Who Is Wrong Here?

Then she doesn't come back. I wouldn't let anyone bring a cigarrete into my home so why would you allow an animal? You have nothing to say sorry about and nothing to worry over. If she is someone you should see, you can see her in public. But if she doesn't go anyplace without her dog, she has serious problems. I love my animals too. But I don't take them everyplace!

I don't allow anyone to smoke on my property. It's my house, my rules. If they can't respect that, then I don't want them here.

Be happy you won't have to deal with her anymore.

Look... Everytime you bring precious over I'm going to light a cigarette until you get what a big deal this is.

Your house, your health, your rules.

I think it's not about right or wrong. The dog is able to stay at home alone for a visit. There is no doubt about that. The issue is that you are hurt and upset that they don't care enough about you and your health to not bring the dog in your home. They had a choice, you or the dog. The dog won. That stinks and hurts. Your valid for being upset.
You know I've had to deal with this sort of thing with my family before on both sides, my side and my husbands. They care more about their animals than their human family or friends. Kind of weird. I could give you my long drawn out thought about that but I spare you. lol I was a vet tech for about 11 years and met some pretty wacked out pet owners. I think it all comes down to people that are for what ever reason unable to have the "give and take" relationship that as humans have. It's really sad.
Anyway, REMEMBER that the "problem" is not yours and move on. It's all too time consuming and life's too short to try and reason with someone that is unreasonable.
Sorry for your troubles and hope you can move past it all. You really don't want to be with someone like that anyway. It would be too onesided and not an honest relationship.
Best Regards,
C.

I think she has issues.... It is your home and you did right to stand up for your home where you are paying the rent/mortage. I would say; "Jenny I understand that Precious is very dear to you; but due to medical reasons; I have to ask that you leave her outside or that you do not bring her." Then let her figure it out. If the dog is a therapy dog, then explain to her; you understand her medical needs so you are sure she understands yours. If she is just a spoiled brat with her show dog, then just point out she can not bring her dog into stores or restaurants and you know she can part with her.... Good Luck!

Bravo!!!! Clap clap clap !!!!

Here is another perspective... You said it yourself that this person takes the dog everywhere-- and the person said it herself that she can not/does not go anywhere without the dog. This person should NOT be coming to your home then. Yes, she should respect your house rules, especialy since it's a health issue for you...however, in that same vein, you should respect HER life. You should not expect her to change the way she lives. Since she always has the dog with her and since you are allergic, she should never come into your home.

You were in the right here. A dog is not a child (and I have dogs). Your house, your rules, especially given your allergies.

However, you have made the rule and now you need to stick with it, unapologetically. Don't be badgered into feeling like you're wrong, and explaining yourself in circles. Repeat over and over, "I know she loves the dog, but I have the right to be allergy free in my own house."

Good luck. (It sounds like she's not quite right about this dog, so there's bound to be drama).

You have to draw a line. She knows you are allergic. You have to put your health first, and as a relative she should care enough about your health to leave her dog at home for a little bit.

If I had a friend/relative in your shoes I would not bring my dog over regardless of how bad I felt for leaving the animal alone. It's horrible manners to show such little respect for someone else's VALID request regarding things in their home, and it also shows a lack of compassion for your suffering.

This is totally your call. Even if you didn't have allergies it would still be up to you as to whether you want dogs, cats, birds or whatever in your house. It really is that simple. Sounds like she's choosing the dog over you.

Please! She lives only 5 miles from you but can't leave her dog? She is fully aware of your condition, yet has the gall to show up at your door toting the dog? She is self centered and mean. You have been way too nice. Tell her she is welcome without the dog but is not allowed inside with him, and don't budge from your position. This ends at the door. If she spouts off, just tell her "it's ok" and close the door.

It is your home and you make the rules. I would have the same problem if someone were to bring their cat or bird. It is my health at stake and I have a right to protect myself. Besides the air system circulates the dander through your home and it is still in your home for several hours or even days after they have left. So if she brings the dog into your home for five minutes even, the dander may get into your air system and bother you for hours.

