When to Dress in Private

Wow! I had no idea there was so much variation. My 2 1/2 year old has never seen her daddy naked and never will as far as he is concerned. I'm glad you asked this question. The responses were very interesting. I'll share it with my husband. We just had this conversation about what level of nudity in a family is acceptable. I think it depends on the family and the comfort level of everyone in the household....

Personally, I think every family has their own comfort level as far as nakedness goes. I come from a family where it was never a big deal and never really thought about it myself til I had my own daughter. My husband comes from a family that is completely the opposite. When we stay over there, they barely leave their rooms in pajamas when getting up in the morning. My husband and I have discussed this, but mostly we just do what feels comfortable to us. My 23 month old daughter still showers with mommy or daddy. It's just faster and easier sometimes. I don't think its a big deal unless you make one out of it. When my daughter expresses a need for privacy then we will gladly give it to her. Kids usually show a need for this when they start to notice others are asking for it. Until then, just do what feels right to you.

Jennifer,

The lesson in life I have learned is that the more you make something a big deal, the more it is a big deal. There is nothing wrong with the human body (I came from a conservative home). I feel if you keep the lines of communication open and teach body respect you can't go wrong. I don't believe there is an age on anything because my daughter was the same way. If you feel that if you think going to a sepearte room early as a model for changing privately as girls is fine. I would model quietly and when she has questions do what you have already been doing responding simply. My daughter asked about how babies were born and I told her that they grow in mommies' bellies then come out. That satisfied her at age 3.

I work with middle schoolers. The more overtime you prevent human people from seeing something they are not suppose to see the more later on they are curious to find it...In the district I work, we have a day where the girls and boys are separated, can ask questions about things that relate to their bodies including sexually. The kids can write down questions. The ones that where there parents were not open about there bodies and sex had the most questions. I had a good relation ship with my students-honestly, the ones that were not allowed to feel compfortable about this and were insecure...curiousity killed that cat.

For us, my older son just turned 3. He was 2 when his brother was born and he would see me nurse/pump. I was honest with him about what I was doing. He called the bottles "Mama's Milk" and he would point out my chest and say "Mama's chest". It wasn't a big deal. Him seeing me totally naked is something I'm much more aware of. I understand his curiosity and I do answer his questions, but I'm just not comfortable with him seeing me completly naked anymore. He can shower with Dad and he can see my DH naked, but not me.

I absolutely wouldn't let a daugther (if I had one) see my DH naked. I don't feel that a young girl should see an adult man naked. That's just my opinion, though.

If it bothers you then you should be able to express this to your husband and he should respect your feelings. If Rich came to me and said something I did with regard to the boys truly bothered him, I would make an effort to change it. Even if I found it minor, I would respect how he felt as a Dad. For example, if he had told me that nursing/pumping in front of our son bothered him, I would have talked with him about it and made the changes - even though I found it harmless. :)

Jennifer,

Good question. I think your husband should go along with you on this. Your daughter's recent curiosity is more likely related to her baby brother having different equipment than her which is normal, but I don't think little girls should see grown men parts personally.

My husband has to keep his underwear on in front of our daughter (now 5). But believe me, she walks in on him often in the bathroom and bedroom (he is terrible about not locking the door - truthfully it's a lot to just get him to close the door).
:-D
I guess I'm saying she is going to still get glimpses here and there and I consider that normal. However, I think that daddy should cover up to show respect for his little girl. I always covered up in front of my son but still, there is that occassional 'oops, excuse me' - and I think that is normal in families and should not be a big deal when it happens.

My daughter does see me changing and showering, and the other day she asked if she would get breasts like me when she grew up and I replied 'yes'. Then she asked 'Mommy, will you get breasts like grandma when you grow up?' haha!

I do believe that there is a certain age that co-bathing should stop-which to me would be between 3 and 4 (closer to 3). However, to see each other naked is different. I believe with same sex you never have to limit it as long as you feel comfortable with it. With the opposite sex it is what you are comfortable with and each kid may be different. My thirteen year old started to get embarrased at around 2nd grade so it just happened naturally. We both became more private. I have a five year old boy and he will still walk in on me and be okay.

I don't personally have any advice on this subject but I'm so glad it was brought up becuase I've wondered the same thing.

I have a nearly six year old boy who still sees me shower and dress becuase I feel terrible kicking him out of the bathroom when his younger brother (7 months) gets to be in there with me. He doesn't understand when I tell him I want private time. Plus, I can't keep the door locked or closed becuase I need to hear him if/when he needs me (daddy usually isn't there) and anytime I have closed the door and locked it, he simply finds something to open the door with- then plays 20 questions with me on why I wouldn't let him in and how it makes him mad/sad, etc. I still can't even go potty without him banging on the door to the point he almost breaks it.

I never really realized this wasn't normal until my husband's mom brought it up saying I should probably stop letting him in the bathroom with me. I started to freak out about it- am I a bad mother?!

I still don't totally know the answer to what's right/wrong but I have come to the conclusion so far that I'll watch for any clues towards him becoming uncomfortable. I don't think it's right for me to push him to feel uncomfortable.

