Women Who Drink While Pregnant???

Addiction is a funny thing. Different for everyone with an addiction. Most of us who do NOT have an addiction, cannot understand how a woman would even risk a couple on occassion.

People with addictions need compassion and gentle guidance, maybe even laced with a little guilt. Still, intervention may not always work anyway.

One of my sisters drank everyday to the point of 'buzzed' while pregnant. She rationalized it was 'only wine', and she never got 'drunk'. She got lucky, her babies were fine. Sigh.

:(

I dont understand it either. My dr did say that a glass of wine in the last week was ok. My sister was sent home (came to my house) not dialating. I gave her a glass of wine in the bath. She went into full labor almost immediatly :)

I'm with you on this one....I just don't get it. I didn't drink with my first and won't with this pregnancy either. My baby is more important to me than a drink but that's just me.

I think the "we're all fine" excuse, is weak. No, they weren't. Only the people you knew "were fine." Many, MANY weren't.

The fact is, scientists have no idea how much harms. There are woman who can get drunk repeatedly, and their baby is fine. There are woman who have one or two drinks, and their baby is born with problems. Since no one knows what could actually harm a baby, I don't understand why it's so important to take the risk! I mean, it's nine months. If a woman can't go nine months without a drink, that's a really big problem. Seriously, nine months. How could alcohol be so important. I persoanlly find woman who are so weak they can't make it a short 9 months...kind of pathetic.

P.S.
I grew up surrounded by addiction. Addicts are full of excuses. Always. I'm sick of everyone else making excuses for them, too. I've long ago run out of compassion for them. Addicts are the most selfish people. It's not a "disease." They CHOOSE. Their bodies didn't create this. They CHOSE to be an addict.

In Europe it is common for women to drink during pregnancy....not to get drunk or heavily. With both my pregnancies I had a handful of drinks spread out over the pregnancies. My dr knew and even suggested a glass or two of red wine to clean the kidneys. Before anyone asks both my boys are healthy and normal.
I don't agree with those who get drunk or drink heavily while pregnant but I see nothing wrong with a glass or two here or there.
It is funny how restrictive our country has gotten when it comes to women and pregnancy. I have watched it over the years get worse and worse. Such as don't drink this, limit this, don't eat that, don't sleep that way and so on. I would flip out if I was pregnant now with the list of don'ts compared to the list of don'ts 10 and 15 yrs ago.

Although having a small glass of wine or 1/2 a beer a few times during pregnancy will probably not harm you, this is not what you are talking about. Molly, where did you read that up to 3 drinks a day is ok while pregnant? You shouldn't be drinking that much when NOT pregnant. You know, some people are addicts and if that is the case it can be very hard to quit. But they have the choice and they choose not to. That friend who has the baby with the eye problem will forever have to look at her child's face and be reminded of what she has done. That lady at the bar is particularly disgusting. I think your friend who is in the last scenario has a problem with alcohol and trying hard to be good. My MIL smoked while pregnant in the 70's. She said her doctor told her up to 5 a day was ok. He probably said don't smoke, but if you have to, then up to 5 has not been proven to harm your baby. She also chose to smoke until the day a massive heart attack killed her at 67. I think it a combination of "It can't happen to me", "It's too late to quit", "Just a little wont hurt".

I am one that I don't drink a drop of alcohol while pregnant. I HATE when I see a woman drinking while she is pregnant. I know they say a glass of wine is okay, etc, but really? It's only 40 weeks. My son was born with some feeding issues and was later developmentally delayed which later turned into an Autism diagnosis... (PDDNOS). Like any mother of a special needs child I went through a grieving period that things were going to be different. I could never understand why I got a special needs child without abusing my body, while my ex's cousin drank like a fish and her baby was perfectly healthy. I finally realized I was given my son b/c I was strong enough to be there for him. And I'm glad to have the comfort that it was the hand of God and there was nothing I did to cause his special needs.

I had a friend who was 20 and pregnant and she asked me to buy her a bottle of wine to which I absolutely refused. I could never serve to a pregnant woman in a bar. I don't care if you will only have 1 glass I will not be the one providing it to you.

So, in my opinion, I hate it when I see it and I wish that it didn't happen, but I realize that they must have a problem to be doing it.

