People drive me nuts! So for Christmas my husband and I decided to tell people that we don't want presents, instead we want cash or Gift Certificates to Home Depot. Why? Because we are trying to pool together to get my mom and dad a new oven. Theirs is twenty five years old and they have to light it with a lighter! (it's a gas stove). I am seriously afraid that they are going to blow themselves up!
We can't afford to outright buy one for them. I am kicking in a hundred, my sister is kicking in a hundred.
Sounds good right? So why do so many people have an issue with it? I'm not asking for (nor have I told them) as much as my sister and I put in. Seriously, every year I get people asking, I drew your name, what would you like? So now that I've told them, I am getting a lot of....well, is there anything else you want? Not really, I don't need anything, and most of the things I want I just go buy (which is very few). I know I can't dictate what people give.
I don't know, if someone in your family was doing something like I am would you want to participate? Is it weird that I am even asking?
Yes we only asked family.
Tracy: That's a good point. I wonder how I would tell them that I really don't want that? I honestly don't want people to spend extra, just whatever you were going to get me will go to my folks.
Add: Yes we have told everyone what we were doing. I guess if I was on the receiving end of this (someone asking me for a gc or cash), I would be totally for it. I mean what's the difference? Let's say I gave someone a gift that they already had, and they inturn gave it to someone who needed it. That wouldn't upset me. I totally understand if someone already had something bought or in mind for me them not participating.
Jessica: Actually that did happen. My friends (with whom we exchange gifts with), did something similar but they adopted a family in need. So I bought something off the list they gave me, fully knowing that those gifts were going to someone else. If they had asked me for cash or a gift certificate for this family I would have happily given. Giving gifts, at least for me, is about making someone happy, if that is what made them happy then why wouldn't I do it? The way I see it, my friends were happy and that family was happy. Win. Win.
As an added note: This will teach me to complain right off the bat. LOL I sent one the people asking me what else I wanted for christmas a response with a. "Well my Harry Potter book six was torn apart by my daughter, a replace ment would be nice."
She sent back, "I thought you were doing a gc for your folks?"
Yeah but you asked me what else I wanted.
LOL I meant that email for someone else! They told me they wanted a winning lottery ticket, so I asked them what else they wanted. Sorry for the confusion! Totally getting you the GC, I think it's great!
Guess it's about a 50/50 split here. LOL Well goes to show you everyone is different. I overall I think I have decided that if people are going to be offended by it...well that's ok, they don't have to participate and that's ok too.
I don't think that people like being told how to spend their money, and I'm guessing that they don't want to help you fund a gift for someone else. I do think it's a bit of an odd request, honestly.
I don't think it's weird -I would want to participate! If you have a big family -even if people just gave 10 or 20 bucks, it would mount up.
Are you saying you're asking for money, to buy something for someone else? Yes, that's a bit weird. I would feel strange about that. I could just give my money to them directly. These things are for gifts for YOU...not your parents.
YOU want to do a nice thing for you parents, but you're using money from other people to do that. I find that to be an odd request. I'm not used to buying gifts, knowing it goes directly to someone else. What's the point? I could just give the money to your parents.
P.S.
Your using others, to do a nice thing for your parents. In actuality, that's quite rude.
Honestly... it's wierd. Your telling people to essentially give you cash (no-no in and of itself) and then telling them that you will be using the cash to buy someone else a gift (with your name on it). You are basically asking your family to fund a gift that will be from you.
This wouldn't sit well with me. When I draw someone's name (we used to do this in my husband's family), I want to buy THEM something that THEY need/want. Two years ago, we were exchanging gifts with my in-laws and literally every single person exchanged gift cards. As a result we stopped exchanging altogether- it lost its meaning.
Next year, have something in mind that is for you. To me (not trying to be rude here), you're not doing a nice thing for the gift-giver. If you want to buy your parents a new stove, then do it, but don't ask others to help fund it unless it's a "group gift" from the whole family.
Did you tell them why? They may feel weird about that.
When we wanted to get my grandmother a new fridge, my aunt-in-law (long story) butted in and before I knew it, it all fell apart.
