Whining - Cheyenne,WY

I sometimes mimic what my kids sound like. They stop & say "EEEW mom, that sounds yucky." I tell them that is what they sound like. It usually helps. I also don't respond until they use their "big kid" voices. I am VERY consistent. As with everything else in parenting, consistency is the key!

My friend always says, "I don't speak Whinese!" I thought that was funny. Good luck. It seems with my kids to be just a phase. My daughter is now 5 and doesn't whine nearly as much as she did when she was 3.

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There are effective and mutually respectful tecniques offered in the wise and easy-to-use little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I've used this approach with remarkable success with my grandson since he was around 2.5 – the only whining he does anymore is to say "I'm BORED."

My response is, "Oh, I hear that you feel bored. Hmmmm…" and then look at him tenderly and wait. He hears that I have connected with his need to have something to do. He knows that I care.

And he has learned that I am waiting for him to let his own resources kick in. Which they usually do in about 20 seconds (this takes longer with younger kids, because they haven't had as much practice). It's amazing what kids can do when they know they can become part of the solution. Find out how to do this with your child, and be prepared for some wonderful new dynamics to develop in your family.

If your son is not yet terribly verbal and able to help solve his own problems, you might find a slightly more "primitive" approach useful. Check out YouTube videos about the approach used by Dr. Harvey Karp; The Happiest Toddler on the Block. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... ). He will demonstrate exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language, gets on their wavelength, so they know he's on their team. This is soothing and satisfying to toddlers, and often allows them to move on to some more productive emotional state.

Ugh.. The Whining! My husband and I cannot stand it either!
It has become a bad habit for your son, so it will take a little while to nip it in the bud.. Get ready to just stay focused.

Each time he whines say (just pick one for each whine), "I do not understand whining." "Use your regular voice." "Go to your room and find your regular voice."
"I do not understand your words." Then look at him puzzled, like you really do not know what he is saying.. There may be a few melt downs, but he will catch on.

Sometimes, what I would also do is whine to our child..
"Dauuuughhhterrrr! I waaaannnnttt you tto come heeeerrree... "
She hated it.. Hee, hee.. My husband would whine and our daughter would freak out..

I know it was mean to torment her, but it let her know WHY we did not like it..

Yeah, my daughter started doing that a while back. I respond in much the same way as Laurie. I would say "You're whiny right now and I'm sorry but I cannot understand you when you whine". I ask her to repeat what she just said in her normal voice and if she continues I just walk away. She really doesn't whine at all anymore. I guess she figures what's the point if mommy is just going to walk away.

A mom at daycare just mentioned this yesterday. Her friend had the no whining zone. If the kids wanted to whine, they had to leave the zone (which meant out of earshot, and it was therefore less effective). She said that it worked pretty well. I think that the zone was the common areas of the house.

My oldest child never whined but my middle child does it on a regular basis. After awhile it grates on your nerves. I try to be consistent and tell him why its wrong. I am must be doing something wrong since he is still whining.

I do not 'hear' my children when they whine. i.e. I ignore them, and I've been known to say "huh? I'm sorry, I don't understand whining language" or similar. We've gone through the whining stages, but they don't usually last long as long as you refuse to listen to it. Then again, it's like fingernails on a chalk board to me, and it drives me nuts when I hear it from other's kids too. ;)

Well, 3 is the new 2, you know. ;-)
Seriously though, constant stubborn whining can be exhausting for Mom. There are two basic "tricks" that you probably already know:
1. Be consistent. If whining works even ONCE, then any adorable kid knows that whining will work again eventually. They won't give up. You might not give in this time... but that little brain is thinking "Mwahh-hahh-ahha you WILL turn to the dark side and give it cookies."

2) They can't successfully whine at a Mommy they can't see. When my son's whining was grating on my last raw nerve, I lovingly-but-firmly placed him in an unpleasant time out spot, which was safely baby-gated out of my line-of-sight. (I could peek on him, but he didn't know it.) No toys, no tv, no people, no fun -- But he was allowed out the SECOND he was "happy again" and he knew it. A few hiccups later, the small voice would say "Out of time out? I happy now, Mommy."

Between consistency and yucky timeouts, my kid eventually gave up on the whining. Even for the most stubborn kid, if their action always (always!) brings them unpleasant results, they will stop doing that action.