Which Way Works Best for Putting My 10 Month Old Son in His Crib to Sleep?

i have a 10 & 1/2 mo old- and there is no way I could ever let him cry it out alone in his crib. To me, it is just cruel. He is still so small, and he needs his mama. Yes, it there is a time for him to start becoming more independent, and they will with time.

I have 2 other children (9 & 5 yrs) and they co-slept w/ my and hubby for 2 yrs. Then we moved them to their own "big kid bed", where my hubby or i would lay with them till they went to sleep. as they grew- we would tuck them in, lay with them for a while and then leave. We still do this today. Bedtime should not be tramatizing for anyone.

Raising a kid is hard, and sometimes things take longer than planned. Introduce crib sleeping for naps in the daytime, and early evening ( i rock and nurse my baby and then lay him in the crib). At night, anytime after midnight- if he wakes from his crib, I bring him into my bed till morning. Creates a lot less commotion at night and we are all peaceful.

Good luck- and be patient. It doesn't last forever!! Cherish the bond and closeness while you can.

Okay, so the answer to both your questions is no...neither is okay. Leaving a child to cry/scream for anything length of time is not okay and can have negative impacts on development.

There are several methods that you can explore that are effective if you PROPERLY to 'train' your child to sleep in their own bed. You have chosen to co-sleep up until this point, and this is a delicate transition. Please treat it with care and patience...it will not happen overnight and most likely won't be easy on everyone.

I'm a co-sleeper and have been for 2.5 years, but it's not for everyone and if it's time to change then, make sure your hubby is on board and helps with the transition.

I think you should do a bit more research before you make the change...I understand most CIO methods recommend short intervals working up to sleeping alone. Something like three minutes, then five minutes...but, again I've not used these methods but, have friends who have used them and had great results.

Remember you child is baby and this not manipulation or trying to get his way, he's just needing some reassurance and love.

check out for ideas...

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Just remember this can be a confusing time for your infant and you need to be confident in your choice and be consistent with the method.

Good Luck!

'Good nights' by dr jay gordon best book ever.

Ok, first you are making a big change in your life. Kids HATE change! Get in the new house and let it be for a couple of weeks. Let all of you get accustomed to the new house. Second, talk to your son. You might try putting the bed in your room for a while. They tend to end up in your bed, but you can start them in theirs. If you eant him in his room you might start with naps. Put him in his room in his bed for naps.
We never ended up using our crib. My daughter would wail, and weep and it ended up not being a fight we thought worth continueing. We had a convertable crib, so we ended up taking the side off of it, and using it as a bed. She rolled out a couple of times, but we had made sure the floor was padded, so she was fine... She has been using it (in our room) since she was 18 months. We have nights we have to move her to her bed when we come to bed, and she joins us by 6 am to wake up, but mostly it has worked really well...
Good luck

I think it depends on your son. My daughter would just get madder when we went in there and didn't pick her up, so we found it best to lay her down, turn on her music, and walk out and shut the door.

I really like the Weissbluth book "healthy sleep habit, happy child", and he recommends extinction (not going in) over partial extinction (going in every 10-15 minutes) because he says it's easier for the parents to get the child back on track after something disrupts your normal routine.

At 10 months old, he doesn't understand the sudden rule change. Think about it. What if you were allowed to cuddle with your husband and then he suddenly pushes you away, without explaination. You might cry, as well.

Here's what we did, allbeit, when oour first son was 18 months. We moved him to a crib matress on the floor right up against our bed. He transitioned fine. Of course, he ended up back in our bed until he was nearly 3....but it was rare and for short periods of time. we did that after we moved to a new home, but he is unbelievably smart for his age...and I'm not just saying that. He was speaking in coherent sentences by the time he was 18 months old. even now, he's doing 3rd grade math at 6. We told him at about 3 that he needed to sleep in his own bed. He asked why. I told his that his new baby brother or sister was coming in a few months and that he had all this time with mom and dad alone and it wouldn't be fair to this baby to have to share. His reply? "Oh, ok mom." And that was it - still to this day, he sleeps in his own bed, but they are allowed to get in the bed with us in the morning - for us all to connect.

