Who Pays for the Date? Teenagers.

If it's a DATE... like they ASKED the girl to go with them, they pay.

If they're going as friends and he just happens to LIKE her, they each pay their own way.

On the other hand, if he's too young to have a job (so under like 14?) seems like he'd be too young for real dating. I mean, HE is supposed to pay, not YOU. I think the youngest boy that took me on a real date was 16 or 17 and he definitely had a job (not a career or anything, but he had a little weekend job at the movie theater, and so had money to date... and free tickets).

That being said, girls should always have a enough money with them to cover their own way and catch a cab home.

In high school, my son always paid. They would take their student ID's and get a discount. I financed his dating, but he was very good with how he spent money.

Now he's in college and he has to keep within his budget. He gets a monthly stipend from us regardless of whether he's dating or not. If he gets serious about a gal and needs more money, he will need to get a little job. That's what my husband did when he was in college. And after he and I dated for long enough, I started helping pay. (That was after we were dating steady...)

ETA - By the way, I like Manda F's answer. I think that's very smart, mama!

the initiator pays for the date. Whomever asks the other "out"....pays.

the exception would be if it's just friends as opposed to an actual date.

If the boy was raised properly, he will always pay or at least offer to pay.

I stick to the old fashioned. If we are to raise our boys to be gentlemen, we teach them to date like gentlemen.

If a boy asks a girl on a real date (and it's not just a group of friends out for pizza and a movie, but a DATE), he pays.

If a boy is out with a girl that he is romantically interested in, and he'd like to show her in some way that he's interested, regardless of whether it's a group setting or not, he pays. No grand overture should be made, and no expectations of further involvement. It's simply a way of sharing his interest.

A boy/man paying isn't just archaic tradition, nor does it imply that she cannot pay for herself. It is part of courting. It is a way of saying "let me take care of you." Girls should accept it graciously, not take advantage, but always be prepared for the non-gentleman who expects to "go Dutch."

And never go out with THAT boy again.

Best!

C.

I, personally, am not really into teens "dating", especially younger teens.
I have a girl and a boy, and I am very much into manners and chivalry, but no, I never expected a boy to pay for everything if they just go to the movies or to get a burger and some fries.

Let's face it, at 14 or 15, for example, it's unlikely the boy has his own money and I don't think parents should pay for "dating". They can share the cost of "hanging out", but at that age a boy shouldn't be responsible for picking up the tab.

If they go to a formal school dance, the boy should buy a corsage, the girl should buy a boutinniere. Perhaps on a formal occasion, the boy should pay for dinner, but it shouldn't be over the top and it shouldn't involve limos and things like that. Some kids think it's necessary to go way overboard and I don't agree with that. Honestly, kids get far too ahead of themselves these days.

I raised my son to be a gentleman, but I certainly didn't raise my daughter to believe that it's up to a boy, or man, to provide everything for her.

Just my opinion.

In today's adult world, men do not always pay. With teens (I have two, one is dating age), when they first start dating, usually the person who asks the other person will pay. Whenever my daughter was dating someone, sometimes one person would treat (this would alternate) and sometimes each would pay their own way, or one would pay for the movie an the other would buy the popcorn/soda. Teen boys don't necessarily have more money than girls, and we don't live in the world where women are dependent on men financially any longer.
For those who say teens should not be dating, I say yes they should. They need the experience of it before college, while they are still under our roofs and under our supervision. I absolutely encouraged it. My daughter heads off to college this coming August and I am so glad that she dated and had non-serious relationships in HS.

If they are old enough to date they are old enough to have a job. My son at 10 had a job cutting a lady's lawn. Later she had him not only cut her lawn but stay at her home one or two weekends a year to housesit and take care of her pets. He would go to her house right after school and check the dogs, take them out to potty then come home for a little while and go back and spend the night. The lady not only paid him but overfilled the refrig and freezer for him.

The first time he did it I expected a middle of the night phone call from him saying he was scared and I'd need to go and sleep on the couch or something but he was fine.

