Where and How Do You Find Time with Your SO?

Date night date night date night!! We only have two kids and they are in bed by 8pm so we also have that time until we go to bed each night, but date night has given us a chance to first DO something without the kids (dinner, movies, etc) and second it forces us to get out of the house and spend time together. ACtually we don't usually opt for the movies because we can sit home and do that - we usually go out to eat, talk, run errands, just spend time TOGETHER!

Date night(s)

We, the payers of the bills, hereby declare that the older shall babysit the younger. Mom and Dad are having date night every Wednesday until further notice.

Further, Mondays shall be kid cooking night. Anyone over 10 is drafted into the rotation.

[other rules as needed]

ETA - thanks. I like to think I do it old school. :)

You mention that you have older kids as well as younger ones. Can the older ones watch the younger ones for you sometimes? Our oldest is 14, and he is happy to stay home with his 8 year old brother from time to time so that my husband and I can go out alone. Sometimes it's a real date night, but often it's just a trip to Target, or to grab a quick lunch. Whatever it is, we enjoy having time alone together.

We also send our 14 year old to bed at 9:30 on school nights. Our younger son goes to bed earlier. I often go to bed early, but I know that if we want some alone time at home, I can stay up late. :)

Good luck! I do understand; my husband is a very involved dad, too, but it's important to have that time together to keep your relationship strong. Have some fun together! :)

We have a lights out for the kids at 8:30 pm so we can have adult time , talking,or watching tv , but no kids around.....this doesn't work very good with the baby but still we manage for at least 1 hour for ourselves before our bedtime.

Our time together is at around 8 pm (Kiddo goes to bed at 7-7:30) until 10 pm most nights. We watch tv and mute the commercials and chat, unless something important comes up, and then we're good about saying "I need to check in with you"...

We also get out on the weekends by hiring a sitter; usually every other weekend if we can swing it. Even three or four hours to sit around, hang out, have a meal and play a game of cribbage and chat... this works for us.

What I have learned is that my marriage takes priority over all else regarding family (well, second to God in our house). If the marriage is suffering, so is everything else. So, he can spend time with his kids, for sure, but you two MUST take time for just the two of you. Schedule date nights, like 'Dad' said, and make everyone make it work for you. You will be all the better for it!

Kids are in bed by 9, we close our bedroom door and usually watch a few shows we have recorded, sometimes with a glass of wine. We talk a little (sometimes more) before we go to sleep, every day. We've had this ritual for years :)

You just MAKE the time.

When the boys go to bed we spend time together. Which before he lost his job was hard because he was harldy home even when I went to bed. But usually between 10:00 or 10:30 depending on how late our oldest stays up and I fall asleep if our alone time. Sometimes it's before that. If they go to bed after you as you do have older ones try to set aside a time that you can go out maybe once a week together. My husband is like yours he wants to spend every min possible with the kids. They are his first priority which makes me very happy!!

Good luck and God Bless!

Hi, L.:

Get an appointment book with 7 columns and put each one of the family members' names in the heading of each column.

Discover when there are spots where you can spend time with your husband.
Teach your children self-discipline for them to allow you and your husband time together.
If your children are in school outside the home, schedule some time during the day to be together.

Good luck.
D.

Mandatory Date night.

We had date night weekly before our daughter was born 17.5 yrs ago and we still do. The only time we missed was if someone was sick.

Yes, it cost us some bucks for a bunch of years but we strongly feel it was a priority to our relationship. I routinely paid $60-$80 a week for a sitter and now my daughter gets paid to sit for neighbors who have the same priority.

Things to do...
You don't have to do anything fancy that costs a lot of money. You can just walk through nice shopping centers, parks, etc.

We love great restaurants so we do that about once a month.

We belong to a nice country club and we are there weekly... sometimes just for cocktails and sometimes I ride the cart and watch hubby practice.

We have Top Golf here that is a load of fun

It is not a matter for us finding time... it is priority to make the time.

Your children are in a wide age range... you have a couple of children who should be able to babysit (and be paid a reasonable fee) your younger children.

GO make it happen....

We have a seperate room not connected to the house that we call the "Cave" (It started out being my husbands man cave until we decided to share it) that we go to to talk without too many interuptions from the kids.

even with just 2 we found ourselves doing the ships that pass in the night thing, especially when the boys were small and busy and exhausting, my dh worked killer long hours with a devastating commute (still does) and i was working 3 jobs. it took some serious drifting followed by counseling to get us back on track. and that meant making sure we made it a priority to connect every day (at least every day we actually saw each other!) and to make time to court each other fairly regularly.
i've got 5 brothers, so my parents had the same problem you do. every night when dad got home from work they'd have cocktail hour in the kitchen, and we were strictly forbidden to disturb them for anything short of blood and mayhem.
good for you for thinking about this NOW. it's not easy, but if you put each other first on your to-do lists you'll probably manage to come in at least third<G>.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.