Why the Rush?

there is such a difference between introducing a life skill (dressing oneself, potty training, using utensils) early and between the early introduction of sports and formal education.

Life skill introduction fosters a solid sense of independence which is paramount to the success of a child.

Sports are for fun at the under 6 crowd. Preschool if done properly is not pushing the child at all. But formal teaching IMO should not start until 22 mos at the earliest and that is with colors and shapes type of things.

Sometimes I think the parents believe that the children's accomplishments are a direct reflection of themself. They have to be perfect and so do their kids. I have gotten critisized at playgroups because my son is too old for baby food, or that I still put a bib on him. Honestly, why does this bother them, it's not their child and why should they be so concerned? He is only 1 for pete's sake!! I agree, my son will do things when he wants to, I can't force feed him....

We are very like-minded, my friend. (co-sleep, organic foods, breastfeeding, considering homeschooling) I have no answers for you. In fact I have the same question!!!

I guess I have a slightly different take on this issue than some of the ohters who have responded. I agree that pushing isn't good to do and with our kids (now 12 and 9 years), we didn't push sports or other activities. Our kids were in full time day care since infants due to our careers. Some might judge that but it worked for us. Happy mom = happy kids and I love my career.

Regarding activities, we asked and encouraged but didn't push anything on them and still don't except for our 12 year old daughter who needs a little push to be more physcially active. :-)

Here's where I differ - we GUIDE our kids every day whether we recognize it or not. We teach them how to breastfeed or drink from a bottle, eat from a spoon, feed themselves, potty train, use manners, learn colors, pronounce words. If a kid is really resistant to potty training at 2-3 years, I understand not pushing too hard but consistently encouraging to learn something new is needed. What if the child wasn't ready to potty train at 4 or 5 years? What if he didn't want to use utensils to eat at 7 or 8 years? Or say please and thank you at 10-11 years? There's nothing wrong with teaching, guiding, and encouraging all along the way. That's part of our jobs as parents. And sometimes pushing is needed. I do agree that some parents go too far and push their kids too hard or too early.

I agree with others who said to take clues from your kids, but again in moderation. If a kid is only interested in watching tv and eating junk food, we wouldn't call it pushing if we insisted on different activity and food.

Finally, for many kids (not all) who are cared for at home, getting involved in some activities outside of the home (park classes, dance, playgroups or playdates) can be really beneficial for their socilization as well as to just be more active and have fun.

Enjoyed all of the responses, very interesting variety.

I agree that pushing a kid to join a sport early in order for them to "get ahead" is silly. Potty training, for many families though, is an economic and lifestyle necessity: Diapers are very costly and caregivers (sitters, grannies, nursery school teachers) shouldn't have to diaper a typically-developing 4-year old in their care. At 3, most children have the skills to dress/undress and their little bodies are able to alert them to the need to void, so I believe that skill should be taught before the 3rd birthday. It can be taught in a relaxed, kind way, of course, never making the child feel rushed or negative. Just, "here is how we do it now, let's practice."

Just an FYI: If you choose the Montessori route, they do promote independence, so have a discussion with the staff regarding their philosophy re: toileting to make sure it is a good match.

We did classes like creative movement, language, book groups at the local library, etc. because as a new mommy I needed to a get out and make connections in my community with other new moms, get some fresh air, let my kids explore new environments, let them see other kids. They have friends still (at 7 and 9) that they met ages ago at these groups- and I do, too! Some of my best friends were met during these types of outings and it helped me feel more connected as a new parent.

Most cultures are much more social and inter-dependent, with larger, extended families and neighbors in close proximity. American moms/dads can become isolated, not by choice really but just how this culture is set up with new parents not having the support and engagement of the extended family and close community. So, doing these kind of classes helps parents connect and kids make connections with other kids.

I have to say that the added structure to the day was an appeal for me, helped me organize myself as a new parent (after having been in the working world for 8 years.)

I think it comes down to know your child and your family's capacity for activities. Just because children are ready for things on a different schedule does not mean early participants are being pushed. Some may be, while others may have a natural interest/affinity. Some children left to their own preferences will never take the iniative to potty train, join an activity, etc. Our role as parents is to find the best fit for our families and children. Some families are happy to be on the go all of the time, while it drives others crazy to never be able to sit home and relax.

In some respects I can see your point. I don't encourage my girls to wear shoes with heals...we have decided to wait for the girls to get their ears pierced when they are six or better...and do not allow them to watch movies or programming that is not age specific. Some of the little girls my six year old knows from school have been watching things like High School Musical and music videos which I think is utterly ridiculous, but that's me. I want my children to be children.

But I strongly encourage my kids to develop skills early....like eating and feeding themselves from the moment they can grasp food. I started potty training my girls as soon as they could say potty and knew what it meant when I said I had to go. I teach my kids to put on their own clothes starting as young as two. I have them help me cook as soon as they can stand in a chair at the counter.

So when it comes to independence, coordination, and being able to do things for themselves I encourage it. I promote it and I teach it. The more they can do the better. I want to spend more time doing activities, cooking, taking care of the home...than changing diapers, picking up after kids, hand feeding someone that can do it themselves.

My kids are quite capable of doing many things that other kids can't do, but their mentality is still age appropriate because I don't promote the different maturity that I spoke of earlier.

I potty train as early as 18 months depending on the child because it's more than possible, it saves money, and the research I've read says that if you wait much after 18 months to introduce it then it becomes harder and thus you have to wait until they are almost 4. My brother probably would have worn a diaper until he was 5 and started school if my mother would have let him. He was just that lazy as a child. He didn't want to take time to go on the potty.

I work in the church nurseries. I've worked with 2 year olds and 3 year olds. It's hard to change a child's bottom that is as big as a five year old. It's not very pleasant to change poopie diapers when the child is your own. It's worse when it is someone elses. We spend much time in church and the worst is when you can't lift the child needing a diaper change onto the changing table. It's rather strange to interact with a child that has a great vocabulary, seems very intelligent, but yet still doesn't know how to go on the potty. If they aren't developmentally slow it just seems to be laziness to me. But that's me, my mom, and her mom before her. In year past you would never even consider allowing a child to go in a diaper past the age of two. It was just not heard of. My grandmother would have told me about it for sure.

In Europe it's common practice to start training at 18 months. In some Asian countries they don't wear diapers, but learn to read their child's body language...and put child in appropriate position to urinate or poop at said location...The clothes have little holes in the private areas. They train very early as a result.

It's not that you are pushing your child to do something early. It's just encouraging them to do something they are more than capable of doing. I once heard a story of a pastor's wife that always took her children to the sanctuary when her husband preached. She never put her kids in the nursery. Someone asked her how she kept her children from disturbing the service. She said she told them their daddy was a preacher and they had to behave. The person asking was astounded. She pointed to her little lap dog and told the gentleman that she trained the dog to go potty outside at just a few weeks. The dog could sit, roll-over, and perform other tricks at just a few weeks. Then she looked at the gentleman and asked why he thought a human child wouldn't be smarter than a lap dog?

I consider my children to be smart and quite capable. I don't force them to do things. I encourage them to do things on their own. I encourage independance.