But kids can do odd jobs, cut lawn, paper route ect.
I do think though we need to teach our girls to be conscious of how much the boy is spending and be willing to pay if she knows he can't.

Thank you Mamazita! I was feeling VERY out of touch until I read your response. I live (and grew up in) exactly the type of community you describe and dating looks very different from what others are describing. I can only remember a few formal dates in my life and most were prom, homecoming etc.

We did a lot of hanging out in groups, we'd go to the beach, HS sports events, parties, swimming etc. By the time a couple was at the point of going privately to dinner or the movies they usually knew each other as friends and paying might go either way but I'd say mostly the guy paid. My oldest is only a freshman but things don't seem to have changed much.

I think Manda has it right exactly. All this talk about the boy "should" pay if he was "raised right" implies EXPECTING a guy will take care of the girl. Everyone likes to be taken care male or female. It's nice when someone you like is generous towards you but if it's always supposed to be the boy paying for the girl then what are we teaching our kids? How many posts do we read on here about women "stuck" with a man who controls the household money. Money is power and expecting the man to always hold and distribute the power is not a good value to teach our kids.

Girls should bring what they need to be independent and then if offered accept the generosity as an act of kindness and affection, not a responsibility.

In the adult world men do not always pay. And it is ok for the woman to ask the man out. I have no idea about the teenage world. I expect when my son gets old enough to date (like next century) that sometimes the boy will pay, sometimes the girl will pay and sometimes they will split it.

I only have boys whom are old enough to date...and they always pay, they just want to!

On an individual date (meaning not a group of people getting together were they have each arrived separately and just happen to be with the same group and to enjoy seeing each at the same event), the person who asked is generally the one who pays. A lot of my friends require their kids do "group dating" (group of people getting together, arriving separately, etc) in their early teens and individual dating at 16. In the group dating scenario, it seems to be that everyone pays their own way, although a boy may buy a snack or something for the girl he likes. I think it's sweet for the boy to pay...especially things like homecoming or prom.

I'm single, and in the adult world the man does not always pay. He may pay for a first date or pay for one part of a date while I pay for another or we may switch off who buys. I wouldn't be comfortable always having the man pay, and I also would not be comfortable suggesting going to certain restaurants or events if I expected him to foot the bill. For example, if I suggest going to a theater performance or professional sporting event, I generally expect topay for our tickets to do that.

I'm going to steal Manda's answer. I agree with her 100%.

He is a kid? He should not be dating.

it was a cool revelation to me that the kids just seem to work it out between themselves. the old rules about the boys always paying no longer apply, although it's a sweet archaic thing to do.
when my older boy started dating he was working (he had his first business at 14) so he probably did most of the paying. i really don't know for sure. he didn't ask me for money, though.
my younger, who just turned 22, has been with the same girl since he was 13 and she was 11. her mom and i always made sure they were covered, although of course for the first few years their 'dates' were actually homeschool activities or just hanging out.
i think it's best in modern times for both kids to be prepared to take care of their own tab (is it still called going dutch?), or for them to take turns treating.
khairete
S.

In my daughter's situation, her boyfriend has a job so he pays for their dates. I've always made sure she has money with her though just in case. She will pay sometimes because she feels bad making him pay all the time.

If they can not pay for themselves, then they are probably to young to date, at least in the traditional sense.

My kids didn't date till they were 16, my rule, my son always paid in the beginning, as the relationship moved on she would pay every once and a while. Almost 4 years later, he is supporting her (sore spot for me).

My girls always had money 'just in case', I'd say it was 50/50 with them, and still is for my older girl. My younger girl (that can date) is different, he usually pays, but he's pretty old school that way.

I really can't say what the social norm is anymore. I just know what is expected in my large circle of friends.

And...I have a feeling you might be getting more from me today than you bargained for. If it is too long..just skim and pull out what you were looking for ;) I think I am on my soapbox today.