I would give your parents the money you have gathered and say, "This is toward your new stove." Then let them pick out the one they want. Don't ask other people to fund your gift to your parents. If they are other family, tell them about the stove and ask if they'll use the money they would have spent on you for your parents instead, you're fine without gifts.
Cash feels like an impersonal gift. They don't want to give you money because absolutely NO thought goes into it (even though you know it would go to a good cause). Plus, if you've told them what the money would go to, it's not really a gift for you. It's for your parents. They want to get YOU a gift. I would probably pitch in some money for your parents, but would still want to get you something for you.
Maybe I'm not understanding this question.
You are asking that the gifts bought for you & your husband be Home Depot gift cards so you can use them toward your $100 pitch in to your mom & dad's new oven?
Or you are telling people that you are collecting for an oven?
ADDED:
OK from your SWH, you are asking that yours & hub's gifts be xyz so you can use for mom & dad's oven.
Well, yes, that might be perceived as a bit manipulative.....
your intentions are sweet & good, but I would feel very awkward giving you money/gift card for you to turn it over to someone else. As Bug said, it just feels weird.....
& as for using a lighter, that's what everybody used to do for their stoves. My Mom, by choice, uses an antique stove which has to be handlit! She uses an AimNFlame.....as do we when we're cooking at her house. Not a big deal! The kids love it!
Its like already telling everyone your intention is to re-gift their gift. Its weird to me even if you intentions are very honorable (towards your parents, etc).
Like if I said to my brother..."I really liked that wrench set you had...I'd love one of those...er... umm...hubby would love one of those since I will be giving it to him!", or to my girlfriend..."My SIL loved your perfume...why don't you get me some of that for Christmas so I can just make that HER gift.". Sorry, but in my head this is how it comes across......
Best of luck!
It is probably one of two things: They are on a budget or they don't like giving gift cards which they view as impersonal.
Maybe they don't know what amount to give you. Chances are they can get you an inexpensive gift that they think you will like by using sales and special offers but if they were to get a gift card then there is no way out of giving you a minimum $25.00. OR they want to get you something they think you will like.
Personally, if you were in my family, I would get you the gift card. If that is what you say you want. Great. I'll get it. You can do whatever you want with it whether that is buying an oven for your parents or buying a big blow up snowman. It is your gift to use as you see fit.
Side note: We draw names in my husband's family every year and even though I say here is what I want I never get it. Instead I get something stupid that I have to pretend to like or something that I would never use and I end up donating it. Why they can't just make a donation in my name in the first place as requested or get me the one thing I do actually want is beyond me. It happens every. single. year. Annoying.
Well, I would find what you're doing rude. First, you're being very presumptuous that people were going to get you a gift in the first place AND you're telling them exactly what to give you. Cash or a gift certificate FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
Can you honestly say that if your best friend came to you said, "Hey J., I don't know how your budget looks this year or if you were planning on getting me a gift, but I'm planning on getting my parents a new stove that I can't afford. If you give me a gift, can you just give me the cash amount you would have spent on me rather than actually buying a gift? It's for my mom. I knew you'd understand."
That's just so... presumptuous. And honestly I would end up feeling really awkward about getting someone who did that to me a gift at all knowing that it wouldn't be going toward the person that I REALLY wanted it to go toward. Especially if I already had something special in mind for them and they felt that their parents' gift trumped what I wanted to do for them.
So no, I wouldn't want to participate. I hate participating in group gifts. They're very impersonal. But there's a way to go about it, and I think that Christmas is the wrong time to do it. I think maybe if you did this for your parents' anniversary it would be better timing.
There's kind of a line between gift giving and fund raising.
You and your sister want to give a gift which you can not afford,
so you are fund raising from those who would otherwise give you gifts so you can then purchase a new stove for your parents.
It's noble to want to get your parents a new stove, but you and your sister should save up for it until you can get it for them.
Your parents have lived with their stove a long time, and many people have no difficulty in lighting a pilot light.
A little bit longer will not make much difference.
You are no doubt a very honest person, but I'm a bit skeptic about anyone asking me for gift certs and/or money.
Less honest people have no difficulty in telling any number of lies just to bring in the funds which are then diverted to another purpose.