My kids were all breast-fed for over a year. They all slept in their own cribs from the beginning...though the older girls like to share a room now...they all slept in their own rooms. I lay my son down and he goes to sleep. Mommy sleeps, kids sleep, mommy and papi have their own room and privacy to make more babies. My mother explained that her brother had kids in his bed for about 12 years. He often had to sleep on the couch. I also have a girlfriend that has had kids in her bed for the past 18 years. And personally I can't sleep when the girls come crawl in the bed with me in the morning because they are bed hogs. No thank you.

It's just all about different strokes for different folks.

Hope that helps.

My kids are young and are involved in a lot of activities. For me, there's a few reasons that I do it...and I don't push them to do anything. If they didn't like something, they would finish up the classes I paid for and we wouldn't sign up again.
With my first, she was (and is) a little crazy..high strung..independent..head strong...whatever you want to call it. Crawling out of her crib at 8 months, taking the dog for a walk at almost 2 when I was in the shower (she was buckled in a 5 point harness in a high chair that she managed to get out of), the list goes on. Basically she was driving me bonkers. I felt that she needed to get out of the house more and do more things with other kids (and get out of my hair!). So first I found a preschool that took 2 year olds that weren't potty trained. She absolutely loved it. Walked in the door and said bye mom and never looked back while the other kids were crying and clinging (like "normal" kids do!). From there, I took out the park district book and read through things that she could do and asked her if she wanted to do anything. She wanted to do everything. She is now 6 and is in now or has been in...are you ready...cheerleading, irish dance, gymnastics, ballet, hip hop, spanish, piano, soccer, softball/t-ball, tennis, art, music, cooking, yoga, swimming, ice skating, girl scouts, religious ed, ...I'm sure I'm missing a few. The only class she didn't like was tennis and we didn't sign up again. Ballet only lasted 2 sessions before she was bored. But my point is she loves them all. I can't even sign her up for everything she wants to do because there aren't enough hours in the day. Now that she is starting school full time (1st grade) I told her she can only pick 3 at a time and she really can't figure it out. This is a girl who NEEDS to go go go. Or else she's go go going in my house and driving me up a wall.
Next kid is now 3. She just wants to do everything her sister does, so I have started signing her up for things as she becomes old enough to do it. Gymnastics, ballet, cooking, ice skating now...other things can start when she is 4 if she wants to. She also loves every minute of it. My next kid is now 2. She whines every time we go to the ice rink "me skate too" so she is getting signed up in the fall.
So there is my first reason...they love it.
My second reason is now that I have 4 kids and the oldest is 6, I need to get them out of my house. All of them here in the house at once = mass chaos. I'm the first to admit that I am not suzy homemaker, never have been, never want to be and never will be. So I am not the one who sits around and thinks up crafts to do to. The classes have someone who is trained and educated on doing these things to teach them to my kids. Don't get me wrong, we do a lot at home too..over the summer we have "school" for at least an hour a day, we swim in our pool, we play games, sing songs, have play dates, etc., but the classes give us structure and somewhere to be and I love seeing them so proud of themselves when they accomplish something.
The last reason is a little of that "I wish I had done these things when I was younger"... I don't know how to ice skate, never did it in my life. Wish I had. I never was athletic, am not know. Wish I was. When I had the opportunity to play in school, I was too embarrassed to try because "I didn't know how" and I wasn't any good, especially compared to everyone else who had been doing it for years already. So again, I am not going to be the one who is going to teach them to catch a ball in our backyard because I can't catch. Someone else is going to have to do that for me.
So I am not trying to raise olympic gymnasts or anything, but I am trying to help them find what they may be good at, or what they may enjoy doing, and get a little exercise, be social and learn how to get along with others/share/take turns/be patient/ and most of all, have fun! I don't push, I don't brag, I don't need them to be the best or the first - we potty trained when they felt like potty training, my 3 year old now just barely got her colors/shapes straight and still doesn't know the alphabet too well, she'll get it in due time! - and I certainly wouldn't push our way of doing things on anyone else. My extended family thinks I'm crazy, but I couldn't stand sitting in the house all day long. I get antsy when we have nothing on the calendar, I think that I must have forgot something and then I'll immediately find something to do - have friends over, go to a museum, etc. I think my 6 year old must take after me! Anyway, everyone is different and what's right for your family may not be right for mine and vice versa.

I ask myself this question all the time. I think we are same-minded individuals (natural minded, breastfeed and co-sleep... and I've considered homeschool as well).

I think it all plays into the ultra competitiveness of our society and our ideals about independence. We as a culture start from birth pushing our children away from us, and it's considered the norm. The range for a child to meet a milestone varies, but parents are in constant comparison with each other and in turn the kids are pushed to reach goals they may not be ready for. I am always so amazed at the discussions about these programs such as "baby can read" or something that "teaches" babies to read and such... or the DVD's and all the classes that start, sometimes with a competitive edge, almost right out of the womb. It's insane! We have such stressed out children and very little time to enjoy being a kid.
It's my hope that I am giving my child the best of ME, and in turn making sure he is happy, healthy, and able to learn at his own pace. As a early childhood professional at heart, it is discouraging sometimes to see... but I hope, through mamasource and in everyday life that I can help people stop and smell the flowers, to enjoy their children, because this period in life is too short to be rushed through!

For me, I believe in following a child's cues. For instance, my son said he wanted to go to school so we enrolled him in preschool. I think it's great for socialization and learning to follow another adult. And he learned to write his name! (among other things) Something he wouldn't do for me no matter how much I tried. He also wanted to do baseball this summer and he did and loved it. Some children are not like this and that's okay. I think parents are too competitive with what their children's accomplishments. Let kids be kids and have some say in their lives.

Ours wasn't sports it was preschool. Everyone couldn't believe I was not putting them in preschool. I just kept telling everyone they had plenty of school ahead of them and they didn't need two extra years.Also my education is Early Childcare. Why would I pay someone else to do what I could do? As for being behind the other children, they never were. In fact they both always advance. Take the time now to enjoy being with your children not enrolling them in class after class. They grow up so quickly!!!!

Good question, E.!
I just have two comments:

1) I guess the push for the 'early education' is because aren't we rated horribly in our academics for young people compared to other countries? Isn't this what sparked the race to include more and ealier academics? This is what I heard (that the state keeps raising to bar to compete with other countries).

2) My experience is that motherhood is very competitive. Everyone always wants their kid to be first (have the most kids, have the worst colic, have the first tooth, have them the closest together, etc), and when your kid is not they rush in with the 'expert' advice to help get you to the 'accepted' standard. Drives me nuts!

hi, i didn't read all the other posts so sorry if i repeat some things someone has already said.
I don't believe in pushing either, if they are interested then that is great and if not we bring it up at another time. and that goes for trying new foods, getting into sports, dance or whatever. the thing is that i really believe in exposing my kids to as much as possible because they can pick up anything you throw at them. and like i said if they are interested they will try and find out more and ask about it then do it and do it well. just my thoughts.......i do believe in talking to them about everything at an early age though and offering them the chance to learn about it. but my 5 yo son is not interested in the same things my daughter was at that age.

