I have been working very hard in the last 6 months to control myself and only myself since I can not control anyone else. My in home daycare tends to be very stressful because I hear so many stories from my parents about the upheavals and trials in their lives. I do look at it like an opportunity to be helpful by offering to watch the kids so the parents can take some mental health time and praying for them when things are rough.
But it's hard for me to always know that when their situations can change drastically at any time, moving away, taking a job across the country, leaving a spouse, grandma retiring and wanting the kids, etc. etc... These things cause me to once again have to replace their kids or adjust to lower hours or to decide if the new hours even fit at all.
It's hard in so many ways. Utilities and food is going up so fast that all of us are trying to make adjustments to the way we spend in order to deal. Then I hear people say things that are truly unkind about paying me. One of my moms complained this week about working just to pay me. One of my kids was jumping on the air mattress I have kids sleep on. I just replaced it because the last one was wore out. It was electric and I had to get up every hour on the hour at night to blow it up again. So I want this one to last! We had a boy break a window recently. One of my boys is grounded from my couch because he ripped 2 buttons off the couch over the last year. I wasn't able to get them replaced right away and they really didn't show because of the way the couch was designed. But then I come in the room during nap time one day to find him with both hands in those holes pulling them as hard as he could until they are gaping holes now that I need to fix.
A couple nights ago my daughter got a speeding ticket and she was so upset about the 100 bucks she'll have to pay. And yet she is always bragging about getting pulled over and getting warnings. I don't want to be mean. But that's why they call them WARNINGS!
As you can see this post is very random. I could write all day long about the negative things that are out of my control. But I do believe that if I spend MORE time focusing on the positive I'll be more able to deal with things as they arise. That's a LOT harder than it sounds. Some days I just want to RUN AWAY! I can't fix things for anyone and yet I feel like life just wants to dump more and more in my lap.
What do you all do when it seems like too many little things are adding up all at once?
Thank you everyone :) Actually, I'm not as worn out as I sound. I'm just enjoying a quiet Saturday morning and reading and sharing on here which is pretty much my only adult outlet. This is one way that I deal with life :) I have 1 sweet baby here that's happy playing in the room with me in a pile of toys and 3 children that are 5 years old and also happy playing, coloring, and working on their computers. Two of the boys that are here are the little ones that broke a window and hurt the couch. BUT, I want to be clear that I've had these boys 4 and 5 years and they don't routinely destroy things. They have been raised better than that. Stuff happens.
Thank you so much to the mom that quoted that card. It's so true about the day to day things being more tiring than the bigger crisis.
As far as making work pay and needing a steady paycheck.. These days no one is guaranteed a steady paycheck. Companies fold, move, and lay people off. It happens. True my line of work has it's share of trouble spots. But I LOVE my work. I won't be changing it.
To the mom that said not to take it personally about the mom that said she's working to pay me.. I know you are right. I prayed about it that night and have tried to tell myself that again and again. It's just been a difficult week. I have 2 mothers that have contemplated leaving their husbands in the last few weeks and one mom wanting to move out of state. I don't enjoy transitioning in new children or the interview process. I keep the 7/24 shifts going in order to make sure I am able to pay my bills when things come up. Sometimes it just seems like God cuts it a little close. But he always provides ON TIME.
Robyn's things sound worse. Does that help you put things into perspective?
:)
(p.s. A speeding ticket for a kid is a GOOD thing. It can keep them from getting killed.)
my heart goes out to you. You've had your daycare for a long time now, & you're feeling the pinch! I am actually going thru the past few years & taking a hard look at my income vs. expenses. My utilities alone have gone up almost 20% in the past year....& closer to 40% over the past couple of years. That takes a huge toll on my daycare income!
I do know that I will be raising my rates this summer, regardless of my daycare family's financial status. If I do not do this, then I will financially bankrupt my own family. & that's where the answer is: it's time for you to put yourself & your own family's welfare before that of your daycare's. This does not make you a self-centered person....this does not make you a greedy person....it makes you someone who cares enough about her "own" that you are willing to put them first.
Recently you posted a ? about taxes, bills, etc. You've been feeling this pinch & angst for some time. Time to change your approach to life & don't let those families use you as a "dumping ground". Post a "NO DRAMA" sign prominently & live by that rule.
Is it time to ask yourself if the daycare is still right for you? I'm in that boat right now! With the rising expenses, I have set an endgoal of Fall 2012 to prepare myself for entering the "outside of the home" work world. It's a good cutoff for my current families, my son will be 16 & driving himself to school.....& I'm ready. This gives me <18 months to brush-up on my office skills, to take some online classes......& dang, I haven't done a thing yet!
Maybe this is something you should consider.....!! I wish you Peace! & honestly, I don't know how you do it with 24/7 daycare.....I LOVE my 5:30pm schedule.
I've been a stay at home mom and now a stay at home grandma to 7. A few years ago things seemed to be going against me, doesn't really matter what, but I was getting into the 'poor me' drama, then it hit me, all this wasn't so bad, in fact there was good I could find in all of it! The cancer was almost undetectable and cureable, my son's car accident didn't include any injuries, etc, etc. Once I saw the better part of what happened, I felt better and things started looking up.
