Why All the Gifts?

You sound like you could be my husband.

Maybe I should send you a Christmas gift since you remind me of my husband. ;)

I buy gifts for my son's bus driver and the aide. They have the patience of Job with him and I am grateful.

Other than that no.

There are people I care about and want to do something for them. I hope to do some baking this year - and give home made treats instead of actual gifts...

I haven't sent out Christmas cards in 9 years. I've got the box out and ready to do this year....

I don't care about keeping up with the Jones'....there are people I just care about and want to do something for....

People get a sense of joy from seeing other people's surprise and happiness, what is so wrong with that?

LOL silly J., of course you don't get it, you're a dude :-)
I hear ya, though. Lucky for me parents made a $20 contribution in the beginning of the year which covered a nice gift card for the teacher, and a smaller one for the classroom aide (one at Christmas, another at year end.) The room moms presented those with flowers and a card from the class. It was lovely and appreciated. I know, because I was an aide for 3 years.
The other teachers and staff (art, music, PE, etc.) were treated to a holiday luncheon put on by the parent's club, which was very nice.
Of course this was only elementary school.
I never even THOUGHT about holiday gifts for everyone else in my children's lives, the list would have gone on and on!
Oh, except year end/season end gifts for scout leaders and coaches. Volunteers REALLY deserve some recognition IMO.
Beyond that, it's immediate family, parents and good friends only (and a bonus for the housekeeper.) I have many, many in laws and even though we used to do a name exchange every year we finally realized we just didn't need any more "stuff." Getting together and eating and drinking too much is all we need these days!

Cuz we're girls man!!! :) LOL, but seriously...... Our emotional balance and relationship issues would probably mystify most dudes! Plus some people show their love by gift giving and the holiday season is like a big love bonanza for them. Happy Holidays, happy Chanukah, happy Kwaanza and a very Merry Christmas!!!

We honestly loved all of our daughters teachers. And since they spent more daytime hours with our child than we did during the school year, I certainly appreciated their devotion. I will NEVER be able to thank them enough.

I liked the Principals too. They were many times the first one on Campus and many times the last to leave. I would have loved to do more for them, but a Christmas bottle of sparkling wine was all I could do..

Our neighbors that we love like family, gosh knows we saw them everyday and could be called on at a moments notice for all sorts of help.

I love giving more than receiving. No obligation, but I love letting the people in my life know I love them and appreciate them.

There are people that instead of a gift, we sit down with our agendas and schedule our get together for the next year. Usually lunch once a month, but making time together a priority, is the best part.

It is silly to assume people do this for recognition, maybe that is your deal, I give because I love these people and I appreciate them. Gift giving is not some sort of competition, that is just crass.

Umm, it's Christmas? Christ was the greatest gift mankind has received. That alone is enough to celebrate and giving gifts is a way of sharing the joy of Christmas. It doesn't have to be much, but a special treat of sweet bread or cookies for my neighbors multiplies MY joy.

As a Sunday School teacher, it's great to have a treat on Christmas!

You don't feel the least bit compelled to give a Christmas gift to a teacher? Teachers play a huge role in your kids lives, are vastly underpaid, under appreciated and work in a very stressful environment. You really think a measly $10 gift card is over generous? Wow!

ETA - I didn't realize "every policeman, fireman, veteran you come across, the guy that bags your groceries, the teller at the bank, the postal carrier" played a crucial role in my child's educational future. Thank you for cluing me in!

Where does it stop? It stops wherever you want it to. I use to be a teacher, and it was really, really hard. I quit after just 3 years. I did not expect any gifts, but I was very grateful for every one I received. It always made me feel like what I was doing was worthwhile, like I was doing something right when I ordinarily didn't feel like I was making any kind of difference at all.

We only gift people we have some real connection to. I'm making liqueurs for our adult friends who we like exchanging gifts with (they are nearly always something fun like chocolates, mead, baked goods) and cookies for our friends with families.