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I can't answer you as to why they do it other than they may have a chemical dependency that is stronger than their motherly instinct. A glass of wine is considered fine and many European women partake of such frequently when pregnant. I personally cannot do put anything in my body without thinking the worst is going to happen and I'm not about to take that chance with my baby.

I have a friend who got pregnant several years ago. She's in AA, so she wasn't drinking, but she couldn't stop smoking. They went through IVF to get pregnant. She went through all the pain and paid all that money and still couldn't give up her smokes. She did miscarry. There is a higher power and it is not my place to judge, but I felt that if you can't give up a harmful vice for 40 weeks, then maybe you are too selfish to be a mom.

I understand your concern... It does sound like your friend is taking precautions for her baby. Maybe she has just identified herself with alcohol and doesn't know how else to fit in. She sounds a bit immature. Try not to hold it against her.

Alcohol if drunk moderately does not cause issues with the fetal development. If it did - majority of Europeans would be severely underweight, have heart issues, suffer from FAS, and have as much ADHD & ADD diagnoses as America does or have facial deformities.

Since that is NOT the case... Americans simply do not understand the concept of moderation, especially when it comes to alcohol.

There is nothing wrong with a woman have 3-5 drinks a week, hopefully no more than 2-3 in the same day and time frame.

Because for some its an addiction and its hard to quit. If I wasnt so lazy when I was pregnant I would have went out and got me some non alcohol beer too. I craved beer soooo bad!! Does that mean I was drinking while I was pregnant? Not once. I dont have a drinking problem either. Drinking a glass of red wine while you are pregnant is proven to be ok. I read an article in my doctors office while I was pregnant that its ok to have 3 alcohol drinks a day while pregnant.
I, personally wouldnt do it, but Im not an alcoholic either. Yes I agree that the girl in college clubbing and drinking was young and dumb and your other friend extremely depressed. They will have to deal with the consequences of their actions the rest of their life.
Dont just assume when someone says they want to drink that they are. Maybe instead of eye rolling and talking behind her back, if its bothering you, say something to her face. Or move on. God will do the judging. I really hope this woman has some better friends.

I only know women who smoke while pregnant but even that I cannot understand. I used to be on the board of our parish's women's club with this women. She was pregnant and pretty much chain smoked the whole time. She was puffing while trying to get sympathy from all of us for all the deformities her unborn child had. I was always like has it occurred to you that your smoking had something to do with that?

If you can't control your habits don't reproduce. Every woman I know, other than that woman, have always stopped smoking while pregnant or at least cut waaayyyyy down. Chain smoking? drinking till drunk? what the hell are you thinking.

I think women do it while pregnant because that can't control it. Sadly being an alcoholic doesn't stop because they are pregnant for some. I'm kind of shocked by some of your responses on here. It's either denial or no education on the subject. Just understanding the basics of what alcohol is and how you body processes it should give someone a clue that it's not healthy stuff. And not only that, but why not let your unborn child make that choice for themselves later. For now, they don't have one. I mean what's the problem with sustaining from some drinks for nine months? Should be one of many sacrifices we make for children to keep them healthy and safe.
C.

I probably had 3-4 glasses of wine throughout my entire pregnancy all three times, and I also know it's fine to drink more than the guidelines claim. People have done it for centuries, and all three of my doctors assured me I could drink one or 2 drinks EVERY DAY if I wanted. They specified how much alcohol it takes to cause "harm" and it would have been more than I drank even when not pregnant. To be super safe, I didn't drink except on rare occasions, a half glass of wine or a beer. But then again, I am a self disciplined person who never cared much about alcohol so it wasn't hard for me.

BUT the people who drink harmful amounts while pregnant do it because it's too hard not to for them for whatever reason. Their first priority is obviously not the health of their baby. And they're too weak to deprive themselves.

Not all irresponsible young drinkers are addicts with a disease. Just like not all cheaters are sex addicts. But certainly some of the women drinking destructive amounts during pregnancy are alcoholics, in which case I worry for the kids on so many levels.

because they are selfish and dont care about their babies, only themselves. everyone knows what alcohol can do to your baby. I dont care if it is one drink only, you just never know what might happen. as soon as you know or suspect you are pregnant you should stop drinking. and if you are actively trying to get pregnant you should not be drinking. or smoking either. i cant stand pregnant women who smoke.i dont comprehend why someone cant stop for 9 months.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/alcohol-use.html

They don't know how much is too much.

