Why Can't I Get Excited About This Pregnancy??

I know somewhat how you feel. I had a 2 year old and 10 month old twins when I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! (my first 3 were IVF so you can imagine my surprise). Talk about feeling overwhelmed!!! I also had a husband that worked outside all day and did absolutely nothing but sat on the couch and napped on and off all evening. Asking him for help was just another source of stress for me. I soon stopped asking.

I remember at one of first appointments with the 4th as the Dr. was searching for the heartbeat, he couldn't readily find it and was lying there secretly thinking, "good, maybe there is no heartbeat, I can't handle another baby". But he found it soon after. I also remember being embarrassed to go out in public with all my babies and my big ol' belly. People still ask to this day if they are all mine. (I had all 4 babies in 3 years).

My point is, no matter overwhelmed you feel right now, you will love this child, you will be able to take care of him/her, and you will be a more amazing mom than ever. Just hang in there, don't be afraid to tell your Dr. how you feel. He is the most qualified person to help you at this stage.

My son is now 6 and I love him so much, we have an amazing bond, even closer than the older three. We just get each other.
Prayers to you and your family.

Oh, hang in there honey! You ARE exhausted! You have small kids and it is exhausting! You are also tired because you are pregnant! I think your feelings are mostly normal. Overwhelmed, tired, scared, etc. I truly hope you will feel better once the baby is born, but I can't guarantee that. I do think you should talk to your OB, and if he suggests anti-depressants, just tell him you don't want that now, what else can you do? Also, I'd encourage you to let some things go. That's HARD! I know I have a hard time doing that, but maybe the toys don't have to be picked up, maybe the clothes don't have to be washed today, maybe you don't have to clean that bathroom right now. Try to rest some and enjoy this time instead of trying to keep up with everything. Have you thought about getting a housekeeper? Maybe just once a month or every other week to help out so you don't feel so overwhelmed? I feel for you! I'm so sorry, but hang in there!

A.,

Wow, of course, as a SAHM with 3 kids and another one on the way, you should feel tired.
During pregnancy your body is sucked dry by the baby of omega-3's. During pregnancy you should get at least 2500mg of omega-3, not only for your baby, but for your brain too! It actually depletes faster each pregnancy. Also, getting at least 2000 IU's of vitamin D3 is highly recommended for immune modulation, healthy bones and teeth for baby, and mood regulation for mommy. Again, the more pregnancies a women has, the worse this becomes. Be sure to get at least 15 mins of sunlight (without sunscreen and preferably wearing shorts and a tanktop or a bathing suit) to help the body naturally make vitamin D3 (up to 30 mins if you are dark-skinned)
I'm sure you're taking some prenatals, but the prenatals that you get by prescription are scary and made from isolate vitamins and not from whole foods (not the store) which can be damaging to the body. The omega's are suspended in partially hydrogenated soybean oil (trans fats) and are not the ratio needed of EPA and DHA for pregnant moms.
A whole food multivitamin for pregnancy is also highly recommended as well as a potent probiotic.
I encourage you to research a company called Standard Process (www.standardprocess.com) they have many products that are made from food, so taking the supplements is just like eating food. They are professional grade and you can only purchase them through a doctor (most likely a chiropractor like myself or an MD that understands nutrition)
From their products I would recommend the Tuna Oil, Catalyn, ProSynbiotic and Folic Acid B12. Also, Ferrofood if you have been shown to be anemic (it won't cause constipation like other forms of iron).
Another company Thorne (www.thorne.com) has a vitamin D3 with 1000 IU's per capsule. Again, they are only sold through professionals.
I'm sure you can find websites that sell these products, but I would caution you on that and they are not supported by either of these companies.
Your body is being sucked dry and your mood and the feeling of being overwhelmed, although understandable, can be helped through nutrition.
I would also ask your OB to check your vitamin D levels if he/she hasn't done already. You may need more per day if you are severely deficient. I also caution you on the very high doses that most MD's recommend when you are found severely deficient. It's by prescription and up to 50,000 IU's per day for up to 8 weeks. It takes that long and that much to get your levels up because of the low bio-availability of a lab synthesized product. In my experience 2000-5000 IU's are plenty to get levels up of the Thorne product within 2-4 weeks post ingestion.
If you have any further questions, please feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com Bless.

i don't know if you're a religious person or not but i know God does not give you somehthing you cannot handle. this is my third right now and for a while i was feeling the same way you are. i'm slowly starting to feel happier about it but when its not something you plan and when you're the only one doing things around the house it gets really hard to deal with. i don't think you are alone. my husband never helps when he is home and right now he is away at fort sill. my kids are 3 and 1 1/2 so i understand where you're coming from. tell your dr and if he wants to put you on meds that can be up to you but at least try to tell him. maybe he can help. i hpoe everything gets better for you. one other thing, you will bond with this baby. you love your other three kids and this one will be no different. you will love it and cherish it just like your others.