You should not allow her to set foot in your doorway with the dog. If she insist that she can't come without then she shouldn't come to visit.

This person sounds incredibly Disrespectful.

Nuff said ;)

Good luck. And Do Not feel bad sticking to your grounds. It is your home and whatever the reasons guests should be respectful, not so impolite and inconsiderate!

Frustrating for sure, but it is your house. I wouldn't worry about it being "right or wrong" about what she is doing as that only gets you tied up in the drama of it and feeds into the frustration. People tend to think it's so cute when owners bring their dogs into stores etc and she may never have really been challenged with this before. She's used to taking him with her. For you I think it's really just laying down a firm boundary for yourself and it sounds like you will be able to do it in a very diplomatic way. - 'I know you don't like leaving your dog, but I really can't have him in the house any more.' Keep it simple! - Ten to one she'll get over it rather quickly. If need be you could always add in 'I know you understand about allergies because you don't allow smoking in your house and I really appreciate your need to insist on that. It's that way for me with dogs. ' - Good luck. Let us know what happens.

uf, you're on the right. i don't allow dogs in my house. the rule is 'trake it or leave it' no dogs allowed.

If she values spending time with you in your home, she'll get over not being able to bring her dog into your home. As mild-allergy sufferer from cats, I understand, about not wanting them in your home. But it is OK, if they bring them and leave them outside.
Good luck "training" your relative about your boundaries.

This person is completely insane and beyond rude, and I'm willing to bet she would have no problem telling you not to bring something she was allergic to into her home. Often super rude people also have double standards. Don't sweat it, thank goodness you didn't let her stay. Hopefully she won't try it again.

I only want to add that she must think "It's O.K." is a magical phrase that will cure your allergies. You can always respond "This is my house and it is not O.K." She's being passive aggressive. If you want to play the game (which I don't recommend since you would both have asthma attacks, but I'm making a point), go over to her house, start smoking and when she objects, look her in the eye and say "It's O.K."

Sometimes we need to cut toxic family members loose.

Well, first of all, taking a dog into doctors' offices and stores is usually breaking the rules. So she doesn't care about rules, including any you lay down for your health. I have 3 dogs, just so you know where I'm coming from. I love dogs. I grew up with them, we foster for the humane society, I vacuum daily, and cleaning is constant, but I love dogs. My in-laws don't like them. So we travel a long distance and the dogs stay at home. My parents prefer for the dogs to not be there. So we travel about 20 miles to visit them and leave the dogs at home. Dogs are not sanitary. My husband has allergies, but thankfully dogs don't bother him. However, when his allergies are worse, we keep the dogs out of the bedroom for him, and I clean (a lot) more to help him. If she's intent on bringing the dog, maybe she could leave it outside? But really, if she won't, she's just being selfish, and it may be hard for her, but she should try to take others into considertaion. You should always try to obey the "rules" of the home you're visiting. There's a lot to be said for a gracious host, but even more to be said for a guest who makes it easy to be a gracious host.

I'm always amazed at how rude people can be with their dogs! I love dogs myself, but I don't like when people assume I don't mind their dog issues (coming in the house, jumping, licking, smelling, etc.). She went way beyond "assume" - well into the zone of "I don't care how you feel about this I'm going to do it anyway."

You are completely right imho.

Let me guess: This is your mother-in-law, right? And perhaps your husband is trying to stay out of it. If this is so, ask your husband to take care of this situation so that you don't have to ruin any part of the family relationship. She'll forgive him, not you.

Doesn't matter if you're allergic or not. Doesn't matter if she and the dog can't be parted. She doesn't get to come to your house with the dog without permission.

She may be narcicistic (sounds like it). She may be controlling or thinks she should have control of you for some reason (money/debt?) But you must hold tight. If she's narcistic, she'll never get it, ever. Don't even try. Just don't open the door and don't invite her over expecting her not to bring the dog.

Stay in there.
P.S. you probably should know that some dogs are hypoallergenic because they have hair, not fur.