I give gifts sincerely. Not everyone in my life, but certainly those who I want to show appreciation to (teacher, ed assistant in Kiddo's classroom), to the ladies I volunteer with because I just enjoy them-- and some have covered my library shifts while I've had doctor's appointments and bad tendinitis. We do a little exchange with one of the neighbor families we are close to. I do it because I like making cookies and I like these folks. Just out of love, I guess. But I don't love *everyone...*

Yeah, I don't get it either. A Christmas card will do... really.

i know, right!!!!????? it's turned into such a strange psychological pressure thing!
i am so grateful that both my family and my in-laws have agreed to go in the other direction. we still buy, but we do the santa swap thing so we can have the fun of opening presents without all the angst and spending madness.
outside the family means a hug, maybe a card, or some homemade cookies.
khairete
S.

I understand your feelings. I do not like the feeling that gifts are obligatory. If it's obligatory, then it's not a gift. I also hate the BUY BUY BUY messages that permeate our culture at this time of year. I also do not think it's my job to give bonuses to folks who are already paid to do a job, such as the garbage collector. I don't know him/her.

But I do like giving presents to those who have done me a kindness or made my life a little nicer through the year. My solution to this is to make something yummy, bag it up, and present a goodie to the crossing guard, or a favorite teacher, or the guy who cuts my hair (and occasionally stands in for a therapist), or the neighbor down the street who is so kind to my family, or the friend who took my kids to music when my car broke... you get the idea. I don't give these people presents because I owe them a present. I give them presents because I like the way they smile when I give them a little bag of something good. And I like to make those little gifts with my own hands. For me, this isn't one of those martyr things that I feel like I must do. I don't feel compelled to do this. It's something I do because I want to.

No judgment on those of you who don't do this. I'm sharing simply because you asked.

You know, my kids teachers will get gifts in some form. But outside of family, that is it. I am not a millionaire and sometimes I think a simple "thank you" goes a lot further than a gift. Not saying it's wrong, but it's just not me.

Oh - our babysitter that we LOVE always gets spoiled at Christmas...she well deserves everything we give her. (Like an extre $80 on her check today for the 4 days in the last two weeks she didn't have to work. When she started we agreed those days would NOT be paid...but she is well worth that money to us...so I gave her a normal check like always.)

I'm with you about how ridiculous this has gotten. It's right up there with goody bags at kids birthday parties.

Sorry, but there are a lot of thankless yet important jobs out there and I feel that anyone that crosses my kids paths play an important role in their lives; ALL jobs are important.

I like the personal gifts for people. Bake them cookies, or make up a simple coffee mug w/ candy.
Last year I bought a bunch of candy for my kids' pediatricians office because they were all so great, and I appreciated how wonderful they were. I haven't done it every year though.
For teachers I have sent cookies, or even just nice Christmas/Thank you card.
It does get out of hand. Even with family! We are trying to show our kids to give back, help others, and enjoy the spirit of the holidays and our family and friends. It shouldn't be about going broke buying a bunch of gifts!
And kudos on buying the chapstick :)

Couldn't say. This isn't me....at all. I save my money for my closest friends and some family while donating my time to some charity things with my moms group.

But what kind of gifts are we talking about? Like fully thought out took months to find gifts..or some awesome cookies. There is a difference

Are you kidding? I am trying to find a way out of getting my BIL a christmas gift. I find it pointless. The last time I saw him? Dec. 25, 2012. time before that? Dec. 25 2011. Time before that? Dec. 25, 2010. are you sensing a pattern? He lives 45 mins away and is single. Only reason he doesnt see us more is because "hes busy." AKA he makes no effort/doesnt care? I dont gift many for Christmas because for sure its not in my budget and I have to draw a line somewhere. I'd love to do more but it cant be done. I do not expect a gift from anyone. Even not a big gift from my husband. I do bake and make things for friends and as far as I can tell people appreciate that. For me its not about gifts its more about time.

AMEN J.! I am so over Christmas because of this! My ex-mother-in-law used to be a grinch about Christmas, and a few years ago she announced that if you were 18 or over you weren't getting a gift anymore. She said she was tired of feeling like she had a part-time job just buying gifts.

I was kind of judgmental about this until I started to tire of all of it as well. This year I made that very same announcement -- if you're over 18, get your own damn gift. And if you're not in my family, you're not getting a damn gift.

There are too many people who truly need help and that's where my money is going this year. My friends and family are just fine and can fend for themselves.

Bah humbug!

