Why Is My 4 Yr Old Girl Wetting All the Time?

See to me, if she started having accidents after a month then she wasn't fully potty trained. At 2 1/2, it's rare for a child to be fully trained.

To me, when a child can hold it all the time, doesn't need to be reminded except for say, before long car trips or going out - then they are potty trained.

I think what happened in your case is you've made far too big a deal about it and it's become a 'thing'. All this taking her to the doctor and having her tested, and her getting angry at herself - what a lot for a 4 year old.

I think you might be stressing her out. I gave one M&M for the first few days - that's it. A big hurrah! the first few times. Prizes to dates with dad? C'mon. You are making this a HUGE deal.

If you back off - no mention of it, just deal with accidents calmly and just let it go - and no more rewards, attention (negative or positive), just say - "We're going to let this go for a few months, ok? When you're ready, it will all happen just as it should." Then let it go - I think you will find things just progress better.

I could've written this question myself a few years ago. My son was also potty trained at around 2 & 1/2. Or, at least I THOUGHT he was. Same thing happened with him, he stopped going on the potty, then held it in etc etc. Fast forward years, I realized that at 2 1/2 for most kids, that's too young. At that age, it's more of a fun game for a bit. I realized that my son just wasn't ready & I wish I didn't introduce him to the potty at that age.. but, we as parents can get excited for these milestones so sometimes we encourage them sooner than needed. What finally worked for my son (after years of treats, bribing etc) was simply laying off of him & kind of ignoring the situation. His preschool teacher would tell me not to worry, he wasn't going to walk down the aisle with a diaper lol. But still, at the time it was hard NOT to worry. I had him checked at his Dr and all was fine, so I stopped encouraging him to go and let HIM get uncomfortable. About a week before he started kindergarten, I believe HE was worried enough and he used the potty and never turned back. So all that being said, if any medial or emotional issues are ruled out, I would let your daughter "deal with it", meaning give the control back to her. She'll know when she's ready, I promise!

Accidents are to be expected. They are just part of life. At this point, her challenge is probably mostly psychological. By that, I mean she's thinking about it so much that she can't just relax and be a kid.

Probably the best thing you can do is just stop talking about it (and try to stop thinking about it). Relax, and she'll get it. She'll surprise you.

Try to remember that she isn't doing something wrong. There's no ill intention on her part. It's not like she's trying to sneak cookies or something. So offering her a reward doesn't really make sense.

Give her time. Stop talking about it for awhile and just give her space. She'll get it.

E.

You need to stop pushing your daughter. Really. You're causing more problems with the stress of pushing her like this. STOP TRYING everything. Send her to the bathroom every hour, that's fine.

Give her pull ups that aren't obvious so she doesn't have to change clothes.
Tell her her body just isn't ready. And it's okay.
DO NOT bribe her. That's NOT how you "fix" this. The only way to "FIX" this is with time and patience. Really.

If she has been tested for a bladder infection and it's negative. Then fine.
If she has been tested for a short urethra or any other urethra and bladder problems - it's just gonna take time.

Please stop. Please don't bribe. Please don't push. Her body IS TRYING. Let it work.

It happens. It's totally normal. Kids that age just get busy playing and put off going to the potty too long...or they don't notice they have to go bc they are so engrossed with what they are doing. You don't need to do any testing. You don't need to worry about it. It's a normal developmental thing for many, many kids. Just tell her, oops, that's not good...lets go get you cleaned and changed. Try to remember to go use the bathroom next time. I had to give both my kids reminders or basically say no, go try to go to the bathroom first before you do x. In Kindergarten the teachers had mandatory bathroom breaks bc quite a few kids will do this at age 5 too. No big deal. Their brains are still developing and it's hard to stop what you are doing and remember to go use the bathroom.

It's normal.
She gets busy playing and doesn't want to stop to make bathroom breaks.
It's quite common for kids to have issues right into 1st grade and that's why they always want a spare change of clothes with them at school.
By 2nd grade most kids are over it..

If she has a bathroom break every hour at school then you should do the same at home.
Set a timer and when it goes off - go take her to the bathroom.
Pullups at night are fine - staying dry overnight is a totally different thing.

Be patient.
It's good you've seen the doctor and checked for infections and I'm assuming they checked for diabetes too but she won't be going off to college and still be having accidents.

I'd stop with the rewards, like prizes, gifts, dates with dad. Special times with her dad should not be associated with using the toilet. Prizes work for a short time at first (stickers, an M&M, big kid underwear), when the young child is learning to use the potty for the first time. But when they're old enough to know better, when they try everything to hold it in to avoid going to the bathroom, the prizes should stop.

Instead, come up with some common sense consequences. After all, you've said she's four years old, she knows when she needs to go to the bathroom, she doesn't have infections. So a logical consequence might be something like telling her that you can't take her to the playground, or the McDonald's play space, or somewhere special. Make your tone of voice very calm. "Sweetheart, I wanted to take you to the park today, but I'm sorry, we're not going to go because you won't use the toilet. So I'm not going to take a chance on your wetting yourself. Instead, we'll stay home and I will get my chores done. I've got plenty of laundry to fold." Then calmly go dust your furniture or fold towels or pay bills. Or if she wants a new pair of tights or some cool Wonder Woman underpants, tell her no, because you're not going to waste money on something that will just get wet. If she has a favorite pair of pants or a favorite outfit, take it away. Don't react with anger, don't express resentment. Simply limit the fun she can have, and give her very boring un-cool clothes to wear until she can respond to the urge to use the bathroom, or until she can positively respond to a timer reminder.