When to Tell My Daughter...

My 11 1/2 yd old daughter is maturing at what I want to think is an astonishing rate, but when compared to her peers (5th grade graduation last week!) they all seem to be in about the right place. Our pediatrician suggested that about 2 yrs 'ish after the first notice of breast buds, the menstral cycle will start- however that's just a grand, general approximation. I've also had a pediatric nurse friend of ours mention to me that the preemie babies seem to start maturing sooner than their full term peers for some unsubstantiated reason (simply her experience in general) and since my daughter was born at 26 weeks, I've been watching for this as well.

All in all, we started openly answering questions whenever they were asked, in a casual way as to make it not some big, serious event. My mom never ever spoke to me about it, and I remember being terrified. I certainly don't wish that experience on my daughter. She has seen my supplies under the bathroom sink and asked what they were for. I did explain that every body has a general cycle of growing and maturing, and part of that general cycle includes the body preparing to have a baby. If a baby isn't there, then the body simply cleanses it away until another month passes. It's all a part of growing up and becoming an adult.

Now that she's 11 and seen "the movie" this past year, she seems rather comfortable and mentally prepared for it to happen. We also have the American Girl book, "The Care and Keeping of You". If you aren't familiar with it, it covers many topics from deodorant to friendships, not just menstrual cycles.

I've also been very careful to let her know that she can also talk to dad about anything she can talk to me about. I encourage her to have a strong relationship with her father as I so value the relationship I have with mine. She was a bit hesitant at first, of course, but I reassured her that both boys and girls need to learn about their bodies and how they work, and as they continue through school and health class, they will learn all that her parents know. There should be no shame related to her maturing and so I want to keep those doors of communication open as wide as possible!

Good luck - not sure if I answered exactly what you were asking, but hope it helps!

I have an almost 8 yr old daughter and am fearing this talk also!!! My mom never had "the talk " with me... I had older sisters and cousins that filled me in so I didn't need to ask any questions.

One thing I have already started doing is simply answering questions... When they see your tampons or kotex and ask what are those for? Well, those are for girls to use when they are a bit older than you are... I'll tell you about them some time.
Since she is only 7 still I do avoid some facts (like HOW babys get in the mommys belly) But she does know the parts names (she has 2 brothers) and that mommys and girls have special places for the babys...

I do want to keep her a child for as long as possible... Mainly because I don't want her to be THAT kid on the playground spouting all the facts to kids who never heard about them... But I also want her to know the FACTS so when she does come across the spouter she is armed and prepared and knows she can ask mommy anything...

I wonder if the library has one of those "videos" for rent... :-) Then I could sit WITH her and talk about it...

Thanks for the insperation and remember... There are LOTS of mommys out there shaking in their boots thinking about the puberty talk and their babys...

I'd read girls get there first one around 117 lb. I was 14 or 15 when I got mine. Maybe you can find a god book to read to her to help explain how it works. I'd suggest pitching it as a special thing, "Your growing into a beautiful young woman." Maybe plan a special date just the 2 of you to celebrate it when she does start. Most other countries have rites of passage, make your own to celebrate the gift of being a girl.
Good luck, A. H

Little girls generally follow their mother...if you started late...she probably will too. I learned about it from the movie in 5th grade...and then discussed with my mom. I didn't start for another 2 years...

Most of the girls in my class learned watching that movie too...I guess times are changing. I would wait until you see more signs of puberty. Let her be a child as long as possible.

The best way to do it is just be matter of fact.

You can get her the book "The care and keeping of You" it is aimed towards girls her age, and read it WITH HER. Talk to her about what's to come. Trust me she'll be a lot LESS scared about the changes if she knows what to expect.

hey K.
being a mother of 5 girls i know what you are going thur i got all but 1 thur it and they go thur it younger and younger now a days my 9 yr old saw the video this yr in 4 th grade oh my she was a little ready because we had a great book american girl put out i think it call all about you .dhe is a real private person so i gave her the book and a highlighter and stickie and she read it cover to cover and anything that stumped her or she had question onthen we went over the whole book but stoped right there this helped so she did not turn red .good luck