Why Does He Act like This

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If I were in that situation, I'd save up the money from the new job and move into my own place with the daughter ASAP. Separation may be the thing to make him wake up and realize how badly he's been treating you. From all this, I think the marriage is on the rocks - he doesn't respect you, makes you look bad to others (especially your daughter) and generally has no interest in being anything that a husband should be.

First of all, the problem is not yours, it is both of yours, and counseling sounds like it is really needed. If he will not go than start going on your own, and hopefully he will come around. Second issue is the child, that is his child as well. If it had been me I would have brought the child into the bedroom where he was trying to sleep and said "go spend some time with daddy, mommy is going out because she deserves to have some down time every once in a while as well like daddy does", and than I would have left. If there was a fight when I got back, so be it. My husband got to the point where he really assumed the child care was all on me. I had to ask for me time and he just did whatever the hell he wanted. So I got a part time job at Walmart that was different hours from him. What that meant was that 5 days a week I not only got time away from the kids, but he HAD to take responsibility for them. When I decided to stop working I made it clear that things would not go back to the way they had been before. Things have been much better since than, and that was a year ago. You need to talk to him, you need respect and a partner. I really urge you to find a good therapist to talk to.

As a side note, can you take your daughter and go stay with your mom rather than his? At one point I had had enough, and I packed a bag and made arrangements to move my boys into my moms. My husband was the one begging me to go to counseling with him and give him a chance to change and save our marriage.

I am so sorry you are in such a tough spot. No one can really tell you what is right as you are the one living in the situation. I would suggest that you go to counseling yourself so you can have someone help you sort out your needs, wants and boundaries and tolerances for how you want to be treated. Then you can decide what to do. You can't change someone elses behavior, but you can change how you react to and internalize it - or even tolerate it. I wish you the very best - take care of YOU - that's what is best for you AND your daughter....

Sorry but I would say enough is enough and leave! Let him see you are tired of this and until he starts to work on himself you are not going to come back! Men need to be shocked into seeing you're serious and as long as you stay and put up with it it will never change.
Good luck and God bless!

Would you want your daughter married to a man like your husband?

Because she will be. This is what she sees. This is what is normal.

I don't know what to tell you to do. I can't imagine being married to someone who treats me like that. We have our problems, but under it I feel like we're a team. You sound like adversaries.

But what I do know is that if my daughter were married to someone who treated her like that, I would tell her to run for the hills. If you feel that way about your daughter, you can give her a head start now.

Good luck.

I don't know the type of person you are, how long you've been married or your relationship history, but couple things come to mind why he might be acting as such! You be the judge as to which one matches your situation

1. He does not respect you, because you are passive and don't speak your mind - You take what he does to you and never express yourself.
2. He is cheating and you are "getting in his way"...don't get overly disturbed on this one, because it does not have to be so
3. He works at nights and he is not getting enough sleep, aggravated by the living conditions and having to watch the kids
4. He is anti-social and does not like to be interrupted while he is doing sometihng
5. He is ignorant and doesn't know the proper way to communicate
6. He is depressed or have a health problem he is not addressing
7. He has low self-esteem and probably feel like you are nagging him like his mother
8. He needs more loving

Anything could be the issue here, only you can determine what might be really going on.

uh . . . . I'm guessing he's probably not happy about living with his parents. I'm also guessing that he is depressed and lost in his own internal circular monolog, without knowing how to break out of it, or even that he is lost in it.
I'm guessing he is probably sleep deprived.

You need to go to counseling by yourself to learn some tools for dealing with his behavior and his attitudes. Also for some help in offsetting the damage to your daughter's attitudes about how moms and dads treat one another.

About living with the parents . . . .
can't you ask one of them to watch DD so that you can get out for a while?

As for sexual frustration . . . . read a book about self-pleasuring.
Do not expect him to take care of you sexually.
Until the two of you are communicating more openly and honestly.

Good luck.
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You're near at least a couple of good universities.
You may be able to get some good counseling
from a grad student, monitored by a faculty member.
Also, you might want to let DH read these answers.

Well....you can't change him...you can only change your reaction TO him.
When you have something important to tell him, say it once.
When you have a question to ask, ask it once.
Apply the same strategies you use with your daughter because he's acting about the same age.
I realize he works graveyard but he cannot be sleeping ALL of the other hours. I would wait to "get some time away" until his "awake hours.
Just say "I need to run out, I'll be back in an hour." And go.
I'm sorry and I hope he finds his big boy pants soon.

Start saving up while starting in January... stay with his parents as long as you can... then leave his loser self as soon as you save up0 a good amount - maybe talk to YOUR parents about moving in with them while you get re-situated?

This will not improve, and in the mean time your husband isn't giving a very good impression of a role model for male behavior.