How old is she? Like 3 or 4? Sounds like a self-centered person who thinks nothing of others - at least with a child it's an understandable phase, but in an adult it's just really inconsiderate at best. Keep the dog out - and her too if that's the way she wants it. She is not entitled to inflict her dog on you in your own home! She'll either get over it - or you two can just talk on the phone.

This relative of yours sounds completely self-centered and obnoxious. Good for you for standing up for yourself! If she doesn't come back, good riddance. (With friends like that, who needs enemies?!)

My mom sleeps with a dog and sometimes cats on her bed, picks them up and hugs them regularly, and has no concept of how much suffering I have experienced after giving her a hug or having her plop down on my furniture during visits.

I ask her before she enters if she might have animal fur on her clothing. She says no. I end up not sleeping for another night, struggling for every breath, chest aching, completely exhausted. My health insurance excludes asthma, because I've had it since birth. I can't afford to be hospitalized with an attack.

After many, many replays, many requests for her to wear clean clothes when visiting, I start ducking away from my mom and don't invite her into my house (we're next-door neighbors). She's hurt, angry, puzzled, even after I explain many times, after I describe the agony of not being able to breathe.

Now, 12 years after I started just saying no, my mom accepts that I keep my distance. I do what I can to be "the good daughter" in every way that I can, but I doubt she'll ever completely forgive me for my unreasonable restrictions. That's her problem, and I accept that she will never understand. I need to breathe.

ok dog thing - WRONG. INCONSIDERATE. RIDICULOUS. RUDE. WRONG. period.

the people thing. well it depends on the situation. my father married a woman that absolutely hates my guts. like, HATES. my grandmother (his mom) got too old to take care of herself and sold her house, and bought a huge new one for them all three to move in together. my brother and his wife then moved in (screwy, i KNOW). THEN my aunt from out of state came to visit. so with 5 adults in the house who wanted me to come and visit while she was there, the one person who was in the minority (and mind you, i only stayed about ten minutes - the rest of us left and went out to eat because of all the tension), she decided to make the rest of the family who lived there completely miserable after i left, having a screaming tantrum and blowing up at everyone because i had been allowed in "her" house.

so generally i would say, if the woman of the house (assuming it is just you and not ten other people) doesn't want someone in her house, they don't come in. i sure would expect that rule in my house. but in some instances, like mine above, it's just ridiculous to throw a tantrum about something like that.

Adios! I have allergies too (Horrible allergies!) I am also allergic to dogs. It is your home and you can make the rules. I think it's so rude when people do that. I understand people love their pets, but it's not fair to you. It's like if someone has asthma and you show up at their house and start smoking! Anybody that has allergies know it's not fun to be exposed to them. Put your foot down! Also, yes it is rude for someone to invite a person to your home. I don't care if you like the person or not. I invited a friend to a cookout, she invited her friend without asking. She didn't offer to bring extra food or anything. I told her not to come over. I wasn't trying to be rude, I just think people should show a little more respect.

If you want to continue this relationship, tell her in firm but kind tones that you love her, and are happy to see her. However, under no circumstances will you have a dog in your home. If she wants to visit, she must leave the dog at home, put it outside your home while she visits (in your fenced yard if you have one, or in a kennel cage to keep the dog safe if there's no one to stay in the yard with it), visit her only outside in your yard, or she cannot visit any more. Make it clear you will accommodate in any way other than allowing the dog in your home. Your health is utmost importance and if she can't see that, then tell her you are sorry but you will not be able to see her any longer. Then stick with it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong! MY MIL did this once. She invited her two male friends as a couple to stay the night at our house who don't leave their dog either. We already had a dog, who went nuts and we had to put our dog outside because this dog couldn't go outside. I finally put their dog in the garage and my MIL begged me to bring the dog back in as soon as they get back because the sleep with this dog. I thought...great! I don't allow dogs on the furniture or in the rooms and this dog is going to sleep in one of our beds while my dog sat outside in the cold.

BTW, we had a young daughter in the house who was sleeping in the room right next to where these two grown men would be sleeping together. It is my choice when I choose to introduce alternative lifestyles not my MIL.