The woman in your story does seem to have an addiction but I will say that with both pregnancies I was given permission to have A glass of red wine after the 7th month. For the record, it was unsolicited permission, but nonetheless, I welcomed that option as my first child reached 5 and 10 days overdue and I was getting super stressed out. You know? You get to that point where you're walking, which in non pregnant times is great for stress relief, but all I could think on my walks was "will THIS finally get labor going?".

We're also not supposed to eat feta or the bajillion other things that MIGHT mess up a kiddo but before I realized I was pregnant I was eating feta egg wraps EVERY morning for lunch and feta turkey burgers every afternoon for dinner and my dd is wicked awesome.

There are a lot of things that can go wrong in ones life, rather than judge those having a hard time why not offer them support, and kindness, and than maybe they could overcome the things that cause them to make bad choices.

Why do some women willingly drink while pregnant? Because it's not illegal to do so. Because it's illegal to refuse to serve a pregnant woman alcohol just because she's pregnant. Because she's an adult (usually) who can make health decisions based on her own education and knowledge, assuming that this is a typical, reasonable woman.

During my first pregnancy I was in two weddings. I had permission from my OB to toast champagne for each wedding. Aside from that I abstained.

I'm personally not one to "tempt fate" and lean heavily towards being more cautious during pregnancy and with newborns. I tended to follow the safety guidelines given by my OB, the CDC, and AAP. However, I also used my own common sense.

Not everyone does that.

But you're also making a lot of assumptions about the friend who "wanted a Limon and Coke" and instead had water all day, then wanted to get a non-alcoholic beer. You assumed she was lying and that she's been imbibing during her pregnancy in an unhealthy way. And the thing is, rather than sound concerned, you're coming off sounding very judgmental.

I griped a lot about not being able to drink when I was pregnant. I enjoy a glass of wine or beer to wind down with dinner, so it was hard to give up, even if you're not addicted. I griped about a lot actually, b/c I was just miserable sometimes. It's hard to give up other things too-- like Motrin and cold medicine and deli meats! Did it occur to you that maybe she's just venting b/c pregnancy is kind of annoying sometimes? You give up a lot of yourself when you're pregnant and for the rest of your life with kids. It's not easy for everybody. Try being more supportive.

I was born in the early 60s and I know my mom drank while pregnant. Heck, everyone did. And you know what? We're all fine. I don't think that means you should go out and start drinking, but I think that this don't have a drop of alcohol is kind of crazy.

That's so crazy and so very sad! I just think it completely wrong to drink any kind of alcohol while pregnant. There are just so many things that could go wrong in the pregnancy and it's just so not worth it! Women who drink really need to be educated on the risks.

Updated

That's so crazy and so very sad! I just think it completely wrong to drink any kind of alcohol while pregnant. There are just so many things that could go wrong in the pregnancy and it's just so not worth it! Women who drink really need to be educated on the risks.

Having lost 3 friends to liver disease due to alcohol, and another is dying right now, I can't find anything good about adding alcohol to a daily regimen. Pour it over a piece of steak and watch what happens and you won't want to put it inside your body!

I had a friend that drank and smoked during her whole pregnancy. The baby was is a bad way and died when she was 6. She had a lot of mental problems, could never walk, talk or doing normal things. A friend of mine told me that she would make a pitcher of martinis and drink them all herself everynight and smoked like a chimney.
Drinking is a disease and sometimes no matter what is going on pregnant or not they just can't get enough. They never came out and said it was because she was drinking but we all thought about it. They could never pinpoint exactly what was wrong with her, so they say. When she became pregnant again she was afraid that it would happen again. She did not drink or smoke during her second and the baby was healthy. It really bothers me when I see a pregnant woman drinking cause it makes me think of my friend.

I fully support a women's right to have ONE legal glass of beneficial alcohol. But i think it is utterly irresponsible to drink more than that. I dont even understand how its possible actually. With all three of my pregnancies it was my reaction to having a drink or a coffee that actually let me know i pregnant in the first place. It makes me very edgy and nauseous, i dont get how anyone can.

