Where Did I Fail? My Child Is Being Held Back! :*(

I would definitely spend the money to have her tested right now. These summer months could be crucial to getting her the help she needs and back on track.
You have NOT failed her. Stop that thinking immediately! :)

In Finland they don't even teach reading until 2nd grade. There is evidence that reading, like walking, crawling, etc. is physiological, and there is no point in pushing reading on kids under age 8.

The schools are failing. It isn't you. I'd tell the school she isn't being held back. 2nd grade doesn't start for almost 5 more months. A lot can happen in that time. I'd tell them you will be enrolling her in 2nd, and if you find it too difficult for her, you'll handle it then. I don't get how they can determine this many months out where she should be. The schools really are failing kids.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry to hear this is happening. In Canada we don't hold anyone back. Kids stay with their peers and are provided with whatever supports are necessary to help the child succeed.

Who is it that can't test her until the fall? The school? Have you asked your ped who to send her to for testing?

I don't mean to be rude here, honestly, I don't. But here's what I want to be blunt about. You're asking how you failed. My answer is that you listened to people "put you off" about your child's problem and now this is what you have. If the school just told you to wait, and you didn't ignore them and seek testing elsewhere, you made a mistake.

I had my son's psycho-educational evaluation done before he was seven. I think he was 5 or 6. I had a neurological evaluation for him (at 4 years old) because his OT knew something was "off" with how he used his hand. My son had sensory integration issues and couldn't figure out which hand to use during their exercises, as well as other problems. The neurologist figured out that he had a weakness in his writing hand. What did I do with this information? I found an OT who worked specifically on handwriting issues and building up the hand strength, and working with spacial issues and sensory issues with children. She had small group lessons that were perfect for him because she combined FUN with the work. All the fun was OT and sensory exercises. I had him in those classes for a year and a half. He started this before kindergarten and this was how he learned to read the alphabet and write all his letters, as well as help him with his hand weakness. (Killed two birds with one stone...)

I know this is not the same thing as your child is dealing with. I tell you this as an example of what you do when your child has a deficit. You seek out answers. You get the proper testing without expecting the school to do it. Does it cost money? YES. A lot of times, your medical insurance will pay for the evaluation. Then what the evaluation shows is what the school HAS to accept. They have to write up an IEP for her.

For your daughter, you need a speech pathologist to do a LANGUAGE evaluation for her. Just because she has no speech problems doesn't mean that shee doesn't have a language problem. Get several names from the pediatrician. Call them on the phone and "interview" them. Ask for their advice on testing. If you have someone on the phone who acts totally disinterested, move on.

Your daughter may have dyslexia. She may have a language processing problem. You need to find out what the disability is so that you can get her the proper help. The school will need to accommodate her learning style while you work on getting her help to overcome her disability.

Start on this NOW. Don't wait.

You can have her tested now. The no child left behind law mandates that all districts provide testing for all babies and children. In our district the office that does this is called Multnomah Intermediate Education District. Call your school's district office to ask about it.

If you have insurance you may be able to pay for a private assessment. Ask your pediatrician. We got the phone number from my son's pediatrician.

If your son, I guess 8 year old, is ADHD you have some miswireing in your gene pool. Why haven't you mentioned this to his doctor?

My oldest wasn't diagnosed until first grade so when my second started kindergarten we already had her accessed and good to go.

I am not saying your daughter also has ADHD but you know your brains aren't wired correctly so why aren't you having her evaluated as well. It is actually quite unusual that none of my four kids have learning disabilities. It is usually ADHD plus LD. I say this because if my second had a learning disability she would have looked very much like your daughter. She had none of the hyperactivity, just couldn't focus well. Most people would never know she was ADHD.

Anyway, you have a doctor already for your son, you already get your 30 minutes, so ask, hey, my daughter is having some issues, what do you think is driving them.