So I am with ya!

Good for you! You have to set your boundaries with this relative. What is wrong with people that can't understand "NO". You did the right thing. Its her issue if she can't function without her dog not yours.

my mom hates that we dont allow her dog over when they visit, we offer to help with boarding costs (they live a few hours away) but she still sometimes gets pissy. We just tell her she doesnt have to come if she cant leave Honey. Usually she picks us over the dog. Usually.

Yes..it's rude. She has a choice to come without the dog. The ball is now in her court.

can you meet her outside and the dog wont bother you? if so maybe just talk to her in your back yard while the dog runs around. i do think it's rude of her to bring the dog into your house but you obviously still want to see her so try to find a way that wont bother your allergies and she can still have the dog with her.

Why do you keep inviting this inconsiderate self-centered person to your home? Even if you weren't allergic to dogs, you have a right to place whatever rules and restrictions you want in your own home and she should abide by them, no questions asked.

She's wrong. And self-centered.

It's so exceptionally RUDE for someone to bring an animal into your home when it's against your wishes. Never mind the fact that you're allergic. I think I'd have shut the door in her face. I think you're totally in the right here.

You're not wrong. She is being hypocritical. She has a son who is allergic to smoke yet dismisses your being allergic to dogs. So, you both have several choices--let her dog roam outside (you wrote she's been there before with dog outside for cookout) or while she visits leave dog in the carrier outside; the two of you just agree to meet in a neutral facility, like the park or outdoor restaurant; or third, she stops coming over and you stop visiting her. It'd be a shame to ruin a family relationship over a dog, but know that some people view their pets with as much love, loyalty and passion as they do a human family member. She might be equally as sensitive as if you were to tell her that her son wasn't welcome because you were allergic to his shampoo. Sounds silly, but some people are really that attached to their pets. How much does this relationship mean to you and is it possible to work out a solution that won't cost your health? Is she even aware how severe your allergies are? Some people really are clueless and think you're being overly cautious. Wait until you both calm down and try to talk over the phone about the issue and work out an arrangement that works for you both. Try to apologize if you came across as being highly indignant (you were entitled to feel that way, but might help smooth over her ruffled feathers), and see if she's willing to meet you half way. Bottom line, though, it's your house, your health and she does need to respect your space. No one should hear house rules and then just try to force their will on you. Hopefully, she wants the relationship as much as you do. If not, tell her you love her but you'll see each other at family reunions and catch up then.

That's so disrespectful, especially when you have a medical reason not to allow dogs, not just because you don't like them. I think there is something wrong with these people that go everywhere with their little dogs, like they will just die if they don't take them everywhere. When I worked at a bank there was always people trying to come in with little dogs in their bag, like if its little than its ok and everyone else has to leave their pet outside.

she needs to respect that you cant have a dog in your house. You are not wrong. You need to tell her she is welcome as long as the dog is not with her. Its your house she has to resrect that.

I think you are correct. Some people don't get it she obvious does NOT have any problems breathing or she would understand. You are not asking her what she thinks of the situation. Its only a situation because she is only thinking of herself.
I would not invite her over to your house.
I like dogs but have three kids and have no desire to have something else to clean up after.
My brother in law is severly allergic to cats most of time when he stays with people that have cats or he visits people in a different climate then from where he resides he wheezes.
People dont realize how nice it is to breath. I have some breathing issues brought on by scar tissue near my heart and lung from mult clots I had in my left lung. I exercise, bike, jog but I get get out of breath easily do to my scar tissue. I can't be around cigarrette smoke because it causes the scar to become painful.
If you really can't breath then she should of been more considerate. And she should of realized its not "OK" since you can't breath. But if your making a mountain out of mole hill than just deal with it when the relative visits.
I don't let animals in my house.

When she comes over with the dog, simply take the dog outside. If she refuses to leave the dog unattended outside, suggest you and her chit chat and visit outside as well. If she refuses to visit outside, tell her you're sorry that you can't visit.

You can't control someone's crazy obsession with their dog, but you can control who and how you spend your time.