Whining 4 Year Old

My kids never whined because I refused to let them get away with it, but my grandson (5 yr) and both of my bonus children whined (they were 9 & 5 when we married). My husband and I would just look at each other and say "Did you hear something?" The other would respond "I think so. Oh it must be whining! We don't understand whining!" We treated whining like a foreign language. They learned very quickly that they did not get anything when in whining mode.

I have had a "No Whinning" policy/rule in my house for years. I use it for my own kids and the kids I care for. I have a "time out" chair and a "whinny butt" chair. I tell my kids when they are whinning, I can't understand a thing they are saying, therefore I cannot help them plus nobody wants to hear it. They have to sit in the "whinny butt" chair until they can talk in a normal tone. If my own kids cannot stop the whinning in a decent amount of time, I send them to their room and tell them it's ok if they still want to continue, but they have to do it in their room with the door closed because nobody wants to hear it. Trust me, if you are consistent with it, IT WORKS! Now when my 5 yr old son starts to whine, I can just look at him and say, "Are you whinning"? He will usually shake his head no and stop immediately because he knows he will not get anything or my attention with that behavior.

Good Luck!

My son is 3 1/2 so i guess its the age, i tried walking away too and didnt help like you it made it worse. So, all i do now is tell him if you want to tell or ask me something you got to quit the whinning and talk to me right otherwise i cant understand what you are saying, but you got to tell him in the same tone and ect. of voice you want him to talk to you in, his speech therapist told me this, and it works if he comes to me whinning i just tell him and he stops. Good Luck!!

Have there been any changes in routine? Even the smallest change could bring about insecurity. He may need his nap time adjusted-more, less, or none. Hold him, reassure him that all is well. If you're calm, he'll be calm. By the way, please don't introduce him as your "adopted son." He's your son, period. How he came to your family is irrelevant. May God continue to bless your family.

I would agree that it is the age. As they get older they learn to test the boundaries. Just be consistent and do your best to not give in to it.

Dear G.:

You never said the circumstances behind the adoption. Since he was 2 months I am guessing that it was due to less than perfect circumstances. Our special adopted gifts from God need special care. True it could be just his age, an ache or pain, but even those sweet angels placed in our arms from birth suffer to a degree. Some need to be loved through it (whatever it is) and others need a firm guidance through it. You know your son in your heart, does he need to be held through this or guided through this. Don't hesitate to find resources for your adopted son. They could save you and him from a lot of rough roads and heart aches.

Resting in His Hands,
K. C, Adoptive Mother of 3!

Hi G.,

Some children just use this as a way of communicating. This is a way of getting what they want in a somewhat unconventional way. If he now has started being grumpy as well you might ask him how he is feeling. Listen to him if he says something is bothering him or he is hurting someplace. One of my daughters would whine almost every night close to bedtime, it seems she was having pain in her feet and lower legs. Well she was growing too fast and having growing pains. The doctor suggested rubbing her little legs and feet for her at bedtime and she was much more content.

I have found that whining is just the only way little people have to communicate sometimes. They tend to be frustrated or in pain and no real way to let it out. Of course you will find in most of my posts that I believe in treating children as peers more than anything. Look at it from their level. Once they think you understand they will often speak to you more on an adult level.

I think it is just boys. I have a four year old boy and he has the same issues. His friends do as well. I also have a nine year old girl and she never acted in this manner. I have learned that the only cure for the grumpness ia more responsibility. I assign a job for my son every week. Its usually something simple like holding the doors open or serving plates. He is so bussy looking for the opportunity to do his job that he forgets to be whinny.:<)

Girl it is the age!!! And if its just now starting and he is 4, wow you have been so lucky!!! My daughter is almost 3 and we are going through the same thing. When she is throwing a fit and whining at the top of her lungs, I walk away and she gets louder and louder. She will constantly follow me around the getting louder like a siren. Most of the time it is for no reason at all. The only thing that I have found that works is making her go to her room until she stops. She hates being seperated from everyone else so she usually stops pretty quickly. I would blame it on being tired, but as with your son, she also takes an afternoon nap, most of the time, and I don't think that is her problem. although I don't know what causes it, making her go to her room speeds up the process for us! lol!!! hope i have helped you some. have a blessed day!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raising your income and your rugrats at the same time.
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

This sounds like maybe your son is probably testing his boundaries. I have had some success with telling my son what I would do and following through -- he can make a choice based on that. For instance, you could say, "Whining hurts my ears and makes it hard for me to understand you. When you whine, I am going to sit (name a place) by myself and when you are ready to talk to me like a 4-yr-old, you can come get me." There is also a good book by Joy Berry (I think) called Let's Talk About Whining.

I was having a similar problem with my 5 year old. She has a friend who whines alot. Before this friend it was rare and I handled it with time outs. Now, I have reduced the play dates with the friend and it helped. I also introduced a color chart. I put a chart with four colors: blue, green, yellow and red. A magnet was placed in the square before the colors and if she gets to red, she looses her favorite stuffed animal. So, if she is whining or refusing to cooperate she is told to move her color. If she refuses, I request it again and let her know if I move it she moves two squares. Within 2 days the whinning reduced about 80%. Consistancy, fairness, no yelling, just be calm and consistant. It is partially the age, yes and since many of his friends are doing the same thing it is more difficult. But, this really helped for me.

sunshine... Kids get grumpy without it. Bonham has been a mess lately and its getting me grumpy too.

I have two daughters 8 & 11 and a son who is almost 5. Neither of my girls whinned like my son does. I am convinced it is just the age. Like the other response you recieved I just tell him that I can not understand what he is saying and if he wants to talk to me he must stop whinning. That in its self usually works. For the other times I just send him to the other room before he gets in trouble. Hang in there, it is surely worth it in the end.:)