When to "Introduce" More Violent Concepts for a 5Yo

I don't think you need to introduce violence to him. Everyday something different will be discussed on the bus or while having lunch. I will tell you what my friend always told K Moms: you don't believe everything they say about me, and I won't believe what they say about you lol! If there is anything that bothers him, he will come to you. Riding the bus is a rite of passage. It is a learning experience, so hang on tight. The fun Is just beginning!

I would just tell him that he's going to see and hear things he probably hasn't before and to let you know when he does and you will talk to him. He will probably learn all kinds of cuss words and crazy stuff but that is part of life. Just be ready to talk to him when he comes to you. Good luck!

If you have done it right they tend to question when something flies in the face of what you have exposed them to.

What I mean is when my kids had an unexpected experience I would get a, this happened, please explain.

So much easier than trying to read minds, I mean figure out what may be thrown at them on any given day.

My kids were fairly sheltered that way too. PBS was their main TV, we hardly swore and we weren't violent people of course.
But what about fairy tales, or Disney movies? Has he never been exposed to a wicked witch or a fire breathing dragon? This is the classic way in which children deal with the concept of good and bad, their dreams AND their fears, through STORIES.
By five my kids had been exposed to many, many stories, through age appropriate books, films and TV. They understood that some people are greedy, mean, ugly and cruel, but they also understood MOST people are not like that at all. They knew there were good guys and bad guys and that it was always better, and it would make you happier, to be a good guy.
Fairy tales are a natural conversation starter if that's what you're looking for.
*Also, I seriously doubt there will be no monitors at lunch, you might want to double check that, that would be a HUGE liability for the school, they are required to supervise the children at all times, from the first bell of the day to the last, including lunch and recess, as well as drop off and pick up ten minutes before the bell and after.

I like the idea of using play to talk about what's real. This is definitely what we do at our home. When my son became interested in Star Wars and thought Darth Vader was 'cool', we explained that he did a lot of bad things and that while the toys look interesting (he's not interested in watching the movies after seeing a small, mostly fast-forwarded segment), in real life, this would be a horrible bad person. We've told him the same thing about pirates, that we know that kids think playing pirates is cool, and pretend pirates are okay. But that there are real pirates who do steal and hurt others and use weapons and scare people to take what they want.

One thing I would say, though, is wait until your son brings it to you, if you know what I mean. Wait until he begins to talk about and ask about those concepts. Before then, if he's not interested, it's just one of those strange forced conversations... Be aware, too, that if you offer weapon toys, they ARE going to dictate the storyline to most likely include weapons/fighting play. There's no way to really say "here are some things which hurt other people, but don't play like that".... kids need to try out these ideas in a safe way, which is why we put boundaries on it (no pointing toy weapons of any sort at any living thing) and then let go somewhat.

The best ways to plant seeds of non-violence are to model this, to offer good stories and media which promote mutual respect, caring and problem-solving in thoughtful ways. I personally think that some parents do tell their children about too, too much of the world and place large burdens on their kids early on in some conversations. Be careful to just answer his questions when they come up, but not to offer information that he might not be ready to comprehend. (One person recently told me that her first grade son knew 'all about the Holocaust'.... what a huge mind-blowing confusing thing for such a young person.)

Keep it simple, answer the direct question, and keep those conversations going. I often find that the best information I can get from my son comes from one simple question: "Who did you play with at recess today? What did you play?" I've learned a LOT about what the kids focus on at school and ask him daily. To him, it's far more interesting to talk about than what was taught.:)

I don't think it sounds like your son is sheltered. It sounds like you are being responsible parents and most 5 yr olds are probably more like your son than the gun toting 5 yr old. When my son turned 5 he started watching more " good vs. evil" shows like Ben 10 and Ninjago. They had more of a fighting theme than he used to watch.

I think you should let him know that he should come to you with questions about school, kids, teachers,etc. As long as he knows he can ask you about anything, you'll find out what he's hearing. My son asks the funniest things sometimes and believe me, sometimes it's all I can do to come up with an answer that makes sense! (Such as " why don't girls have penises" and "Do you wish you had one?").

We also don't permit rude words like shut up, hate-- I don't even let him say fart here. So keep up the good role modeling!

I think there's a difference between action and violence. Most boys love action and often the violent part of action starts to involve weapons...

I like your idea of playing through it. Kids love the bad guy good guy scenario. And playing things out before they experience them gives them experience before they encounter it with friends.

When my son was this age everything became a gun, even though we had not play (or real) guns in the house. He built them out of legos, or toast or sticks... We made very firm boundaries around playing, and stressed the importance of real versus fantasy or pretend play. I think that it made him more secure when these games inevitably came up on the playground. He knew how to respond, he knew boundaries of what was ok and not and it wasn't scary for him. Or if it was, he knew that he could stop playing and how to do that.

I would continue to monitor his tv and limit video games as he gets older. You won't be able to restrict what he watches or plays at other people's homes, but you still will be able to in yours.

Good luck~

Does he like super heroes? Maybe Spider-Man cartoons, the are pretty tame by my boys love them. Would you let him see Avengers? Then he could get some action figures to play with. My boys are always having heir action figures fight the battle of good vs evil. Good luck!