You're stressed. Your husband is stressed. Your kid is stressed, your in-laws are stressed. It's a stress fest.
I mean no offense by that at all, but you are going to have to find a way to just hang in there until you can get back to work and get your own place and move on from there.
When you feel yourself reaching the boiling point, take 5 minutes outside or take a walk with your daughter.
I have a lot of stress in my life and I have found walking to be a great way to work it off.
If your husband won't go to counseling, go by yourself.
Realize that everything doesn't have to be all or nothing all the time and there are ways around some things without creating more stress for yourself or anyone else.

Keep your eye on the prize and know that for now some things are just the way they are. It doesn't mean they have to be that way forever and it doesn't mean that everything has to be resolved immediately.
When things feel like they are too much to handle, break them down. Take a look at one thing or issue at a time. You have a lot going on and that might help you keep from being overwhelmed by it all.

Best wishes.

My husband sometimes stares at me after I ask him a question....first you have to remember guys do not think and plan like woman do. He may be looking at you like that because he can not understand why anyone would ask a question like that. He may really have no answer for you. You almost need to bring up the topic slowly and just drop ideas here and there almost like you are thinking out loud but your not. Many times if it isn't my husbands idea he will not be for it. MEN!
As far as his willingness to watch the child. Maybe he think his parents will pick up the slack there. Not sure what the actual situation is there.
You can get ready and then 3 to 5 mins before you walk out the door just check to see if he is going to bed right away if he isn't then say great, can you give the baby her snack I will be right back I have to ...Don't give him much time to think about it. Make sure you have a couple things he can do with her. Reading a book or watching a movie with her. Simple things nothing complex at all.
If he resist try pointing out that she needs her dad to do something with her.

Hope my ideas help.
Hugs and get some rest.

Has his health been checked recently? my husband was always tired, and no sex drive "always tired". He went to the Dr, they said he had severe sleep apnea, low Vitamin D and high blood presure. It lead to him feeling this way. He was so tired all the time, which made us fight, and him be so snappy... We live with my parents which also adds to the stress so just be patient with each other because in this economy we all do what we can to get by. Have him checked out by a Dr, it may work it helped us. And communicate as well as you can. Communication always works in a relationship.

My husband acts the same way with me. I don't have any advice for you (cuz if I did, I would be using it myself), but just know that you're not alone. Men can really suck. But one thing I absolutely would NOT tolerate is if my husband says anything bad about me to our boy. If I were you, I would wait til she's in bed and give him a good piece of your mind about that. No child should be put in the middle of anything and respecting both parents is so important.

I think your husband and you need to learn how to communicate with each other. I don't think either of you gets each other. From your view, he is being really mean, but I GUARANTEE that he thinks you are too bossy. Why? Your conversation example sounds all too familiar between me and my husband before I understood him better. I think your husband views you as too pushy and too bossy. I don't think that you ARE too pushy and bossy, just that he thinks you are. I remember some of your other posts and I think you are both under a ton of stress right now. That is never going to bring out the best in people. His working graveyard is a huge stressor. You living with parents. . .take a deep breath. The vacant stares when you are talking to him are a form of aggression towards you. Men tend to be aggressive and push back if they feel that their wife is being too bossy. They are wired for competition, and they are wired to win at all costs. I saw a book in the bookstore called, "What men wish women understood about men, and what women wish men understood about women." or something like that. Maybe you could find that or a similar book and it would help. There was a whole chapter in their about men being wired for competitiveness and forgetting their wives feelings when they are in a state of competition/power struggle.

I completely disagree with people telling you he is abusive and to leave. From my understanding, WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND MEN ANYMORE! Nagging and not feeling respected are the number one thing taht will make ANY man act distant and like a jerk. Plus, to live with his parents is extremely depressing for a man, more than a woman. Of course you can't live like this. I am not saying you deserve no respect or kindness, but this is a CLASSIC example of a communication problem.

I would need to take a handful of antidepressants to live with him and his parents!

On the ignoring you - my husband ignores me, too. Men aren't very verbal unless there is a sports event on and they can holler at the TV. If you're looking for someone to share a confidence with, tell a girlfriend. If you need to talk with him about your daughter or factual news he needs to know, keep it simple. On the child rearing differences and intimacy, you guys need to get on the same page. Ask him, non confrontationally, for a good time to talk about your daughter together. Or read a book about it together (that's less confrontational). Or watch Supernanny together - he won't even have to talk. Pick another time to talk with him about your sex life (wait a bit - let's not hit him up with everything at once - after the holidays). Ask him what his fantasies are, share yours. Take a weekend away together. Buy something sexy. Have a date night. If he still isn't interested, he needs to see a doctor and find out why he's so tired!

All I can really say to this is, if he won't go to counseling then you need to go for yourself and your child. Obviously this is a very unhealthy marriage and it is doing no one any good especially your child and that is the most important person in this whole thing. There is major issues all around and they absolutely will not get resolved unless you get help.