When Your Child Is Too OLD for a Babysitter BUT....

Why not ask a teenage neighbor to hangout with her - not as a babysitter but kinda like a big sister. ALso why not see if she could stay with a neighbor for the evening and treat the family to pizza.

In a similar situation, my daughter and then the next generation, granddaughter, called a couple of friends and found one with whom she could stay the night.

My girls are 14 and 9 and are going to my parents house tonight since my husband and I have plans. They don't like to be home alone either.

I think you have some good answers but I have to say that I am shocked by the number of responses that say that they wouldn't leave a young teenager home alone, with or without a younger sibling. You all realize that kids this age actually get paid to baby sit, right? How do you expect your kids to become baby-sitters and earn money if you don't even allow them to baby-sit themselves? At 13?

Mom-2-2 I'm not calling you out on that at all as it appears that it's your daughter's preference to not be home alone and that of course should be accommodated when possible but...if they don't ever do it, they don't learn how. I'm with Christy Lee in that I would use this as a chance to push her out of her comfort zone a bit. 10 PM isn't that late and I know that my older kids were more than capable of handling it at that age but you of course know your child and how she will respond to that idea.

Is there no good friend who can come over or where she can go for "movie night?" There have been times when I called a best friend's mom and offered to bring pizza, a movie or two, popcorn or snacks & soda if my kid could stay there until 10ish. Offer to reciprocate next week... If that won't work out call a neighborhood teen. Yes your 13 yr old may feel too old for "babysitters" but not too old for a teen to come hang out and watch a movie. Don't call it babysitting...

Do you not have anyone that can help? Can you call the parents of one of her friends and see if they'd have her? Or is there a neighbor she can go hang out with? No family she could go visit or who would come visit her?
Do you trust your 13 year old? Maybe she could have a girlfriend come hang out with her?
How far away will you be? Will you be near a mall with a theater? As a teen, is she allowed to go to the mall and hang out? We have a really great outdoor mall that the teens like to hang out. It has a courtyard with a Christmas tree and often entertainment; along with a great library, a food court and a movie theater. The teens often go hang out and catch a movie. Could she and a friend do this? Depending upon the teen, and their friends, and my proximity, it might be something I would consider. You figure by the time they grab a bit to eat (an hour), watch a movie (two hours) there's not much time left to shop.

At 13, she should be fine being on her own. At that age, I was babysitting other people's children on my own at night. She's definitely old enough to be on her own.

Give your daughter a pep talk. This really could be a great experience for her in growing up.

We have a few families we are fairly close to, close enough that we can call each other up in times like this, hey Sally's on her own tonight, would you mind if she came over to your place while we're out?
We all help each other out when it comes to this stuff, and it's not done SO often that it's a burden, just an occasional favor. And of course it usually turns into a sleepover which the kids love. Win win :-)

It's time for her to gain a little independence and grow up a bit. We live in a big two story house with acres of "spooky" woods behind us. You can't see any neighbor's homes from ours and at night it's DARK out there.

I have a 14 year old we've been leaving alone at night occasionally for a couple years now. Her sister is usually here but not every time. Your daughter will be considered an adult in just five years. Isn't it time to help her over this hurdle? When we have evening plans we are only in a jam if the older one has plans, the 10 year old isn't quite ready yet.

I second the idea that a dog really helps. He may not be big but our little Cocker sounds fierce if he thinks his family is being threatened and having another soul in the house always feels good.

wen i was that age i was lucky in that i had cousins my age and a few that were 2-5 years older than me, so it was never "babysitting" can a friend/relative come stay with her?.. mayb one of her friends and an older sister?

My boys are 10 and 11. They stay home alone for a few hours at a time.

We live in a big house that is tucked behind other houses away from the main road. There is acreage behind us too. I guess it could be considered dark and spooky, but they boys have never mentioned it. But they also go out and play outside in the dark (when adults are home)...so that might be why they don't fear it.

When I'm away, I call and check on them, or send text messages to their iPod Touch. They can also send me messages.

