Why Do We Struggle to Find Our Self?

I think that men/boys have just as difficult a time as girls/women do, it is more hidden in men and more openly talked about in women. Women go through more telling role reversals through childbirth and such, but men have difficult and trying times as well.

Well, I believe when a woman marries and has children, no matter how independent she has been--things "shift" a bit. I think a woman's life changes a whole lot more than a man's, so maybe that's why women call it "finding yourself"? Because our lives fill up with doing for, caring for others and sadly, sometimes neglecting ourselves. I don't think even the best husband's and dads have their world rocked the way women do upon marriage and raising children.

It may just be that most boys/men don't care. They don't even think about it. Their minds don't work like ours. They want to be a productive member of society and to provide for their families but inner soul searching does not top their list.

Not sure about other demographics either as I am also a white american.

The bible says that we find ourself when we first lose ourselves. God also admonishes us not to weary in well doing for in due season we will reap a reward. I think our very giving natures that God gave mothers is hard to maintain for the long haul. It's not wrong to do for ourselves. But when we let our "finding ourselves" rise to the level of selfishness, we actually lose more of ourselves. It's one of those concepts that is hard to grasp.

Like Angela, I think women tend to be more analytical then men (a sweeping generalization of course).

However I also think women make the world go 'round, WAY more then men. But we are not designed to COMPETE with each other, we're designed to COMPLIMENT each other.

Oddly, I also think we have more choices. Since we will ALWAYS have the choice of creating life, and they really don't have that choice, do they?

:)

I think people, be they male or female, often find it difficult to challenge what is expected of them or what they perceive is expected of them. Does that make sense?

Take mothers for instance. Mothers often are, or feel that they are, expected to sacrifice for their children. How many women say 'I would do anything for my child...' They are supposed to love their children, protect their children, care for and cherish their children. But does that mean that they can't say, 'no, I'm not playing with you right now. I am reading a book.' Silly example, I know, but a lot of women would feel guilty about reading a book rather than playing with their child because that would make her a 'bad' mother.

I think as a mainstream American you are afforded more choices in what you can do or become and therefore struggle more with finding yourself. If you were of another culture (one in a developing country), perhaps you would not have as many options...you would just know what you were to do and you would do it because what other choice do you have?

I think most women are naturally more reflective than men. There are exceptions, of course, but women as a whole tend to self-reflect more than men.

Because we have a horrible habit of putting everyone and everything before ourselves and our needs. Then one day we have a moment to catch our breath and reflect and don't even know how to reflect or what to reflect on. We don't know what WE want becasue it's been so long since anyone asked us, or we asked ourselves. Because we are buried under a pile of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, appointments, lists, questions, duties, favors etc. Because we forget that WE are important, that WE have a life, that WE matter. Becasue we loose our identity as we marry and become a mom - how to be sexy and clean poop at the same time? Hmmmmm? What's more important - getting my nails done or taking my kids to the park. What are my breasts really for? I get stuck wearing my old tennis shoes because they are comfy for chasing my kids around.

The strange thing is........even when I feel that "I" don't know who "I" am, if I were to ask my kids, my husband or my close friends, they could give me a really good description.......and I would like what I hear. So for the most part, that's ok.

Thanks. I actually feel better :)

The only time I have heard the term finding myself used is when someone doesn't like the life they have chosen. I don't see it as being gender specific though more women seem to use it when men will outright say I am done with this.

I have never felt the need to find myself, kind of hard to lose something that is you. Well maybe if you are dead but then that would be more of losing your body.

If you can't tell I think it is an excuse offered up by those that don't want to say I think I made a mistake.

I'm right here...and I didn't struggle to figure that out.

We actually don't.

What we struggle with is ACCEPTING ourselves. We deny who we are and what we feel is right to please others or meet a societal standard/norm.

But eventually we realize that denying ourselves causes MISERY! So we learn to accept who we are.

That acceptance can be easy...or it can be riddled with MORE denial. It depends upon the person.

But there is no "finding ourself." We're always there...and we know it too. We just hate going through all that misery only to find out we are wrong about what is right for ourselves.

Self Confidence.

Stereotypes that we are put with...that eventually stick to us regardless of the truth behind them.

I was not really looking for myself, when I found it.

I am still getting used to me. But I have more confidence then ever before.

I have found I live for ME(because no one else should have to). Yet I have a responsibility to my Family, neighbors and Community.

I think we have a role in society that is unlike any other. It is hard to find a balance between Family, work and personal time. I think we get handed the full load, because we have the capability to take on so much.

I think strong women are starting to play an important role in the world today. We can multi-task better, delegate better and have better organization skills. So as these thing become more and more evident you will start to see the more common Stereotypes dissolve around us:)

I have notice, and this is only in the last two months of working directly with the Public...That people tend to not take women seriously. And that or they are surprise when we are passionate about something. This to me is something I have had trouble dealing with. Because I am a very passionate person and I am a force that needs to be taken seriously:)

hmm.. let me think, white women were for generations after coming to these shores, expected and encouraged to act helpless. mainly because a white woman who acted helpless was generally assumed to have servants to do everything for her.. ie she was upper class and wealthy. thus, if a white woman wanted to appear upper class and/or wealthy, she acted helpless.meanwhile, there no such social pressure on the non white female population, if anything, the pressure on the typical non white woman was to be as useful to her surronding society as possible. a native woman who sat around all day doing absolutely as little as possible was shuned and riduculed, not celebrated, and certainly not encouraged.
K. h.

I think part of it is that as girls/woman we are taught by society to be pleasing, pleasing to our parents and to our husbands. We learn to fear what others will think of us if we assert ourselves in a way that may not be so pleasing, so we hide who we are, deny ourselves to be the woman/wife/mother we think we are supposed to be.