Who's the "Planner" in Your House?

It's the same in my house. I have to do it all then just tell my husband what the plan is and what is expected of him. It is frustrating! But if I left it up to him, we would be in a huge mess. He even asks me to schedule his dr's appointments! Then I have to call him to see if this time and day is fine.....it would make more sense for him to do it so there wouldn't be any issues there. But that takes common sense. Maybe it's a guy thing and the way their brains work. I don't know. But no you are not alone in this.

My husband is the provider... I do everything else~ Not because he won't help, because he's AMAZING, but because I'm extremely picky about how things are done~

The great thing about being a single mom is that there is no argument about who should do what!

I would say my husband is "vaguely" aware of the schedule in our house.
Do I always trust him to remember it? No way.
Then when I remind him--I'm a micro-manager! LOL
But if I "forget to remind him" then odds are high that he'll forget.

Oh the proactive vs. reactive idea is a HUGE O.. I'm more proactive, for sure.
The best part is when they say things like "I don't know why you were so stressed out about the party/Halloween/Christmas, etc. See? Everything went so smoothly!" Ummmmm...yeah!!!!

Oh, it's all me - I always have to inform hubby of everything and if I want his help, I need to ask him directly - otherwise he would be clueless. You are not alone.

Moi.

Husband not only ISN'T on top of things, but will periodically come through and muck things up without bothering to so much as talk with me first. I'm talking things like

- he works 80+ hours a week and does NONE of the childcare/schlepping... but will randomly sign our son up for a sport, talk to our SON about it / get him excited without so much as a WORD to me... and then get all pissed off that we already HAVE SOMETHING on that time and day when he wants our son to be doing "x". He only wants him to be doing it because some coworker's kid is doing it. This JUST happened (again).

"I signed him up for basketball on Wednesdays. There was a spot of J's team!"

"We have Aikido on wednesday, and J has been playing basketball for years, and it's midseason."

"There are clinics he can do on fridays to 'catch up' to the other boys!"

"When he has snowboarding."

"You always make things so complicated! You just shoot my ideas down!"

"So you want us to cancel Aikido and Snowboarding, so he can do basket ball?"

"And I'm going to take him to the Y to show him the adventure zone."

"For what purpose?"

"So you can take him during the week."

"When during the week?"

"Well, in the morning."

"When he's sleeping from his meds?"

"In the afternoon."

"When we're doing school?"

"You don't do school mondays and wednesday afternoons!"

"Because I'm in my archeology class at the college."

"Well kiddo is really excited to do..."

"Yeah. WHEN? We don't have TIME to add one more thing in, much less TWO."

"You know, eveyone else's wives manage to find the time to take their kids to do fun things. THEIR kids don't just sit around playing video games."

Nevermind the aikido, gymnastics, snowboarding, drama, art, playdates, field trips, homeschooling... that. we. do. every. week. Often with 2 activities a day in addition to school. But because when H is FINALLY home from work (that 80 hours) we're done schlepping, done with school work, done with cleaning, done with cooking, done with chores... and kiddo is playing videogames. So that must be the ONLY thing he does. All day. Every day. Right.

Then, of course, he breaks the bad news to his friend because "You know R., she's just so lazy. I mean, I have WORK I have to do, like you. But YOUR wife actually cares enough..."

My Sunday. So lovely.

Yep, me too. Hubby travels Mon thru Fri so I have to be the responsible one.

me , me, me and me... my husband I found out really toooo late is a 34 year old child, where I have to plan it all for him as well. He got pissy with me yesterday cause I wasnt keeping up on his lounging pants. Not knowing what he was complaining about I asked in a NICE manner, he told me he thinks these pants are dirty and has been wearing them more than 4 days in a row. I laughed... really he doesnt know if his pants are dirty and he cant throw them in the dirty wash and take out new ones? WOW, pencil in training session for husband between everything else.

Yes, things are just like that in our house, and I am the breadwinner/provider. My husband is a house husband. I schedule, plan, think organise etc. I am exhausted! I swear, if I did nothing, my children would never, ever go anywhere or do anything!

Yep, same way at my house. I went home from work sick today. When I called my DH to tell him that I was sick and on my way home, he actually asked if he needed to pick up the kids....

We have gone to weddings where we get there and my DH asks me if "WE" got a gift for the wedding. Yes dear, WE looked at the registry, WE picked something out, WE had it wrapped, and WE had it shipped to the happy couple...

Yeah...drives me crazy too...

It is just always typically the Woman... that does all of this and everything. Whether she is a SAHM, or WAHM, or working outside the home.
It is... always the woman, that does all of this and keeps all the balls in the air.

And, the extent to which a Husband is aware of every schedule and detail... varies. But typically, a verbal nudge from us, is what happens. Because, it is needed.

Same! But...my husband works swing shift so if I do schedule the appts early enough he is more than willing to take them or he is happy to do it on his day off during the week. I do keep track of all of our schedules but I can't complain too much b/c my husband will take them to bday party's if he can, to practice if it's his day off or give baths, make dinner and clean the kitchen on his nights home.