I would let her know that you'll call her and check in on her every hour. And that she can call you if needed. Lock the doors, give her a non-scary movie to watch, pop some popcorn, and let her know that you'll be home at _______.

She'll be fine.

ETA: Also, I DON'T recommend having one of her friends come over. That's just asking for trouble. You might trust your daughter to do the right thing without supervision, but I wouldn't have another kid who isn't mine in my home without supervision. Not at 13 years old. Kids do dumb things to impress their friends.

I think she'll be just fine on her own.

I would ask if she can find a friend to stay with or if cousins could have a sleepover, or an aunt or a friend of yours would "hang out" with her. Maybe some young adult who would watch girlie movies with her. Not a sitter per se. Just company.

I would be less concerned with the 13 yr old home alone so no, I wouldn't keep the 10 yr old home and make her responsible for him if he has somewhere to go.

If she has to be home alone, then I would run down all the things she should/shouldn't do, make sure she has numbers to call and reassure her that you'll come home if she needs you.

I'm very surprised that some parents won't leave their 13 year olds alone for a few hours at night and that some kids are reluctant to give it a try. I think the pep talk would be great to show her she can do it at her age (8th grade??).

At that age my daughter was very proud of her responsibility, independence and confidence. That was the first year that she flew unaccompanied from Los Angeles to Boston (changing planes in Chicage on the red eye).

Give her a pep talk. Give her all the safety information. Maybe let her have a friend stay over. Don't punish your son and tell him he can't go to a friends.

I'm late chiming in here.

I certainly would NOT keep your son from something he would like to do just to appease your daughter.

You know your daughter... At 13, my daughter was babysitting and yearning for more independence.

She will be 18 on the 27th and she has stayed home to petsit our dogs and get herself to/from school for up to 3 nights while we were on a business trip. That said, she LOVES her independence and she is very reponsible.

Of course you want your daughter to be comfortable but if it were me, I would have the pep talk with assurance that I would text every hour or so and help her edge past this fear with a little more responsibility.

Do you have dogs? We have 3 and they have distinctive barks and we know if they are barking for attention, hear or see wildlife and the one bark that someone is here. I knowif I hear the specific bark, I'd better go to the door and check it out.

Don't scare her but give her some power so she feels in control with assurance that you are close by.

Still, if that is a no go, maybe a friend can come sleepover with her?

I would ask if she is comfortable with someone dropping by to check on her.

Next Tuesday we are going out for a Christmas party till around 10 and neither of them are actually comfortable going to bed without someone home so my 24 year old is dropping by around nine and staying till they fall asleep and then leaving. For some reason dropping by is different than checking up by the way. :)

Why not let your daughter invite a friend to stay over?

Is there a friend/ neighbor/ family memebers house she could go to for tonight that wont mind a last minute phone call?

I would hate for your son to miss out going to a friends house just so your daughter has company. But if she really isn't comfortable being alone and there isn't any place for her to go then I think the best thing would be to take a rain check ( maybe tomorrow night?) for your sons sleep over and have him keep his sister company.

i am also chiming in late but my first thought would be to see if she would be welcomed at the party. if she has any interest, it would be a chance for her to dress up, maybe curl her hair, powder her nose, and be part of a more grown up environment. You could show off the lovely young woman she is becoming and she would have a chance to experience an adult holiday party with you at her side. Just a thought. :-) S.

We deal with this too! DD is 12, too old for a babysitter but doesn't like to stay home alone. For your situation, I would do as others suggested- find either a neighbor to send her to or someone to hang out with her at your house, making sure to say you are just giving her some company, not a babysitter.

If there is no one, I would tell her you will only go to the party for an hour or so, then take two cars and you come home early. Hope it works out. I wouldn't keep your son home.

We've missed lots of things lately because of this dilemma!

Depends on her level of discomfort.

I'd say, go ahead and get a babysitter if she's very uncomfortable... you don't have to call it a babysitter. Just an adult to come hang out with her while you're gone.

If it's just a little nervousness, but you think she'll be okay, encourage (but don't force) her to stay alone. Ensure that you'll hear your cell phone in case she wants to reach you (don't put it in your purse, parties can be loud). If there is a neighbor near by she can call as well, that would help.

