"Where's Your Patience?"

I don't mind that you posted this. But I just gotta say that stress is cumulative. SO WHAT if you didn't have your 3 year old today? When your husband stays home with a 3 year old all day every day on top of all the things he is responsible for, I wonder how he would feel if you asked HIM "Where's your patience." He needs to button his lip.

I would have rolled my eyes at him, honestly.

ES,

You have posted a lot about the differences between your husband and yourself, esp. in regard to his perception of your parenting. Have you been to see a couples counselor yet? I know it's been suggested in the past. I'm not trying to poke at a sore issue, but it seems like he has made quite a few comments which have sent you here looking for validation that you were in the right and that he's wrong. There seems to be some sort of underlying disconnect where he expects you to be parenting in the way *he* thinks you should.

So, to answer your specific question, yes, I would be irritated if my husband said that to me in front of our son at the end of the day. You say this is a vent, and I believe it. I also believe the two of you need to get on the same page, because these problems aren't going to go away and you will continue to feel slighted by him. Address it now, while your child is young, so you can go forward as a team.

It doesn't matter if you were with your child all day or not.
AT the moment, you did not have... any patience.
You are human.
For him to say that you should have had patience because you were not with your child all day that day, is moot.
Because, even for people who don't have children, or they are single and only live by themselves... well life's worries and demands can REALLY make their patience, disappear, too.
ie: people stuck in traffic... that alone can really make ALL kinds of people... really impatient.
So the point of you being with your child all day or not, and therefore that is contingent on how much "patience" a person is supposed to have or not, is really, not the point.
And your Husband saying that... would IRK me.
And I would tell him. That.
And I have, told my Husband that.
And at that point, he knows, to back-off.
Because, he cannot compare, my life or my day, to his.
And I am not him.
And he is not me.
And ALL people of all types, get impatient.
And no Mom/woman is perfect.
So you got "short" with your daughter.
Okay. All parents get that way at times.
So, you can always say to your daughter "Sweet pea, sorry for being short with you, Mommy had a hard day. I'm sorry." And its done.
And also, you were trying to have a conversation with your Husband, about important matters but your daughter kept talking.... so, well... you OR HE... could have said to her "Sweet pea, Mommy and I are having an important talk.... you need to wait."
And the thing is, you were DRAINED..... after your long day.
So I mean, doesn't your husband, know that?
I tell my Husband when I am fried and past my end of the rope.
I will actually say.... "I have no more patience. Today was not a good day." At that point, he knows to step up.

Its not about what is fair or not.
You are allowed to be human.
And you need to TELL your Husband, your cues too. SO THAT... he catches on and knows... and communication is clear.
If you were frazzled, say so.
Doesn't matter if you were with your child all day or not.

It is not only, people with children, who get impatient.
But the thing is to KNOW your tolerance at the time, and communicate that.
I have told my kids "Mommy has no patience now.... so please try to cooperate."

This doesn't answer your question, but I read a great tip on a blog recently about dealing with children interrupting adult conversations. When your child needs you, or wants to tell you something when you are talking with someone, have them come up to you and put their hand on your shoulder (if you are sitting down - on your hip if you are standing). This allows them to let you know they have something to say. Without interrupting your conversation, you put your own hand over theirs to acknowledge that they are there and that they need you. Once you reach a break in your conversation you can then turn to your child and say, 'thank you for waiting Billy, what would you like to say?'. I have tried this with my own children, and it seems to work.

I think it would have bothered me more that my husband said that IN FRONT of my child.

We all need reminders now and again about letting the frustration roll off our backs. If it comes from our significant others, it should be from a place of kindness, though. I mean, as parents we need to be a united front. Mommy and Daddy are the same. So perhaps he could have worded that in a less combative way.

I misplace mine on more than one occasion.

I am worried about you. There seems to be a rather negative trend in your posts of late.

I had to balance and insane schedule years ago and I learned you jump them they get worse. I understand the I don't have time to deal with this properly feeling. It is just it doesn't satisfy them so they keep at it. Much better to take a break, deal with the youngins and go back to whatever.

I just feel like if you don't figure out how to correct course things will get worse.

Please! There are days when my patience doesn't bother to show up...

He's got a point - it's a fair question.
Life is stressful right now and even under normal less stressful circumstances - 3 yr olds can sometimes wear down the best of us.
It's not a great combination.
It's hard to leave the stress of the day on the door step and not bring it inside your home.
Most people need a transition period - my husband like to come home and take a shower before he's ready to be sociable at home after a long day at work.
You can try something like that.
She's only going to be 3 once and she will grow up faster than you think.

What B said, especially the part about her only being 3 once. Everyone loses their patience, but it's good to have someone remind us to monitor our behavior every now and again. Pick up that daughter and snuggle her up.

doesn't matter if you were with her all day, or were drained from extraneous happenings. being 'a bit short' with a whining 3 year old who keeps interrupting important conversations is perfectly fine.
i'm not sure i'd have that much patience with the dh..........
khairete
S.

Are you upset by your shortness or your husband's response to you? Either would be understandable, and you're obviously having a moment right now. Maybe your husband had one, too.

It doesn't sound to me like you "lost it", just got a bit terse.

Your husband was either oblivious or insensitive. Either way, it's one of those things that just happens. Ideally, he should have taken your tone to mean that you needed a few minutes alone, assuming that you love your child and would not typically speak harshly to her.

You didn't lose it, and you were hardly impatient with her. Not by your description as in your SWH. It sounds as if your husband is the one who had a moment towards you. He probably heard something in your tone that wasn't really there and misinterpreted.

I understand feeling drained! But, I do believe that we as parents can use accountability during those times when our patience is in short supply.

I am really struggling with patience, but I don't want to take my exhaustion out on the kids.
We all do it, so please don't think that I'm getting after you! :) All I am saying is that we all need someone to ask us where our patience is once in awhile.

Here is to a less stressful tomorrow for both of us! :)

In your hubby's defense, I sometimes think (think, but not say!) this about my hubby when he gets frustrated with our darling 2 yr old. Hey, I was here all day with him while you got to work, why are you getting frustrated?!? We all have those days!