I would also be concerned about the school's attitude. What exactly do they think is going to be the effect of holding a child back for a language issue when they are at grade level everywhere else? She is going to end up suffering in all areas, bored mostly, taller than the other kids, damaged self esteem. I am not a professional in any of those fields and I can see that is not such a good idea

Pssssttt its not about you. Its not about you failing anything. Its about your child not learning at the same pace the other children are. My son hit 2nd grade before the teachers noticed that he didn't know how to read. After testing they found he had a couple different issues so I started at square 1 by getting the easy story books at the library and reading with him every night. They were easy books so he had success.

The sight words were turning into a game for all my kids. I copied the sheet and cut it apart so each word was on its own piece of paper. Then we taped each one to a sliding glass door right by the dinner table. One side had all the words and the other side was where we moved the words once they knew them on sight. We'd run through them a couple times during dinner with no pressure. After they had gotten a word right a few times we'd make a big deal about moving it to the other side.

In the end it took 3 yrs to bring my son up to being able to work in his classroom without being pulled for extra help but it was worth it. He didn't struggle in the upper grades and is currently just finishing off his masters degree while thinking about adding a MBA just because.

Please know that your daughter is smart but is having struggles with things. It may have worked out better if you had started working on it sooner in the year or not. It might click next year or you may have to work on it more. No matter what its not about you. Never has been.

In PA they have 30 days to test after a request has been submitted by the parent. Check your state laws, I can't believe they would make you wait that long. My daughter and my son both have reading disabilities and neither was at risk for being held back. Some kids just learn how to read at a different pace.

If the school won't test her then get her tested externally on your own dime. I also strongly urge you to read all the research available regarding retention-you may change your mind on allowing them to retain her.

My daughter is finishing up 2nd grade now. She struggled in kinder and 1st grade. We requested she be tested halfway through 1st and they declined citing that it was just immaturity and lack of focus. We then had her tested at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital where she was diagnosed as Dyslexic and ADHD Combined. The school wanted to retain her but we declined citing all the research and other experts we had spoken to. I worried all summer whether I had made the right decision. She was put on a low dose of Adderall XR over the summer and had been seeing a Dyslexia teacher at school 3 days per week and has a 504 plan in place. My daughter is finishing up 2nd grade will all A's in all subjects! Just think-she would have been just going over the same stuff again this year had I not fought for her. Unfortunately, our educators are not taught in college how to teach kids with learning differences so you have to be their advocate. Most educators subscribe to the "gift of time" theory. It blows my mind because this is a fail first mentality to me! I could go on and on.

If you formally request an evaluation, by law they have to complete it within 60 days. Depending on your state that means 60 calendar days or 60 school days. That might have something to do with the idea that they won't test her until next year, but I'd get the ball rolling officially, right now.

Try not to beat yourself up. Refocus your efforts on your child, not on your personal feelings of failure.

Good advice below - but no, you don't wait 5 months to test! And how does it make sense to hold her back (with all the social and emotional toll that takes) and THEN test later on??? Make some noise, get to the appropriate person in the school (or the district office), and talk to you pediatrician. I agree the school is failing the child. Don't put up with this. There are more resources available.

I know it's expensive but can you get a private evaluation done? We did that. Also, make sure her eyesight is ok. She could have 20/20 yet have other sight problems that keep her from reading. Tracking or teaming. Go to an optometrist that tests for these things. A test in the pediatrician's office won't catch this type of problem.

Viola, first off you need to get rid of the you failed attitude. If your child has a learning disability is not a failure it means she will need to be taught differently. Now having said that. The school has 30 days to complete an assessment of your child once they have the request in writing. Not an email and not a phone call. Sit down and print out a request for a complete case study to be done on your daughter. Copy it Several times. On the bottom put cc (carbon copy) then put teachers name, principals name, district special ed coordinator and district superintendent. And then mail them to each of those people. Do it today as there are not many more than 30 days left of this school year.