We have an 11 month old currently and we lie her down to go to sleep in our bed and as soon as she mostly or all the way asleep, my husband transfers her to her crib. We have to keep the house temp at 75 at night in order for everyone to sleep perfectly. If we wrap her too much, she gets hot and wakes up. Anyway, she sleep until 11pm and sometimes as long as 2am, when she gets hungry and my husband brings her back into our bed to BF until she wakes up at 6am.

Hope that helps in some way for you.

Hi M.,

There is no such thing as an infant "winning". Your son is not trying to control you. If he is crying it is because he is scared, feeling alone and unsafe. Letting him cry it out will not solve that for him. It will only serve to teach him to stifle his own emotions and not listen to his instincts. He will also learn that he cannot count on you to protect him when he needs it.

Trust me, he will not be crying at night forever. For now, though, he needs you. I highly recommend that you read Dr. Harvey Karp's book, The Happiest Baby on the Block. It's a very easy read with very specific steps to helping your baby go to sleep feeling safe and secure. (Additionally, Elizabeth Pantley's book, The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers is another good resource.)

Please don't fall prey to the false notion that this problem has anything to do with control. Give your son what he needs and you will see the rewards as he grows up. Good luck! (If you need more help, feel free to contact me.)

G. B.

After reading some of the other responses, I just wanted to add one thing. The cry-it-out methods will "work", in that eventually, your child will give up and go to sleep. At what cost, though? Crying is the only audible tool infants have to communicate with us. They don't cry unless they have something to say. If they find that, no matter how much they cry, no one comes, eventually they give up. While that might provide you with a good nights sleep, consider what that is teaching your infant for the rest of his life.

I agree with Deanna; CIO after co-sleeping, only 10.5 months old and leaving him to cry for 15 min is not healthy and probably harmful. I doubt it's manipulation at that age, more likely confusion and fear. It's a huge transition so do the research and do it right. That means consistency and patience.

Hi M.! I totally sympathize with you! My almost 16 month old just started sleeping through the night a month & a half ago. We moved when my little one was 8 months old & I do agree with the other moms in that moving is enough of a change that you may want to wait 3 weeks or so after getting your son used to his new home. Once it feels like home to him, then you can switch the sleeping.

I was once opposed to cry it out, as it seemed very cruel and I knew how tough it would be for me. My daughter would not co-sleep, well she would move around waking us all up which just made things worse. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution, which offered some helpful tips. The obvious ones are: putting them on a bedtime routine, which we already were doing, but we fine tuned our routine; Making sure they are filled up with food, water and breastmilk during the day. Unfortunately that and all of the other tips in the book did not work for my daughter after being patient for 3 1/2 months of applying all info.

Out of complete desperation, I told my husband we would try the Ferber Method for only 1 week. This is where you let the baby cry, go in after 5, then 10, then 15 minutes, until they fall asleep. Here is what happened, when we tried this with a very attached, high demand baby:

Night 1- cried for 45 minutes at bedtime, woke 4 times, cried 15-25 minutes each
Night 2- cried for 4 minutes at bedtime, woke 2 times cried for 2-10 minutes
Night 3- cried for 20 seconds at bedtime, woke 2 times, cried for less than a minute
Night 4- wimpered as I set her down at bedtime, woke once and cried for less than a minute
Night 5 & beyond- began saying "Night! Night!," as she held her stuffed monkey & may occasionally have a night waking for a few seconds.

I was so opposed to this method! I cannot deny the results though and how fabulous it worked for our child. Some kids take longer, some not as long. What really helped was having my husband do most of the settling, something we learned after the first night. I even put a sippy cup of water in her crib and showed her where it was. I fill it up each day, sometimes she uses it, sometimes not. Anyway, the first night was HORRIBLE for me. And I don't recommend doing this with a younger child either. We do not have her cry it out at her naps yet, as she was crying for too long and I wasn't comfortable with that. I wasn't seeing the results like I did at nighttime. I did notice that she is less apt to have a crying meltdown during the day though. I think she realized that crying over everything doesn't work.