But as for us,in our home, we are teaching our sons to be gentleman and our daughter to be a lady. If these 'ways' are archaic,old fashioned or too conservative then it will narrow down the dating pool to others that have been raised likewise. And that is fine.

Our sons are being raised to pay for the dates. Huh? You mean I have to work and get some money to take out that girl I like. You darn betcha son!! You have to work hard to get the girl you like. You learn the social skill of asking her out, picking her up and meeting her parents and then paying for the date and taking her home and facing her parents again.

I think dating is a forum for getting to know the many boys/girls that are out there in a fun ,casual way. Then there are also the more formal stuff like Prom.

Our children will group date at 16. Our 13 year old son has already planned out his first couple dates. Group dating ,in our book ,means the boy asks the girl and they go out as a group but paired up. These can be very informal dates...not simply the boring,yet expensive, dinner and movie. Our son and his guy friends are already making plans for dates with girls like bike rides to the river with a picnic, bike rides to the ice cream shoppe, game nights at eachother's homes, a day at the local community pool and a picnic, swim parties in our backyard etc.

Dating is for getting to know lots of different people...NOT single,steady dating. That is a dicey situation with hormones raging and immaturity. That is very discouraged in our home until later when one is responsible for marriage.

All too often I think feminist ideas, ideas of everything should be equal ends up biting too many people in the arse later down the road. So many want everything to be equal, or don't want a man to open a car door because "I am a woman and I can do it myself...I have two arms" type attitude, I have a job and I can take care of myself I don't need a man in my life attitude then breeds future problems.

A good and intellectually smart man knows that today's woman does not really physically,politically or financially need a man. We have rights now (thank heavens) that prevent us from really "needing" a man to survive. But...we still need and want a man. It is the natural order of life to pair up...have children.

I think we see the problems often of the "everything equal" while dating scenario. We see it on the site here. My husband expects me to work and be full time wife/mother/housekeeper, my husband sits on his arse long hours at a time playing childish video games, doesn't get involved in the kids' lives, doesn't help with household chores, expects sex at every turn etc. I think more women should expect more out of the man while dating. Too often nothing much was expected, then they get married and all of a sudden want to change their husband into something he NEVER was when they were dating.

I think it starts young teaching a young man to work hard busting his butt to get the attention,admiration and respect of a young lady. This is done by him learning how to treat a lady and not taking her for granted.

Oh...I could go on and on. My middle school son talks often about the differences he sees in the girls at school. He can't understand why some girls act they way they do...and it is disgusting to him. Flaunting their bodies(what little they have in middle school) offers for sexual favors, asking him to be their boyfriend, giving him their phone number etc. He is really turned off by this. Thank goodness!! He goes for the artsy fartsy,musically talented ladies that dress modestly yet cute and feminine. He is in awe of the really smart girls. Dang.. a 13 year old boy that finds the Honor Roll attractive in a girl!!

He is already making plans to get jobs here and there to earn money to take out ladies in a few years. Yay...a future man that will want to financially save and take care of a family.

And...I never felt obligated for any sexual favor because a man paid for my burger and fries. That is just nonsense!! We are to raise our daughters to be smarter and stronger than that. Money in their purse to take a cab home, a cell phone to call home or..... a fist to his face is a good solution to me. Who raises these pigs??

Our 10 year old girl has a best friend that is a boy. He talked to her about in the future them going on a date. He was so excited when she told him that she would like to go on a date to a local burger shop. She also told him he will need to pay for it. I found out from his mom that he came home and asked how much money is in his savings account. He then relayed the conversation to her and that he wants to go on this date. The mom loved this...she wants her boy to be a gentleman.

***Just want to add that control over money has nothing to do with the dating scenario. My mom controlled the household finances as a full time SAHM. I am a full time SAHM and control the household finances in our home. Controlling behavior is another story...not fostered from taking out a young lady.***

I'm a woman and my rule has never been "man always pays, man takes care of everything and I just show up."