***update - just wanted to let you know if I could send you a flower for you SWH I would! :-)

Honestly your fears sound like typical "my baby is starting school" fears. :-)

I know, atleast in my daughters school, clear up through 3rd grade, the words stupid, hate you, etc. were not allowed.

The bus driver will,hopefully, monitor the kids on the bus and they will most definitly be supervised during lunch and pretty much the entire time they are at school.

I definitly agree with the response that mentioned adding "action" not violence. These are two very different things.

Does your son have any kids his own age that he plays with now? Did he go to preschool or any type of daycare? Has he ever done a playdate or been part of a playgroup? If any of these things have happened then he is going to be fine. There is always going to be new information that he gets from school that you will want to clarify but other than that he will be fine.

If he has no social experience with other kids then that is a whole nother issue.

I wouldn't change your current parenting beliefs over something like this though.

If you and your husband want to introduce more action with your son then go for it but don't let the worries about what will happen at school be the deciding factor.

Just prepare yourself for answering lots of questions and asking him whether things he hears/sees are right or wrong, in his opinion. I know exactly when our son is repeating things he hears at school because it's nothing we have exposed him to. May of his classmates have older siblings, so previously foreign concepts filter down to the younger kids. Especially potty mouth words and phrases, and violent topics. We let him know that even though some children behave certain ways, he is responsible for making good decisions, and that while it's ok to be silly at recess, certain subjects will not be tolerated at home. That said, we've begun to introduce factual history scenarios like war and "bad guys" to him, casually, so that he can ask questions.

You sound like a good and responsible mom. You won't be able to control anything he hears at school, so just keep the lines of communication open. Good luck, we're all in the same boat. Rough waters ahead. :)

There will be somethings he learns, But it might not be as bad as you think. on the bus they keep the kindergartners together near the front by the driver. and even at lunch the kindergartners are all together.

Them hearing songs on the bus radio popular music station was an eye opener for me, when my little girls could sing katy perry songs.

I like your idea of pirates.
star wars is hot right now and that might be a way to ease into it.
Army trucks and military stuff might also be an easier transition for you.

just to clarify though, what do you mean by intense concepts, just that other people hurt each other? I guess i'm not sure what you mean by wrong info.
I consider my kids pretty sheltered too but they knew that they don't always get their way and that sometimes other people are mean and selfish, i usually talked alot about some kids not having parents that teach them the right way to behave that maybe their mommies tried thier best bsut that they didn't know how to take good care of their kids. my kids have second cousins that are adopted, they have been exposed to other families at church or toddler classes we had taken.

I get your concerns but i'm not sure what the right answer is.

I don't really understand what you mean by opening up conversation with a pirate play set. Are you and your husband going to play out a scene where pirates cuss and hurt each other? I just don't get that.

Like others said, he will just naturally come across situations in life that are outside of his current experiences. You can prepare him some by telling him he may hear words that your family finds unacceptable and he may see people treat others in ways you do not in your family. It is about setting expectations for how your family behaves.

The very best thing you can do is to keep open communication with him. Continue to build a relationship in which he feels he can always come to you with questions about ANYTHING and you won't be angry or freak out. He needs to know he can be honest with you and ask anything without judgment. Right now it's language and violence you are worried about, but sooner than you would like it will be drugs and sex. Lay the foundation now.

I like the idea of pirates, but they still can have a "negative" side to them (as one mentioned there are real pirates who do really hurt people and steal).

What about introducing "violent content" in the form of superheroes? I.E. batman, spiderman, superman...and explain that there are bad guys, but there are also good guys. Those that make good choices and try to help those who need it. ?? Just a thought...

I agree that your son is not sheltered - but that you are taking great care in what he is exposed to and I definitely stand up to applaud you for that!! Go Momma!! :-)

I think you should let it happen organically...it's Kindergarten, not high school. There will be other kids who also don't say things like stupid or shut up and who are not exposed to violence or angry themes in play or TV/movies. You don't need for him to learn violent themes in order to fit in. He'll do just fine with the foundation you and your husband have given him. There's always going to be a group of kids who seem older, whether because they have older siblings, or older kids on their block that they learn/hear things from, or whatever. Don't waste your time trying to keep up with them...let your little boy just enjoy being five right now.

There are lots of great books about starting Kindergarten and what to expect...you could check out some of those over the summer. Also don't worry...there will certainly be a monitor in the lunchroom. The bus, not sure about that, I take my Kindergartener to school. But I'm sure he'll be fine.

Why introduce it? You don't know for sure what he will or won't hear. What we did was talked to the kids about their day and dealt with issues as they were presented. When SD got freaked out because she thought a Bloody Mary was made with real blood, we talked her through it and showed her a bartender's guide. I wouldn't push any violent ideas on your child because another child may or may not bring it up.

Let it come naturally...he's probably heard more than you realize in pre-k.
On the other hand, I'm very very surprised that there are no monitors at lunch; aside from recess it's the most unstructured part of theschool day. You may want to double check that - perhaps the teachers take turns monitor the cafe?

Just let him learn it naturally. You can't shelter them from everything.