I think this is a 1950s model that says women have certain jobs (cooking, cleaning, laundry) and men just earn a living. Women were miserable in the 1950s, stuck in that role, and sick of not being valued in any other capacity! Men got all the pressure to earn a living and support the family. And they were miserable with all that stress. Now things are "equalized" in terms of work - in many families, both people earn a paycheck in order to survive. yet women still have the bulk of the responsibilities in the home? Women are STILL miserable with this model! I'm afraid your husband is still stuck there. Maybe you don't resent it, and that's fine.
Your son will have a greater sense of accomplishment if he's actually capable. And if you are really just worried about a DIL, remember that your son will have a much greater chance of finding a soulmate and a life partner if he's got some life skills in a variety of areas. Otherwise you will force him into a quick marriage just to find someone to wash and fold his boxer shorts.
I don't think a room has to be SPOTLESS whether it's cleaned by a boy or a girl. But knowing how to set a table, put away groceries, run a vacuum, dust a table, do a load of wash, clean a toilet, cook a simple meal are basic skills.
My son had to clean his room and help with simple chores (clearing the table, putting out the silverware & napkins) from a young age. He folded his laundry and helped me or his father fold the sheets. By 15, he did his own laundry - it kept him from throwing stuff on the floor when it wasn't really dirty, and led him to appreciate the work, hassle and time needed to put clean laundry in his room every day. By putting groceries away and helping with some food prep, he avoided being the kid who marched in the door and yelled "What's for dinner?" as if we were short-order cooks just waiting for him to give us something to do. He learned that keeping a bathroom fairly organized was a lot less work than cleaning it from top to bottom and putting away everything after a week of neglect.
He watched his father do dishes and laundry and grocery shop. When he went away to college, he knew how to plan for laundry needs, work it around his academic and athletic schedule, and set up his room without his mommy doing it. When he moved into a campus apartment with a small kitchen for a summer internship, he knew how to grocery shop and make his own simple meals while still being as healthy as possible for his athletic career - no fast food, no high fat over-processed meals. He called home a few times for recipes, and asked for a crockpot for his birthday!
He's a masculine guy, a star athlete, and engineering student - but he's not entirely academic. He relates well to others, and has so many friends because he is appreciative of others and doesn't expect things to be done for him because of gender roles. He's well liked by both guys and girls because he doesn't have antiquated ideas of what everyone should be doing because of their gender. And he switched up some suite-mates because a couple of the guys wouldn't clean their dishes and just left them for the other guys to wash! Once, while my son was away for a week, one group of students in a dorm left so many dirty dishes and pots in the sink for 2 weeks that the maintenance staff had no choice but to throw them out due to the health hazard. I can tell that my son and the other owners of those dishes certainly regretted living with slobs and having to spend all of their own money to replace their kitchenware!
Now - which kind of young adult would YOU like to say you raised?
Your son needs a lot more than book smarts! Why can't you enjoy having him be a part of the family by doing what needs to be done?
In 16 months, my son will graduate and be out on his own. He will get his own apartment. He will need more than academic skills to do this. He will get a job, and he needs to be able to relate to a lot of different people and have some perspective/appreciation for their skills. He needs to RESPECT everyone's work and abilities. I don't want him to get married to just ANYONE because he doesn't know how to cook or clean or shop. I want him to marry someone to whom he can commit himself and who will nurture him through dark times and lean on him as well. I don't want him to think he's better than someone else because he spent time on books and not on life skills.
Please re-think your position, and help your husband broaden his view! You will be so much more grateful to have a son who appreciates all kinds of work and what it takes to make the world go around!