I have a theory that people feel more and more uncertain about the future and the economy and they want their kids to have a competitive advantage in everything. Not consciously, but pushing their kids is something they can control (paying for college, heck, even keeping a roof over your head, seems to be increasingly out of reach for many people who 10 years ago felt pretty secure in life.)

I've noticed that a lot of the kids in the neighborhood are doing math problems or going to academic classes or whatever during this summer (I mean kids 8 and under, not high school kids) and I have to wonder. I feel like I have no idea what to tell my kids to major in to have security someday - it's a pretty helpless feeling. Wealthier parents are doing things like sending their kids to academic camps and gifted programs or whatever. So I guess math problems are something . . .

For the youth sports thing, there was an interesting radio interview with a guy who wrote a book about the subject. It's interesting because I think he sees both sides of it - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1042...

First of all, I don't think it's disrespectful at all. Do you remember doing so much when we were kids? I played outside all summer and took some dance classes here and there. I see 2 main problems. Everything for kids now is so competetive. If you wait to put them into sports, for example, by the time they get into that same sport in school most all of the other children will have already have had years of practice at it and a huge advantage. Also, parents want their kids to be the best at everything and most parents are so busy working and feel guily about it that they put them in activities to keep them occupied and not focused on them being gone. However, my sister who has a master's in childhood development has told me that there are studies after studies that show kids who are occupied in extracaricular (sp?) activities are much much less likely to become involved in drugs, alcohol and teen pregnancy later in life. So that's good to know but there's got to be a balance. But for that same sister, she's had my neice in every single stinkin sport/activity/lesson you can think of. She's 9 and plays the guitar, violin, competes in horseback riding, dances and sings in every play, plays soccer and competes in karate. She got her involved while she was busy finishing her masters but she's an amazing little girl! I've never met a 9 year old so focused on what she wants. So there are benefits but I feel like a part of her childhood is gone because of it. I mean, how focused does a 9 year old really have to be? It's about balance but that's a very hard thing to find these days.

E.,

You are so right. So many parents are afraid their kids are going to be at a disadvantage if they don't "keep up" with everyone else. My 7 yr-old daughter just finished her softball season, and at the last game, the other parents were all telling my husband that they signed up for the fall softball league (a new program our town is trying out). I have no intention of signing up for this as she will be adjusting to 2nd grade and is already committed to a couple of other activities. Plus, we will have a brand new baby in a month or so and I am not taking a newborn (as well as my 3 year-old) to a dusty softball field 3 times a week. The other parents were making my husband feel like our daughter wouldn't be as prepared for the spring season if she misses out on this. What??? She's 7 years old. Is she going to be the next Jennie Finch? Probably not. I say, stick to your convictions. Your kids are not going to miss out on anything if you don't pick a sport for them at age 3 and force them to play it for the rest of their lives.

With regard to potty training, the US "wait until they want to" is very different from most other cultures. In some parts of the world, children go on a potty or whatever as young as a year old. They don't necessarily learn this but their parent learns their cycle and puts them on the potty at that age. Some suggest that avoiding allowing your child to sit in a mess for long ie wearing a diaper and become accustomed to it is more healthy. But this is really an individual choice and of course for some it is also an economic choice. Some children do great learning early. Some do not.
With regard to the sports etc. there are millions of motivations - some is to let a child experience new things and see if they like it. Also with the obesity epidemic, it is great if they develop an early interest in sports. It also keeps them away from the TV/Internet etc. You aren't going to ruin your child by waiting but if they get the opportunity and really enjoy it, well great. My 2 yr old daughter does "creative movement" - the new fancy word for dancing and she constantly asks when she is going to dance class. She really loves it. She also seems to love her swim class or really splash class. I don't feel pressure to do these activity but she does like them. If she wasn't interested, we wouldn't do them.

Hi E.,

I don't think I rush my kids to do anything. My oldest was potty trained 1 week before he turned four. He was potty trained when he was two, but when his brother was born, he decided he wanted to be a baby too and wanted to be in diapers again. With sports, I was outstanding in sports along with my husband. I want my kids to enjoy it like I did. I asked them if they want to do it..and they both said yes. If your kids sees their parents play sports...it is likely the kids will follow, which happened in my case. Another thing is I want them to be busy since both of them have ADD and ADHD. I found that sports keeps them busy enough that they won't constantly run all over my house, and they are alot calmer now. Another thing if they like sports that much that they play all through school and college like I did, it keeps them out of trouble from girls, drugs..etc. All I care is that they learn the game young and enjoy themselves. Some parents I see do push too much to be good, but all you do is as they get older, they would quit to spite the parents. If my kids want to practice baseball, basketball or football with me..I see it as quality time with my boys in the summer, and it's a great way to lose weight too. It just depends what you and your kids enjoy together. I my case, we all like to play sports.

E. -

Without knowing your kids - or your experiences - it is hard to answer your question. It sounds like we have similar parenting styles (We co-sleep, attachment parent, and co-breastfed my kids for years) - yet different experiences.

Statistically, if you look at all the research, kids have a window of exposure and socialization that is proven to provide them with future success. IE. Kids that go to preschool and are more successful socially, at a young age, have lower issues during adolescence. That is the big push for preschool for all - there is A LOT of data on this. With all research, this can be a lot of things, and kids CAN get this in other ways, but it is VERY hard and takes a lot of time and energy (which a lot of parent simply don't have). The same with coordination. If they learn coordination and to do things they feel good about, they are more confident, and (typically) more successful - vs. being insecure about not being able to do anything at age 5 - or when they are first exposed in kindergarten. This is also based on "typical" (that word bothers me) development.

Finally, you are right, all kids develop differently - and at different ages. Studies have shown if you let kids develop on their own (and give them the time they need to do that), most girls will potty train before age 2 and most boys before age 2-3. I have never pushed my kids, and both of them sat on the potty at age 18 months and never looked back. One day, I found them in the bathroom, naked on the toilet. I was worried but then saw they were using the bathroom (the second child had an accomplice who he was showing off for. (My boys all thought you had to sit down, as that is what Mom did.) My 3 YO hasn't had an accident (even at night) for over 1.5 years--so he also never looked back. I never had a chance to get a little potty for them. I always assumed potty training is typically a power-struggle and my kids don't have much to have a power-struggle over with us, as we are always around. (We also do cloth diapers, so maybe they decided they didn't like the wetness anymore ;-))

My older son has never really shown much interest in sports, but started reading at age 3 - on his own. We read to him every day but didn't know he could read until a friend was over and he read their child a book. Now he reads to us each night. (We never "taught" him to read.) My younger one has been kicking a ball and asking for friends to play with him for a while now. Given a lot of 3 YO's cannot kick/throw very coordinated, the only way to let him develop at his own pace is to put him with a group of kids that want to do the same thing. Sometimes it is older neighborhood kids, sometimes it is in a group - as where I live there are a lot of working parents w/kids in daycare (so kids aren't around during the day). I'm not big on forcing my older kid to do things he doesn't want to, so we balance it all out.

