Whining, Complaining, Argumentative, High-energy

Hi R.,

Your son might be highly intelligent and needing both physical and mental challenges. You don't say if he is in preschool or preK but if not that would be a good option. Otherwise regular play dates, outside preferably, or with some challenging activities. When my kids were little we'd meet other families at the park then have the kids do these elaborate obstacle course races through and around the playground equipment.

The whining and complaining just has to be faced head on with consistancy. Explain that you can't hear/won't listen to whiny voices or that it hurts your ears so they close up! Show him by example what kind of voice you are looking for, including "please" and "thank you". Then (sometimes the hard part) is actually listening and responding to him when he uses the right voice. If he is asking for something that you aren't going to give him, like a cookie just before dinner, you can still say yes but with the "yes, later" technique. This is from author Barbara Coloroso. Kid asks for cookie at a bad time. Instead of automatic "no", you say "yes, later". If child pushes for when, you can give him a specific time like "after dinner" or say "I'm not sure, but later". You might then offer him a choice of water or milk instead, or tell him you need his "big boy" help and ask which job he'd like to do, A or B.

I'm sure you are trying hard to give each child attention, but with a 14 month old leg hugger, be aware that you might be putting him off more than you think. Give him permission to tell you that he really needs a hug or a cuddle if he does. I did this with my daughter when my son was born (same age differences as yours) and she really only used it a handful of times, but it really gave her confidence that she would still be heard.

Hope some of this helps.

My four and a half year olds started whining around age three and I read a great book on parenting which places a lot of emphasis on praising those behaviors (big boy talking and using listening ears when mommy is speaking) that you want and completely tuning out those that you don't want reinforced. With my boys I explained that I can only hear them when they are using their big boy voices - now when they occasionally slip up all I have to say is, "why can't I hear you?" and they immediately change their tone/pitch. Good luck with your little guy - and stay consistent with whatever method you decide to use.

I highly recommend Dr. James Dobson's books & audio books (The New Strong Willed Child, Parenting Isn't for Cowards, etc.). He has written books for every age group. As a mother of three (who loves Jesus, too!), the information I have received from his books, radio program & website (www.family.org) have been the most helpful. You can order his books & other authors' he recommends off his website or go to your local Christian bookstore. Hope this helps!

Make a behaviour chart. When he asks for something appropriately , doesn't whine etc.. Whatever behaviours you want to promote he gets a star. If he whines etc.. he loses a star and get s a 4 minute time out.

I would also try to inforce 2 quiet hours a day for your sanity and his. During quiet hour there is no talking or leaving the bedroom. He doesn't have to sleep but he must stay in bed reading a book or playing with a quiet toy.

Just try to over praise the behaviours you want and punish without giving attention to the behaviours you don't want. I think that is the simplest rule to remember.

Good Luck
J.

maybe he is just bored with what he has at home. do you take him to the park at all. i think most parents deal with this issue some point in their childs life and i know some people will quickly jump to add or adhd. that also could be a possiblity but i would stick to putting him im situations where he can express his energy before you go to getting him tested. well i hope this is helpful!

I had two children that were very high energy and fed off each other (20 months apart). For my son, the one thing that always did the trick was to give him a time out in his room. He hated to be by himself and being in their was miserable for him. My daughter I would sit in a chair and they were not allowed to speak until it was over. As they got older, i had to change my tactics. Now I take away whatever they love. My daughter now 16 has outgrown it and is great. My son, now nearly 15 still has everything he loves taken away when necessary. TV, Ipod, computer, phone, friends. It works but can be miserable for me. Being consistent is key!
Good luck