You adjust to what works for you. Consistency is the key though, so once you decide what method you're going to try, stick to it for awhile. You & your husband must be comfortable with whatever method you choose! Best of luck to you! I hope that you can find a solution that works for you and your family!

M., First off, Letting a child learn how to self-soothe is neither detrimental to their development, nor could it EVER have negative impacts on their development. That is a ridiculous idea brought on by the last 50 years of wussified, liberal thinking. For thousands of years children have had to cry themselves to sleep. They do it a couple of times and that is it. It does not continue endlessly. Once they realize that bedtime means bedtime they stop crying and put themselves to sleep. Not allowing your child to learn how to self soothe is one of the worst things you can do, because they will have sleep problems throughout the rest of their lives. Children become more aware than we think at an early age, and unless your child is sick, he is only crying because he wants his way. It doesn't sound like he needs reassurance, so don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you need to give your child more.

My husband and I did something of a cross between CIO and the Baby Whisperer's E.A.S.Y. Basically we took one week of getting him used to a rhythm/pattern of eat, activity, sleep each day so he knew what to expect when. At night, we would give him his bottle, have a bath and quiet time, then put him to bed. Once we put him to bed, we just let him cry to sleep. It was hard but only took about 20 minutes the first day, and less and less over the next 2 days. After that it was easy as pie. And because we had conditioned him to recognize what followed what he was able to recognize on his own when it was time to sleep. He would give us his sleepy cues, and then we would lay him down for either nap or bed and go to sleep on his own. That was it, and now he sleeps all by himself, goes to sleep on his own, and sleeps all night.

This is the best thing we have done for our baby and us. He is in such a good mood, wakes up well rested, and is always happy, because he never gets too tired. I wish you the best of luck. =)

A

When our kids were going through seperation anxiety at bedtime we would sit by their beds until they fell asleep. Every couple nights we would sit farther away until we were out of the room and they fell asleep without us. It takes a little while, but it's what worked best for us. I hate they cry it out method. It didn't work on any of my 3 and it broke my heart to listen to them sobbing and calling my name. Also if you run to them every couple minutes, they'll come to expect that.

Try the book by Kim West, The Sleep Lady (http://www.sleeplady.com/). It falls somewhere in between the two theories of checking back vs. letting them cry it out. You basically start off near the crib the first few nights soothing him to sleep, then in the doorway the second few, etc. It is pretty tiring and takes about 2 weeks, but if you stick with it, it might be less painful for you then letting him cry it out. (She also has phone classes that can be helpful if you have additional questions.) Although supposedly crying it out only takes 3 days . . . just make sure to turn the monitor off! I think it depends on your son's personality whether checking back every 10-15 minutes would get him more upset or help him out -- with mine, checking back always made him more agitated. The biggest thing is consitency. Don't give in once you start the process, whatever theory you decide to use.

Hope this helps!
R.
mom of Jared (5) and Xander (1)

I am a first time mom and I know how hard it is to hear my baby cry when she just wants tyo be held at night. My baby is 2 and a half monmths old and she is sleeping through the night. I find that if i feed her and hold her until she falls asleep then put her in the pack and play ar her crib she will stay asleep for at least six hours. Since you are moving I would gradually work up to having your baby sleep alone. Good Luck!

Yeah, there is a method - Ferber, I think. The book is called Solving Your Child's Sleep problems. You do comfort the child, but don't pick up, and systematically move your chair further and further away, and lengthen the times between reassuring. A couple of nights of screaming, depending on the child, but then they form the habit of falling asleep on their own, and getting back to sleep on their own if they wake up. Since it is a new home, I think it is important that you use a method like this and don't just let him cry it out without going in at all. You probably won't be able to stand it, and will ultimately give in. There are lots of fans of the shared bed, but if you don't want that, you should not feel like you have to do it. My first child needed the Ferber method, and it does work.

I agree with most posters that switching to the Ferber/CIO method now after 10.5 months of co-sleeping is a harsh change. You might want to read Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" - she has a section on transitioning from co-sleeping to sleeping in the crib.

