My son will be 7 at the end of this year. He is in an LD self contained classroom with seven children in the class, six boys and one girl. My son is academically behind, but socially right on track. In our family when you are in second grade, we stop having big Birthday parties, instead invite only close friends for a fun Birthday outing. I had figured since my son had such a small class, we would just go ahead and invite everyone in his class. He has told me several times that he only wants to invite three of the boys from his class to his party. He says they are his best friends, and he only wants his best friends at his party. I just feel bad only inviting three kids when there are only seven in the class. I also do not feel it is right to invite kids to his class that he does not really like. I do feel he is old enough to pick who comes to his party, but feel awful excluding the other three boys from his class. Would you insist he invites all the kids in the class or allow him to only invite his three best friends???
I'd let him pick at this age. Just don't hand out invitations at school, mail them or hand them to the 3 boys parents directly.
Best wishes,
M.
It is not your job to make life fair for all. First of all, life isn't fair. But it is your job to teach your son how to be polite and not be mean. So tell him not to discuss the party and be sure the other boys' parents know who is invited. That way they can also talk to their kids. If anyone finds out and asks, just tell him to say that you only let him invite 3 kids and it was a hard decision. In fact, tell him that he can only invite 3 kids this year. That way, he is off the hook and you can "take the blame."
I like the idea of sending treats to celebrate at school.
I would allow him to invite his 3 best friends. That's all he wants! Don't feel bad for the other boys, this is life. You never know why he may not want those other boys, maybe they are not nice to him.
Hope your son has so much fun!
If your son only wants 3 friends from his class, only invite those boys. My daughter just turned 8 & only invited a few of her classmates to the party. We put a note on the invite asking the children not to discuss her party at school (which worked in our situation). Your son can "celebrate with his class" by bringing in a treat to school.
Recently I posted a similar question. My daughters class is much larger and often the kids are combined so aside from the babies, they are all familiar with each other. I had a few post that said if I invited some from the class I should invite them all. I mailed the invitations to those classmates who she was good friends with.
It is his birthday and he should be involved with who comes to his party. I say, this is a private function and not a school function.
My daughter isn't invited to every party, so that is just the way it goes.
It's his party so I would say only invite those he would like to have there. Of course invitations should be sent and not handed out at school. I would talk with him to remind him not to talk about the party at school to avoid hurting the feelings of the others who were not invited.
I would allow him to just invite the 3 boys. Since you are really leaving out 50% of the group, you are fine. If you were leaving out just 1 then I could and would see this as a problem, but since leaving out half I think it is fine. My daughter's birthday there are 10 girls in her class and we invited 5 out of the 10 and I felt that was just fine. I am one very cautious of this too as I have scratched off girls from the list just to make it about equal. I know what it feels like to be a mom on the other end, so I am very cautious. My belief is as long as you are not making a group a minority, you are fine. Have fun and just think, you are also saving money. Your son may also be aware that these other 3 boys change the dinamics of the group and he actually wants to have fun. Invite his "BEST FRIENDS". Also makes the number of boys even. Perfect for the SUV or Mini Van. :)
On the one hand, I have felt guilty as you have.. on the other, in my son's class there are about 16 kids.. split 50 50.. girls vs boys.. and I am pretty sure we don't get invited to some of the parties.. that said, I don't mind either :) because then I don't have to figure out what to buy the kids.. which leads me to this... other parents probably don't mind either and because of it, their kids may not care as well.. Kids are pretty specific at 7... they like who they like ... it's kinda refreshing too, because there are no pretenses about it. whereas , as we get older we worry about all sorts of things.. my son has 3 bestfriends and always talks about just inviting them to the house.. I've said casually .. don't you want to invite the other boys and he says flat out. NO.. I don't hang out with them... why should I..
and well, he is right.. why should he.. I think parents do more worrying about things than we should :)
I think you should invite everyone in class. Especially since there are only 7 kids! But at the same time, if you only invite the 3 kids, send the invites to their homes. Regardless, kids are kids and will talk about the upcoming party no matter what you tell them, and the others feelings could get hurt. And yes, life isn't fair but I'd also want my child to be nice to everyone and include everyone. Also, I bet the kids who aren't his best friends won't even come to the party...just nice to get an invite.
Good luck deciding!
If your school allows you to send some sort of birthday "treat" to share with the class, I'd do that as a "classroom" celebration and then let him pick the kids he wants to invite to an outside-of-school time birthday outing.
Many schools have policies regarding birthday party invitations, so that is something you might want to consider. If the invites are passed out at school most schools require that you invite everyone in the class. If you mail them to his friends then you can pick and choose who he invites. Also talk with you son and ask him why he doesn't want to invite the other students. Is there a specific reason? It may be a good opportunity for a social skills lesson about how sometimes we need to include everyone because it is polite, to avoid hurt feelings, etc. Good luck!
I would allow him to only invite the three boys he wants there. What if the other three boys would ruin your sons day? Is it worth it? To prevent hurting some other kids feelings who probably won't invite your son to their parties? :) Let him decide and enjoy his special day.
My 4 yr old son changed schools this year but is still friends from kids from last year. We invited four out of ten kids he's good friends with now (mailed them), and the rest, friends from last year and from outside school. I figure the school's not paying for the birthday party and you only need to invite all kids if the invites are handed out in school, per their rules.
To prevent any hurt feelings, I'm sending cupcakes to the school for his birthday with little gift bags for all the kids in his class.
I would allow him to just invite the 3 boys. Since you are really leaving out 50% of the group, you are fine. If you were leaving out just 1 then I could and would see this as a problem, but since leaving out half I think it is fine. My daughter's birthday there are 10 girls in her class and we invited 5 out of the 10 and I felt that was just fine. I am one very cautious of this too as I have scratched off girls from the list just to make it about equal. I know what it feels like to be a mom on the other end, so I am very cautious. My belief is as long as you are not making a group a minority, you are fine. Have fun and just think, you are also saving money. Your son may also be aware that these other 3 boys change the dinamics of the group and he actually wants to have fun. Invite his "BEST FRIENDS". Also makes the number of boys even. Perfect for the SUV or Mini Van. :)