A $5 gift card to a teacher makes a world if difference when your child forgets his lunch at home and a teacher buys or gives food to her or him, when your daughter is ignored and needs a teacher to step in and make it right with the witchy crew, when a child wants to go out for cheerleader but can't afford the uniform...

Countless other teachers, have done all that and more. The $5 is a drop in the bucket.

I'm not sure who you mean by "people." I give gifts only to close friends and immediate family, as well as a little something for the professionals who make a difference in my life (my son's teachers, our yard guy, etc). People I only cross paths with now and then get a card or a "Merry Christmas."

J. I agree with you to an extent. I'm not one to gift to "everyone" but one of my sisters is. For her, it's expected in the circles in which she travels and it's part of her professional code. She lives in a world where not giving an extra generous tip to the hair stylist at the holidays means that she's booked the next time you need an emergency color touch up, and not giving a gift to the doorman or the nanny is simply not contemplated. She owns a small business and therefore gives gifts to her employees of course but has to also remember the other people who go above and beyond (the FedEx guy who will pick up a late package, the sub-contractor who will work after- hours, etc.). She fires off Amex gift cards left and right. It's just part of doing business personally and professionally for her.

In my world, I don't get my hair cut often enough to do a special holiday tip but if I were at a stage where the only thing between me and showing the world my age was a good colorist touching up my roots once a month, I'd give her a gift tip. I don't gift my mail carrier either but I bet if I did, perhaps he would actually deliver my mail every day instead of skipping every time there's even half an excuse to do so.

I do give gifts to teachers and coaches and as a volunteer teacher (Sunday School) I don't expect gifts but about half of my kids do give me something and it's always appreciated. I did have one year where there were 4 teachers in one daycare room, 4 in another, 2 for my older son in elementary school, 2 learning specialists for him, the after-school teachers, a Sunday school teacher and a coach to all gift. I did homemade group gifts when possible that year (basically made baskets of treats for each room) but just budgeted for it. I wasn't any fault of the teacher that that year, there was a cast of thousands providing education and support to my kids and they were no less deserving of my appreciation because there were a million of them.

I give because I like to be that thoughtful person who gives a little holiday (and end of year or end of season) gift to acknowledge and thank the people who make up the village who are helping raise my children. All of their teachers go above and beyond their jobs and everyone else is a volunteer. I want them to know that their time and effort is valued.

I dunno, but I don't feel that way.
And also I just go by budget and process of elimination.
Not in a cold hearted way, but I just keep my "gift" list to what we can manage or not. Including per my kids.
I'm just more practical I guess.
Husband too.
And we do do charitable holiday surprises for families, that is organized by organizations. And per my kids' school outreaches.

I don't know, but it's exhausting! I might start trimming the list down to the immediate family, our parents and siblings and bonuses for employees and cut the rest. One year I gave gifts to the neighbors, teachers, and friends who are out of town now. It gets way too expensive. Maybe a few will get gift cards to movie theaters, to keep my shipping costs lower. I can't keep doing this year after year. My mom only gifts to her children and grandchildren. She is much better at limiting her list. I'm trying to learn from her.

Hi J.
When I used to over-give.. over-spend... I didn't even truly realize I had such a compulsion to do so.. oh you d think it was so obvious.. but to me, I
"thought" oh I just like to give.. then once I got into a 12 step. I discovered that I was or had given so much to be accepted by others.. which of course, never really worked well.. because once the gifts ran out.. well you get the pic...
bottomline...I truly believe that many (not all) but many buy so much because like many other things, it's an addiction to get out there and buy..... a compulsion to spend.. it definitely was for me... and now in recovery for over a year.. WOW!! did I over do it!!! Now, before I buy a gift for someone, I talk it out with my husband to get a second opinion on if it's necessary or if I am spending too much... he's even very generous, so it's funny because now, it's me telling him... you are spending way too much..

So many good responses already. I like to show my love with a thoughtfully selected gift.