Thanks for bringing up the question though- it's interesting to hear everyone's take on it.

A.

I agree with you , Jennifer. I have one sister and we never recall my dad walking around naked even at a young age . Maybe it's different with big families but I don't get it . I can see small children seeing each other naked but I don't think they need to see adults naked . Maybe I'm just modest ! And my husband does not walk around naked in front of our children , ever.

Jennifer

My oh my, you asked a loaded question :) What a lot of interseting and diverse responses too!!

I don't think there is a "normal" or "right and wrong" answer. I think there is only what you and your husband are comfortable with. My husband and I have different comfortablility levels in terms of being naked in front of our 2 boys, not opposite extremes though. We have talked about it and I do what I am comfortable with and he does what he is comfortable with.

Jessica

I have three boys. They have never seen me without clothes on. I am modest....and I think that they should be as well. No, there is nothing wrong with the body but some may take it too far and flaunt it. My boys change in the bathroom separately and that is that. I change right after my morning shower. We haven't had an issue. We have talked to the boys about what boys have and what girls don't and visa versa. When I go to the bathroom it is mommy time. My boys know that. They respect that. Just like I don't go in the bathroom when they are changing. I respect their right to privacy and they do with mine.

I think it is only a big deal if you make one out of it. I think typically children will begin to communicate when they are uncomfortable about it. I think if your husband is still comfortable with it then don't make it an issue. The minute your husband or daughter say something then that should be the natural time to start being more discrete. Three seems so young to me still, I can't imagine not being naked around my little guy at 3, he is 27 months now. Just my opinion though...this will have to be a family choice of course.

Personally, I don't see a big problem with it. Our son is 7 and still sees my husband and I naked when bathing or changing clothes. He's not grossed out or "scarred" because we didn't make a big deal out if it. There's no shame in the human body. Now will I change clothes in front of my son when he's say 14....probably not.

My husband dresses privately and so do I. Even my children are private about their bodies. My daughter has seen her brother as a baby and my daughter has probably seen me dress a few times and my son has seen his dad. My children get the same respect too. My husband probably became more modest with my daughter when she was around 2 years old. This has just been our comfort level. As far as talking about our bodies and answering questions on the big topics, I am not modest about. They can and have asked me lots of questions.

It is funny to see how different everyone behaves! I have a 4 yo boy and an infant. Mostly my husband takes showers with him, but he does see me dress, and occasionally I will still take a shower with him if I need to. I don't see anything wrong with it. The body is a part of life and I thing that until they are at least school aged, unless they express the need for privacy...it's no big deal. I purposely didn't want nakedness to be a big deal to my kids. I don't flaunt it or anything, but I walk around the house half dressed alot of times and while potty training my son walked around without pants.

I don't really think kids will make a big deal out of it unless you make a big deal out of it. But if you don't feel comfortable with it, do what you are comfortable with. I don't think there is really one "right" answer.

I think you and your husband have to decide what you're both okay with. This isn't an either or/all or nothing issue. Can't you come to some compromise? I think you both may need to bend a bit. I certainly hope that your husband can at least see your point of view here.

You handled your daughter's questions very well. At her age, you answer factually and then switch the subject. It's natural for her to be curious about the differences between boys and girls.

We've always been private about daddy changing in front of our girl. I remember feeling funny about seeing my dad get out of the shower when I was in elementary school. I guess I'm a bit careful. But in general I think when they are potty trained it's a good time to start teaching modesty. It's about that time they start developing it naturally anyway. Explain your thoughts to your husband and ask if he would do this for you and er on the side of caution.

No way would I allow that to happen. Girls need privacy and so do boys and it isnt normal in my opinion to have your children of either sex see adults naked. Maybe some people are free about this but if its something that bothers you then I wouldnt let it happen.

I have 2 daughters (3 1/2 & 22 months) and neither of them have EVER seen my husband naked. My husband is not comfortable with it...and I agree, I don't think it's something they should see (an adult male). My oldest daughter does know that boys have penises (she has seen friends children, my nephews, etc.), and if/when she brings it up we just tell her...boys have penises (she calls them "peanuts" :) and girls have vaginas). Also, my oldest daughter (31/2) on her own, at around age 3 has become "modest" with her own body. She doesn't mind during bathtime...but does not want anyone to see her go potty, especially my husband. I'm a modest person in general...don't get dressed in front of others, say in a locker room, but at home, I have no problems with my daughters seeing me shower, getting dressed, using the restroom, etc. But, if I had boys....I would not be doing those things in front of them. Just my personal preference.
Good luck debating this issue with your husband...but I must say, I agree with you...some things need to stop at a certain age, and I believe this is one I would stick my ground on stopping.

i have a girl,6, and a boy,5. i use to put them both in the tub together or they would shower with me from time to time. especially on vacations and such. as soon as my daughter started asking about the boy peepee that is when they started bathing alone and not seeiing daddy too. my daughter became very modest around 3-4 yo. i had no problem with her but my son is such a free spirit. if i would let him walk around naked he would. just put boundries on it. and if your hubby doesn't understand tough you made the decision. good luck