But during my first pregnancy (i was 21) i had a friend who was convinced she could drink clear alcohol while pregnant. She wasnt an idiot so her idea baffled me.

So my answer to you is people drink while they are pregnant (and i mean more than 1 glass of wine) Because they are alcoholics in denial, or they are profoundly selfish.

I as told by both an MD and and ND (naturopathic doctor) that towards the end of the 3rd trimester, if you're having trouble sleeping, having a small glass of red wine is actually beneficial because it will help give your body some much needed rest. I stayed away from all alcohol until the last month of pregnancy when maybe once a week, I had a half glass of wine. It was heaven!

What bothers me a lot is seeing pregnant and breastfeeding women drinking tons of caffeine and diet drinks.... a little caffeine here and there is not that big of a deal, but there's NOTHING good about all that fake sugar. I was told to really steer clear of that.

I haven't read everyone's response as this is obviously a hot topic. I did not have another drink or cigarette from the moment the stick turned pink. I was always like clockwork and I took the test less than a week after being late. I had smoked for years, but I put the developing life inside of me ahead of everything else. I realize not everyone has that sort of willpower.

I've seen numerous women smoke while pregnant and it really disturbs me. As for your question about the obviously pregnant girl drinking at the bar, there are several points to be made. First what state was this? Every state has different laws. Several years ago a woman in Michigan sued a bar and the bartender for refusing to serve her. In Texas, the bartender reserves the right to refuse service for any reason. Personally, I would risk the law suit. Second, it's actually much worse to drink in the beginning stages of pregnancy. During the first trimester is when the brain forms. This is the time in which many women do not even realize they are pregnant. Thankfully not everything is black and white.

A few drinks is not likely to cause any permanent damage. I am just not willing to take any such gamble. Nine months for me compared to life-long for another human being? I think it's selfish to make any other decision.

During the third trimester it's ok to have a glass of red wine or a dark ale. Both actually help smooth muscle, which the uterus is. My third pregnancy when I was having prodromal labor and my contractions were three minutes apart, but not really doing anything, my midwife suggested I drink half a dark ale (not the whole thing because she suspected I would start hard labor as soon as I relaxed and she didn't want me tipsy) and soak in a warm tub.

Hubby drew me a bath, I got in and he went and poured me part of a beer. I got 6 swallows in and my contractions slowed down. I fell asleep within 45 minutes and woke up 6 hours later in hard labor. He was born 4 hours after that.

As long as the person isn't drinking in excess, isn't drinking liquors (only red wine and dark beers) and isn't drinking before the third trimester, I don't see anything anything wrong with it.

ETA: Just read a few responses. Three alcoholic drinks a day is too many! You can have one (1) a day of red wine or a dark ale. That's it. Whoever told you 3 was ok is an idiot...and if you read it somewhere then the author is an idiot or you misread.

Some women drink and/or smoke while pregnant.
Sometimes their babies turn out ok and sometimes they don't.
If you are addicted to something, the addiction becomes something that gets put ahead of everything else - even your child.
I knew a woman who deliberately smoked during all her pregnancies because "it keeps the baby nice and small" - never mind that most consider low birth weight to be an undesirable thing.
There's no figuring out how some people think.

When I became pregnant for the first time I was worried about the alcohol I had consumed in the four-six weeks before I realised I was pregnant. I questioned my doctor and he told me not to worry, that many, many babies are conceived in a haze of alcohol (not that I was a raging drunk, but I had been out with friends etc a few times). I also questioned the use of alcohol throughout my pregnancies, and he advised a glass now and then was fine. That's what I did, a glass very occasionally. My niece, on the other hand, was born to a recovering heroine addict while she was on methadone. My niece is now 12, plays cello in famous city youth symphony, has been accepted into a selective academic high school, skipped a grade because she's exceptional, and was talking in full sentences soon after she turned one. She shows signs of being a genius. You just can't tell.

There was a recent study that came out showing that drinking in small amounts is actually not harmful (this was all I could find).I believe there was another showing follow up to early school age with no ill effects but I was unable to find the reference. And drinking occasionally has remained the norm in Europe
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.20...