Most kids develop a real interest in sports by age 3. It sounds like your kids may be developing on the later side of the "typical" curve - which is PERFECTLY FINE - but that doesn't mean the everyone else is "pushing" their kids. Some certainly may be, but I bet many aren't = they are developing on their own curve - which is more the norm. I don't think parents should "pick" a sport, but if a child wants to play sports, I do think parents should nurture their desires and not say they are too young to make choices or play sports.

My husband and I remember doing all this at a very young age, but with neighborhood kids (kick the can, etc). The sense of community is just not as strong anymore.

I hope that helps - while I have met parents who push their kids into things before they are ready - I have also seen parents deny their kids play time, choices, etc. as they think they are "too young" to understand. Kids are smart - they get things and understand parental motives/priorities.

Good Luck!

C., Mom to 2 boys, age 3 and 5 - growing like weeds!

It's so refreshing to hear someone that takes the laid back approach - I'm sure your children will grow up to be laid back as well. I was also glad to hear it b/c I have a son who is a little over 2 1/2 and I feel pressured that he's not potty trained and hardly motivated or interested - some look at my like I have two heads that he's not trained and others say, "just let him decide his time."

I come from a very small town and especially now that I have children I've noticed the push to get kids into "the right school" or "the right activity", etc. etc. I do think it is nice to get kids involved but I feel there is too much stressing over what is "the best" of whatever. I never attended preschool and I wasn't involved in sports until I got to junior high.

Thanks for posting your thoughts - again, a refreshing side!!

I agree that we shouldnt push our kids and get them doing everything so early, but i dont totally agree with things like using a bottle after a year and not potty training until whenever. I think they need some structure, just not rigid. I waited to put my son in preschool because i didnt see the urgency. And some people say kids need to be in classes and sports and all that to keep up with other kids. I disagree. I wasnt in any of that and i turned out fine. I know things a different now but im not worried about it. Its hard to know what to do when you go to professionals and they want to know if they can read at 1 year and count to 10, etc. We went to Easter Seals for a while because my son was a preemie, and they were great, but i thought they same thing: why cant he just be a baby right now? Well, he is 3 1/2 now and perfectly normal, with no issues, but it was hard deciding who was right, me or the professionals who wanted him climbing trees before he could walk. Anyway, i agree, all the pushing i think is more damaging than good.

Do I ever agree with you!!!!!!!!! In regard to sports, here is my 2 cents (for what it's worth!). My son is in a parent / tot sports class through the park district. We signed him up because we thought it would be fun for him and Dad to run around and play with some other kids for 45 minutes on a Saturday morning. We did not sign him up because we feel he needs to become an all star at the age of 3. Sometimes he plays the games, others he picks weeds, clover, and dandelions. He has fun though. But, some parents are INSANE! Yelling at their kids if they don't listen to the coach, do exactly what he says, and in one case, I saw a parent give their child a time out for PLAYING TAG WITH ANOTHER KID. They are 2 and 3 years old. The coach does not expect to have their undivided attention for the entire class. I don't understand these parents whatsoever. What is wrong with just letting your kid HAVE FUN????? If they make it a huge chore to be there now, do they honestly think their kid is going to want to play in any kin d of sport later in life? UGH!

We have the same issues here! I am very similar to you other than the homeschooling. I definitely don't have the patience for that! We tried t-ball this summer for my 3 1/2 year old and she hated it so we stopped. She went once, cried the entire time so that was the end of that. Most people probably would have forced it longer but it wasn't worth it to us. I thought it would be hysterical if she liked it just to see how cute they are but she just isn't a joiner or a team sport kind of girl yet, or might never be. I find that people have more of a problem with co-sleeping than anything. It's like they think we co-sleep because we don't know what else to do or that we're too lazy to "sleep train." Mine are 3 1/2 and 18 months and we also tandem nurse and that's another whole issue people have, family included. My daughter potty trained herself 2 days before she turned 3 and that was the end of it. So easy when it's done on their terms. I agree with you, she was much prouder of herself than if I had forced her into something.

I read an interesting book that really talks to this phenomena, but of course, Mommy brain, I can't remember the name of the book. :)

Basically, the book talks about the shift over the past 5-20 yrs, of marketing to moms of the toddler set. Advertising, some subtle, some overt, talk to moms fears about their kid being left behind and not getting the "enrichment" they need. You have videos designed to "educate" your child to give them a head start, the toys with all this and that and the other. I think this to a certain degree has happened in NY for much longer as noted by the 80's Diane Keaton film Baby Boom.

I agree that there is too much of the pushing etc, and not allowing kids to just be kids. But I think it is also easy, especially if you are a working mom with a bit of guilt, to want to get your kids the best that you can.

If a child shows promise some where, I do think there is merit in offering them the best possible opportunities for their interests and talents. Such as the competetive teams some responders mentioned. That being said, no matter how talented a kid is, if the kid doesn't want it for themselves, they are still not going to excel above and beyond natural talent.

FWIW, I know a guy who won 2 olympic gold medals. He did not start that sport until 3 years before he achieved that goal. So clearly, starting at age 5 or not in his case, didn't do a hill of beans of difference.

Quite honestly, everyone thinks their kid will be behind if they don't sign him/her up early enough.

In my area, many people sign their kids up for t-ball when they are 3. How much are they focused on the game at that age?

It gets worse as they get older. Then there's the pressure to be on a travel team or to do a special camp that costs hundreds of dollars.

I don't have my kids do any sports until the year they are entering kindergarten. There is PLENTY of time for them to do sports and for the parents to get up early to make it to a game at 8 am on Saturday!

I agree! People are always trying to get their kid to learn their ABCs at 2 read at 3...they are going to learn these things! Why the rush? NOW there are some kids that want to learn these things so young and that is GREAT, but for the majority of kids that want to bang toys on the wall that is perfectly OK too! Kids will spend the rest of their lives in school. They are young only once and should be left to play!

Love this discussion! We didn't push our kids, other than to do their best in school. My son finally started to participate in swimming in Junior year of HS. It made a huge difference in him. He wished he'd started earlier, but then he really did start late. He also made up for it then pushed himself to do track & cross country. He went from a punk kid to a jock. I loved the change in his outlook & self image. He also ended up going into special forces in the Air Force, so it paid off.

My daughter is now 10 and this past winter I FINALLY got her to do sports. I say finally because she just wanted no part but really needs the help with coordination and exercise after sitting still all day long in school. She did really well - for softball & basket ball she was the best improved on each team. And she LOVED them. Had I pushed sooner, she might've hated them. As it is, I talked her into them after her having tried various kinds of dance and karate. My rule is if I pay for it, she needs to finish the course. That's not too bad, but then she's not 3.

People do push their kids too hard. Let them play and chill and find their own rythm. I can't stand to see how overscheduling has stressed my sister & her family out. She's got four kids all going all the time. They hardly eat dinner together any more and are in Sunday leagues. They're all stressed all the time and she & her husband barely get along since all this started. On the sidelines I can see the problem but they won't change anything. Can't say enough how glad I am that we always ate/eat dinner together & keep Sundays for family day. It makes a huge difference in teen years, you get one day where you get them all to yourselves. :)

D.