Mama, here's a shout out of encouragement for you! It's totally understandable that you're tired and overwhelmed. But, as someone else said, God never gives you anything you can't handle - if you depend on Him!! Those last four words are the most important. We can't handle anything in life - husband, kids, schedules, hormones, whatever! - without resting in the strength of the Savior. He is the One that gives order to the world and the peace that passes all understanding. If you humble yourself before Him and cry out to Him, He will answer. If you want to hear about His work in my life, please IM me! God also has given us resources here to help us - and your OB is one of them. I would definitely talk to your doctor to see what he says. I totally agree with what these other mommies have said - you will love that baby so much when he/she is here! God bless you!

A.,

I'm not sure where your faith lies, but I personally believe that there is a plan for each of us. Perhaps there is a divine purpose for this child of yours! I can tell you that my second pregnancy was HARD. None of my children were planned, but the second one was more unexpected than any. My first was only 6 months when I got pregnant so they are 15 months apart. I don't remember feeling happy about that pregnancy. But now I look at my daughter and see how very special she is. I love her, of course. But I see that there is something ....special is the only word I can use. Please trust that there is a purpose, and that you will be able to handle far more than you ever thought possible. We're all rooting for you! Hang in there!

A.,
It sounds like you are just completely exhausted! It is summer time and all the children home from school, plus this horrible HEAT right now is enough to drain any mother, much less a pregnant mom! See if you can hire a teenager to help you out several hours a day to you can get a nap!

Make sure you are hydrated enough. It is so very important for you to be drinking LOTS of water EVERY day and eating enough protein every day along with lots of veggies and grains. Check out the Brewer Pregnancy diet on line.

Please call me with further suggestions on helping your pregnancy. I am a birth doula and a childbirth educator.

K. Voigtsberger
Certified Birth Doula(DONA)
Certified Bradley Method® Educator
Breastfeeding Educator
www.wholeheartbirth.com
____@____.com

I can sympathize. I'm pregnant with our fourth, which we wanted, but I was really, really scared of being pregnant again because I have SEVERE morning sickness that gets worse with each pregnancy. I was so scared and overwhelmed I cried for several days after I found out I was pregnant.

I found a very supportive midwife who got me Zofran, and although it hasn't been easy and I'm still queasy, things are going better.

My husband and I have butted heads about housework - I can't do it all with how bad I feel, he can't do it all, but he doesn't want to hire someone to help. If you can afford it, I HIGHLY recommend having someone come in even every two weeks just to clean things. We had people come twice and it made a huge difference in our moods and the peace in our home.

I would definitely talk to your OB, or someone else you trust. It helps just to get it all out there. Several visits to a counselor might help too. Not because you are crazy or need "therapy", but just because these are complicated emotions you are dealing with. Hugs.

I felt that way with my 3rd child who will be a year old in a few days. I know with me, a big part of it was the I realized just how much work I put upon myself with a new baby plus everything else that I have to do. What really helps me is a routine and laying down the rules for my kids--it makes things run smoother. My hubby works out of state 90% of the time, so I'm basically a single parent. I do count my blessings though: Being able to stay home, a good husband, three healthy children, and still healthy enough to keep up with my kids:) A., you have got to get out of this funk. I know it's tough, but you have to have a positive attitude for you and your family. One of the most important things we need to do as moms is to take care of ourselves. Eating right, getting exercise and taking care of ourselves is essential. Hire a babysitter if you have to watch your kids at least once month and go do something you enjoy like getting your hair or nails done. If mom's not happy, no one is happy. Take daily breaks and do nice things for yourself--and don't feel guilty! Sure, you will have your hard days, but you will also have plenty of easy ones too. Remember, children grow up quickly, before you know it they will be doing things without you. Enjoy them while they are cute and cuddly. After all, you only get one chance and one life:)

Sending you support and enthusiasm,

M.

Don't feel bad about feeling over whelmed with everything. It is perfectly normal , you have a lot on your plate so it is only natural. I felt the same way during my 3rd pregnancy , and we planned to get pregnant when we did , I just suddenly thought , OMG I will have 3 kids age 5 & under , how will I manage? But you do , I don't run myself ragged all day trying to get everything done , as long as we all have some clean clothes in our drawers , and the house is not filthy then that is good enough for me , there just isn't enough time in the day ( and I do not have the patience or the desire) to be cleaning my house all day every day , I would rather get outside , have some fresh air and let the kids play in the playground , or meet a friend for a playdate , and if most mom's were honest , they probably are the same way , yes it would be nice to have a tidy/spotless house , but the majority of us cannot afford cleaners and to honest there is more to life than a clean house.