Yes, this is the case in our household. I also work fulltime. If I don't take the lead then we have overbooked committments and in general have tension because some spontaneous activities are fine but with small children and our workload...planning is much better and we are a lot happier..so I hear ya! keep the peace and keep planning.

I typically do the planning. I just "tell my husband where to stand" - as he puts it and how much it will cost him! :)

he works with them on their homework and scout projects.

Since our boys are 9 & 11, they do their own showers. We (husband & I) work together on the "bag drag" and making sure that their things are done - backpack ready to go, clothes selected for the next day, all the other things that need to be done the night before.

I do most of it but that is part of my "job" description...I am full time SAHM. My husband is aware of a lot of the goings on and asks what he can do to help. Or I ask him to help out with stuff...run to the store and pick up bday cake or gifts..call or email so and so to RSVP.

One day I was out of town for the day with my mom and sister for a girls day out, and was gonna swing by and get a gift for a bday party he was dropping the kids off at a before I was going to get home. I called him to say I was on my way home and stopping by a store to get the gift. He was already at Target picking up a gift. If I could've reached through the phone and kissed him I would have. ..he got lovin' later. I was so appreciative that he thought ahead and wanted to lift my burden.

If I was in your shoes though...I would have a talk with my hubby. There is NO way that you should be responsible for ALL things home/family/kids if you are both working full time. That is not reasonable...and will only cause frustration,resentment and you feeling overwhelmed.

Soo, have a chat with him and talk about what he needs to do and what you need to make it more doable. Don't come across angry or accusatory. Just plain, matter of fact. That is how most men deal with life. So, get out a big calendar and map out the month's activities,appointments etc. Then every Sunday as a family go over the week's calendar of events and recap. It helps reinforce hubby's responsibilities, yours and the kids know what to expect for the week.

Good luck and best wishes!!

Sounds like my house...I think there is a majority in our situation. Boys have moms, husbands have wives. Sounds very neanderthal but, it seems to be pretty real in many of our lives. They mean well. It is frustrating but, my hubby seems to do things that I don't think about too.

I will say it is taxing on my emotional stability when things are staring him in the face and I have to verbalize it.

The schedule stuff is more of a Mom thing IMO, men are visual, looking for the end result women see all the in between.

Take time for a nice bath once in a while and lock the door ;) Try not to let the little things get to you, and give as much responsibility to your children that they can handle on their own (age appropriate). Take care.

My hubby has a very complex schedule of his own, and I have lots of stuff between the kids and me, so we have started to coordinate our schedules by using Cozi. We both have access to it to add events, and then each week we get an email with our schedules for the week. So far it has been helpful. There are more features too, like shopping lists and pictures, but so far we're just using the schedules.

ETA: Yes, I also schedule all of his doctor & dental appts, as well as make his travel arrangements for biz travel.

This is a good question that in our house has a very topsy-turvy answer, My husband loves a plan! Lives by a plan! He's super good at planning. Well, at least for the Air Force he is.

The thing he, when it comes to planning here, he tries, but he has no idea what to do. It's that whole "best laid plans" kind of thing. He means well, but his help can create havoc the rest of the day. For example, "I laid Lila down for a nap so that we can watch a movie." Nice plan. It would have been an even better plan at 1 PM instead of 5 PM. Did he think about who was staying up with the little one when she wakes up 1 hour before bedtime? He has to go into work the next day. It can't be him.

It's better if I do the planning. Thing is, I'm not a natural planner, but more a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of girl. I have had to learn how, so that he doesn't do it, because he can't function without a plan, but he also has no idea how to plan a household.

That being said, he does the birthday shopping, wrapping and taking if it is a party for work friend's kids. I do it for others. He's really pretty good. He gives baths and even washes hair without being told. He handles bedtime because it's the one thing he can do with the fairly consistently, due to work schedule. That stuff he's good about doing and doesn't need to be reminded, but then again, it's all a part of my plan. ;)

Things are exactly the same in my house!

I have always complained about it and he says "I'll do whatever you need to help out." While I know this is true, sometimes just the pressure of all of the family/household "organizing" is just as much work as completing all of the actual tasks. Finally, I made a chore list with who does what/when and that at least helped with that aspect. Still dealing with the other stuff though like you mentioned (remembering bday cards, appointments, etc.)

Me... someone's gotta do it...

Dawn

Absolutely the same in our house. And I work full-time, my husband isnt' quite full time right now, and either way I'm the main breadwinner by far. What kills me is he can't seem to ever remember the kids' bedtime. I always have to instigate the process. Seems to be a common theme when I talk to friends...

I do the planning, but my hubby will do the buying, and will call to set up appointments for the kids as long as I make sure he has all of the numbers he needs and so on. I work M-F days, but his schedule has some time off during the week, so he takes care of that part. We have a big calendar where everything is color-coded (yes... OCD... but it works) and he will look at that before he asks me anything.