We live in an age of information where there is a lot out there about what is "normal" and I think people forget that most kids are not going to be normal. They aren't going to do everything right on schedule, grow on the 50% curve, etc. Sometimes I think parents panic when they see their kid as "behind" and that's where all the posts come from. In some cases it's warranted; in some cases, I think people need to relax, and it's ok to remind people of that.

As for the issue of competitiveness - I think it's related but a little different. It's one thing to be concerned; it's another to be competitive. That's more about the parent than the child. It's interesting because one issue that comes to my mind is Kindergarten. Most states have moved deadlines back to Sept. 1st or even earlier; yet, I know several people that have still held their kids back. I understand that some kids have severe issues (cognitive, social, etc.) and need an extra year. But, honestly, most parents that I know who have redshirted, just want their kid to be ahead of everyone. They want them to be the best, the brightest, the fastest, at the top of the social ladder, etc. It's to the point, where some kids turn 7 years old in Kindergarten and are 19 by the time they graduate High School. I wish people would have more realistic standards for Kindergarten. When kids have basic skills like holding a pencil, basic familiarity with letters and numbers, ability to listen to instructions, stand in line, etc. that's when they should go to Kindergarten (sort of like when we were kids). I just don't think it's all that impressive (or necessary) to have Kindergarteners that are reading, adding, and subtracting if they are 7 years old or almost 7 by years' end.

I agree completely with Sharlene...we are here to guide our children through life. As far as activities for young children go I've got a 4yr old and a 2 1/2yr old and I do have them each participating in several activities. My 4yr old son took a week long (1hr a day) soccer camp and he took a Tball class and right now we are in swim lessons. He loved playing with his friends, new and old, and that was the point...he wasn't as focused on the coach as he was the activity and the other children...I had no expectations that he would do anything other than that, HAVE FUN! My younger daughter is in a dance class right now and she participates very little but is able to get the interaction with other girls that she rarely gets and it is worth the $$$...again no expectations on my part, just have fun! Swim lessons are serious and I think they are a must for my family. Hope this sheds some light on the subject for you.

AMEN!!! I totally agree! My best friend and I are ALWAYS saying this! Let them be kids for goodness sake! Really? Isn't life more fun when you SLOW DOWN and actually enjoy the company of your children instead of running here and running there? I don't get it either?! I did the same with mine for potty traing we tried it, it wasn't happening for him (he was almost 3). Then like a month later before my son turned 3 he wanted to go on his own too! Things work better when we don't push. Some things you have to parent obviously, but why rush the rest! Life is so short and we are children for such a short time, why are we rushing them off to college at 5!! SLOW DOWN PEOPLE! or we're all going to be singing "cat's in the cradle!"

Hi E.,

I agree with you, why the rush?
We never signed up my now 6 year old son to any activities and people were like, why aren't you signing him up for things, he should be going places, doing things with other kids etc. Well I tried putting him in a preschool at 3 and then 4, and he was crying, didn't want to stay there without me, so I decided not to do it. Why make the poor kid suffer and cry? He wasn't ready.
He was home with me until 5 - when he went to Kindergarten and by then he was ready, didn't cry or nothing.
As far as the potty training, we tried at 2-1/2, my son and my daughter and they both got it and it was great to get out of the diapers. Every kid is different, all though I wouldn't want to be still chaning poopy diapers for a 4 year old, but not for competitive reasons, simply because a 4 year old already poops almost as much as an adult....

My son slept with us until he was 3, when our daughter was born. By then I decided to move him into his own bed, as I didn't want to have to sleep with 2 kids in my bed. It was already getting too crowded and I wasn't getting enough sleep.

Now, my daughter is 3 and our friends are signing up their 3 year olds to things and I'm not. Why???? 3 year old is still so little.

So, I agree with you, I don't like to rush things. They do still have a lot of schooling ahead of them.

It was nice to hear from someone like you, and hearing your point of view will help me stand by my own views. It's great to know that my kids aren't the only ones participating in 20 activities starting at the age of 2 or 3...

Have a great day!

This is really a complex question. I agree with the potty training.(My daughter has been working on it since 17 mos. but only because she is interested (she had a older brotehr learning) and now she is 2 1/2 and still in diapers and pullups but when she wants to try she does. It is a day to day thing.
I am guessing there is a push because of some of the following reasons:
1)cost of diapers 2)many preschools won't take kids not potty trained and some parent have to both work 3)cost is higher if you have an untrained child in preschool/daycare 4)it can be a strange kind of competition and society is saying train younger and younger with the three day potty boot camps and so forth. Plus, it is a lot of work to change diapers all the time if you have more than one...though to me pubic restrooms are a nightmare and I would sometimes rather have them still in diapers.

The sports thing. I think it is great to introduce kids young because there is no competition at that age. As soon as they hit 5 it seems they can be competitive and start to compare skill. My son has just turned 4 and it is amazing the difference in his enjoyment of the camps her did this summer and his ability when he was in them. With older kids (4-6) he fell behind, didn't want to go and saw that they were "better" but they were bigger and older, he was the youngest. The (3-5) group he attended was so different. They had fun, it was relaxed and a game with the younger group verse competition and who is better, faster, winning with the older. I wanted him to decide if he liked to play rather than if he was good or not so starting early was a way to experience the joy of the game rather than push him. My daughter is in dance (started at 18mos) but it was all fun and games that taught them movements. She loves going, but if she ever said she didn't want to go, I wouldn't push her. Her brother started preschool and her starting dance gave her a special thing to attend and feel grown up too.

Don't know that his helps. Or that I think the same way as the others you are referring to....I think we rush are kids and ourselves these days too.

Oh, and I felt the need to comment about "Head Start" I believe the true idea about head start was the children get interaction and natural learning rather than being stuck in front of the tv and having the advantage of learning vocabulary, being read to and experiencing stimulus when they are in the natural learning stage of 3-6 yrs rather when having to work at learning after age 6 and first grade. Not all parents are natural educator or feel the need to share and interact with their kids. Kids learn throw play yes, but as you talked about with support of home school, guided play and outside information is necessary to create life long learners. But I agree that at this point with some people's need to over reach it has become twisted to me pushing rather than enrichment for those who did not have it before the programs existed.

I totally agree- I am a little amazed here at all the moms worried about their child not being completely potty trained by age 2. My son was potty trained completely by around 3 ( with an accident here and there) but we didn't push it and it was a lot less trauma for everyone involved. I see kids here doing dance or sports at such early ages, and it seems to be much more about the parents and what they want or liked as kids than about the kid really wanting to do it.

My son is almost 10 now and does AYSO soccer in spring and fall and loves it. He and his pals play on their own when AYSO isn't in session and just have a lot of fun with it. He also takes aikido ( a martial art based on balance ) and absolutely loves it! Even though we moved to another town, he insisted he wanted to keep doing aikido and I drive him back there every week. This showed me that HE was totally committed and wanted to do it. Incidentally, there are 3 homeschooled kids in his aikido class too, and they all get along great and have a lot of fun together.