Some folks get a thank you gift at holiday time. I worked in the post office one summer. I now make a point to give the mail carrier a gift. Trust me, these people have earned it. I teach. Trust me, these people earn it. (The allure of saying thanks to the teacher by middle school. I teach high school--hs teachers typically get about three gifts while teaching about 170 students a semester--due to the multiple teachers the kids have. A card is nice.) There are people at school who make my day simpler: the copy room gal; the front office lady. I'm sending them the online advent calendar. The guy from Croatia who cleans my room, works a second job on the weekends and can only afford to go home every few years, I'm thinking I'll be giving him a gift card to Target or Kroger. These people's wages and benefits have been slashed for the past three years (and hey, so have mine!) Do I have to give them gifts or do they expect one? No. I value what they do and I am thankful. I want to give. And I'd rather give to folks I know than to some charitable organization that takes 10-50% off of the top before sending the rest to the purpose I intended.

The tone of this reply is not at all how I want it to be, but I've got to check some papers.

We've got to re-evaluate how people treat others. Our society was happier when the cogs made a greater portion of the earnings rather than just the executive board. if we don't show appreciation of each other at holiday time, certain people are not shown appreciation at all. What is it going to take to get the pendulum to swing back?

Everyone has forgotten the reason for the season. So sad.

I get gifts for 1. those who routinely gift to me and 2. people who are important to me. My ILs and I no longer trade. We have lunch and play board games and enjoy each other's company. This came by mutual agreement. They do still buy for the kids.

I get a little something (often handmade) for each teacher as a thank you for teaching my kid. I might bring food to the neighbor. I can't afford to go overboard. Had I unlimited money? I would buy for more people. Just to make them smile. Most of our friends will get cards. That is our big thing every year.

LOL! Mamazita got it right! You're a dude!

Honestly, when my kids were little, I bought their preschool teachers and their elementary teachers Christmas gifts. (With the exception of 3 teachers in all my elementary years in the school system whom I did not like.) They didn't change classes, so it wasn't that big a deal. I also bought end of the year gifts for the teachers who were super special.

That changed when they went into middle school. Too many teachers.

I am a gift giver. Not big gifts, but ones that are thought out. When living in a foreign country, I would come across really cool items and buy several and give them out when I'd come home to visit. It was part of sharing with people that meant something to me.

In many instances (maybe not yours, I don't know), the onus is on the wife to buy gifts for everyone. (Sometimes even herself, egads.) So women kind of get in the groove with that.

Now that my kids are pretty much grown, and I don't want more "stuff" and neither do many of our siblings, we don't give as many gifts as we did. Most of my nieces and nephews, having pretty much finished college, don't get gifts from us anymore (that's where we drew the line). We do give gifts to our parents. Not much else!

I think it has to do with your stage in life, how much extra money you have to spend (if you're willing to spend it) and what your general philosophy is.

Meanwhile, gift giving does help the economy - so there ya go!

I don't feel compelled to buy gifts other than for immediate family and close, close friends (who I consider family). Frankly, my budget doesn't allow for it

I have never purchased gifts for my son's teachers - I contributed regularly to classroom necessities and now pay outrageous band fees each year. I consider that enough. I don't buy for the postman, the checkout clerk, the lady at the water department counter, etc.

I do treat everyone I come into contact with, every day of the year, with respect and kindness, celebrating the "reason for season" each and every day, not just for a few days when we are reminded to do so.

I don't understand giving a gift to the mail man or people you don't really know. This year we are just doing gifts for the kids in the family (adults do a white elephant game), and my kids teachers and my boss (who is the most amazing generous and understanding person ever!). Of course I will get something for my husband and kids, but besides that, no one else. We are on a tight budget this year.

I can't answer you that because I buy for my family (husband and kids), my 4 brothers and their wives, and my parents. I also get a $5 gift card for my boy's teachers and the bus driver. That's it.
L.

Some people have the means to give gifts to everyone in their lives, and they enjoy doing so... It doesn't hurt me any, so I really don't have a problem with them doing so.

Personally, I do NOT have the money to buy gifts for all the people I would like to... Usually, I make a BIG batch of large cookies, decorate them, and wrap them in pretty plastic wrap (which runs me about $20 to cover everyone, plus a few extras...) Then I give a few to my neighbors, teachers, students in my study group, etc. And I actually do leave one in my mailbox addressed "to the mailman" for my postal carrier... Lol.

To me, Christmas is a time to bring joy to others. It isn't about generosity or compassion, it's about happiness. And for those who it is not feasible to give tangible gifts, (like the store clerk or bank teller...) it isn't too hard to bring them joy by asking about their kids (I tend to get to know the regular employees where I do business... Lol.) or complimenting them on something.