Don't go into debt, but take some more time to save up that money and maybe the folks will have a new stove for Valentine's or Easter.
In the mean time, take this time to research appliances, read Consumer Reports, and shop around for the best deal you can find.
Some stores have semi-annual sales and waiting for one of them might make the final price so affordable, you might have a little money left over.
Because people enjoy gift shopping and a gift card or cash seems too easy and impersonal. They want to get YOU something, not something you are going to give to someone else. They also may be a bargain hunter, and can get a really cool gift for $10, but would feel bad giving you only $10 cash, so can't really afford a good amount to give for you to use. Also, if your mom if there family member, they are likely already pitching in on the stove.
Just be happy and learn to let go and not be upset at these people.
I woud just say to them, "You know this year, we really don't have any wants and needs for ourselves, but we could REALLY use some help buying my mom & dad a new stove. Theirs is so old and unsafe and we're trying to raise money for that." I think they'd be blown away by your selflessness and would probably be so happy to help you reach that goal.
I think that if you were requesting this among your family members, that would be fine. However, I have people who get us things that are pretty personal or homemade and I wouldnt' think of asking them such a thing. I have one friend who hates peas, but she grows them in her garden for my son and I. She babies them and waters them and then, she cans the ones that she doesn't give us when they're fresh. We always get wonderful things like homemade jelly and other garden things. All those jars and everything aren't cheap.
Anyway, I wouldn't be upset if you asked me, but you'd be out of luck. There isn't a Home Depot within 300 miles of us.
Your heart may be in the right place, but going outside the family to ask for help with a gift like this, unless everyone you know is really close with your parents, I don't think it's something I would do.
Just my opinion.
If it were people in my family, I would feel obligated to pitch in and then get you something else. I wonder if that is what they are doing? Intending to give you the gift card but throw in something personal for you.
What about creating a special bank account where people can make contributions? That way, they don't have to disclose to you how much they're contributing. It may be that they're worried about you seeing they can only afford to contribute $25, for instance.
Also, if people insist on giving you something, make a list of ideas filled with small things, like cute socks, lotion, etc. That way, they can still give something personal but given how inexpensive your items are, they may still be encouraged to follow through on your wishes.
Well....giving isn't just about making the recipient happy, i.e. giving them exactly what they want or need. It's about the giver too.
I mean, I would love it if my parents and my husband's parents stopped spending so much money on toys for my son come Christmas and birthdays, and put the money in a college fund instead. But I haven't brought it up to them, why? Because I know they get so much joy out of buying toys and giving them to my son...telling them we want money instead, no matter how noble the reason, is a) kind of rude and b) would take away their joy.
The same situation is going on here, I think. It sounds like people just aren't warming to the idea of giving you cash and/or a specific type of gift card.
Don't lose sight of the nature of gift giving and receiving, it's supposed to be voluntary and fun. To be honest it sounds like you are sort of trying to harness the holiday season to raise cash for a specific purpose rather than enjoying receiving gifts.
Good luck!
Your 1st mistake was to tell people their gift to you was actually going to someone else, even if it is your parents.
If you can do any damage control, just convey you want money for a home improvement project. Noone has to know its not for your own home.
I would tell them why you want the cash or Home Depot cards - that you are trying to buy a new stove for your parents. There is nothing wrong with asking others, who would be buying you a gift anyway, to contribute to the "oven pool" in lieu of a gift to you. Kinda like asking for a donation to the Red Cross in lieu presents :)
But, some people don't want to give cash and cards because they feel that, then, the receiver will know the exact value of the gift given and the giver may feel embarrassed if it is not a high dollar value.
Oh, and in my family, we used to pool every year for one of my Grandmothers to get things that she needed - she had a paid off house, but very limited income, so we would pool cash in small bills for cab fare, good quality coffee, things that were little luxuries that she could not afford on her fixed income. She always got what she needed and it didn't break any one person's budget.
Good luck with the oven - it's wonderful of you to do that for your folks.
Did you explain to the people why you want gift cards? Because although what you are trying to do is very nice, asking for money as a gift is considered rude, but if they understood why you wanted it it would not sound rude any longer. Does that make sense?