If she needs to be held back better this year than 4th or 5th. But is sheer laziness on the schools part not testing her til the fall. Fight to get it done now so they can have a plan in place for the fall. And do like previous poster said and read read read. Get books that are level 1 meaning they seem ridiculously easy. The pat the cat series. Start easy and let her feel confident before moving on.

There is so much time from now until the next school year. Go and have her tested ASAP.. Work on a plan and have her tutor work with her and , placed in therapies.. Then reevaluate before school starts in the fall.

IF she needs the extra year in the same grade, do it. Always do what is best for the child..

And mom, there is no blame. This is the child that she is.. She is a wonderful loving child, she needs to be healthy and happy first so that she can then move forward at HER pace..

Our daughter is now an adult. She had some classmates that started off with her in Kinder and did not graduate or proceed at the same pace as she did.. But I am very happy to report,, Almost everyone of them has now graduated from College or with higher educations and are living on their own. The ones that have not gone on to higher education are working and supporting themselves..

As parents we worry and worry, but as long as our children are doing THEIR best, and we are helping , we are good parents.

Take a breath and a step back. Make a plan and follow it.

You didn't fail. Your kid is struggling. She needs help. If she isn't retaining or comprehending that is a problem. I agree with others by encouraging you to put your request in writing for getting her testing/tested. There will be time restraints placed on their response. In the between time it may serve you well to get help with a special education teacher who may be able to help her. I wouldn't let this linger until the fall. I know growing up we NEVER learned to read by learning words but we actually learned what combinations of sounds individual letters made and combinations of letters made. This way even when we came across a new word we could pronounce it by using those tools. My class mates and I were better served in this regard.

This situation is not about you. She just needs more help than you may be equipped to do but your role is to be the bridge between her and the help she needs. Asking your question on this site and getting the input of others is a great step in a good direction. You've been given some excellent advise follow what you believe will work for your daughters best interest. Keep us posted on her progress and take it easy on yourself. It just is what it is no one is to blame.

I do not understand why others are suggesting that you do not hold her back. If she cannot read, then she is absolutely not ready for second grade. But, that being said, she still has a few months left (including the summer!) to get up to speed.

You absolutely need to get her evaluated. Start from the beginning with her teacher, go to the counselor, the vice principal and keep moving up until someone is willing to help you. You may need to go to the district level if the school is failing to help. Your pediatrician is also a fantastic resource.

Once that is set, she sounds like she needs extra work and it is up to you to schedule it, follow through and work with her at home. Make a list of steps you need to take, people you need to call and get to work!

You didn't fail her. She has a learning disability. That is not your fault, and you have been doing what you can to help her through it.
Stop beating yourself up.

I would start now pressing for how to get her tested. Talk to the special education people in your child's school. Talk to the guidance office. Talk to her pediatrician. Your child is struggling and the time to work on it is now, not next fall. Even if it doesn't mean she's ready for the next grade, you find out now what needs to be done to get her back on track. I would find out if anything can be done to both help her out and promote her, not as a bandaid, but because if this is a learning disability, there are often things that can be done without holding the child back. My DD has a friend who goes to Reading Recovery but continued on in 1st grade. I would want to know what they magically thought would change if she has a learning issue now.

If part of the issue is she can't read it herself, can she get an IEP where she has things read to her for some of the material? Could they send it home so you can read to her? Does she have a form of dyslexia? I would not be happy if someone told me that my kid was still struggling and the only suggestion they had was to hold her back when she needed more help.

One of the reasons I feel this way is 1. my friend's son has autism and has been able to go on with each grade with his friends. If a child with autism can be promoted (and helped) why not your DD? and 2. I have a friend who had learning issues, mostly related to vision problems (he was seeing double when he read, for example). Instead of getting him the right help, they put him in special ed, where he was bored senseless. But once he was IN special ed, it was hard for his parents to get him out. It affected his self-esteem for many years.

The moms on here have written wonderful advice - I'm actually going to look into having one of my children's hand strength examined from reading the responses (thanks Doris Day!).