I think people tend to go a bit overboard as well. Someone once upon a time (back when people had more spare money around) decided it was proper holiday etiquette to provide gifts to those in the 'service' industry. So, suddenly the mailman, garbage men, UPS/FedEx person, hairdresser, dog walker, bus driver, ad nauseam... are people who should (must?) be added to your gift list. A token of thanks for the little guy.

I think a lot of people fool themselves into thinking that they are doing it because it is the nice thing to do but in reality they are doing it because of societal pressure to appear proper. Those who have proper etiquette do this _______________; those who do not are just uncouth scum of the earth.

I can understand giving a gift to someone who you see on a regular basis and with whom you have pleasant interactions. If you have a regular mail lady who stops to chat - you know her name, she knows your name, she compliments your garden, you ask after her dog - yeah, buy her a lottery ticket or make her some fudge. Likewise, if your child wants to give the bus driver and teacher something. But to give a gift to everyone who does a job that benefits you? No. No gifts.

I don't feel obligated to give the guy who throws my trash bins back in the general direction of my house a $20 'bonus.' In fact, I don't even know if it is the same guy every week.

Maybe I'm grinchy.

Cuz I'm better 'n you.

You sound so much like my DH I had to laugh. He doesn't even like to shop for our own kids, "They have too much stuff already!!"

Anyways for me Christmas is the time to say, "Thank you and I appreciate your hard work on behalf of my family or my kids".

I really give to the people who help out my kids...the bus driver who gets them to school everyday on time so I don't have to drive them (yes, they get paid...but a box of fancy cookies and a heartfelt note is just a small token of my thanks to them for their hard work). Thier teachers who go above and beyond are priceless. I will give a gift to one of our doctors if we have had a very sick year and have seen them a lot...other wise nope.

We don't have a mailman/woman more than a few weeks at a time. And our garbage men I don't ever see them...I wish I did, and I might thank them with some cookies too.

Anyways, that's it for me...a way to say thank you to people whom you don't always have an opportunity to do so...

I agree with you. We have had pool service for 5 years at our prior home. Just yesterday, my facebook friend posted a question asking what was appropriate to give her pool guy for Christmas because this is the first year they have one. HUH? I never did this. Maybe I was "supposed" to? They are providing a service I pay for. They are not my "friends". I don't feel obligated to buy anyone anything I don't WANT to. And I am a very generous person. I frequently buy groceries for our Church's food pantry and other things. I guess we are in the minority here but I totally get what you are saying.

I must admit, I am guilty of gifting people who aren't my closest friends or family. At the same time, I must agree...we get a little carried away.

I don't mind contributing to a teacher because I appreciate them so much. The garbage man I gift with a cold drink or a morning power drink if I am out, all times of the year. I have offered my mail lady water, but she has a jug in the truck and is just happy you waive at her as she drives by. I am annoyed at gifting the boss, I guess because I feel like somewhat of a bunch of a$$ kissers and I would rather gift her with my hard work and devotion.

At this point, I have made several contributions (which as they come out of my pocket feel much like gifts) and it is not even Thanksgiving.

This year, I have made a budget, which is sitting in the savings account. A little will come off the top for a few more gifts/contributions and then the rest will be divided by 4 to spend on our immediate family.

Happy Holidays ____@____.com

I think it's wonderful that there are so many people who are so wise, insightful, and intuitive that they can presume to know what motivates others, and that THEY know something isn't about generosity or compassion while still "asking" what's in another's heart. I suppose a lot of different things motivate me, but mostly, I give b/c I want to and it makes me happy. It's fun. I'm pretty good about loving on those close to me (family, best friends) all year, but sometimes the holiday season helps me remember and think of ways to show love to others around me as well. Perhaps it gives an excuse to do something random for someone you don't know well like a postman. Sometimes when holidays come up, it makes me think of happy (or lonely) holidays in the past, and I want others to experience some of that happiness (or escape some of the lonleliness), and that motivates me---which IS generosity and compassion, so your opinion is wrong.

