a car seat is huge. You also could face a meeting and investagation with CPS.
I am sure she loves the kids with her whole heart but believe me carseats have changed so much since our kids were little and they are much more difficult to use. When I am watching my grandchildren I would rather keep them home than deal with the carseats. You also need to realize that all cars and all seatbelts work slightly differently. If you showed her how to use the car seats and seat belts in your car, you may have to show her how in her car.
I would definitely say something to her. As for your husband- that's ridiculous and you have EVERY right to be livid with him. In our house, he'd still be in the couch in the basement. He actually asked your daughter to lie to you to keep him mom out of trouble? Awesome.
As for what to say to her... I would say something like "Sue, D said she had a good time with you the other night, but that she was really nervous riding in the car without her booster seat. I'm really not OK with that, please don't do it again." Then if she asks if she can take the kids somewhere, tell her that you would be happy to meet her there or go along b/c you know that the booster seats are tough to manage.
Just a caution... don't create a war over this (as much as you may want to) because your sweet little girl will see it as "getting grandma in trouble b/c she told you the truth" and that's not the message you want to send! Just don't put them in a car with her again until they are out of boosters and able to buckly themselves in.
I get that you hover so it may not have occurred to you but most kids can buckle themselves in with a booster seat. Perhaps it is time you teach them.
So far as your mother in law goes she was probably scared she was going to get it wrong, was sure she did it wrong and panicked.
In the end, teach your kids, problem solved.
Most accidents happen within 2 miles of home.
Neither my MIL nor FIL is allowed to take my dd
They once took her with her cousins and since they had trouble reaching a 4th seatbelt, they let her go totally without one(because she is ours).
That was the one and only time.
I would take MIL out and show her how to buckle the carseats so that next time they would be properly restrained.
As a grandparent, it would upset and offend me if the parent of my grandchild didn't trust me with my own grandchild. However, I understand that some technology with babies and children has moved past me and I may need some instruction.
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I understand your anxiety and you are right to feel that way. I am not saying all elderly people can't drive but with the eye issue and no night driving I would have a porblem too. Then your husband telling your daughter no to tell mommy, that is just wrong. You don't say how old your children are but to be in car seats they are young, you also don't say how old the MIL is but again the eye issue and night driving problem is a worry. I am a MIL and I'm 53 still young and active with no problem driving and using a car seat, my grandbaby is 4. I usually have to show parents how to put in car seats properly and strap the children in. Since you guys knew she was taking the children you both should have shown her how to strap the children in, instead of assuming that she knew. You have to know that your MIL would not do anything to harm her grandchildren so make sure you give her all the tools she needs to keep them safe. You can show your MIL how to sue the car seats without it being a major issue.
To moms that think it is inappropriate for a child to buckle himself in or younger siblings, that is kind of harsh. That is teaching and learning, and the adult should check to make sure it was done correctly. The older child especially girls really like to help mom out and that is a good thing and doesn't take anything away from the mom's duties. Children learn by doing, not always having it done for them.
I would stand by the rule that Grandma (and anybody else, really) can only drive the kids if one you is there to ensure that proper safety procedures are in place and understood. Whether or not he talks to her is neither here nor there. My baby is not quite a toddler, and he has ridden with my mother a couple of times, and that's it. I have explained that my husband and I are just not ready for other people to be responsible for his safety in such a way. (Lol, the nanny can only walk so far with him in our neighborhood.) Thankfully, my husband supports me in this. He doesn't even like for ME to ride with just anybody because I am his precious cargo.
I feel confident alot of my friends are good drivers so I don't have a problem w/my 6 yo being driven around by another mom. If it were a relative w/vision issues, that would be a whole 'nuther situation. By law kids have to bebuckled in appropriately. Husband and MIL and anyone else needs to understand that.
I would pull up videos or pictures of cars in crashes, show your husband and ask him if he wants his offspring to be thrown around in the middle of all that mangled steel and glass, or worse, laid out on the street b/c they weren't appropriately buckled in.
This is a huge safety issue. Its not like you MIL gave your kids sugar at bedtime. I'd take this very seriously.
I understand you have an issue with other people driving with your kids, but I don't see the big deal. I'm on your husband's side about it. I bet your MIL loves her grandchildren and would not harm them, so she couldn't get the seat belt fastened, I don't see the big deal.
I wouldn't do anything, I wouldn't be mad, and if I was you, I'd just show her how to fasten the belt, so next time you could feel better.
