I have two children who both play sports. One is in high school and the other is finishing up Junior High. Last night, at one of my kid’s games, I heard the most infuriating thing come out of the Varsity coach's mouth. This guy has been a real piece of work since day one as far as coaching a team goes, but this commentary really took the cake for me. Our high school, like most, has a Junior Varsity and a Varsity team in most sports. Our JV team was playing horribly last night and got beaten by a team that they really should've won against. It happens. The kids were off, not playing their best, and they lost. While the JV team was playing, the Varsity Coach was on the sidelines literally making fun of some of the players and the mistakes that they were making. It was very unsettling to watch this happening and as a parent, I was really angry at this behavior. Then, as if it could be any worse, he walks over to the JV Coach at the end of the game and says....and I quote....."There will be three things happening next year on my team. #1 is that no one from your JV Team will ever be on my Varsity Team, #2 is that I will be bumping 4 Varsity players to JV, and lastly, I am going to go to our Junior High feeder schools to watch the 8th graders play to see if there's any new meat over there.” So basically, what I heard here is that a YEAR in advance, this guy is making decisions about kids, their abilities, and the team. A lot can change in a year as far as a kid’s skill level in a particular sport and also the movement of a player from JV to Varsity and vice versa. I heard all this banter because I happened to be in the right spot at the right time and I’m not too happy with this. The JV Coach was appalled at the comments and he told the guy that he is nuts and that he has no concept of how to bolster confidence in kids that play sports and that his tactics will do nothing but breed animosity between the kids and the teams. What do you parents think of this? If you were me and you heard this stuff, what would you do? Here’s my big dilemma…..I have a child on JV right now and they happen to be the best player on the team. Do I tell my child that they have no shot at Varsity next year because the Coach has already condemned everyone on JV a year in advance? Also, I have an 8th grader who is a top-notch player as well and this Coach sent my JV child over to me last night to ask me what the sports schedule is at her Junior High School so he can go watch them play. I guess that means my 8th grader is the “new meat” he was referring to earlier. He couldn’t walk his fanny over to me and speak to me as the parent but sends my “JV Loser” over to inquire about my younger child. I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. Personally, I think this Varsity Coach is a presumptuous, pompous, idiot. How in the heck can you make judgments as to who will be playing on next years Varsity team a year in advance like that? Parents….I need some feedback, please. What do you think about this?
If it were me I would email every parent of a child on the team and tell them what you heard. CC the athletic director and the principal as well. This is unnaceptable. You would be remiss if you did not act on it. Get this coach FIRED. You can do it.
unless you're willing to address this thru administration, I'd recommend just letting it go. He was mouthing, & hopefully that's it.
Hard to do, but he's a jerk.....& bear that in mind in every single interaction with him. Good Luck.
Go to the athletic director asap! This man needs to go. Also, do not tell your JV child that there is no chance of varsity. Some coaches speak before thinking and end up eating their words later...no reason to worry your JV child! All in all, this is a crummy situation. Some people really should know better!
Go to the principal. This is unacceptable. Let the JV coach know you went to the principal so he can back up your story.
Set up a meeting with the JV coach & principle, so you both can tell what happened.
I completely understand your frustration and disgust with this coach. I would be, too! First, and foremost, I think you should discuss this with the JV coach -- tell him what you heard and get his impression. If you are not satisfied, you should then go to the Athletic Director with what you know. I would avoid discussing it with your kids, but if you've already done so, be sure to follow up with what you find out from the JV coach and AD. Encourage them to still do their best, especially if they really enjoy playing! Do not let the coach discourage them. Best of luck and be sure to let us know what happens!
Ugh! From the daughter of a coach (who at times was a pompus @hole), you have my sincere empathy.
That said, I would NOT start riling up a bunch of trouble and calling all the parents, CCing folks, telling your son he has no shot at Varisity, etc. Just based on one overheard conversation.
If the JV coach is aware of this issue, he will be vocal and support the kids. AND guess what? If no one from JV moves up - ever, that is going to look really weird and pretty soon the program will crumble. . .any dope of a coach knows that:)
What you may have heard/seen may not have been what you think it is. Maybe this coach knows he is on his way out and he is making trouble for folks, maybe he is frustrated in his own ability and is jealous of JV coach and what you saw was a conversation between them that was intended to hurt/demean the JV coach and the kids' ability got caught in the crossfire.
Athletics are a strange and twisted politics in many schools, I have found that by laying low and being there to encourage your child and not giving a flip about a coach and insted respecting (right or wrong) their decisions it sets up a level of respect in your children and keep s you and them out of the crossfire. Let their ability speak for itself.
Don't know if any of this helped, but one final addition - guys are different from girls. Where we see this and think it is forever and a promise, to them it is spouting off because they are frustrated and want to shock folks into action.
NO -don't tell your JV kid anything right now -you call the school and demand a meeting with that coach and the administration. Sit down and tell him you, as a parent, are appalled at what you heard him say. See if any other parents who were there want to go with you. Let him know you understand coaching a bunch of guys in jr. high and high school isn't all about holding their hands and making them feel special, but it's also not about demeaning and belittling young guys who happen to be having an off night. Bring up any other issues you've seen out of him this season as well. He needs something in his disciplinary file, and if he can't or won't amend his coaching techniques and behavior, he needs to find another career. Find out his plans for try outs, cutting, etc. for next year's team -and you'll have the administration as a witness.