Not every person makes a connection with me, but yes we absolutely have stopped, let my little guys shake hands with an officer or whoever, and said we appreciate them and all they do. This summer my husband had a major stroke and I DO view EMTs differently now, where I didn't think of them much before. We have given/bought/encouraged strangers before with random acts of kindness lots of times: is that because I "need" to (peer pressure), is it to keep up with the Joneses, or whatever else you jaded people think? NO. It's because one day I'm living my life grateful and happy and then I see someone and I think "I wonder how they're doing today? Do they need a lift? Do they need to know they are seen and appreciated?" Sometimes someone just stands out. Perhaps it's that my family raised me to have a thankful heart, or taught the real JOY giving can be. Perhaps you've never felt a true sense of loneliness and felt seriously invisible in your life---an experience like that DOES change your outlook. I went through a very dark time, and I came out of it. I've also had TOTALLY random people I've never met in my life help me out in real ways financially, but it not only helped me with a current situation back then but also encouraged me to know I was a person that still had value. What could have been (possibly?) small gifts to them helped me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically...I didn't give up. Now I'm not in that place, I'm happy, content, and I look specifically to just make sure others know they are not invisible. They are seen, and they matter. If I wanted to be a presumptuous jerk I could decide now that some are rolling their eyes at my answer, but I don't care if you are or not. I feel pity for those that have shut themselves off from feeling what I think makes us "human".

Granted, my gifts aren't so much from a store most of the time, but more like meals paid, a purposeful kind word or deed, I like to give homemade goods. Or if I see something and just think of a person that gift would be perfect for, I get it. Yes, we did make cookies a couple years in a row for the garbage men. Yes, I'm sure that sounds lame. But my preschooler got such a KICK out of running outside and watching them and the cool mechanical arm picking up the cans---it rocked his world, he would dance on the porch with sheer excitement. They would wave and sometimes toot their horn at him, once they even slowed down because he was running out but was having trouble tugging his jacket on, so he wouldn't miss it. So yes, he drew a picture and I helped him write "Thank You Friends, Merry Christmas" we made cool cookies together, put them on neat Christmas plates that cost a whole $1-3, and then I stood with him when they neared so he could hand the "gift" to the guys to share. They were surprised and it made them happy. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with letting my son have that experience, and nothing wrong with those men having a nice surprise and a smile.

As for the post you mentioned asking about gifts she "needs" to get for teachers: I didn't read it, but perhaps the wording is what grates your nerves? She doesn't "need" to give gifts, but perhaps she was "needing" IDEAS for gifts she'd like to give! I like ideas, I get lots from people on this site. It's easy to have 12 teachers to buy for if you don't want someone to feel left out and have more than 1 child with 6 classes each, or 3 younger kids with 4 teachers. Totally feasible, though I don't buy for teachers, my son does something for them with his own handwriting and allowance. That math shouldn't be hard to figure out. And finally, yes sometimes we women can get into a shopping "zone" and hit a stride where we just buy for lots of people. I am budget-minded (but not so strict as I used to be), so I try not to do that, but sometimes the FUN of "hunting" a "perfect" gift is just.....easier for some to get absorbed in than for others.

I absolutely CAN NOT believe you don't tip, and seem to think that's fine. Horrible service-enough to complain about-is one thing, but "regular service".....oh what's the point in discussing any of it if you can't even get that one???

I don't get it either. We cut our list down drastically because we just couldn't do it anymore. The funny year was the one our friends got us the exact same gift we got for them. We realized it had turned in to here's $20 and here's yours right back, why not spend it on yourself for something nice and just enjoy everyone's company instead. Spending time with friends and family became more important than some random trinket.
As for all the teachers, the mail carrier, the news paper delivery guy, and all of that. While it's nice to show your appreciation for their work, it can become such a huge strain. My mom was a teacher's aid for many years and a teacher in a daycare for many more years. There were only so many candles, random decorations and so forth she could deal with. She loved being thought of and appreciated but still. I'll be honest, a bunch would get re-gifted or donated. A special thank you card goes a long way, it really does.

Hey, Big Spender! Lol
Seriously, I just trust that individuals know and feel for themselves the people that they wish to acknowledge with a holiday token. I don't question it--or them.