It's up to you to do this. If you feel like you a failing, it's assuming that you have to do what people tell you to. You don't. Don't beat yourself up - until you realize that (for us it was with my first who went through all kinds of ups and downs) - it's confusing.

You need to take the lead on this - and you can now. It's not too late. Just follow the advice the moms gave below - it's excellent.

Make calls, follow up, don't give up - and if you do have to pay for help yourself, look into it.

Good luck :) It must be worrying - I can imagine. You didn't fail your daughter - I know we all feel that way, (I have many, many times) but trust me, you're concerned, your heart is in the right place, you just need some help figuring out how to deal with this. I think you have some now :)

You are not a failure and you need to remember that ALL kids learn at different rates. Life is NOT a contest of who's child knows more etc..

Talk to her pediatrician and go from there. You also have all summer to work with her on her reading.

You can google search reading placement tests and find lots of stuff you can print out or purchase for home. I am sure there are many free worksheets out there that can help you and your daughter to do this from home.

It sounds to me like she has working memory issues. My daughter had this issue amount others. First of all while it is getting late in the school year there isn't any reason why you can't get her an FIE - request it in writing to the principal - and include some supporting data. Holding her back may or may not be the right direction. It's harder to get a child repeating a grade on an IEP bc the school could say in the fall that her grades aren't bad enough (since she is repeating).

If you can get an appointment immediately with a child psychologist to get a full cognitive and LD evaluation. There are so many things her symposium could fall under and from their detailed testing you won't have "just a diagnosis" but detailed information on her underlying strengths and weakness. It is similar to what the school would do but much more valid.

ETA : here's some of the things I'd look into: nonverbal learning disorder (if she retains oral but not written information - unclear from you post), Auditory Processing Disorder (can make learning to read very difficult and often goes hand in hand with working memory issues) and if course dyslexia

Sorry for all the typos - on a phone

I would take action now and either demand that the school district help you or do external appointments and testing with anyone your doctor or the school recommends. There is so much time between now and the next school year that you might be able to keep her on track. I don't believe they can't test until September. That makes no sense at all.

My younger daughter has had issues with understanding what she reads. When we had her tested, the report basically said that she is able to read the words, and she understands the meaning of the individual words, but when she reads a sentence, paragraph, or chapter, she's not "playing a movie" inside her head. She doesn't visualize the words she's reading, which means she doesn't tend to comprehend well, even though she can tell you what each individual word means.

We homeschool, and so after doing some research, I found the Lindamood-Bell program to have been proven quite effective in this field. However, there was no way on God's green earth that I could pay for their tutoring (the total cost was in the many thousands of dollars... no can do!). I was able to find most of this kit online used, and we have been using that. It is working very well, and my daughter's visualizing skills have become much stronger. http://ganderpublishing.com/product/visualizing-and-verba...

That being said, 7 is still an age when kids are developing the skills they need to be able to read. There are some educational systems (Waldorf being one of the more well-known) where kids are not taught to read until they are at least 7. So your daughter is really NOT "behind" or defective in any way. This is probably just not the right educational setting for her, and/or she is slightly later than the others in her class to develop this readiness. I don't know if homeschooling or a private (Waldorf or Montessori) school is possible for you? I pulled my daughter out of public school after 3rd grade, and I have not regretted it. Public school can be great for a lot of kids, but for some, it's the wrong setting, and they don't learn well there. If kids can't learn the way we're teaching them, then we need to teach them the way they learn.

A lot of kids can't read yet when they are about to go into 2nd grade.

One day she is going to read a line and suddenly understand it and get it.

She might be in 6th grade and she might be in 1st grade the second time.

Please dispute this if that is the ONLY thing that is going on.

Please research learning styles. She sounds like she is an audio learner. If she learns by hearing she may need to read out loud so she can "hear" it.

You did not fail as a parent. If you can afford it, have her privately evaluated now. If she does learn differently, holding her back will not help. Good luck