My daughter slept with us for the first 13 weeks and then slept in a Pack n' Play in the same room for another two weeks. She got her own room thereafter and we have had little to no problem. Of course this is when she was much younger.

Pantley strongly believes in setting a routine for bedtime. She also suggests that you introduce the crib as a nice place - so play with your son in the crib, read him books in the crib, etc. Our routine is bath, change diaper and pajamas, read 2-3 books (the last one is always the same), and then nurse and sing. We cuddle until she gets a little drowsy and then gently transfer her to the crib. She used to need a lot of backrubbing, but now she just yells for a few minutes and then goes to sleep.

Wow, so much advice, you must be feeling overwhelmed.

So I'll add some more!

First off, if you're about to move, your son will need more reassurance right now, so don't change anything with his sleeping.

Next, decide on just one approach/method and stick to it. And it has to be one that works for you mentally as well as emotionally. If you're distressed then he'll pick up on that too.

Personally I'm not an advocate of the cry it out approach. We did it with our first child and it was horrible and never really worked. He's 7 now and we can see that really he should have been in bed with us. He's just that type of child that needs additional nurturing. Still is. But we pushed our method and our needs on him without tuning into him to his detriment I feel.

And I agree that co-sleeping isn't always for everyone. We've been doing it with our DD who is now 18 months, but I'm ready to reclaim my space in the bed. My choice. My husband could gone on for years with her there. But she does in her crib butonly after she's gone to sleep in our bed. Not great. I'm going to give the No Cry Sleep Solution a go as friends have rated it highly.

Good luck. Again, go slow whilst you settle into the new place.

put him in his crib to sleep stand by the crib & pat or rub his back. Sing, whisper or what ever in a calming voice until he goes to sleep. Get a chair & reach threw the railing. Or sit & rock him if you have to until he falls asleep the 1st few times.Stay in the room with him for a few minutes after he goes to sleep leave the door open so he can hear other sounds in the house. If he wakes up go in & repeat this. Your going to get wore out but do not cave in & let him get back into your bed. Have your husband take a turn of staying with him in his room to keep him in his bed & also reasure him that you are both their. Maybe buy some baby monitors & assure him you can hear him & if he really needs you that you will be their. But don't cave in.
I hope this will be a learning lesson for when you have another baby.

I would suggest visiting Aletha Solter's website she has some great info/solutions for parents who are navigating the cry-it-out method and she offers alternative solutions. I think that your son is needing to feel safe. My son is three now and is going through a phase of being afraid of being alone in rooms (he thinks that the shadows are going come off the wall and chase him). I trust this will pass and I don't force him (because this makes the problem worse). Your son needs to be reassured that his needs matter. I don't believe that any baby cries for no reason, or just to be disobedient. They cry because that is their way of communicating their needs. Hope this helps.

You mentioned that you're moving, don't do anything new right away, a move is enough change for a little one. You need to do the move, get settled, wait at least a month and THEN do what you want with the sleep thing. I started both my kids out in a cradle then moved them to a crib at about three months. My son almost immediately ended up in our bed because I was so tired of getting up to feed him (he was constantly hungry) and then it was just where he needed to be for comfort as he got older. Our daughter stayed in the crib until she turned six months old and got object permanance, now she's 9mths and in our bed and plays with my hair all night :) I tried letting her cry it out for a nap just the other day, she didn't go to sleep, she just got more hysterical, and then for the rest of the day was clingy and fussy and overtired. On the other hand, if I catch her at just the right time I can put her in her crib with a soft book and she'll play quietly and then fall asleep on her own... Just go with your gut - your baby will tell you when it's not working in his own way - don't read too many books, just learn to read your baby :)

Here's some great helpful links from Dr. Sears:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071100.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

If your son is "whining" when in the crib... maybe just hang back and wait... he may go back to sleep on his own. SOMETIMES, when we "interrupt" their going-to-sleep pattern... then we wake them, midstream, of getting into a deeper sleep.
Getting to sleep is a process... not as soon as their head hits the pillow. Both my kids had their own 'pattern' of going to sleep. But it they cried/screamed I picked them up. And, I am also one of those co-sleepers.