I give a lot of gifts at Christmas and I can honestly say its because I want to. I don't care to who my neighbor gives a gift. "Tis the season" is an expression that always comes to mind . I like giving a gift and letting the receiver know how much I appreciate them the rest of the year. Teachers that my son adores that spend so many hours with him each week, family, friends and yes even my garbage collector who picked up the rocks and sand as I dug a garden bed. I also buy gifts for needy children each year. Again, I don't care if you don't, this is my choice and I feel very happy giving. I am one of those that enjoys giving more than receiving a gift.

The more public groups you are involved with, it's definitely peer pressure. When I was working, there were all kinds of "mandatory" events in which gifts had to be exchanged (I think men get to skate a bit more than women on all the Christmas shopping). You couldn't be the only one in the office who didn't give everyone else gifts...and the gift exchanges at parties etc. It has been SUCH a relief not to have to deal with that anymore.

I still feel obligated (yes obligated, it's obviously not spontaneous kindness when it's done "at Christmas" even though it does feel nice to give when you get past the stress of having to shop or make something by a certain date) to give the kid's piano and violin and Taekwondo teachers a little ornament or something..and leave the mailman and trash man an envelope...and of course family gifts. We homeschool so I miss all the school gift-giving thank god.

I try to do bare minimum because Christmas shouldn't be about materialism, and I truly don't want any gifts...so. I feel ya. It's a nuisance!!

I agree. With everything you said.

I don't . I limit to mostly family. I do give small gift cards in a Christmas card for teachers....I truly appreciate the work they do. I will also give a few bucks to the newspaper delivery man...

We typically don't do teacher gifts at Christmas. What we have done is an end of the year gift with a nice thank you note. Fortunately, this is the last year of elementary school for us. But for jr. high and high school, if our child thinks a teacher of hers is outstanding, we do a card plus a Starbucks GC.

I don't celebrate Christmas. I do not buy Christmas gifts. I rarely feel pressure to buy anyone a gift for any occasion, because I give based on my sentiment for each person, at whatever given time.

Birthdays are a bit of an exception, but I don't make myself crazy over it. Sometimes it's something simple and sweet; sometimes it's a little more costly. It just depends on where my head is in the moment. Sometimes it's a phone call and/or a meal.

This year, I am starting to understand the teacher pressure, since I am a pre-school mama. There's one teacher whose absence causes my son to have a fit, so I am so very thankful when I walk in and see her. I won't get her a Christmas gift, but her birthday is the same day as his, so I'll be sure to thank her appropriately. No pressure.

My answer to the "over-gifting" is to say my thank-yous daily and keep communication open and clear. I make their lives easier by listening to their requests and making sure that my son has the supplies that they suggest. I try to show my appreciation all the time (staying in the moment?) so that it doesn't have to all come down to one day/season.

That didn't answer your question, did it? Well, I think that A L. gave a good answer. For some people, gifting is part of their identities, for varying reasons that were triggered at varying times in their lives. I don't start putting my soapbox together until I start hearing about folks going into debt or truly fretting over what to give to somebody else. The parents who have lost homes or cars but cry about giving their kids a "good Christmas" get no sympathy from me. My husband--who loves Christmas--gave me a different perspective, though. As a child without certain constants that I enjoyed, Christmas was the constant big deal that he could count on each year. Though it wasn't all about the gifts for him, receiving gifts as a kid helped to remind him that he was at least on somebody's mind, anybody who took the time to grab something and tack his name to it. It was a time when he noticed that people generally showed concern for others, outside of his tight neighborhood. A veil of love seemed to wash over the world, and there was a renewal of hope. The kid in him believes that every kid should know that feeling and every adult should have the opportunity to relive it, if only for a moment.

As his wife, it's my job to protect and nurture that kid in him. When Christmas time comes around, I tend to stand down and let him do what he thinks is necessary, as long as we can continue to do what we need to do financially. Regarding our son, at the end of each school day, I have him thank his teacher for a good day and say goodbye to remaining classmates, instead of just running out. When we offer him something that he doesn't want, he says, "No, but thank you." When we compliment him...he surprises us with an enthusistic "Thanks!" We talk to him about being thankful and showing gratitude by helping others and acknowledging the "little" things that people do. I want him to grow up feeling loved and appreciated--and to love and appreciate--all year long, so it doesn't have to build up to any annual climax.