Get rid of your "to do" list , and just take each day as it comes , and the next time you have an appointment with the OB and he asks how you are feeling , be honest and say "Actually , I am overwhelmed and feeling like I cannot manage with another baby right now" . Sometimes getting if off your chest and out in the open to non family members is all it takes for you to feel better and see things in a different light.

I'm a SAHM of 3 kiddos- 3yr, 2yr, 5months. This last pregnancy was awful and completely different from my prior experince being pregnant. My issues began when i stopped breast feeding my second oldest. I started gaining weight, being moody and feeling bad physically with low energy. I thought it was stress from my life situations at the time. But things slowly got worst, then i became pregnant with my 3rd child. I was thrilled, remembering how wonderful I felt with my prior pregnancy. Unfortunatly things only got worse. I was barely making it through each day looking after my toddlers. I felt embarrassed, worthless, alone & scared, wondering what was wrong with me. I was sick, had trouble sleeping, and was emotionally unwell my whole pregnancy. I worried about my baby's health and how I felt about my pregnancy. I was way too scared of anti-depressants, so I opted to keep dealing with things untill i just couldn't, trying to hold out for the birth. Things improved ever so slightly after that, but post-partum breastfeeding and very little sleep made it worse. My immune system started failing me all together with a persistant cold, breast infections, and extreme fatigue. I finally broke down to my doctor and made up my mind that something had to give and it WASN'T me. I started researching and talking with my doctor about hormon imbalance and what was safe in order for me to continue breastfeeding. I started by eliminating all stimulants from my diet and going on a strict supplement regimin. Things began improving and a sudden noticable change came after I stopped taking my BC. I gave birth in Feb. and I've much improved since then. My DH and I agree that I was practically a different person when i was pregnant. It was an extremely difficult time for us. I'm happy to say I'm still improving and slowly getting back 'me'. I wish I'd have known then what I know now, I believe much of my unfortunate situations could have been avoided. If you'd like more details or to chat, let me know. I'd be glad to help if I can. Thoughts and prayers, may God bless you~ Chell

Although I really can't help with any words of wisdom as to what to do I wanted to let you know you are SO not alone. With my last and 4th pregnancy I was miserable. My oldest was 5 and my youngest was 2. I hated every second of it. So much so that I had convinced my self that when my daughter was born I was going to hate her. I was prepared for the worst case of postpartum ever. I told my husband to be prepared to take care of her because I wasn't going to. The usual exciting moments during a pregnancy were nothing more then a nuisance. I wasn't excited to learn she was a girl or feel her kick. She was the parasite and hello if she was any other kind of parasite I would go to the doctor and the would give me a pill to get rid of it. I know that all sound so awful! Much to my amazement the second that I held her in my arms all of that was gone. That second I would have killed for her. I think that the overwhelming THANK GOD THAT IS OVER might have played a role in that. Well that and knowing that I would never have to do that again. I actually think out of all of them I bonded with her the most. Good luck, hang in there, I know it doesn't feel like it is ever going to end but it will!

Hi A. - I think you just need some help around the house to lighten your workload and reduce you stress. Can you call in one on of the grandmothers? Or get a housekeeper to come in once or twice a week?

My dear sweet mama,
I wanted to help you with a little perspective. There are women like me who can't have kids and would give anything to be in your situation. I know in the heat of dealing with 3 small children and feeling tired that might not be much of a solace, but maybe focusing on the blessing instead of the trial might help your mental state. Praying for you!

P.

Hello Twin. LOL. Well, kind of. I just had my 4th child 4 weeks ago. My children are 5, 4 and 3 years old!! Like you, we wanted 4 children, but planned to wait a bit before having our 4th. I did go through a depression phase (prior to this pregnancy) and I don't think that what you are writing is depression... and who with 4 children DOESN't have anxiety? LOL We just have to learn to deal with it, and with another new change coming soon for you, you're feeling of being verwhlemed is NORMAL. I had a bit of an opposite experience... I was happy to be pregnant (although this pregnancy was the WORST by far)... I didn't want it to end (yet that last month I was counting the days till I deliver!)... I knew this was likely my last pregnancy so I wanted to savor it all. I wanted the all natural birth (which I got!)... I wanted to experience all the things I didn't get to with the others, due to having so many children one after another. That being said, I did NOT get overwhlemed during pregnancy. I kknew things would work out and had to trust int hat. HOWEVER, as soon as I delivered, I had a hard time bonding with my baby for the first few days. THAT's when I got overwhelmed. How am I going to manage? What were we thinking? and on and on... But then I got to have another new experience - breastfeeding, which has bonded my son and I in a way I was not successful with my other 3 children.