Also, try putting some baby-safe stuffed toys in his crib... to help make it cozier. By time my son was that age, he loved having his 'lovey' and other toys in his crib. It kept him company. :) Also, my son loves his Fisher Price "Ocean Wonders" crib toy... he'd turn it on at will, to play the music and see the lights. My son loves his crib...because it is cozy and "his" and it like a little sanctuary for him. At night only, we co-sleep....but on a floor futon we have in our bedroom. For naps, he sleeps in his crib. He knows this.. .and it is a routine. MAIN THING is to have a CONSISTENT pre-bed routine, the same everynight. And allow the child to wind-down first... before bedtime. Making things quiet and dark... and mellow.

Hope it helps,
All the best,
Susan

i did CIO at 9 months..we decided to wait 30 minutes..my son cried for 28 minutes then went to sleep...the next night he cried for 5 minutes..and that was the end of that..and he just turned 3 and i'm dreading taking him out of the crib. Also...try giving him a bottle to go to bed with ..so he can take comfort in that..maybe a little night light..my son never wants the light on...but your's might. It was hard to do it that first night but in the end it was the best thing ..then i waited 2 weeks to start on naps..i was napping him in the stroller or taking naps with him. Just be consistant with putting him to bed at the same time every night so his body always feels sleepy at that time..good luck..this will all be a thing of the past soon..just get it done now...that's my 2 cents

sorry about that, i never believed a baby should have to put themselves a sleep, I believe that is one of the reason my husband and I never had the sleep issues with our baby's that sooyo many mamas write about on mamasource. We also didn't not allow our kids in the marriage bed. When my kids were little and we lived in Japan, and my husband was gone, I had kids woth me in the bed, for different reasons than mamas do today, but when dad was home the kids were in their own rooms and their own beds. If you go in ever 10+15 minutes, you are only going to be creating a new habit, as long as he knows you will come in if he cries, trust me he will cry, and it's not because he feels abandon, it's because he is not getting his way, and he is trying to maniplulate which they are so good at. However I would not just stick him in his crib, i would nurture him to sleep, and then lay him down if he wakes up, then you have to be tough mommy, which is not easy, but in the long run it is what is best for him and for you. And remember this when you have your second child, so you don't repeat this sae habit. J.

Let your baby cry it out. It worked for all three of mine.

We finally got my son in his crib at around 9 months. It was hard. The only way I was able to do it was to make him cry it out. I had a video monitor so I could keep an eye on him and know that he was ok. Worth every penny. I would never have been able to get myself to not check on him tons. I hate making him cry. It is so hard. Every baby is different, you just have to see what works for you and your family. I do love having my bed back. My son is now almost 20 months and sleeps great in his crib. I do nurse him a little and rock him, then put him in his crib wrapped in a heavier blanket (so he feels something touching him) and his two favorite stuffed animals. We also have lullabies playing very quiet in the background. He still has the nights where he has to cry himself to sleep though. We just went on a trip for a week and our son slept with us. It was horrible. We are back and he is happily back in his crib sleeping. All I have to say is video monitor. I love it. Money well spent. Good luck mama.

M.,

I agree with other mamas to wait a couple weeks from the move to try it. I used the ferber method on my daughter at 8 months (she's now 10 months) and she puts herself to sleep for naps and at night and sleeps 12+ hours at night. The way we did the ferber:

Night 1 - Put in crib, pat/rub back for 1-2 minutes, soothing words/song, leave room completely, let cry for 5 minutes, reenter room, repeat. This time let cry for 10 minutes, reenter, repeat. Now let cry for 15 minutes, reenter, repeat every 15 minutes until he is asleep.

Night 2 - As above except change your time intervals to 10, 15, 20.

Night 3 - As above except change your time intervals to 15, 20, 25.....etc, etc.