He's very artistic AND athletic and I want him to have this time to try lots of things- and to just hang out and PLAY. He is a gifted student, loves math, loves to read- I firmly believe that a lot of non-structured, imaginative play when he was small really made that happen. He is a good 'team' player as well and gets along with other kids, so I don't buy it that if your kid doesn't do team sports at an early age, it will make him a loner.

Don't rush them into huge commitments just because you want them to be a star baseball player or ballerina! Let them discover things for themselves!

I agree- I didn't sign my kids up for any activites over the summer so they could just "veg" and you would have thought I had horns growing out of my head when I would tell people this! But so far we've had a very relaxing summer with no baseball or daycamp, etc. I have heard the same thing about sports and unfortunatly it seems to be true- my boys didn't try T-ball like the rest of the kids at age 3 and sure enough when they thought to try out for baseball last year everyone gave them a hard time about not being "good", etc. so it is sad but true I guess... Whatever happened to just getting to try something for 'fun"-
Good luck with your journey!

I agree! It drives me nuts when parents rush their kids also. I have to say though that I was like that up till recently and I am so grateful to stop pushing and just let my kids do what they want when they want. Thank you for bringing this up! I think society has a big responsibility also because there is so much pressure sometimes from people that you feel you have to do it! It's crazy! I agree 100%!

I haven't read all the responses but wanted to provide my perspective since my kid was potty trained at 2 1/2 and in organized sports before he was 3...

Potty training was something in which we followed my son's cues - he showed an interest at 2 1/2 so we started and he's done great. He still has accidents every now and then and wears a diaper at night which I expect he'll do for some time, but it was something he was interested in so we helped him accomplish this task. We never pushed him - just gave a lot of positive encouragement when he did well and told him it was okay when he had an accident. We followed his lead.

We also just finished his first All Sports class last night. He's my first child, and turned 3 at the end of June and looks for someone to play sports with him constantly. While mom and dad certainly do (our second son is too young) we thought it would be good for him to play with other kids his age in a structured environment once a week doing something he loved (sports of any and all kind.) That leaves 6 days a week of play for him to decide what to do and just be a kid. Although you can usually find him dragging out his tee, ball and bat, soccer net and ball or hockey stick.

Yes, he was technically still 2 years old when we signed him up for sports, but it was something he wanted to do. We're also considering a fall sport - if he likes it, we'll keep doing it. If he stops liking it, we'll stop doing it. If he excels at sports because he started so early, then bonus him. By no means have we pushed him, we simply support and encourage him to do the things he loves. (Crayons in my house - pretty much brand spanking new as he has no interest. Books - reads them all the time and then goes back to sports when he's finished and looking for a new activity.)

So from a different perspective, not all parents push, some just encourage what the kid is already interested in and go with that.

Hi E.,

I mainly wanted to comment about homeschooling. My daughter attended Chicago private schools for 4 years and then we decided that the education she was getting was not worth the hefty price - nor the opportunity to impress others that she was attending such a school. We have been homeschooling now for 4 years and it was the best decision we ever made. Most family and friends thought we were nuts - especially because my husband and I have our own business. I can't tell you how much fun we have had and how much not only our daughter has learned - but also how much we have learned right along with her!

And don't get me started on socialization! This is the standard feedback I get from people when I tell them that she is homeschooled. I have come to the conclusion that they have to say something negative because they are offended that we don't think the American school system is the best way of educating our daughter. My daughter is more social than any of her non-homeschooled friends and most children her age. She is by no means shy and loves being with people - and people like being around her. However, she can also find things to do on her own and never says to me that she is bored. She does not have to be entertained 12 hours a day with non-stop activities. Those years that she attended school, we saw more bullying and unpleasant behavior between children and adults, that it was also a factor in why we decided to homeschool.

We have some friends who just wear me out listening to them about all the activities they have their children involved in this summer. They don't give them any time to just relax and enjoy being a kid. And that goes for some homeschooling families, too. People seem to expect that we would homeschool all summer but we believe our daughter needs a break - and so do we! It makes it all the more fun to go back to it in the fall.

So - hang in there - you are not alone!

In my opinion, it's the "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality. Everyone wants their child to be "the first", "the best", etc. I see where you are coming from and it makes you feel like a bad parent sometimes for not being so pushy. I even get this from my mom, step-mom, and grandmother.

You should parent the way that is comfortable for you and your spouse. Don't let others push you into thinking you're doing something wrong when you are not. Good luck!

I know you already did your "so what happened" but I wanted to jump in here. I agree kids should not be rushed or pushed into too many activities, nor should you rush potty training if they aren't truly ready (but this will be different for every family and every kid...I don't see anything wrong with early potty training if you have a good method and you're not causing them anxiety). But you asked about activities in general, not just potty training. I've taken my daughter to age-appropriate classes such as tumbling (precursor to gymnastics) and music since she was about 18 months old, when I've been able to afford it. Why? Because I believe you help your children develop interests when you expose them to as many things as possible. Then as they get a little older, ideally you are putting them in the activities they've shown the most interest in and/or aptitude for. I think some parents truly are fanatical about this, as if they expect each and every child to be a pro athlete and they therefore must have settled on a sport by the age of 4. I think this is not only utter nonsense but a fast recipe for burn out at a young age. Kids should LOVE the activities they are involved in. It should feel like play to them, not a chore. As long as that's there I say put them in whatever activities you want to put them in. On the flip side, as parents we should learn early to avoid the absurd pressure we feel from other parents sometimes and just go with our best instincts. The kind of people who do that are the kind of people who seem only to be able to function if they're in some sort of competition, and I feel sorry for them. You can give your kids no greater gift than developing lifelong passions in a variety of things from art to sports to reading, but you don't need to have them enrolled in classes 5 days a week to do that.

Thank You E.!!!

I have been thinking the same thing! Why the rush?
My now almost 8 yr old wonderful blessing of a son waited until the absolute outside edge "of norm" to do EVERYTHING and I do mean everything, crawling, walking, talking....you name it he waited. As well he NEVER "practiced", just got up and did it! Now he is AHEAD on most learning skills at school, still working on physical (but it will come eventually...I hope).
I think that "encourageing/pushing" our kids to do do do, puts unneeded stress on them...they are SUPPOSED to be KIDS! LET THEM!! They have enough to learn and adapt to just to make it to adulthood (we won't talk about teen years).
Our son is in activities...but they are things I initally chose, that he has stated a desire to continue and when he is 12 he will have the "say" as to whether or not he continues. They include tap dance, martial arts and cub scouts. They are all things that contribute to the developement of both motor skills and cognative thinking growth. We have tried to help him understand that we pay for these things and they are a commitment so he must be sure he wants to do them, he IS allowed to say on occasion he does not "feel" like going, I never want him to feel burdened by his/our choices. There have been occasions that after starting something he has discovered that he "really" does not enjoy something so we will finish out a session and not continue.
I am 45 and was never in "activities" on a regular basis...I was NOT deprived as a child....I was allowed to be a child as were my brother and sisters. I think we need to just let them be, they will grow and develop in spite of all our "help.

I agree that too many of us parents worry so much about our kids "future" that we forget to enjoy all the TODAYS with them.
I NEVER wanto miss the TODAY'S with the of my life that my husband and I have created. Our son.