We have the same problem. 10 and 14 year old. The office party is in Chicago - 30-50 minutes away. I'm not going. We're new to the area and I feel as if I would be too inaccessible if there was an emergency.

I would not invite a friend of hers over. I would encourage her to give it a try on her own, and check in hourly with her either via calls or texts or some combination. OR, I would call a few of her friends' parents and ask if they would mind if she dropped in to hang out with their daughter for a few hours. Just explain what happened.
I don't think of that as the same thing as inviting yourself over. If you are good friends with or she is longtime friends with a girl or two.. You are sort of in a pinch, and it isn't like they'd need to feed her or whatever. Or you could offer to spring for pizza for the girls at THEIR house. Two teen girls with a movie and pizza wouldn't bother any adults at their house and probably wouldn't make a lot of noise either. I would have no issue if a friend of my son's mom called and asked about something like that. We've all had an awkward "what to do with the kids" moment...

Well, my dtr is 13 and son 10 also. I would NOT leave them home by themselves for more than an hour or so. I would talk to your daughter first, tell her that your son got the invite and see if she would be ok staying home by herself. If not, then you have the answer. But honestly if it were me under those circumstances, I would still get a sitter. My husbands work party is tuesday and my bff is coming over to be with our kids from 5:30-9 pm. The point of going out without the kids is to relax and have a good time, I couldn't do that if I was stressed about what was giong on at home. I hope you find something that works. Good luck.

Ask a neighbor to check on her or have her invite a couple of friends over for a sleepover.

I would see if an adult or almost adult could some and stay with her. Maybe not calling it babysitting but more like accompanying. My older kids are 13. I am okay letting them stay home alone for a few hours during the day, which they sometimes do if my husband has not yet gotten home from work, with my 4 yr old. But I am not comfortable for night time. We do have a few neighbors they can run to for emergency. I have in the past had a "sitter" that was more for supervision than as a babysitter. She became more of a friend for my older kids than a sitter.

In this case I would ask her to see if she could spend the night with a friend too, that way you and hubby can have some alone adult time in the house for a few hours too.

Does your daughter do any babysitting of other children? If so (or maybe even if not), offer to pay her for babysitting herself. If she doesn't have a cell phone, leave her one, so that she can call you if she's worried about *anything* (and don't be annoyed if she calls you several times). Go through the "home alone" rules (doors, window shades, answering machine, etc.). See if she'll give it a try on a business basis. (Be sure to arrive back home on time - or earlier.)

Does your daughter have a friend who can come spend the night with her? Or can she go to a friend's house?

If not, I'd have son postpone his sleepover to tomorrow night or have the friend come over and stay at your house with your son and daughter.

I wouldn't make my child stay home alone after dark unless he/she were comfortable with it.

She will be an adult in 5 years, yes, but not yet. I would do what you said in your SWH and give her the choice of those things you listed. It's not fun being scared and in 5 years she won't be. I baby sat earlier like you did, but I also walked to stores and to school and life was different back then and much safer on the whole. The choices you gave sound good to me.

Let your son go to his friends house.
Can you let her invite a friend over to spend the night? you need to let her friends parents know that they will be home alone.
What about any neighbors that you all know really well. Could they call her or at least let her know they are watching the house while shes there.
You should go to the party and leave your daughter home and if she gets scared she can call you and then you decide if you need to come home. maybe an incentive for staying home alone and not calling unless its an emergency. Maybe you could get her some dinner out tonight and maybe some movies from the redbox. I think she needs to do this

At 13 I did leave my daughter home during the day if she was sick from school, but had someone check in on her and I work 10 minutes away so I would go home at lunch. She was not as comfortable being home alone at night though. At 14, she is happy to get the house to herself and hates the idea of a babysitter. It's like a four letter word!

Is there an older teen that came come over and hang out with her just to give her some company? When you are alone in a house you pay attention to every noise. Can you have a neighbor (you trust) check in/with her every hour?