The parents are telling you their struggles because you are a good listener, also probably to prepare you in case they have to leave, if they do leave the good part is that you could raise the rate on the next child you take in without having to confront a parent with a money increase. The couch can be covered with a sheet or blanket so that no more damage can be done, and the window was an accident, maybe you can talk to the parent and they can pay half, after all the child was in your care, mom had no way to stop the child from doing whatever he did to break the window, at least a child didn't get hurt when the window broke. As for your daughter, her problem not yours, you can't control what she does there unless you own the car and can take it from her, but make sure she pays her own ticket, it does make them think twice.
Just look for the good in each thing that is bothering you and see the good, it will be hard at first, but when you start doing it you will soon start feeling better and it will be easier to see the good the next time. Hope you can incorporate this in your life and start looking up again.
I try to not do anything, no outings or shopping. I just tell the kids we have been spending to much and we need to wait a bit to save. They do get it and they seem to understand me better when I warn them about breaking toys. I do hear them reasoning out loud but talking to themselves about ...well I got to be careful because if it breaks then mom won't fix it or can't go to the store to get a new one....(which by the way is so cute)--kinda of like giving yourself a pep talk as to why you should clean a room and take care of your things. lol
But I think you are one of a few people who really can be taken advantage of in life. We did use a lady once to baby sit she ran a daycare from her home. It was just for one night that we needed someone, We could tell after 5 mins she was being taken advantage of by another mom who goes out parting it up all the time and just leaving her boy there. You really in the long run are not doing anyone a favor by allowing someone like that to go on. ~ NOT that is what you are doing....I am just saying~
Emergencies, yes it is nice to know someone is available but you need to be strong and say no not this time.
If someone complained about paying me for my services I would remind them of the contact...if there is one highlight the end date...if there isn't one highlight that.
Good luck and I will send out a special prayer for you and yours.
Hugs!
God love you! It sounds like the apples aren't falling very far from their trees! If I were you, I'd double my rates!
My husband once gave me a card that I kept...it said something like, "I can handle a crisis...it's the day to day things that are wearing me out!"
It's so true. I'm in over my head with "little things" that just are adding up and making for one frustrated mama! My husband is currently deployed, so it's just me, and there is a deployment RULE that everything that can go wrong WILL go wrong when they are away, and it's SO true. UG!
I've taken to denial! LOL. I only let myself look at 1 or 2 things on my "to do" list or "expense" list each day and leave the rest for the next day. Some things I CAN control, most things I cannot...I am a control freak, so this is a VERY difficult lesson for me.
I hope you can find some peace and see the sunshine peeking thru on some of these cloudy days!
Hugs.
Ok, to be honest too long, I did not read the whole thing but to answer "where do you fall between being a worry wart or a pollyanna" I am closer t Pollyanna ... I give myself time to be upset then I literally play the glad game!
*Okay first of all stop and take a deep breath.
I*'ve learned life is harder, more stressful as we age.
*So....pick the things you are going to stress about: money, health.
*When the little things, like the buttons on the couch, come up take a deep breath, remind yourself that is a little thing, turn around and walk away.
*Tell your daughter she needs to slow down because life can be short and speeding increases the danger. Then you have to let it go. It's in her hands. I know that's hard but then pray for her safety!
*Change the things you can: watching your spending, scale way back, shop at discount stores for food (Wal-mart etc), not a fan of coupon b/c those can sometimes be higher priced but it's up to you, buy important things like diapers in bulk, turn off lights in rooms you are not in, maybe put gates up to keep kids out of certain bedrooms etc,
*Don't take on your parents' problems. It's their problems and they need to contact their friends and family for support.
*Take one thing at a time.
*Don't take on what isn't yours.
*Don't sweat the smaller things.
*Try to get some laughter into your daily life.
*Get help when you can.
*Try to get some time away from yourself every day even if it's only for 30 mins or an hour
SLM, I don't think your post is about being a worry wart. I think what it sounds like is that you need to find a new job. If you need a steady paycheck, get a job outside of the home where you don't have to worry about people moving away, getting fired, grandma retiring and watching the kids for free, etc. If the daycare kids are frequently destructive in your home, maybe this isn't the right job for you, or you need to bill the parents for ruining your couch/breaking your window. You may need a contract that discusses rules, consequences, and what happens when a child is destructive.
If the parents feel resentful about paying you to watch their kids, let them figure something else out. Everyone needs to work and everything costs. You are not a charity and not doing a favor. You are running a small business, doing an important job and have the same bills as everyone else. I hear your frustration here. Often it seems like others expect the small service provider in business for themselves to take the loss, lower their cost, etc. I taught childbirth classes and offered postpartum doula services for years and I'd see the same thing - can you do full days as a doula for like $30? Um, no, I needed to pay for daycare for my own preschooler and then actually MAKE MONEY by going to work. This is why I don't do that work anymore, and have returned to working a "regular" job and if you feel the same way about your business, you may feel less resentful if you do the same.