I am a "suck-it-up" non-coddling type of mother. I have two young boys who I hope will both play team sports. I give them lots of affection and love, but I have no patience for the crying, whiny, overly-dramatic bit. I do hope to raise young men who are confident and proud and don't freak out over every little thing. However, if a coach of them acts in this manner -you can bet he'll be hearing from me! It's one thing to push kids to excel and tell them to suck it up because you KNOW they can do better so ultimately they have confidence in themselves and their abilities -and an altogether different thing to belittle them, humiliate them and make them hate what they're involved in. He may have lots of experience as a coach -I don't know -but it doesn't seem like he is a very good one.
WOW - what an @hole. I know this is in my future, with a son who will most likely be involved in some sports or other activities, and I DREAD IT. And it's already happening... my son is 4 1/2, and he takes an instructional soccer class at our YMCA. Well, they had a "substitute" coach last week, and man, was he a jerk. The kids in this class are 4-6, and none of them have any soccer team experience. They are just there to learn and have FUN. So my son happened to be the first one at class last week, and as such, he was the first to chose a soccer ball from the bunch. And there is one ball with metallic gold writing on it, and all the kids want it, but he got it because he got there first. Ok, no big deal. So practice starts, and as soon as the ball got away from my son while dribbling or something, another kids snatches it from him. My son goes to him saying, "that's my ball", and the other kid is running from him, holding the ball. The coach intercepts them, took the ball, and said "No one gets this ball." Ok, still no REAL big deal. although I don't see why he didn't just hand it back to my son. But whatever. My son was even ok with this, he mouthed to me that no one gets to have that ball - he was just content that it wasn't taken from him and given to the other boy. At this point, I'm not really thinking anything of it. UNTIL this... a couple minutes later, while the coach was chit-chatting with another "coach" (aka another body standing around doing nothing while the class was going on), he told the other coach to demonstrate a skill, so he tosses him the gold ball, and said to him loudly, so the kids would hear him, "Here, you're a GOOD kid, so you can use this ball." It took EVERYTHING I had not to run out on that field and bury my foot up ____@____.com is wrong with these idiots?
I don't really have any advice for you. The coach is definitely and unfortunately an imbisile. You could talk to him, but that might just make your son a target. I don't know. I mainly just wanted to say that even though we're not there yet, I do empathize with your situation, because I already see it coming, and I hate it already.
Write down everything you can remember that he said. Leave out your editorial comments. Include what the other coach said. Then put it into a letter to the Athletic Director and cc the superintendent of schools. Include your comments in the letter but separate from the coach's diatribe. Leave out the part about your own children's ability and speak on behalf of all children. If any other parents overheard this, urge them to write their own letters. Ask the athletic director for a copy of the school's sports philosophy & mission statement (whatever they call it, they have something) and ask if this coach's behavior and comments support/advance that philosophy.
I think it is highly inappropropriate and would call the school Principal and Athletic Director of the district to report it; I'd also encourage other parents who heard his demeaning, negative banter to do the same. You don't necessarily have to give your name when you call him/her if you are not comfortable in doing so, just say that you are a concerned parent with a child who plays JV fb. Other option is to identify yourself but ask that your name not be mentiion to the coach so he won't lean on your son for your call. This coaches talk is not motivating it's belittling, sounds like his boss needs to have a talk with him s about it. You really need to do something about this Mom, it is not acceptable at the high school level, this is not the NFL. Hope this helps and keep us posted.
I disagree with advice telling you to email all parents , the athletic director and RILE everyone up over this. Look, this guy does sound like a real A-hole, but you're going to look like an overbearing, meddling mother if you do that.
You MIGHT consider voicing YOUR concerns to the athletic director.
I wouldn't mention anything to your son. Let your son prove himself over the next year.
I'm guessing this guy was just blowing steam.
I'm reminded of the country song, "It's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way."
First ask your kids their opinion of this coach. Is he/she looking forward to rising to the coaches challenges? Or, are he/she planning to give up this sport?
You can make an appointment with the Athletic Director at your school. If you aren't getting results, you can take your observations & your concerns up the ladder to the Principal, Superintendent, School Board. There are also Divisional & District Boards for Athletics where you could present your concerns.
I've never done this, I don't know if the results will be positive or negative for the you, the coach, your kids, the teams etc..... Other Mom's can better give you feed back with their experiences of taking on the coach and hierarchy.
I am wishing the best.
A.
Do you have phone with video capabilities? There will be another time. Down load a series of these videos on your computer. If this was a one time show of uncoach like behavior, forget it. If this is a habit of his, then show your video where it will do the most good.
Good Luck to you and yours.
In my life, that's how most coaches are. That would be the reason I decided not to continue playing softball. This is how the sports 'cliques' end up starting in the first place. I think I'd be talking to my kids about this (insert foul name here) coach.
There are likely city teams that the kids can play for, rather than their school where they'll get to have fun and the coaches will be ok with that.
I am sure this won't be the last time this coach acts like a fool. I would bring my Flip and send it to the superintendent and the school board. Let his actions do the talking.
If he's that much of an idiot then maybe you and your child ought to think twice about playing for him. I'm not saying what he did was right, but you know what you're getting into with him.