I find myself being way more judgmental about women who smoke during pregnancy, parents who smoke at all, and all people who feed their children fast food. Since apparently we must all be judgmental about something :)

Eh, I don't get it, and I'm even talking about the non-alcoholic women. I know some will say that one drink here & there won't hurt anything. I don't need alcohol bad enough to tempt fate, and be that small percentage of people that might have issues down the road. To each her own.

We all have different ideas of what's okay & what's not. Ultimately a woman can do with her body what she wishes, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I don't understand it, but, then again, I am amazed & perplexed by people & their behaviors on a daily basis.

There are different veins of thought on this. Heavy drinking is of course a no no. I did not drink during pregnancy at all, but my cousin drank one glass of wine in the evening and the doctors were fine with it. Just use your head. Here is an article from 2010:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/drinking-pregnant-s...

Bottom line....... we are all different.

I drank wine and beer while I was pregnant with my 2 younger kids. Had permission from my OB to do so. He said about 5 oz of wine per week or one beer was just fine. And it was, though I avoided any alcohol in my 1st trimesters. While I was in labor with my last baby, I took a bath and had a glass of wine to help me relax. My husband lit some candles and made me laugh through the contractions. It was a wonderful experience, and I believe WAY healthier for my baby than a ton of pain narcotics. I also drank while I was nursing. The Le Leche group actually recommends beer to help with the milk let down. And with my youngest I had production issues when she was about 9 months old, so I started making cookies with brewer's yeast to boost my milk supply. Of course, those were non-alcoholic, but my point it, the ingredients in alcoholic beverages (most of which have very few harmful chemicals) can actually be very beneficial to pregnant or nursing moms. There are lots of studies to back this up, if you do some homework. Of course, I'm not talking about getting drunk AT ALL. Moderation is extremely important, pregnant or not. So your friend is craving a beer and sick of drinking water. Who cares? It's not like she's taking body shots of vodka. Mom's have enough to feel guilty/judged over. Try being supportive about her being pregnant in 110 degree heat wave rather than making her feel like she's not the perfect mom.

One word - addiction.

There is a difference between drinking and getting drunk. I have no problem if a pregnant woman has a small glass of wine (especially low-alcohol!) but much more than that would worry me. It sounds like your Friday night friend is just having to make some sacrifices and lifestyle changes, and it's hard. It's hard to give up something you are used to especially when everyone around you is drinking it. I don't blame her for being tired of drinking water... maybe she can explore different kinds of teas or non-alcoholic drinks and feel like she's treating herself that way.

For Molly -- if your doctor has a magazine in his office that says it's OK to drink up to 3 drinks a day while pregnant (!) -- I'd switch doctors!!!!!!

Well as much as it is upsetting to some of us who are responsible you are really not able to judge without being in someone else's shoes. From what I understand it is okay to have a small amount of alcohol while pregnant. The problem is that no one knows what the "limit" is. I had a total of two glasses of wine the entire time I was pregnant. I was even given the go ahead by my midwife.

Something to consider is that many people who have addiction issue also have been abused sexually or otherwise as children. These issues can come up while a woman is pregnant and since sometimes people aren't aware of the actual reasons that they feel the way they do they drink. Women who have repressed memories or have not been to therapy might drink to cover up the strong emotions that are coming up as their body changes. I know that this is just an excuse but once again you cannot know the pain that someone else might be trying to numb in their life. I wouldn't jump to conclusions if I were you.

Selfish..selfish woman!!! :(

I drink beer with my husband at least once a week so when I was pregnant I couldn't resist and ordered a non-alcoholic beer and it even had a small trace of alcohol...no guilt here.
Back in the day I'm pretty sure some mommas drank before there was internet, self help books, etc.

Drinking is an addiction....whether some want to believe it or not...it is...for an alcoholic - nothing is more important than that next drink...that next "ahhhh"...you can't change them...you can't lecture them, they have to want to help themselves...

I personally don't drink....it doesn't "do" anything for me so why bother?

I knew a women who did this, also chain smoked. She was about 35 but looked 45 yrs old. She said she didn't care what happened to the child b/c she was giving the baby up for adoption anyways.

I had the same experience. Women like that are alcoholics and they seen't going to listen to reason. I'm no longer friends with the person o had that experience with.