****edited: The talk went great! I'm actually kinda proud of myself, lol. It wasn't hard or bad at all. :) (The rest in the so what happened bit...)
Ok, so my son---we make a point to be open with him, we don't want to be so prudish that our children can't talk to us like my family was. I want to have an open line of communication. Good in theory, but I don't know HOW to answer this question. Saturday he was on the beach with his dad, talking and digging in the sand. Something came up about babies and more brothers, and my husband said "Well, you won't be getting any more baby brothers, so you have to have a lot of fun with the one you've got". My son said "Why? You can't yell anymore daddy?" Jer said "What?" and he said "You know-----'aaah, oh God'? My husband sat for a moment and then said "DUDE, look at that huge sailboat!" and true to "daddy" form took an easy way out. Ok, so we're a little embarassed, obviously he has heard us at some point. But he's 4 years old and I have no idea why he would put it together that "yelling" and babies have something to do with each other. Which has me a little annoyed at the preschool (NOT that the teachers can control everything that might be whispered at the lunch table or whatever), because.....I think a classmate must have said something, but what can ya do. Well, I thought I'd talk to him to see where his head is at and what he's learned. We sat down and I said "Daddy told me you were talking on the beach the other day about hearing him yell, and that you asked about babies. Have you heard about babies from someone?" and he stuttered and said "Well, yes, no, well, where do babies come from? How do they get in your belly?" Right then, the baby started crying. So I said "Well, I know one baby that wants out of bed now. Let's have breakfast and get Victor busy, then I'll talk to you while he's out of the way ok?" and he said "cool". So. Not that big a deal, right? Hmm. How do I explain it, in a way that isn't too "long" or over his head, answers his questions, but isn't tmi for now? The words haven't come yet.
He was watching Curious George and they went to a farm with chickens and pigs. I asked him if he knew where chickens came from, and he said the farm. I said yeah, that's where they live, but do you know where baby chickens come from? He said no so I said "Come here and see". We went in the kitchen and I said "What's this?" and he said egg, white, oval, be careful with it. (ha) I got a bowl while talking, and I said "Well, daddy chickens are called roosters. Mommy chickens are called hens. A daddy chicken fertilizes an egg, the mommy chicken lays that egg, and....look at this. I cracked the egg and showed him the yolk. I told him if the egg was fertilized and was nice and warm in the nest instead of cold in our fridge, that yellow thing would grow and grow, get some eyes, a beak, little tiny wings.....it would be a baby chicken! He grabbed the bowl and was like "No way!!! That's a baby chicken?" And I said well, it could have grown into a baby chicken, but it's away from its mom and not growing, so we eat it. (He already knows about meat; we have caught, cleaned, and cooked fish with him watching). He was interested in that, so I said "Ok, daddy rooster fertilizes the egg, mommy hen lays the egg, baby chicken grows up until he says "let me out of here!" and breaks out. Then he's that cute little chicken you see at the stores at Easter time, right? He understood that so I said "Kind of the same with people. Daddy fertilizes a little egg, mommy holds the eggs inside her and a baby grows inside, getting bigger and bigger and making mom's belly get bigger and bigger (he remembers that from my pregnancy with his brother). Then the baby is big enough and says "let me out of here" and we go to the doctor so he can help get the baby out, and there you go." He asked why we don't sit on the eggs and I said "Well, I think God was so smart and nice to let us carry ours around with us, so we can take big brothers to the zoo and the swimming pool, instead of laying eggs like chickens and having to stay close to the nest". He said "Yes, that would be way too boring". I asked if he had any more questions, he said no, and so I said that it made me feel very special and smart for him to come ask me a question like that, and we want his friends' moms to feel special and important too, so don't tell this to his friends, just let the moms tell because it's their job. If he does their job for them, they won't get to feel special and important. He said, "Yeah, they need to do their jobs" and left it at that. Now he's outside playing and all is normal again.
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E.T.
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Dallas
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you should only tell him what he's really asking and he's probably NOT asking specifically about SEX.
So first ask him, "where do you think babies come from?" you'll find that he's still very innocent and will say something like, "from a mommy and daddy who love each other." then you say, "EXACTLY!" and move on.
if he says something like "from a mommy and daddy who yells" you might stutter a little but you can always just redirect and have him replace 'yell' with 'love'.
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D.P.
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At 4, I told my son that when a mommy and daddy loved each other and wanted a baby, they asked God and if God thinks it's the right decision, he puts a baby the mom's uterus where it grows for 9 months then it comes out of the uterus through her vagina...we have always used correct terminology with body parts which makes it easier. He's a bit older now and I'm gearing up to add "the rest of the story"!
Answer his questions and when he stops asking, he's satisfied for now....
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L.P.
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At 4 years old, I found it easiest to say that God puts them there. That usually satisfies them, and I don't feel like I'm lying ;)
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S.H.
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St. Louis
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"babies are a gift from God. The mommy & daddy love each other .....& make a baby. Let's look at the library for a book about babies."
There are many resources out there....& a book might help. BUT, I'm thinking just going to the library will diffuse his interest into other subjects. When he is older, find a more mature book to help explain Life!
Not a cop-out, simply some breathing space.......
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J.F.
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Philadelphia
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my daughter was obsessed when she J. turned 3...she told M. she knew God didn't put them there and NEEDED to know...so I J. said mommies are born with eggs in their stomach and daddies are born with seeds and when the 2 ingredients combine a baby can grow...and then she wanted to know how they came out and told M. she knew it wasntfrom the belly...so i was honest and then she proceeded to let every kid in the park know what labor was for the next 3 months...lol..she wanted to nkow how the ingredients combined and said she knew it wasnt God I told her when 2 people loved eachother it happened...she said mommy I have news M. and D from school are havin a baby then b/c we love eachother and we already have the igredients...lol I explained a little more but avoided the physical part b/c of my hang ups not hers..if sh asked again at 4 I'd be honest.
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T.S.
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San Francisco
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At four they don't need much detail. I told mine that mommy has teeny tiny eggs inside her, and when she wants a baby one of the eggs starts to grow.
I waited a few more years to share the rest of the story ;)
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A.C.
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Springfield
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We told our son that Mommies and Daddies make magic and that babies come out of Mommy's belly button! He thought the belly button thing was funny and then he proceeded to say how he wanted to make magic too! ;)
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T.P.
answers from
Indianapolis
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Whatever you do don't get too specific just give him enough to satisify him. My 4 year old daughter asked the same thing and i told her that a Mommy and Daddy love each other so God gives them a baby to love too.
You can't shield him from what is said at daycare because 9 time out of 10 the teacher didn't hear the conversation. He will hear things from daycare through high school. Its just good to have a plan on how to deal with it.
They also see more than we think. My daughter asked the other day if smoking was bad. I said yes she said well why does Josh's dad smoke. I have noticed that when Josh's dad picks him up he will sit in the car and smoke before he goes in to pick up Josh so she is wondering why.
They are in the tough "why" stage and we just have to make sure we are giving them the information they need without giving too much. Good luck!!