I can't give too much insight other than to guess it's peer presure and competition. You have to be a pretty confident parent not to feel pressure at times. I find myself doing this on ocassion. My friends kids are reading so I want mine to be ahead. I have to remind myself, this is just pride and not best for my daughter.

What I really wanted to mention was that if you are interested in pursueing homeschool, feel free to contact me. We are just starting homeschooling and there are so many great resources. Also there is a book I've heard of, but haven't read, called "Better Late than Never." It may be a good resource in this culture of pushing our children 'ahead'.

Hi, interesting post!!! I do agree that LOTS of parents do try and rush their children, etc., etc.... Or if you tell someone that your kid's first tooth came in at 6 months, theirs came in at 5! Or yours started rolling over at 4 months, and theirs did at 3-1/2 months! Quite amusing....

I know that I introduce my daughter to certain sports/activities, and if she likes them, I sign her up again, if not, I don't!!! She loves ballet, gymnastics, t-ball and swimming, and does not like soccer!!! (Which stinks cuz' that was fun to watch!!!!).

Anyway, I don't have enough information about home-school, cuz' I knew that wasn't for our family. (I could never do it)! ha! To be quite truthful, I guess I always disagreed with it, but not exactly sure why. Good to get another prospective on it, instead of just ASSuming what it is all about.

BUT as far as co-habitating with your child (MY opinion), I sooooo disagree with that on so many levels. I had a great friend who somehow or another ended up falling off the BIG bed and really hurting themselves. I knew someone else that had rolled over on their child, and...you know. SO, although people say that it couldn't happen to them, those parents thought the same thing. So I just don't agree.... Now, that said, my almost 7-year old, for a treat, I will let her sleep with me when my hubby is away, and we have "girls night out", etc. And my little one gets to sleep with me only when he is really sick (which thank God has only happened 2 or 3 times in 2-1/2 years). I know my friend used to say she liked to sleep with them because she worked all day and just wanted to be close to them. Ridiculous...you are sleeping - you get no bonding there. Anyway, just my strong opinion.

I just happened to get this article, and I thought it was interesting....

Is my grade-schooler ready to play a team sport?

Expert Answers
David Geller, pediatrician
Absolutely. Cheer your grade-schooler on if she enjoys playing a game of soccer, baseball, or basketball with other kids her age. The emphasis should be on having fun and getting exercise, though, not on competition. Encourage your child to participate in different team sports each year — rather than urging her to get really good at one. Participating in just one sport may lead to burnout. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends introducing team sports at around age 6, since few kids understand the concept of teamwork before this age.

That said, remember that children grow, mature, and learn skills at different rates, so let her level of enthusiasm for sports be your guide here too. Team sports are a great way for 6- to 8-year-olds to keep fit, have fun, and improve their gross motor skills. These activities can also boost a child's self-esteem, confidence, social skills, and body image. Look for players of similar age, height, weight, ability, and maturity. At this age, gender isn't an issue, since girls and boys still tend to be the same size. Make sure, of course, that your child is equipped with the right protective padding and head gear, depending on the sports she takes up. And you'll want to ensure that she receives the right kind of guidance and instruction from coaches. They should reward her for trying hard, gaining new skills, and teamwork — and not punish, ridicule, or criticize her for mistakes or for losing.

As long as your child has fun and doesn't feel pressured to participate, that's fine — whether she's strategizing the defense or simply running around and getting a little exercise. Pushing your child to star in sports, on the other hand, may turn her away from an activity that should be a lifelong source of enjoyment. So if she joins a team and then tells you she wants to quit, talk with her about why she wants out. It may just be that the team, coach, or sport isn't a good fit. If so, figure out together what might be a good alternative and try something else. Or she may simply need encouragement to stick it out if she's frustrated over learning a new skill or her ability level.

A few things to keep in mind: Your 6- to 8-year-old can handle only so much instruction. She can probably follow about four commands at once, such as "Catch the ball, dribble down the court, pivot, and then shoot." And a game of a half-hour or so, or two 20- to 30-minute halves with a break in between, is plenty. The emphasis, of course, should not be on winning or losing but on having a great time — and if you can incorporate other important values, such as sharing, taking turns, and supporting teammates, all the better.

OK, Mommas, thats it. The best of luck to you and your family for much happiness and health. I know we all try are hardest and do best for our kids (right, wrong, or otherwise). I do believe people shouldn't judge though...tough sometimes I know. Take care!!!!

I remember in high school taking a parenting class (many, many years ago). Back then they were teaching starting the girls at 3 years and boys at 3-1/2 yrs. I think the push to be potty trained comes for daycares not wanting to change diapers. Diapers are expensive, etc.

I also think pushing our children comes from fear. If they can't do this or that they will be left behind. Or we don't look as good as the other parents, because our child doesn't do x,y and z.

Take care

J.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way. My son just turned 3 and hate getting the "is he potty trained yet?" question. I brought it up to my doctor and he said to leave him alone. He'll do it when he's ready.
I was getting so frustrated because I felt everyone around me had already "trained" their kids and I hadn't. I'm listening to my dr.'s advice and letting my son tell me when he's ready.
Thanks for sharing!

Hi E.. I see you got a lot or responses and I did not read them all but the only thing I would say is it all depends on the child. My daughter is extremely shy, sports has helped her to make friends, feel better about herself and give her somethig to do other then watch tv. It teachs them team work and self esteem. I also watch a little girl who does not want to do ANYTHING she actually cries (she's 4) but once we get there she absolutely LOVES it and can't wait to go back (she takes gymnastics)I see what you are saying but gvining the kids a little push does not hurt, they make friends,get involved and learn how to meet new people and socialize. As far as potty training there are lazy kids that won't want to even try until 4 or so and tht's just to late in my opinion. Changing a big kid like that is not only hard to do but embarrassing to them and you (especially if your a provider) not to mention they cannot go to pre-school if they are not trained and again my little girl cried and did not want to go there either and now she LOVES it and can't wait to go back. She has grown , learned her letters, howto write her name, made friends etc. It was a great experience but she woudl not of been able to attend if she was not potty trained. I'm just saying some kids need to be pushed a little. If they totally hate something of course you don;t return but I think they should try many things as most times they truly do love it. Good Luck. PS. Home School is up and comng but the one thing I don't like is they don't meet friends or socialize in any way. School helps them to know how to act in the world and meet people , not tomention all the fun things they do also, fieldtrips, recess , playing with other kids. There is so much more learning involved then just the classroom.

Hi E. I feel the same way to do. Don't rush them!! Most of these children aren't mature even. Some mother maybe trying to live their dreams through their children or they know of a child (who the same age as hers) and they are doing things early for their age. If a child his going to be good in sports he/she will be good at it. children learn at different pace. My 3 1/2 years old grandson can say his colors, numbers, shapes and talked well but isn't potty trained!!! He just showing some interest in it. So moms out there just give them time and don't push to hard it will only confuse them.

Another side: If you are thinking ahead to college, scholarships, etc, timing makes a difference. I just sat through a week of my daughter's dance recital. She is 7 and has taken ballet for three years. She and her group were very good.