Preganncy hormones are evil!!!!!!!!!!! Personally, I think that have a lot to do with the way you are feeling and thinking.

I dont' know if I can offer advise. Exercise. Get out of the house. Have fun. Enjoy your pregnancy. That's all I got... Not sure if that will help, but at least it will DISTRACT you from thinking about stuff.

Know that there are others of us out there, going through the same struggles and worries... and we all find a way to manage.

Wishing you an enjoyable pregnancy and a beatufiul and healthy baby!! It's such a blessing. You are so LUCKY!

Sweet Momma I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate a little. When I was pregnant with my first child I did not want to be pregnant. My husband and I had just moved cross country, we didn't have insurance and it wasn't what I had planned. To make things worse I felt so guilty for not wanting this baby. I definately had moments of depression with my first pregnancy. With my fourth child we were in the process of adopting and finding out I was pregnant was incredibly bitter sweet. I had planned to bring home my child from Ethiopia not have a baby. Again I felt guilty for not being head over heels excited for my baby. Fourth pregnancy is difficult as well. I don't know about you but my body hurt even more and my hips were in so much pain through out all 3 trimesters. The adjustment to baby number four has been hard for me. For whatever reason odds have been easy and evens have been hard. That is different for every momma though. I will tell you though that I am madly in love with my baby boy. He's 8 months and already showing signs of being a complete pill but he is amazing. Pregnancy is hard and if you're not getting a lot of help around the house and having to chase around a 2yr old and 4yr old is not easy. What you are doing right now is hard and it shouldn't be easy. I always get tripped up when I expect it to be easy. I've had to let go of my expectations of what the house looks like and how long my to do list is. Letting go of that control and remembering that my kids could care less about how dirty the house is has helped me become a happier momma. I'm called to love my kids well not have a spotless house.

If I were you I'd say forget the dishes order dinner and crawl into bed and get some rest. Rest makes it easier to get perspective on things.

You CAN do this!!! It probably won't be easy but the most precious things in life are the hardest. I'll leave you with this Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope."

if you need a group of supportive mommas surrounding you should check out Building Blocks at Watermark Community Church. (____@____.com) Motherhood is hard but the the burden is lighter when others are there to come along side you.

I think you have every right to feel how you feel. I think having 3 kids (almost 4) is quite overwhelming. Plus, you have been through 3 pregnancies and deliveries before and so this is the 4th. There is nothing new and overly exciting about this pregnancy. Plus, you are busy taking care of your kids, your husband, the house, etc. You are tired and you have reason to be.

I would talk with your OB about your feelings. I would hope that he would be able to validate your feelings because they are very understandable. Do you have some support in place for you during these last weeks? Can someone help you with the other kids so that you can have a day here and there to rest? I am sure a lot of your feelings have to do with the fact that you are tired. I remember feeling that way at the end of my last pregnancy. I was SO exhausted and remember feeling overwhelmed with having more children even minutes before delivering. I think when you have multiple children, it's just different than having that first child. You have SOOOO much more to think about...

I understand where you are coming from and encourage you to talk about how you feel with someone you trust. Do you have friends with multiple children? If so, you may need to call on them for emotional support. It's nice to talk with people who "get it." I get it =)

An unexpected pregnancy can be devastating! I felt this way about my third child. I honestly do not know that I have any great advice but I can say I know how you feel. I have even noticed that my now 5 year old and I are not nearly as close as me and my oldest two children. I can still remember crying in the ultrasound room and the tech yelled at me telling me that people come in and find out horrible news and I have a healthy child!

On another note, I do not think that there is anything wrong with you! I think you are just realistic and know that this is going to be a huge change in your plans. Looking back, I wish I would have stayed more positive and just think about all of the good things that this change can bring:) You sound like a strong woman and I am sure that you will get through this and in the long run you will be happy!!

Talk to your OB. She's a trained professional. Take a little time for yourself and don't be shy asking for help. It takes a village. I have 3 kids I adore but some days I want them to leave me the hell alone. I think that's natural and moms need to be real w/each other and stop trying to be perfect.

That being said... Test you thyroid immediately. Mine's been broke since the birth of my 2nd child. Man when I finally got meds to correct it I was a new women.

Be gentle on yourself. God choose you to be these sweet spirit's mommy.
Lean on him and be open to whatever makes you feel stronger and happy even if that means a little therapy and a anti-depresent. My father committed suicide and I really struggled after. I waited too many monthes to seek help. And for me... it wasn't hard to come off the anti-depressents.

Good Luck!
C.