Why Can't They Be Nice?

I used to be totally honest with my daughter and husband.

"I am not feeling well this afternoon, so please be extra helpful for me tonight."

Or "I have a migraine coming on, can you help keep things calm tonight."

"I am in a terrible mood. I mean really bad, please understand I may go off, so please do not take it personally. "

"I am feeling really down today, I need a hug and some quiet time. "

I do this with work mates, My family and friends.

I think being honest and asking for help really, really helps.
I also thank them from the bottom of my heart when they then take care of me or take care to do what is need.

Communication is a great thing.

I feel your pain! I had a terrible day at work, I'm not feeling well either and my husband is in Vegas all week. I pick my daughter up from daycare and she is a hot mess. Now, I should say, she has been an angel all week and I have really enjoyed the week with just the 2 of us, but tonight was a different story. I picked her up and she was over tired, hungry and overheated. Bad combination for a 3 year old. I dressed her too warm today. The day started out chilly but rose to close to 90 today. Poor kid was red as an apple from playing outside in warm clothes. My bad. Tonight was difficult to say the least. All she did was whine and fuss till I wanted to scream (but I didn't). Now she is in bed sleeping and I miss her already. All kids have a bad day sometimes (just like us adults) then they go to sleep and look like little sleeping angels and it all melts away. I hope tomorrow is better for you! It has to be, right?

Our logical consequences for not feeding animals that depend on you to feed them is that if they don't eat you don't eat. It's not fair to the animals to starve while you fill your tummy. So I check the bowls before dinner is served. If it's empty the child that has that chore does not have a place set at the table. They come in a fight over the seat that is set and I tell X or X they don't get to eat. They get all mad and cranky, "I'm hungry!!!!!" I tell them the animals are even more hungry that they are since they didn't get fed all day."

Once the job is done they may join us at the table and enjoy it to the fullest. They need to learn to think outside of their mind and they need to understand that their actions have consequences.

My older two were around that age acting pretty much the same. Earlier that day I had seen some worthless talk show that said kids fight to see who you pick. Like the one you defend you love more. So I said at the moment I hate you both so knock it off. Strangely it was the last time the fought like that.

I would like to think they matured and it didn't have anything to do with my frustrated comment.

i'm like Laurie I give the kids fair warning if it has been a bad day or I am not feeling well. I've even been know to have them go to their I've had those days, respective rooms for a "mommy time-pout"(opps I meant out, but sometimes I do pout0 ") Sounds like yours are really close in age too, mine are 22 months apart and they either chose to get along really well or fight and act like deaf rabid dogs!! When my brother and I were little and having one of those days, my dad would put us in a room together and shut the door, no tv, radio nothing much fun accept board games and maybe puzzles. After a while we didnt have a choice but to get along or be miserable! I hope after a good night sleep you feel better and they act right!

I do what Laurie A. does as well.
I TELL MY KIDS.... if I am stressed/grumpy/irked/irritable and that I NEED them, to act civil and to "help."
I am very honest with them. And likewise, they can also tell ME... if they are stressed/grumpy/irritable/irked. And there is then, the understanding that we can tell each other and vent... but that we are a "team."

Then I go in another room, I tell my kids I need to unwind.
And they understand.
My kids are 5 and 9.
And if they are not doing what they are supposed to... then I tell them "Do not expect Mommy to be cooperative with you, if you cannot do that either." It is a 2-way street.

If my kids just need to let off steam... I actually tell them "scream fest time!" and I tell them scream now... at the top of their lungs, then be done with it. And it gets out their yah-yahs.
THEN I tell them, it is CALM time.

Good advice from Laurie, as always. I will add that sometimes, when kids are very wound up (rainy day so they've been cooped up, like today!) sometimes they don't calm down. When that happens, I do start taking away privileges. If they are supposed to go on a sleep-over the next day, I'll give them one warning ("If I have to ask again for you to feed the cat, you will not be going on your sleep-over tomorrow. Is that what you REALLY want? Stop and think, please.") If they blow through that warning, then the sleep-over goes away. It only rarely comes to that, but a time or two, it has. It sucks to lose that free night out, but I'll tell you, they really think twice about acting like hooligans the next time.

I really beleive that kids can feel when we are upset, stressed, and not feeling well... sometimes I think it passes on the them & they act out because they are feeling the same thing. When kids are upset or stressed they don't shut down like we do, they act out.

Sadly, I do go through this almost everyday... with 5 in the house it seems like atleast 2 of them aren't getting along at all times of the day, but when I hear one of them laugh it seems to make things so much better.

As for the dog... if they keep not taking care of it & it is to much for you to do - give it away. You need to find where your limit is & reduce the extra to make live easier & below your limit.

Also, once they are in bed - do something for yourself to relax! Enjoy the quite & rest up for tomorrow... it will be a better day :)

Ever notice how you have to teach children to be kind and loving, but you never have to teach them to be quarrelsome and mean?

Kids do pick up on stress, You're worried about your husband and not feeling well, and children pick up on that and act up. Not that they need you for motivation.

That said, they don't have to. It reminds me of a long-ago post from another mama who had children acting up, and one mama answered that when her children fought with each other they had to hold hands for a half hour. I've threatened to do that with my grandchildren!

Please don't give away the dog. It's not Rover's fault that he isn't fed. Don't punish him; that's not a logical consequence.