But they were NOTHING compared to the competition team. These kids take 3-5 classes at a time and travel to 3-4 competitions annually. WOW! Kids as young as 5 (that I knew their ages) were in competition pieces that were amazing. And they certainly looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Speed ahead 10-13 years. Two of the graduating seniors were honored. One received full scholarship and one of 25 spots (500 auditioned) on the dance team at a great college with a top dance department. The other had a similar deal AND she had won 1st for her solo performance in the world competition.

My daughter is not on the competition team, but I was able to see why parents would do it. The travel, the talent they can have at a young age and then how it can benefit their future in college, etc.

Personally, I did a few years of this and that growing up and wish I had been pushed to stay in things longer. I wish I could have done a sport or dance at the high school and maybe even college level-it also effects who your peers are.

Now I have four kids and am trying to learn to play the piano.

I hope this gives you a perspective from the other side.

Hi E.
I am a mom of two older children. I hava a son 12 and a daughter who is 14. I do remeber the earlier days. And I understand your point and you were truly blessed with I believe your sons experience with potty training. Congratulations on such a great accomplishment!
But sometimes there are children who require more effort and I know becasue my son was one of them. I asked his pedatrican many questions and suggestions but it took him longer. However my daughter did not require a lot of work. So again it can vary from child to child.

As far as the sports, I agree there is a rush with the children. But as we look around society is moving quickly and unfournatley what we were use to growning up has rapidly changed. Life has become so very competitve for our children. It's kinda like technology we may not welcome all of it but that which applies to us and can help, we utalize it. E.g. I have not adjusted to the cell phone necessity that appears to be amoung children as young as 5. My children use an alternate cell phone I have for only days that they travel without me and for emergencies,on a average 2 days a week, if that.
So again there is a small group of old fashion parents still around happy to be a part of it and glad to meet other parents who are like minded. I often feel compelled to start a small group so we can continue to encourgage one another.
Hope this helps and your not alone with some of your thinking!
M.

I agree. I have 3 girls. My 11 yr old just started soccer in the spring. We had tried ballet, gymnastics and soccer when she was 5/6 yrs old, and she did not take to any of them, so I stopped signing her up. I figure it is her decision, not mine. Now at 11 she wants to do soccer and gymnastics. My 7yr old twins wanted to do soccer as well, but again it was their decision.

Same here. I was recently asked when I was going to start potty training my 15 month old. My kids are not on any sports teams. In fact they come home from school and stay home or play with friends. This summer they are home, take care of chores (hopefully) and play. I was regarded with shock when I told someone that my kids are not on sports teams or anything. We don't really have access to stuff like that and don't have the money where the stuff is. Plus I work full time, who will take my kids? They have never really expressed regret so I don't worry about it.
I think it is all tied to rushing to get where we need or want to go and then wonder how the heck we ended up there.

Hi E.,
We have never pushed our children into early activities. In fact we even homeschool and they each do alot of learning at their own individual pace. Their ages are 14, 10 and 7 and though I admit to some bias they are great kids, smart, confident and each excel in areas of their choosing. A wonderful resource is author David Elkind. He teaches at my alma mater, Tufts, and discusses the disservice done to children by pushing them to early.
Enjoy those babies and your time together is my advice.
A.

you are definitely on a different page than many young parents and I congratulate you for wanting to understand them. You are not comfortable with their attitudes nor with your judging them. Since you have chosen a path in life off the cultural norm, this is going to come up again and again. Well, let's look at some attitude hurdles. First off, if they could be wrong, you could be wrong. Always keep this in mind, so as to be fair to them. Being realistic, you are going to be looked at askance, don't be surprised when it happens. Notice what you don't like about their attitude toward you and try to eliminate that from your attitudes e.g. rolling their eyes, or a sudden change of subject or movement away from you. Act as if it didn't happen and continue to converse with them as if you are both of the human race. Remember, they are dedicated parents also and probably very nice people. You are of a personality type to look beyond the cultural norm and they are of a type to enjoy the benefits of rolling along with it. Avoid trying to convert them, just relating your successes is a good way to get them thinking. Jesus has a lot of advice in this regard: Judge not, lest thou be judged. Take the board out of your eye before trying to remove the splinter in your neighbor's eye. Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect, who lets the good rain fall on everyone. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Hi E.,
I hear ya. My well intentioned friends kept pushing for me to enroll my oldest in sports/preschool/camp, etc when he was only 2.5 years old. I didn't quite get the need to do all this so quickly so I gave it time. Eventually we put our son in pre-k and camp when he turned 3 because we found that he really, really enjoyed the structure and playing with other kids. He's a social butterfly. My middle child on the other hand is very shy so we only have her in pre-k(half days) because she loves to learn and color.

Like you, I feel better letting nature takes its course and not pushing my kids into so many activities.

I put our son into tae kwon do when he turned 5 because he is such an energetic kid and he loved it!! Again, I took my cues from him.

Honestly, kids are sponges and they will absorb whatever things they enjoy. I don't believe in rushing into things. If you kids are happy and healthy then that's what really matters. If they decide they want to play a certain sport when they are 5,6,7, then that's fine.

We don't have a lot of kids that are my kids' ages in our neighborhood so that's the reason that I enroll my kids in certain activities but I never push them. If they tell me that they don't enjoy something I don't push them.

I know kids that seem really stressed and they're only seven years old! Then I find out from the parents that the kids have a scheduled activity every day of the week!!! I just feel that there needs to be a balance and kids need "kid time" where they can just blow off steam and relax.

Just my 2 cents.

E.,

Good question. My sons are 4 and 2. They start t-ball at 3 in our area and there is NO WAY my son was ready! I can't get him to sit still or focus long enough. I can imagine what it would have been like for him so sit in the outfield waiting for a ball to come. HA! Even at 4 this year, we passed on T-ball. (And, my husband and I are both BIG into sports - he played baseball and I played softball and we still do (adult softball) and we both played basketball.) But, my son wasn't ready. I wasn't going to pressure him into something, pay the $ and have it be a waste of time or a chore for him.

We tried soccer in the fall for him (he was 3 1/2) and he really didn't pay attention or want to go. He's in karate now and LOVES it. It's the first thing that he has done that he will go to, pay attention and get something out of. We also have him and his brother in swimming lessons. But this was to introduce them to the water and build confidence for them.

I tried these different things to give him a sample of some fun things to do. Sure, I hope he plays baseball eventually and my husband (and/or I) can coach. But, it's not that important. He's happy and healthy. We will leave the choice up to him as to what he wants to do.

I would be bothered by the mom that said, "you need to pick a sport for him." What? Why? How about giving the option to our kids as to what THEY want to do and what THEY think is fun. I swore I would never want my son(s) to be the poor kid on the baseball field that had no interest in being there. The one that was forced to play and didn't give any effort. The one that when he came up to bat, the other boys would groan at - knowing it was going to be an out. No way.

So, I don't think you are off base in your thinking. I'm not in any hurry to speed through these years with my boys. I really enjoy everyday because I'm finding out that everyone was right...they go so fast.

T.