It's not right for a child to feel like she has to hide OR go against what she knows is wrong. If MIL cannot safely transport the children, they don't go. Many accidents happen within a mile or two of "home" so distance is not the point. The point is, if they should be in boosters, they were not and MIL did not call you or cancel the outing. I wouldn't call an officer, necessarily, but I'd probably phone a friend before I took them out in an unsafe manner.
Since you say you have already shown her the seats, say that you are concerned not only with her inability to buckle the seat and judgment to take the kids anyway, but with how your DD felt uncomfortable but had to tell someone because it bothered her. You neither want your child to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Either you will transport the kids or MIL will have to wait til thy can buckle themselves.
I would have exploded. I have known of too many little kids killed in car accidents, and many are from incorrect car seats, and no way in the world would I be okay with my child being put in a normal seat belt at that age/size!!
I understand that the older generation is used to thinking like that more. They didn't grow up like we did with the push for carseat safety, etc, but still they are YOUR kids, and she needs to follow YOUR rules.
Absolutely my MIL would not be allowed to take my kids anywhere without me or hubby there. Actually my MIL isn't allowed to already - for other reasons (we both question her sanity).
As for your husband, that would have made me very angry too. He needs to apologize and make that right, if he hasnt' already. And there is definitely an issue here with the MIL that needs to be addressed. If it were me and my mother in law, I would email her and explain that you learned what happened and let her know that you feel more comfortable to not have her drive the kids around. I would say it all very respectfully and nicely, but also to the point so that she doesn't misunderstand. I would repeat it a couple times, different ways (kindly), to make sure she understood. Repeating something 2-3 times makes it more likely to make the point.
But be considerate of her feelings and such. I wouldn't call because for me, if someone were to call and tell me that, I would feel too much on the spot. Email works a lot better because I think it gives the other person (your MIL) the power to respond when they want and to be more thoughtful in what they want to say instead of feeling like they have to say something immediately. Phone calls can be weird in that regard. But for others, it might work better to call instead. But, either way, I would contact her and let her know. I wouldn't have hubby do it. I would do it myself or together. I would question whether your hubby would confront her properly or not, which is why I think you need to participate, if not be the one doing it yourself.
And, never ignore your mother's instinct. You have it for a reason. If you are feeling like something isn't right, follow that feeling. Maybe others feel like these things are fine, but if YOU don't, then it's not fine. And you certainly aren't crossing over into being overprotective or spastic, in my opinion. I feel the same as you!
And, wow, that contraction lasted almost the whole time I've typed this last paragraph! (I do type fast, but that was well over a minute..maybe two minutes!)
I would not say anything. Teach her how to properly use the child restraints.
Honestly, children do grow up, they are resiliant as well. As hard as it is, we have to let go and trust that they will be ok. If we are so overprotective and sheltering, we are hurting them vs helping them grow.
Trust me... I know how hard it is.. I have a 16 yr old who has been driving since December and my stomach is still in knots everytime I know she is driving somewhere or in the car with some friends.
I would be upset. Even if children know how to buckle themselves into a car seat, an adult needs to confirm it is fastened. In the future if MIL asked to drive the kids I would simply say no without giving her an explanation unless she asked.
if the're old enough to be in a booster they shopuld be able to do it themselve...so teach them, my daughters in a 5 point harness carseat and has been bucking herself for a while and she J. turned 5...before it was too hard....but maybe next time before u go out give a mini lesson, u may have showed her before but from what i gather its few and far between u let her do it, so I'm sure that would be tough to remember months apart, also confrontation in parents seems to do the reverse, instead J. next time they come over start with a compliment like oh last time the kids loved having you, they mentioned the seats were confusing let M. show u before we leave so ur not stuck in the house....or couldn't u install them in the car before u leave J. in case there was an emergency or they wanted to go out?
Yes, I would be mad, and I'm sorry this happened to you. Next time she mentions bringing your children somehwere, I would tell her "NO" because of what happened last time.
Gosh, I'm surprised at the responses that say things like, "My 5 year old buckles herself in and buckles in her younger siblings..." I would never leave it up to my 7 year old daughter to buckle in her 3 year old brother let alone a baby sibling!!!!! I'm the mom...that's part of my job!
Next time grandma wants to take the kids out, arrange a taxi or a town car, request to install the carseats and send her the bill.
I wouldn't say anything to her directly but next time she trues ti take your kids somewhere let it be known she is not to leave the house with them. I feel you mama! I don't trust anyone with my kids. Heck my son was in 7th grade before I let him ride the bus! Who knows who was driving my son to and from school! I finally got over myself but it took a long time!