Generally, the one who issues the invitation should be prepared to pay for it, unless the couple agrees beforehand to each pay their own tab.

If I ask a man out, I am prepared to pay. If I want to share an event with him that I can't afford for two, I will ask him if he would like to come, but also that he will have to cover his own expense.
If a man asks me out, I expect him to pay, unless he tells me ahead of time that I will need to cover my own expense. I have no pbjection to splitting the bill. I just need to know ahead of time how to budget.

If neither kid has a job, they need to ask their parents about finances before asking their beloved for a date.

I did not raise my daughter to expect a man to take care of her. I raised her to be able to take care of her own self.

When my husband and I were teens and dating(I was 14 when we started)we always just split the bill no matter whom invited whom. Once we were older, upper teenage years, we randomly chose who would pay but it was never one sided. I honestly have no clue on how it works in the adult world seeing as any dates I've gone on with others than my husband I always paid for myself in spite of who asked.

Interesting question! My two oldest are 15 and almost 15 (step-twins). So far they've both "gone out" with people but given that they're too young to drive, their "dates" have been just hanging out at home, walking home from school or to the library, going to school functions, etc. so I think everyone has paid his or her own way.

Presumably when they're old enough for real dates, which is when they're old enough to drive, they'll have jobs (to pay for gas and insurance anyway) and be able to sort this out themselves.

FWIW I worked throughout high school and don't recall my dates paying for everything at all. I dated my first boyfriend for a year and half. He was old enough to drive and we both had jobs. He probably paid for dinner our first few dates but then I'm sure I chipped in because he was the one paying for gas all the time so it seemed only fair to me that I pay for dinner or a movie on a regular basis. I was old enough to drive when dating my second and third HS boyfriends and I think we usually split the bill or took turns.

I have 2 dgtrs, 18 and 14. My 18 year old has a boyfriend so it is a lot for him to pay every time they do something together. They usually pool their resources and eat whatever they can afford, it has been a great lesson on only buying what you can afford. Both of them work, but they are also both involved in many extra curricular activities and are taking AP courses, so finding the time to work is difficult. They manage what they can. When it comes to formal occasions with tuxedo rentals, event tickets and flowers involved, we try to help.

With my 14 yr old, she doesn't go on one on one dates at all. Everything is done in groups and she pays her own way.

Sorry to sound old-fashioned, but I think the boy should pay. Boys need to learn to take care of females, so that the females will like them later on.

Manda said what I was going to say.

If they agree to go on a date, they should be willing to pay for themselves, but if one or the other offers to pay, that is something they can work out.

Even back in the day, I worked while in High School, sometimes, I would offer to pay for the date, to give the guys a break. A few said great, but most said no, they wanted to pay. If I was the one to make the date, I also would offer, but again, most guys insisted on paying..

I am also not a big fan of teens dating, at least when they're so young that they can't even work. But, that's not really what you're asking, so I will address what you did ask.

If he doesn't have money and can't get a real job, he can FIND ways to earn money. Chores for the family, mowing lawns, walking dogs, helping an elderly person with housework. Your neighborhood is probably full of people who could use some extra help and some cheap labor.

If he asks a girl on a "date" he should be willing and able to pay, but hopefully she'll come with her own money and offer to split the cost.

I don't know if it's regional or cultural or what but around here teenagers don't really "date" in the traditional sense. They almost always go out in groups and usually everyone has their own cash.
This is an upper middle class, predominately white community, in California (if that matters!)

In my world as an adult, I have always felt that the person who initiates the date pays. I have had a hard time with being able to pay however as an adult, as some men feel like it is their duty to care for the woman (good sign).

I was taught that the man takes care of the date, no matter what. Chances are, if he has asked your daughter? to go on a date, he has already gotten sufficient funds and a 'that a boy' from his dad before he ever asked.

I would make sure my teen had adequate funds to take care of herself in case, and not worry much about it after that point. But as far as I know, it is one thing that has remained pretty consistent; boy cares for girl.