For my daughter (because I was not really comfortable with letting her CIO) we did night 1 for 2 nights, night 2 for 2 nights etc. The first night she cried for 1 hour. The 2nd night 45 minutes. The 3rd night was about 20 minutes and then went steadily down in time from there.

A couple of things you have to remember/do to make this work successfully:

1. You can't pick him up when you go into the room. He will think he won.

2. Stick it out. It is going to be SO hard, and if you are like me, I was crying in the other room, while she was crying in hers. If it weren't for my husband, I probably wouldn't have been able to stick it out.

Good luck and I hope it works for you!

I let my kids cry it out...it's a personal choice. However...the first night you should go in five min, then ten, put don't pick him up. Gradually increse the time span before going in and in all honeslty...it shouldn't take a week. Didn't for us anyway.

Hi M.,
Why do you want to give up the sweet Family Bed so young? If there is really a good reason besides peer pressure then buying a dog and letting him sleep with your child works the best: "Rover is lonely at night. Could you keep him company in your very own bed?" Or some such...

If it is your husband please remind him that there are so many fun places to make love besides the master bed!!! Get creative! Let the kid sleep in the bed while you guys sneak off to the kitchen...pool, laundry room, etc....

If I could get rid of one horrible (from my perspective) child rearing practice it would be the CIO!! (Crying it out method) How totally cruel!!! Just put yourself in the child's position for a second and see!!! It is no wonder moms have such a hard time doing it...your heart screams NO!!!!! The message your are giving your child is that when he really, really needs someone and he gives a clear message to that effect...no one will ever come to support him. (My son made this astute observation at 4 years old while watching this process with another child, by the way. Out of the mouths of babes, right?) Is that really what you want your child to feel? No wonder there is so much difficulty in relationships later in life!!

Stay connected at as many turns as you can. That is my advise. My kid is 19 are we have an awesome and communicative relationship. One that I am soooooo glad I didn't screw up. It goes so fast...just enjoy each other

Blessings,
Deb

(Actually the Family Bed has been what we have naturally done until the last 50-100 years. It is not till then that we started being so cruel to our children in this way. Just about the same time that the bottle was touted as better than breastfeeding and all kinds of other unnatural practices came into vogue along with industrialization. Check the divorce rates and gang violence, etc... since then... Hey, and if I am a liberal wuss, so be it. My relationship with my child is more important than someone's judgement of me....ALWAYS!)

Follow your heart, M., you won't go wrong. I promise.

The trick is being consistant. I would definatly take this opportunity to get him in his own bed. Yes, going in every 10-15 minutes to reasure him is good. If you know that he is ok, and is just crying to get you in the room, then it is ok to let him cry. It may take up to a few weeks to get him used to it. But, it also may only take a few days.
Don't give in or this will only set ou back. It will be hell believe me! I did it with my baby and I went through days and days of her screaming "mommy mommy!!!" It killed me, but was well worth it. She nows goes to sleep all by herself for naps and bedtime.
The way I did it was with a STRICKED routine.
You son is a little young for this, but I'll tell you anyway.
1. I reminded my daugter that bedtime is coming up shortly.
2. brush teeth
3. into crib and read 3 short books. The same books, in the same order. That way when I get to the last book , she knew that it is time to sleep afterwards.
4. turn off light and say goodnight and I'm out the door.
After a week of this strict routine, it was a breeze. I'm so happy I did this.
When they say that children do well with a routine...they weren't kidding!
But, I would just try to be consistant and don't give in and bring him in your bed!
Good luck to you.
Oh...I have a book as an attachment that I can send you.
Just shoot me an email and I send it to you!
____@____.com
Good luck!

Have you tried the Ferber Method. You start out by going in every 5 minutes or so and gradually extend the amount of time you wait until you are going in every 10 - 20 minutes. You only stay for 30 seconds to a minute each time. We did this with my son when he was 5 1/2 months and he only cried for an hour and a half one night. Every time you go in you should not pick him up. You should just rub his back and speak in a soft voice, give verbal cues like "night night time". Do you have music playing or a white noise machine? We use the same music everywhere we go and it helps him adjust to new surroundings. Good Luck!